Would you change job to assist with secondary school run

[user1461609321]

Morning

Have 2 kids, DC1 going to secondary in September and DC2 will be year 5

Currently living in same borough as the primary school, but secondary will be a short train ride away and I currently work in a borough 1hr away from home

I guess I am anxious about eldest travelling in London alone, and have this notion that myself and DH can take a child each to school in the morning, then he collects both after school as he owns his own business

Current role is ok and my manager has said I can start at 10am for a period to enable eldest to settle in, however I could work more locally so I could assist more with school runs, emergency collection of youngest etc

Use to work in previous job, but left current role is ok, both in very similar settings

Is it mad to change jobs for a child who could travel independently and possibly not even want me taking him to school, he is not street smart, never traveled independently etc

[quote Hercisback]30 fatal stabbings in London in 2021.

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/2021/dec/31/two-more-stabbings-bring-london-to-its-worst-ever-teenage-homicide-death-toll[/quote]
As PP have said, out of a population of nine million, and these deaths are heavily clustered in teens involved with gang activity, not evenly distributed through the population, although every one is still a tragedy.

There are also 125 road fatalities in London a year, and many, many more life-changing injuries, so on those statistics it's a no-brainer for him to take the train.

@GregBrawlsInDogJail

I agree with you. 30 is low compared to the population. Apologies if that wasn't clear.

No, I do get that. Just adding the comparison point

@GregBrawlsInDogJail
However, in 2020,there were "only" 41 child deaths on our roads throughout Great Britain versus the number of children knived to death in London. So, yes, on that basis, the risk of kniving in London for children is proportionately higher.

Plus a very important factor related to London is the ever increasing rate of children carrying knives to supposedly protect themselves and ending up with convictions.

But when looking at the tragic child fatatlities from stabbing you also have to look at the background to properly risk assess. How many of those are children who have found themselves involved in gangs and similar and how many are just getting a train to school?

It is of course a risk but when risk assessing you need to be careful to be proportionate

@Sapphireskies

I'm a nearly 30 year old, I wouldn't want to go to London on my own, it's not very safe so I don't think a teenager should be travelling by themselves either.

Literally millions of public transport journeys happen everyday in London without incident. Lots of secondary school kids get themselves to school by public transport on their own.

I live in London and totally empathise - our eldest now travels to and from school independently so we have set up access to our Uber account on their phone (with the understanding it’s only for emergencies!) so at least we know they can always get a car pretty swiftly if any incidents on public transport/they get stuck.

[quote ChoiceMummy]@GregBrawlsInDogJail
However, in 2020,there were "only" 41 child deaths on our roads throughout Great Britain versus the number of children knived to death in London. So, yes, on that basis, the risk of kniving in London for children is proportionately higher.

Plus a very important factor related to London is the ever increasing rate of children carrying knives to supposedly protect themselves and ending up with convictions.[/quote]
2020 had low child deaths / accident rates on roads for pretty obvious reasons! (Lockdown, people avoiding public transport and driving instead).
Hardly a valid comparison.

I have had two children go through secondary school in London (one still there). No one (and I mean that literally) gets taken by a parent. I can't tell from your post whether you mean driving - which in London would usually mean a much longer journey anyway - or accompanying on the train. Either way you would be the only one doing it. I promise you that children grow up so fast! I know it feels as though he still never be old enough to negotiate public transport on his own but he will be.
(One of my friends who was a fellow primary school mum sounds a bit like you. She had never taken her children on buses and tubes either whereas the rest of us used them a lot. She was adamant she was going to travel with her oldest or drive her. She didn't in the end and her child was totally fine).

Op why is no one from your child’s primary school going to the same secondary school? That’s unusual. Wouldn’t it be better to send your child where most of the others are going for lots of reasons including you not needing to change your job!?

I live in London and my Dc attend/attend London comprehensives. I don’t know anyone who has been attacked, robbed, mugged. Certainly not my teens or me. It may be that my teens are not of the demographic in which stabbings etc are more likely to happen. I think London is very safe. If your bus doesn’t turn up or you miss the stop, it’ll be only a couple of minutes before another bus turns up. Same with the tube. You’re not hanging around on your own on a badly lit street for a couple of hours.

@Byefornow

Op why is no one from your child’s primary school going to the same secondary school? That’s unusual. Wouldn’t it be better to send your child where most of the others are going for lots of reasons including you not needing to change your job!?

That’s very common in London. A class of 30 could go to 20+ different schools. With my DC, only one other child went to the same secondary. With my other DC, they were the only one.

Does your DC know anyone going to the school that they could buddy up with for the first few days?
I went with DC for the first day or so until they met up at the tube or bus stop with fellow pupils. Then it was far too embarassing for them to be seen being babied to school as they "were at secondary now!"
Like another PP they have my uber account details in an emergency, although they could walk home in an hour.
They do grow up so fast! I did drill into them not to cross roads with headphones on

@GregBrawlsInDogJail

What kind of insane masochist lives in London and drives their kids everywhere?!?

The absolute last thing he will want is mummy escorting him everywhere. No secondary age xhild in London gets driven to school. Practise the journey between now and September; he'll be fine and there'll be tons of others doing it. To change jobs for this purpose would be genuinely nuts, and do neither you nor him any favours.

Your first sentence did make me giggle

We live in London and shock horror - we don’t have a car. It seems a while away but my DN travels by tube every day across London to secondary so certainly kids do it and it’s all fine.

Get practising!

Just to add...
I do understand where you're coming from to an extent but I do think your views are massively skewed.
I've got lots of friends who have children out of London and actually they have been part of/witness to low-level anti-social behaviour more than my children.
Until 14 or so mine just travelled to and from school. After that they literally travelled all over London with friends - including at 16 after prom night in central London, getting night buses back at 2am.
The only time my DS reports feeling concerned was at midnight when a woman in his train was smoking (and I've lived here 25 years and never seen that!) and nearly got into a fight with people telling her to stop. He says he was ready to try and get in between and break them up but he's a 6ft 3 very muscly lad and even then we told him he probably should have just texted the train police number....
I assume your child is going to one of the grammars or a church school, given that no one else from your primary is going there. There will be others on the same route though, almost certainly, and he'll get used to it so quickly.
I agree with the earlier poster who said it's nice to be around after school, especially in those early years, to listen to them tell you about the day and help with homework if needed, but help with travel isn't needed.
(A family member just moved here from another country which is very rural. She was panicking on zoom calls about her 12 year old getting to school. Within 6 weeks of them arriving, the child is getting 2 tubes and a train to school. Honestly they really learn fast!)

@Byefornow

Op why is no one from your child’s primary school going to the same secondary school? That’s unusual. Wouldn’t it be better to send your child where most of the others are going for lots of reasons including you not needing to change your job!?

It’s really not that unusual, particularly in a large city where there are lots of different types of school within a relatively small area. It’s definitely not necessarily always “better” to come up with a load of kids from primary school and have no incentive to broaden your horizons and make some more new friends.

I assume your child is going to one of the grammars or a church school, given that no one else from your primary is going there.

That’s not how it works necessarily. In my DC’s primary, no one went to a grammar.
Comprehensive schools may be banded entry, partially selective, lottery-entry, selective on art/music/boys only/girls only/church- and usually a mixture within those categories. A couple may go to independents. Sibling policies used to be prevalent but are disappearing. There’s no “neighbourhood secondary school where everyone goes by default”. As there are loads of secondaries, there’s lots of choice - for those who have options within the categories. And also you don’t know what you’ll get until you are offered it. Several children may apply for xschool but only one might get it. Really normal.

As others have said, not unusual at all for kids to end up spread across 7 or 8 secondary schools in my area. Primary school catchments here are tiny but there are 4 state secondary schools within 2 miles of our house which we could potentially get into. Plus two selective secondary schools and several independents.

From our house there are 3 secondaries we could have got places in, 4 if we had a church going girl , 5 if we were Catholic. With chances of other schools with a lottery admission, several super-selectives on public transport routes, and a couple with specialist category admissions (e.g language or art aptitude).

But most went to the closest walkable well regarded comp. others walk-train-bus to super selective, or train and 2 tubes to a particular in-town religious school. None were attacked, menaced, at risk of being involved in gangs, or remotely tempted to carry a knife.

However I do know parents who moved. They were parents of black boys and living on an estate which was in the grip of gang activity.

Yes, our two nearest secondary schools are banded entry comprehensives. Neither have a great reputation. Both have a reputation for gangs. Hence people often try to avoid them. But in general if you’re white and/or middle class, children had no problem there either.

That's assuming he's going to state school, 20-50% of kids in London boroughs go to private school except for the eastern boroughs.

@TatianaBis

That's assuming he's going to state school, 20-50% of kids in London boroughs go to private school except for the eastern boroughs.

Really? Can you link to the stats for this?

@TatianaBis

That's assuming he's going to state school, 20-50% of kids in London boroughs go to private school except for the eastern boroughs.

I’m surprised at that. I’m in south London and from my DC’s two-form entry primary, 60 children, I think two children only went to independents.

The poster who said all London children get mugged on the way to school at some point also needs to have a look at the stats properly. Complete scaremongering nonsense. I don’t know any kids who have been mugged on their way to school. Wobbling home drunk after an underage houseparty, yes. But not at 8:30 on the school bus

That was me, and I stand by it. If you've got a son, where I live in N London you can expect he WILL very likely get mugged sometime between age 11 and 18. Almost all my daughter's male friends have been threatened for a phone, trainers, designer coats or cash over the years (very rarely the girls, interestingly). It has been been a particular problem at 4pm as school turns out, but also happens in parks, in fast food restaurants, waiting at bus stops etc

Some of the muggings are unsuccessful, some of the perpetrators not more than groups of relatively young kids themselves, but some of them have been really terrifying incidents with knives and violence. If you live in many parts of London and are a teenage male, it's an ever present threat.

I went to school in London and people travelled from all over. Absolutely nobody will be taking their children to school I have never heard such madness.

Literally millions of commuters travel into London daily it couldn't be any safer