Would you change job to assist with secondary school run

[user1461609321]

Morning

Have 2 kids, DC1 going to secondary in September and DC2 will be year 5

Currently living in same borough as the primary school, but secondary will be a short train ride away and I currently work in a borough 1hr away from home

I guess I am anxious about eldest travelling in London alone, and have this notion that myself and DH can take a child each to school in the morning, then he collects both after school as he owns his own business

Current role is ok and my manager has said I can start at 10am for a period to enable eldest to settle in, however I could work more locally so I could assist more with school runs, emergency collection of youngest etc

Use to work in previous job, but left current role is ok, both in very similar settings

Is it mad to change jobs for a child who could travel independently and possibly not even want me taking him to school, he is not street smart, never traveled independently etc

I’ve just re-read where the OP says they drive the DC everywhere. Does that mean they have never taken public transport? Why? That can’t be normal. It’s actually negligent.

Maybe do a few days school runs with Dc by he will be teased mercilessly by his peers if its more than that.

Children need to learn to be independent of their parents and this is the start.

I’m considering doing this now. My son is autistic and is starting secondary school in September. If it turns out he isn’t eligible for council transport I will have to take him and pick him up, so it would be easier if I worked in the same town (I’m a teaching assistant). There’s no way he’ll be able to go on public transport to start with at least. If he wasn’t autistic it probably wouldn’t be an issue/ something I would need to think about though.

I agree with others who say it's better to train your child to use public transport. To reassure yourself, you can activate Find My Device or the iphone equivalent with their knowledge. Make sure they know what to do if the train is cancelled unexpectedly or they miss their stop and give them alternative phone numbers including a taxi with an account (or an app).

The only real danger to kids that age is traffic, so teach them how to get safely to and from the train on foot and they'll be good.

One of the joys of London living is that you don't need to drive everywhere! Why are you driving them everywhere now? You need to start building up his independence ready for year 7. Short bus / train journeys. Time outside by himself / with his friends.
My DS can walk home from school but he loves jumping on the bus because, apart from being a lazy arse , it makes him feel much more grown up and independent.

Start now, OP. It'll be fine.

It might make you feel better to take him but it isn’t the best thing for him. He needs to be allowed to grow, develop and become independent, not have you stifle that to make yourself feel better.

You’ve got plenty of time to make sure he’s got the skills he needs and to let him demonstrate them to you.

Do NOT change your job. By October half term he would probably refuse to go with you anyway

OP- if you live in London why not start taking them places by public transport now and then gradually increase his independence.

He will have to learn to use public transport sooner rather than later.

I agree. Certainly my DC, by 10/11 at primary school, were travelling at least short distances, and sometimes longer, say, on and off buses, by themselves. They had done intercity trains by themselves several times of 200 miles alone by that age too. Put on train by me, picked up by grandparents.

@Woollystockings
My DDs made friends on holiday and wanted to meet their new friend in London. I was putting mine on the train to London at 15 snd 13. This girl snd her brother were not allowed to go on a train at 17 snd 15. Their mother contacted me and said my DDs coerced hers into doing something they were not allowed to do. The 17 year old went to university in London at 18! She escaped.

Our plan is that I take a month's unpaid parental leave to settle eldest into secondary.

www.gov.uk/parental-leave

I wonder if this would work even better than the 10am starts, as you can then be there when DC1 gets home too.

@vivainsomnia

We currently drive them everywhere and I guess I am just so paranoid about knife crime, on bus bullying etc which makes me feel it would be better to just take him Why live in London if this is how you feel. There will always come the time they will become independent and they won't be less at risk of the above at 15 than they are at 12, if anything the risk will increase.

Thanks love, very helpful

I'm a nearly 30 year old, I wouldn't want to go to London on my own, it's not very safe so I don't think a teenager should be travelling by themselves either.

@Sapphireskies thousands of school children travel through London on public transport without parents every day. Even more adult manage it to get to work and/ or get by.

Of course incidents happen but I have never felt any less safe in London than other big cities.

@Woollystockings

I’ve just re-read where the OP says they drive the DC everywhere. Does that mean they have never taken public transport? Why? That can’t be normal. It’s actually negligent.

How is this negligent? School 10 min drive away, we go shopping and church etc together, have taken bus/ train on occasions but very rarely as it's easier to travel on mass on public transport

How about looking at some actual statistics?

Levels of crime on London public transport are very low, and what there is predominantly takes place late at night, not when an 11yo is travelling to school.

If you're that scared of the city, honestly, move out. It's totally nuts that you've rarely taken your DC on public transport.

Although no-one from his year group will be doing the same journey, there’s bound to be other, older children travelling. My dc travelled by train, and had his train buddies, from all years, and his school buddies.

Do some practice runs before they start in September. They soon get used to it and become independent.

You live in London and you’ve only rarely used public transport?!

@Sapphireskies

I'm a nearly 30 year old, I wouldn't want to go to London on my own, it's not very safe so I don't think a teenager should be travelling by themselves either.

That’s pretty ridiculous though.

WTF? Are you serious? Of course not. You are mad. Tonnes of kids travel easily to school, on tubes, trains etc.

And boss has already agreed to starting at 10 to settle in? For how long? Any more than a week would be a piss take.

I’m sure I’m not the only one wondering why you chose this school, if getting there and back is going to be such a problem. What were you planning when you looked around the school and put it down, or weren’t you expecting to get in?

Here they ask all parents to let all children walk to school, in year 6, to prep them for secondary.

1000's come on the train to ds's secondary.

Where exactly do you live? What tube line? Why haven't you already taught dc to use tube?

@Sapphireskies

I'm a nearly 30 year old, I wouldn't want to go to London on my own, it's not very safe so I don't think a teenager should be travelling by themselves either.

You being a nervous adult doesn't mean teenagers should be bubble wrapped.

Your problems are your own and no-one else's.

6 month to practice! That's crazy unless he is very, very needy. You only need to travel with him once or twice. He's going to be very embarrassed at having a parent take him to school at that age.

@Sapphireskies

I'm a nearly 30 year old, I wouldn't want to go to London on my own, it's not very safe so I don't think a teenager should be travelling by themselves either.

How do you think those of us who live here manage? Just never leave the house? Or do you think we leave the house but get stabbed on the way to work on a semi-regular basis?

There are plenty of other UK cities which are statistically more dangerous than London. Would you go to Manchester, Nottingham, Newcastle, Birmingham by yourself? Or do you need an escort to leave the house in general?

The poster who said all London children get mugged on the way to school at some point also needs to have a look at the stats properly. Complete scaremongering nonsense. I don’t know any kids who have been mugged on their way to school. Wobbling home drunk after an underage houseparty, yes. But not at 8:30 on the school bus.

I live I S London and do not know a single child who is driven to secondary school. They get buses, trains and tubes (often changing from one to another) if they cannot walk or cycle.

You are doing your kids no favours by driving them everywhere.

Start going on public transport as a family and teaching them how to use it. Have you got him an Oyster card? This summer his friends will be travelling around independently.

If your Ds is not involved in gangs your chances of him being involved in knife crime are infinitesimal.

He needs to know how to travel around confidently. Keep his phone deep in his pocket, sit downstairs on the bus, walk away from trouble and not stare or gawp at anyone. I.e be streetwise.