To not want to go to bed at 730?

[Holcroft]

Everything I read about dcsleep suggests to try to sleep when they do, but going to bed at 730 is a bit depressing as an adult … or AIBU?

If your partner isn’t doing the night wakes then he should at least be doing the bulk of the shit that needs doing.

I'm 60, work full time in the NHS and regularly go to bed at 7.30 haha but as a young woman I never went to bed that early with my baby. Its the only time you have to yourself.

@Sirzy

If your partner isn’t doing the night wakes then he should at least be doing the bulk of the shit that needs doing.

This. Get dp to do the shit. Sleep when you can/need to

Some of the shit is stuff that he can’t do though - eg work related. It would also be nice to occasionally go to the gym, or read, or watch TV. It really has an impact on me.

When he wakes up I go to him, see if he wants feeding (usually doesn’t) and try to get him back down. Sometimes he won’t go and I’ll be up with him for around 90 minutes.

It’s really rough having to balance any recreational time at all with getting enough sleep. I hope you can find a balance that works for you. It get better.

I think at some point you and dh are going to have to work on sharing this. So what if the little one would prefer you? They arent in charge. They want to wake you up all night? Then they get who they get.

On first waking, ignore for a couple of minutes. Only go in if they cry/shout. No lights, leave them in the cot, "shhh sleepy time night night" quick run on the back then leave. Next time they shout/cry, go in, rub on the back and leave. Repeat until they go back to sleep. Dh does exactly the same thing on the nights he isnt at work the next day.

What would happen if you went out one evening and DC had no choice but to accept DH?

If I went out in the evening I would be up half the night with DS and dead the next day so I can’t. It is overnight he won’t accept DH not the evening.

I would really suggest considering CC. I know it's controversial on Mumsnet, but honestly at 16mo it would probably only take a couple nights to make a huge difference.

@Holcroft

If I went out in the evening I would be up half the night with DS and dead the next day so I can’t. It is overnight he won’t accept DH not the evening.

By evening I did mean overnight, sorry.

If you were in hospital or had to go away for work or something, your DS would have no choice but to accept DH.

It sounds like it's more a pattern that needs breaking - he screams and you come running - so send DH to deal with it sometimes. It's not practical for it to always fall on you.

Yes but I wouldn’t be able to hear him as it is when he’s with DH and screaming I am awake and suffering anyway!

But within a few nights he will get used to his dad going to him. A loving father going to comfort him won’t do him any harm

@Holcroft

Some of the shit is stuff that he can’t do though - eg work related. It would also be nice to occasionally go to the gym, or read, or watch TV. It really has an impact on me.

When he wakes up I go to him, see if he wants feeding (usually doesn’t) and try to get him back down. Sometimes he won’t go and I’ll be up with him for around 90 minutes.

Why can you not have him with you while you watch TV? I 'get' that going to the gym is difficult at the moment but indoors you can do as you like. There's no reason your baby has to go to bed, he can be asleep or awake with you in the sitting room. He will like knowing his mum, or mum and dad, are in the same room; as he gets older, he'll be interested in what is going on around him and be a part of 'the scene'.

He’s exhausted - there’s no way he should be staying up until 9.

On the contrary, not getting enough sleep regularly can exacerbate depression.

So whilst the prospect might seem depressing, I'm practice, you might find your general well-being over all improves.

It'll only take a couple of good nights sleep to help you catch up if you're shattered.

That rule is for newborns and babies under 1 - catching up on broken nights’ sleep when they are napping during the day. And it works well, I was upset when DS dropped his last nap aged 3 because that was my “cup of tea and quick snooze on the sofa” time.

Nobody is suggesting you go to bed at 7pm with your six year old. As I am sure you know

@RichTeaRichTea

“Teaching good sleeping habits” is a meaningless phrase. I don’t care whether people sleep train or not, different things work for different families, but don’t tell people they are failing to “teach” their children something when that isn’t really how it works

It’s exactly how it works. Most kids need to learn how to sleep well, I.e. connect sleep cycles by themselves. If your kid had one this by themselves, great, but OP’s and many other children need a bit of help.

‘Different things work for different families’, yes, but OP is clearly affected by the lack of sleep, even depressed, so why continue to suffer when you can actually make a change quite easily? It IS about sleep habits, meaning being able to fall asleep independently, self settling, not getting up too early. There not one way to teach a child this, but every child can learn. Just like different kids need different ways of learning how to use the potty.

@Changechangychange
What makes you think OPs child is 6yr old? She says she's 16mo. Obviously very different

Do you have a bed or even just a decent mattress and proper duvet and pillow on the floor in the room where he sleeps? I found coming into the room and shushing from the comfort of a bed (kid still in the cot) meant that I wasn’t quite so exhausted. They gave merry hell for a bit since they had been used to being picked up or physically comforted but were quicker to get to sleep overall than with the picking up and putting down malarkey. Did often fall asleep there for the rest of the night which wasn’t ideal but eventually they stopped waking…

That rule is for newborns and babies under 1
Says who? It’s not an actual rule. No one’s going to shake women awake for having an early night after the kid’s first birthday.

Sorry I know I sound like an annoying shill but Lyndsey Hookway's book isn't like other sleep books, I find most sleep books annoying/pointless/unhelpful too. She does have some free/useful stuff on her instagram as well. This video she's done is pretty good about split nights, which is when you have long wake ups at night. It also explains a bit more about what I was asking with the nap question. But I will leave you with it and shut up about it now :)

www.facebook.com/watch/live/?ref=watch_permalink&v=891445324626924

I do absolutely sympathise. DS2 was an utter nightmare for the long night wakes. I think his tummy bothered him - he could never process wind by himself, he'd always wake up if he needed to fart. Which was annoying. And then whenever he was working on a new skill he'd just suddenly be awake in the middle of the night for a couple of hours wanting to practice it. We had to actually get up with him. He never wanted DH either, would just scream louder.