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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Inappropriate masseur or complete accident?

108 replies

CindyMaeLouise · 07/03/2022 17:12

This happened to me recently & I thought I'd ask what you think. I had a massage booked and only after I'd arrived for the appointment, was I told my regular woman was unable to get in that day - but not to worry as a masseur had come over from a different branch. If I was happy to have him my appointment could go ahead on time. I paused for a minute thinking eeek do I really want a man but then I checked myself & thought, he's a professional so it should be absolutely fine.

We went into the room together & he asked me to get undressed & lay on the bed under the towel, he would stand with his back to me arranging his bottles etc. I was immediately Hmm at this as female staff usually leave the room whilst you get prepared. Again, I told myself he's a professional, I have nothing to worry about. So I just step forward towards the bed & he turns around in that instant to catch me naked apart from my knickers. This was brushed under the carpet as an accident but I couldn't help feeling was it accidentally-on-purpose? Surely you'd be listening to actually hear the client getting onto the bed & pulling the towel over them? I was still 2 steps away from the bed when he turned. The massage itself was fine, no funny business, but it left a bad taste in my mouth.
What do you think, accident or not?

OP posts:
RealBecca · 07/03/2022 18:15

Wasnt there a similar thread to this a few months ago? I'll see if I can dig it out for you for advice x

Clymene · 07/03/2022 18:16

Tell them. I've never had a female masseuse not leave the room.

RealBecca · 07/03/2022 18:18

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4453385-Was-this-a-dodgy-massage?msgid=114219632

Not quite the same!!!! But I think the lady did raise it in the end, perhaps she might DM you and reassure you about complaining?

Theluggage15 · 07/03/2022 18:20

By not doing anything inappropriate during the massage he may know you’re thinking ok it was just an honest mistake. I wonder how many of them he makes?…

Person123456 · 07/03/2022 18:25

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Dillydollydingdong · 07/03/2022 18:27

So he got a glimpse of your boobs. He didn't touch you inappropriately or do anything else unwelcome. Just say you don't want him again.

Gingembre · 07/03/2022 18:27

The place was wrong with providing a male practitioner and only telling you when you arrived. I had this happen once too and I was told in the waiting room in front of about 5 other people. I said I had booked a woman and was told it's all the same - with a tone suggesting I was being spectacularly ridiculous.

It's not the same.

He was at best stupid for not making sure he couldn't be inadvertently in a situation where you felt uncomfortable with him. But as an experienced masseur I'd say that it wasn't stupid, it was calculated.

Complain.

And try to find somewhere else. Next time you book you'll be stressed that you may get a man again. Then you'll be worried that he might not be as legit as he's made out to be. So basically a lot of stress for a stress-reducing, paid service. Not worth it!

ExplodingCarrots · 07/03/2022 18:28

Former spa therapist here. Absolutely no way is this normal practice . He needs complaining about ASAP. I've worked in spas , and all therapists including the male ones leave the room and knock before entering . All treatments I've had the therapist has left the room.
There's no way that was an accident OP, I'm so sorry this happened to you.

CarBump2022 · 07/03/2022 18:29

@Dillydollydingdong

So he got a glimpse of your boobs. He didn't touch you inappropriately or do anything else unwelcome. Just say you don't want him again.
Hey everyone, voyeurism is totally fine! It's only if he touches you inappropriately that he's a bad man. Move along, nothing to see here Hmm
Clymene · 07/03/2022 18:30

@Dillydollydingdong

So he got a glimpse of your boobs. He didn't touch you inappropriately or do anything else unwelcome. Just say you don't want him again.
Oh that's fine them. Do you also not have a problem with men putting cameras in changing rooms? Hmm
Icehole · 07/03/2022 18:30

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Icehole · 07/03/2022 18:31

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loopycurtains · 07/03/2022 18:32

Like everyone else here, I've NEVER had them stay in the room while I change. I have, however, had a male masseur who was a creep and essentially assaulted me. It's an awful situation where you feel too frozen to make a fuss. In my case he told me he knew what he was doing and that I was wrong to question his 'technique'. They make you doubt yourself. Please complain!

loopycurtains · 07/03/2022 18:33

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cuno · 07/03/2022 18:33

@Person123456

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It could have easily been avoided by him leaving the room. Even with his back turned in the same room he could have asked she was ready or waited to be told. An "accident" that was entirely preventable by him acting in the correct professional manner. No accident at all I'd say. And perhaps consider why it's all too often men "accidentally" doing this shit, and rarely women. Yes of course he's a bloody pervert! Maybe he has a pattern of doing this, and it's people like you that put doubt in the victims' head so they don't say or do anything about it, thus enabling his behaviour so he can continue.
Arabellla · 07/03/2022 18:33

Please complain about him, OP. He’s a pervert.

GreyCarpet · 07/03/2022 18:35

And this is why women need the right to single sex spaces and to be able to stipulate the sex of the person treating them (for anything) instead of leaving a woman doubting her own boundaries and to "check herself" before allowing a situation she is clearly uncomfortable with to continue.

Icehole · 07/03/2022 18:36

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Piggy42 · 07/03/2022 18:36

Not sure it’s worth me adding more of the same, but the therapist has always left the room for any massage I’ve ever had!

TheHoptimist · 07/03/2022 18:38

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GreyCarpet · 07/03/2022 18:38

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt to be honest. I would not complain. If you feel uncomfortable, don't book him again.

FFS. Yes, let's give all the men who behave sexually inappropriately the benefit of the doubt Hmm

TheHoptimist · 07/03/2022 18:39

@Piggy42

Not sure it’s worth me adding more of the same, but the therapist has always left the room for any massage I’ve ever had!
must have long arms!
blameless · 07/03/2022 18:41

@CindyMaeLouise

Please don't beat yourself up over not having the presence of mind to be more assertive at the time.
Space is tight where I go and although my masseuse busies herself elsewhere while I undress and dress, I'm not sure that a stranger would handle it so well.
That being said, you went with the intention of reducing stress and being more comfortable by the time you left, if that wasn't your experience you should tell them. At the other location, the masseur might only ever deal with male sportsmen and lack the sensibility to give you the experience you were paying for and expecting.

beenaroundtheblox · 07/03/2022 18:43

@Mylittlepixie

They usually leave the room. However, if he massages you then he will see you naked anyways, so i dont see what the big deal is. You could have asked him to leave the room while you get ready.
Usually your boobs are out of the way though
PearPickingPorky · 07/03/2022 18:45

@Dillydollydingdong

So he got a glimpse of your boobs. He didn't touch you inappropriately or do anything else unwelcome. Just say you don't want him again.
Why do you think changing rooms are separate for men and women, out of interest?
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