Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Inappropriate masseur or complete accident?

108 replies

CindyMaeLouise · 07/03/2022 17:12

This happened to me recently & I thought I'd ask what you think. I had a massage booked and only after I'd arrived for the appointment, was I told my regular woman was unable to get in that day - but not to worry as a masseur had come over from a different branch. If I was happy to have him my appointment could go ahead on time. I paused for a minute thinking eeek do I really want a man but then I checked myself & thought, he's a professional so it should be absolutely fine.

We went into the room together & he asked me to get undressed & lay on the bed under the towel, he would stand with his back to me arranging his bottles etc. I was immediately at this as female staff usually leave the room whilst you get prepared. Again, I told myself he's a professional, I have nothing to worry about. So I just step forward towards the bed & he turns around in that instant to catch me naked apart from my knickers. This was brushed under the carpet as an accident but I couldn't help feeling was it accidentally-on-purpose? Surely you'd be listening to actually hear the client getting onto the bed & pulling the towel over them? I was still 2 steps away from the bed when he turned. The massage itself was fine, no funny business, but it left a bad taste in my mouth.
What do you think, accident or not?

OP posts:

lyla001 · 07/03/2022 17:44

Masseuse here - i always leave the room for people to get undressed etc.
On the very , very odd occassion where i have a regular client and they say 'oh ill just get undressed you dont have to leave etc' .I always turn my back, sort my music , oils etc then ask them to let me know when they are ready before i turn round.

Its etiquette
I dont want to see peoples bits!

This is really unprofessional in my eyes and you should never , ever feel uncomfortable having a massage.

I would definitely report it.

I do hope it hasnt put you off getting your regular treatments though OP.

CherryDamsel46 · 07/03/2022 17:45

Even if it was an accident (questionable) it could have easily been avoided if he followed a professional protocol by leaving the room until you were ready.
So you still have grounds for a complaint on that basis I think.

IcyWinterWonderland · 07/03/2022 17:45

He definitely should have left the room while you got changed.

Boscoforever · 07/03/2022 17:45

I'm sorry OP, but I too think this was deliberate.
Please get in touch with the manager.
Sending you a hug, it's really unpleasant.

beastlyslumber · 07/03/2022 17:45

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Please complain if you are up to it

PearPickingPorky · 07/03/2022 17:46

What do you think, accident or not?

Not an accident. Definitely not.

And people wonder why women are so strongly defending the provision of female-only services.

dizzyupthegirl86 · 07/03/2022 17:47

The last massage I had was with someone new, and she didn’t leave the room. I don’t know why, but it did make me feel uncomfortable. She turned around but there was something a bit off about it.
Usually at the end, they say something like ‘right, your massage is complete. Take your time getting up, and I’ll grab you a glass of water’. But this lady said ‘ok’ and then turned around and started washing her hands. I waited for a few minutes in case she’d leave the room or say something else but she didn’t. Just not an experience I’d repeat again, and I can’t even explain why it made a difference!

RozHuntleysStump · 07/03/2022 17:47

I also have loads of massages by different therapists. They’ve always left the room. How awful for you.

PearPickingPorky · 07/03/2022 17:50

@Notanotherwindow

Mine never used to leave the room. I saw him for years until he moved away. I don't think he even turned his back tbh.

What a horribly unprofessional practitioner.

And a creep.

MrsGHarrison87 · 07/03/2022 17:50

I wouldn't have felt comfortable stripping naked and having a random man rub me in the first place, professional massager or not. He probably did have a cheeky look. Report it, but there's no way of proving anything. Next time, ask him to leave the room if you're not comfortable.

CovidCurious · 07/03/2022 17:55

There are lots of male masseurs on the continent and they don't generally leave the room or even bother to turn their back. One even manhandled/helped me off the couch afterwards. I don't particularly care but it isn't normal practice here. I wouldn't necessarily complain in your position but I would mention it to management.

Irridescantshimmmer · 07/03/2022 17:55

I would rather go to the dentist than have a massage.

Do report it, he's overstepped a massive boundary and caused extreme offence to you and he will keep doing the same or worse to others until he is stopped in his tracks.

PearPickingPorky · 07/03/2022 17:56

@WhatsErFace2020

As PP says, never has the therapist been in the room whilst I’m changing. You’d also think being a man he should be all the more ‘appropriate’ if that makes sense.

Yep, as a man, in a room with undressed women (making the women extremely vulnerable and him in an even stronger position of power than the usual practitioner/client and man/woman dynamic) he needs to be 100% scrupulous about following all the rules and doing everything he can to ensure that the women does not feel uncomfortable. He is purposely choosing not to do this, which is a) poor practice and b) his intentional voyeurism of a naked female without her consent.

He's a predator, OP. Please report him. He'll have done this loads of times.

Ohyesiam · 07/03/2022 17:56

I have had lots of massages where the therapist doesn’t leave the room. The only one I’ve had where they did leave the room was at a beauty salon/spa place ( and it was a rubbish massage).
But the op is right to say that a make needs to be super sensitive and professional when massaging women.
Don’t feel bad for not speaking up op, the classic freeze response and silencing yourself is what happens when you feel violated.

kittensinthekitchen · 07/03/2022 18:04

YANBU. He should know to leave the room to make you more comfortable until you are in position.
Mention it to the salon. If it was a one off accident, he'll know not to do it again. If they've had any other complaints or comments about him, they'll have a better picture.

Pumpfive · 07/03/2022 18:07

I think he's in the wrong! He should have left. It is about modesty and letting you cover with a towel before the massage begins. If you feel strong enough, report!

DameHelena · 07/03/2022 18:08

@Mylittlepixie

They usually leave the room. However, if he massages you then he will see you naked anyways, so i dont see what the big deal is. You could have asked him to leave the room while you get ready.

as at least one professional on here says, it's etiquette.
there's a difference between a massage therapist seeing parts of a client's body as they work on them (back, legs etc) while they're lying on the table and appropriately covered where necessary, and seeing someone standing/sitting getting ready, naked apart from knickers. All massage therapists I've had, male or female, have never seen my breasts and have only seen bits of me as needed to work on them.
if you don't see what the big deal is, you are a bit lacking in empathy/awareness/imagination. I personally have no issues with nakedness, but I find it possible to understand that other people do, and that the OP's experience sounds a bit weird to say the least.

OP, I'm sorry this happened. I don't think it was an accident, or if it was he was extremely inexperienced, which I suspect isn't the case. And if it HAD been a genuine accident you wouldn't feel like it had been brushed under the carpet; a good therapist making a genuine misjudgement would have done their utmost to apologise.
Please don't keep thinking about not speaking up at the time; there are many many reasons why it's hard/impossible to do so.
I would contact the company though. IMO there's no need to say explicitly that you're either complaining or leaving feedback; just say e.g. 'The therapist didn't leave the room, which I found unusual, and he turned round after not much time at all had passed and I was standing almost naked, which has never happened before with other therapists.'
They can take what they want from that.

LovedayCL · 07/03/2022 18:11

Even though he didn’t then do anything inappropriate during the massage, he would have known that you then were in a vulnerable position after he had crossed appropriate boundaries. As in, he knows that you are in a submissive position at that point. I’m not saying that you submitted to him, this was clearly not your doing and all him, just trying to find a way to express that he created a dynamic where he was in power when you were vulnerable. I would report it too. Who knows if this is a regular pattern. If I was the business owner I’d want to know, also they’ll lose business if people don’t want to risk this masseuse again.

TheFuckingDogs · 07/03/2022 18:11

There’s a big difference between seeing portions of your body naked, probably mainly the back anyway and someone copping an eyeful of you front ways on standing up and feeling vulnerable.
Bad therapist etiquette at the very least op

Shiloh139 · 07/03/2022 18:11

@Mylittlepixie

They usually leave the room. However, if he massages you then he will see you naked anyways, so i dont see what the big deal is. You could have asked him to leave the room while you get ready.

I may be showing my age here but this reminds me of that episode in Friends when Ross gets measured/groped by Joey's regular tailor, and Joey's like "What? But that's just how they do pants!" and the reply is "Yes it is. In prison!"

I've had a lot of massages, in lots of different spas and in a few different countries, and the therapist has never seen me naked. They hold the towel up when I turn over onto my back and place it back down once I've turned over.

daisyjgrey · 07/03/2022 18:13

But then I checked myself & thought, he's a professional so it should be absolutely fine

You don't ever have to do this. If you ever question something like this again, you don't need to talk yourself out of feeling uncomfortable, you feel that way for a reason and refusing to be massaged by a man is something you can, and should, be able to do without anyone batting an eyelid.

Theluggage15 · 07/03/2022 18:14

Just back from my monthly massage. My female masseuse always leaves the room, then knocks to check I’m ready before she comes in. I would be very unhappy if I was you OP but understand why you didn’t say anything at the time. I would definitely say something now though.

Timeandtune · 07/03/2022 18:15

The lady who does my sports massages always leaves the room to allow me to undress and then again after the massage.
She knocks on the door as well. I would say this is standard practice.

Palavah · 07/03/2022 18:15

Please don't feel bad yourself - it's his fault.
I was felt up by a massage therapist. Do report him now.
Every other therapist I've had, male or female, has gone out of their way to give me privacy when changing and when turning over/rearranging towels.

The manager where i reported offered another massage with a female therapist which was excellent and really put me back on the horse, so to speak. If they offer that do consider taking it.

daisyjgrey · 07/03/2022 18:15

@Shiloh139 I thought that too. I've never been seen naked by a masseuse. I'm always totally covered when I turn and she just exposes the bit she needs.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5