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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Inappropriate masseur or complete accident?

108 replies

CindyMaeLouise · 07/03/2022 17:12

This happened to me recently & I thought I'd ask what you think. I had a massage booked and only after I'd arrived for the appointment, was I told my regular woman was unable to get in that day - but not to worry as a masseur had come over from a different branch. If I was happy to have him my appointment could go ahead on time. I paused for a minute thinking eeek do I really want a man but then I checked myself & thought, he's a professional so it should be absolutely fine.

We went into the room together & he asked me to get undressed & lay on the bed under the towel, he would stand with his back to me arranging his bottles etc. I was immediately Hmm at this as female staff usually leave the room whilst you get prepared. Again, I told myself he's a professional, I have nothing to worry about. So I just step forward towards the bed & he turns around in that instant to catch me naked apart from my knickers. This was brushed under the carpet as an accident but I couldn't help feeling was it accidentally-on-purpose? Surely you'd be listening to actually hear the client getting onto the bed & pulling the towel over them? I was still 2 steps away from the bed when he turned. The massage itself was fine, no funny business, but it left a bad taste in my mouth.
What do you think, accident or not?

OP posts:
bonfireheart · 07/03/2022 17:13

Weird.

bonfireheart · 07/03/2022 17:14

The lady I go to also leaves the room and then knocks and asks if it's OK to come in. So he could have asked you if you were ready before turning around...

Shelaydownunderthetable · 07/03/2022 17:15

I’ve never not had a therapist leave the room whilst I’ve been getting undressed and on the table. At the very least I’d let the establishment know.

CindyMaeLouise · 07/03/2022 17:17

I feel sick now. I wish I'd had the voice to speak up.

OP posts:
Ellopet · 07/03/2022 17:17

He definitely should have left the room. Please alert the company. He should know better and is abusing his power. He knows most people won't challenge him and ask him to leave. I'm sorry, hope you feel okay.

WhatsErFace2020 · 07/03/2022 17:18

As PP says, never has the therapist been in the room whilst I’m changing. You’d also think being a man he should be all the more ‘appropriate’ if that makes sense.

TryingPrettyHard · 07/03/2022 17:19

I think it's totally weird he didn't leave the room to let you change. Boundaries were crossed. Please complain if you feel up to it.

Notanotherwindow · 07/03/2022 17:20

Mine never used to leave the room. I saw him for years until he moved away. I don't think he even turned his back tbh.

Roselilly36 · 07/03/2022 17:21

Complain now OP. Flowers

Onlyforcake · 07/03/2022 17:21

I would put in a complaint they can avoid borrowing him from anywhere. Very unusual behaviour

coloradoqueen · 07/03/2022 17:22

No way was that an accident. When I go for a massage they always call out to check you're in place/covered up before they enter the room.

RedRoseRay · 07/03/2022 17:22

Please complain. He should have left the room then knocked to see if it’s okay to come back in. I’ve never known a masseuse not to do that. As others have said, he could easily have asked if you were ready to turn around.

Hellocatshome · 07/03/2022 17:22

Yes they always leave the room and he should be especially careful about making sure you feel comfortable and not leaving himself open to a situation like this happening. It sounds very much like it was on purpose.

GreenNewDealNow · 07/03/2022 17:23

He's a pervert. Report it.

TheFlis12345 · 07/03/2022 17:25

The only time I have ever had them not leave was when it was masseuse I saw regularly and I was only wearing a T-shirt dress and flip flops so told her not to bother leaving as getting ready would take seconds. Even then she turned around until I said I was ready.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 07/03/2022 17:27

I've also never had any staff stay in the room while I get ready either OP. Even when I get a spray tan they leave the room.

Branleuse · 07/03/2022 17:27

Report it. Tell the woman that you felt she needed to know and would be better to tell her than just leave

BobLemon · 07/03/2022 17:29

This is a really easy YANBU. You don’t even need to complain, just get in touch with “feedback” that you would have preferred the masseur to leave the room.

LargeInCharge · 07/03/2022 17:30

My dh gets a massage now and then and they are always professional. Usually he has a male masseuse and a couple of times a female and they always leave the room and there’s a bell you ring when you’re ready for them to re-enter the room.

He should have left the room until you were ready.

Campervangirl · 07/03/2022 17:32

I would complain as that's not normal or professional.
I have regular sports massages with a male masseuse and he leaves the room and knocks, cracks the door open and asks if I'm ready before before coming back in, I'm always ready and he's never caught a glimpse of me half naked.

labyrinthlaziness · 07/03/2022 17:36

I think you have grounds for complaint of you wish to do so.

Factually he did not leave the room and turned around without warning or checking. You do not need to attribute motive, you can simply a) state the facts and b) state that it made you feel violated and uncomfortable because he saw you in a state of undress.

latetothefisting · 07/03/2022 17:41

Yeah he should have left the room, and if he wasn't going to, should have absolutely 100% made sure you were on the bed and settled before turning round. He must know that patient comfort is the most important thing, surely that's the first thing they teach them? I would definitely complain.

lulabelled · 07/03/2022 17:42

Please speak up.
Iv had numerous massages and they have always left the room whilst I get changed. Something definitely wasn't right or appropriate. Please don't let this man get away with it.

Mylittlepixie · 07/03/2022 17:43

They usually leave the room. However, if he massages you then he will see you naked anyways, so i dont see what the big deal is. You could have asked him to leave the room while you get ready.

cherish123 · 07/03/2022 17:44

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt to be honest. I would not complain. If you feel uncomfortable, don't book him again.

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