Inappropriate masseur or complete accident?

[CindyMaeLouise]

This happened to me recently & I thought I'd ask what you think. I had a massage booked and only after I'd arrived for the appointment, was I told my regular woman was unable to get in that day - but not to worry as a masseur had come over from a different branch. If I was happy to have him my appointment could go ahead on time. I paused for a minute thinking eeek do I really want a man but then I checked myself & thought, he's a professional so it should be absolutely fine.

We went into the room together & he asked me to get undressed & lay on the bed under the towel, he would stand with his back to me arranging his bottles etc. I was immediately at this as female staff usually leave the room whilst you get prepared. Again, I told myself he's a professional, I have nothing to worry about. So I just step forward towards the bed & he turns around in that instant to catch me naked apart from my knickers. This was brushed under the carpet as an accident but I couldn't help feeling was it accidentally-on-purpose? Surely you'd be listening to actually hear the client getting onto the bed & pulling the towel over them? I was still 2 steps away from the bed when he turned. The massage itself was fine, no funny business, but it left a bad taste in my mouth.
What do you think, accident or not?

I’ve never had a therapist not leave the room to allow me to get ready? I have however had a similar situation to a pp, where they just announced I was having a male masseuse. When I said I don’t want that, they said I was totally unreasonable because “his wife works here”?? I refused but they made the whole thing very awkward. I’m sorry OP, I think you should complain.

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt to be honest. I would not complain. If you feel uncomfortable, don't book him again.
But OP hadn't booked him. She'd booked a woman. She gave him the benefit of the doubt when she accepted him instead of the woman. How many benefits of the doubt is he supposed to get.

And again, every single massage therapist I've ever had has left the room while I get change out of my clothes, and at the end when I get changed into them. I've had only women for the last 20 years, sometimes a massage a week, often a massage a month. I've had them by different women in different practices in different cities and also across a number of countries.

So why was it that this man felt the need to remain in the room, when women universally leave? What found that reason be? And what a coincidence it was that not only did he stay in the room, but he turned around too early..AND didn't profusely apologise??? What on earth could explain all those coincidences? How many more coincidences would you allow him, before stopping giving him the benefit of the doubt?

I have however had a similar situation to a pp, where they just announced I was having a male masseuse. When I said I don’t want that, they said I was totally unreasonable because “his wife works here”?? I refused but they made the whole thing very awkward.
And this is exactly how the dodgy guys slip through the net. The male masseurs are always known by someone who works there - because they work there. They're always trusted by people who know them, because if they weren't, presumably they'd not be working there. And yet, there are dodgy guys doing massage. Just cos a man has a topknot, does yoga, is vegetarian/vegan and meditates doesn't mean he can't be dodgy. Doesn't mean he is either btw but given the associations made with that sort of person, some may say that it's the perfect cover...

Yep. These men are opportunistic predators.

In fact, they aren't even opportunistic - he's calculated that he'll get to see you naked without your consent by refusing to leave the room while you change - an intentional deviation from practice guidelines - and then "accidentally" turning round too soon amd pretending I was a mistake.

Report, report, report.

He may be completely innocent , but he made you feel uncomfortable, so report it, so that he is aware of what is expected. There was a similar thread recently, where a client thought the practitioner watched her via a mirror. Don't berate yourself for not saying anything - it is common to doubt yourself in these situations.

@Looubylou

He may be completely innocent , but he made you feel uncomfortable, so report it, so that he is aware of what is expected. There was a similar thread recently, where a client thought the practitioner watched her via a mirror. Don't berate yourself for not saying anything - it is common to doubt yourself in these situations.

It can't be completely innocent, because he's deliberately not following protocols where you leave the room when the owrson is undressing, and knock before coming in.

@CindyMaeLouise

I feel sick now. I wish I'd had the voice to speak up.

It's not too late to ring them and say what happened.

Never had a therapist in the room whilst getting changed in the UK. They’re not always so careful in some countries but it is definitely not the accepted norm here.

Even if he didn’t turn around intentionally to see you, masseurs always step outside while you get changed (in my experience) so that was deeply unprofessional. At the very least he needs telling that is not acceptable.

I don't think it was acceptable. He should have left the room, indeed were it a female masseuse I think they should as well.

I’d report it. He did two weird things: not leave the room to give you privacy and then, given the risk since he wasn’t going to be able to knock on the door, not asking if you were ready. It’s deliberate.

No matter how silly you feel, even if it’s an innocent mistake he needs telling. He should not be putting undressed women in such an uncomfortable, embarrassing situation.

No way that was an accident. I go for regular massages and they always leave the room and ask me to say when I'm ready.

@Person123456

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‘Person’, it’s not OP’s job to do all of these mental gymnastics to make apologies for someone else not following basic measures to give her privacy. You do NOT stay in the room as a male masseuse while a female undresses to her knickers and then turn round without warning, whether you are gay, straight, asexual, a paedophile or a eunuch. You do not do it because it’s not actually about you the man and what you think or intend.

How difficult is that to compute in your brain? You do not make semi-naked women feel uncomfortable in a room by getting them to undress with you in a room with a closed door then turning round when they are exposed. You do not allow that situation to occur. Again, how difficult is that to compute?

@AnotherCancelledLesson

I’d report it. He did two weird things: not leave the room to give you privacy and then, given the risk since he wasn’t going to be able to knock on the door, not asking if you were ready. It’s deliberate.

No matter how silly you feel, even if it’s an innocent mistake he needs telling. He should not be putting undressed women in such an uncomfortable, embarrassing situation.

All of this.

There’s little doubt in my mind it was deliberate - but even giving him maximum benefit of the doubt, he still needs feedback on how to behave appropriately with clients.

@Person123456

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98% of sexual crime is carried out by men so it's hardly a huge stretch is it?

Also, quick tip for any male masseuse who doesn't want to be accused of being a perv: leave the room whilst your client is undressing and getting under the towel, or at the very least don't turn around until you have verbally checked and are 100% sure that your client is covered up.

It's really not that difficult.

I agree that, if you feel that you can, please report this to the massage place.

Never "check yourself" if you're feeling uncomfortable with a male. Your instincts exist for a reason and men have form! It was most likely on purpose.

Stick to female staff, it's safer