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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel uncomfortable putting make up on my 3 year old

382 replies

adastraperaspera1 · 07/03/2022 14:19

DD (age 3) does a dance class that she loves and is taking part in her first show next month.

In the information sent to parents, it says stage make up is mandatory and she has to wear: blue eyeshadow, pink blusher & red lipstick. It says mascara & foundation are optional but 'they do look better with them on'.

The show is mixed ages so I clarified whether make up is really required for Pre-School age and they said yes.

I do understand that it's stage make up and part of its purpose is to look 'better' under the stage lights, but I just feel really uncomfortable putting make up on her at age 3. To me, she is perfect as she is and teaching her about make up at such a young age sends the wrong messages to her.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 07/03/2022 17:26

It's a normal part of performances for both sexes. Purely to do with the lighting.

Same when I was a child doing drama, and I'm 45 now.

FantasticFebruary · 07/03/2022 17:27

@N4ish

Mascara and lipstick for a 3 year old! That would be a definite 'no way' from me. Are there alternative dance classes that she could attend that don't insist on this mini beauty queen display?
It's most definitely NOT a mini beauty Queen display.

People, especially children, are totally washed out under stage lighting. You need stage make up to give them any features - eyes, cheeks, lips.

It's NO different to face paint. Would you object to clown face paint?

FantasticFebruary · 07/03/2022 17:28

@Soton

I'm just curious. Do the boys need to put on make up as well?
Yes
Icemast · 07/03/2022 17:29

If you feel uncomfortable with it then talk to them about it, for their age I'm sure this won't be the first time. Personally I didn't mind DD wearing it for shows, people keep saying the lighting doesn't make faces unclear but it depends on the set up! We would just remove the make up as soon as she was off stage, but we are all different. The boys here wear it too, and there are controls over who can attend and the photography etc.

FoxyFoxyLoxy · 07/03/2022 17:29

Just because the kids wear the correct uniform doesn’t mean the classes won’t be fun. Also good technique is best taught from the start.

When my child was 3 I did not give a single shiny shit about "good technique". It was about her having fun and gaining confidence.

There are two sorts of dance parents. The ones like me who don't give a stuff about technique and grades and make up and being washed out and are just happy that their child is having fun, doing something active and making new friends.

The other sort bleat on about technique and take it all SO seriously and put their pre-schooler in for exams, and grades, and medals or whatever. While failing to realise that a miniscule percentage of children who attend dance classes at the age of THREE are going to go on to have a professional career in dance.

FantasticFebruary · 07/03/2022 17:32

There's a lot of ignorance in this thread.

If you don't want your child (girl OR boy) to wear stage makeup so they don't look faceless on stage, then don't enrol them in things that have stage shows.

Why in earth do you think the occasional use of stage make up is such a problem.

It's not a fecking beauty pageant!

Icemast · 07/03/2022 17:34

@FoxyFoxyLoxy

Just because the kids wear the correct uniform doesn’t mean the classes won’t be fun. Also good technique is best taught from the start.

When my child was 3 I did not give a single shiny shit about "good technique". It was about her having fun and gaining confidence.

There are two sorts of dance parents. The ones like me who don't give a stuff about technique and grades and make up and being washed out and are just happy that their child is having fun, doing something active and making new friends.

The other sort bleat on about technique and take it all SO seriously and put their pre-schooler in for exams, and grades, and medals or whatever. While failing to realise that a miniscule percentage of children who attend dance classes at the age of THREE are going to go on to have a professional career in dance.

Good for you? I'm sure people realise not all go on to have a professional dance career, but out of those that do invariably they will have started lessons young. Perhaps there should be 2 classes, one for those parents who 'don't give a shiny shit' and those who appreciate that the content of the lessons is appropriate for their age at 3 ie based around stories and games, but want to give them the chance to partake in grading etc because their child enjoys it or they want them to have a chance to continue on when they're older should they want to.
Anonymous48 · 07/03/2022 17:35

@FantasticFebruary

There's a lot of ignorance in this thread.

If you don't want your child (girl OR boy) to wear stage makeup so they don't look faceless on stage, then don't enrol them in things that have stage shows.

Why in earth do you think the occasional use of stage make up is such a problem.

It's not a fecking beauty pageant!

Absolutely! You can't enroll your child in an activity that involves a performance on stage and then complain about what having a staged performance involves!
HoldingTheDoor · 07/03/2022 17:36

I'd rather my TODDLER looked like a 'washed out blob' on stage, than be dolled up with disgusting blue eyeshadow and bright red lippy like some caricature of a prostitute! It's revolting! A 3 year old does not need to wear make up on stage.

Three year olds are not toddlers, people. I wouldn't be thrilled about my 3 year old wearing that much makeup either though.

godmum56 · 07/03/2022 17:37

but but isn't technique about safety too? You don't want your child to be injured having fun?

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 07/03/2022 17:37

For most of the groups of little ones I’ve helped out with over the years, putting in a bit of make up is one of the most exciting things about the shows. If a child didn’t want it no one would force them. But in my experience (many, many years of helping with dance shows) those kids are few and far between.

I don’t know why so many people seem to see it as an issue. It’s just part of the experience and nothing to get worked up about.

Teateaandmoretea · 07/03/2022 17:37

OP yanbu dd1 used to dance and she did her first show at about 6. Makeup was preferred but optional.

There are lots of dance schools so choose a different one.

AppleKatie · 07/03/2022 17:38

Except ‘being totally washed out on stage’ is a) a bit of a myth b) not actually a problem when you are watching three year olds dance- who in their right mind is thinking well that’s a lovely pirouette if only she had more defined eyes…

Teateaandmoretea · 07/03/2022 17:39

I don’t know why so many people seem to see it as an issue. It’s just part of the experience and nothing to get worked up about.

I don’t understand people who get worked up
about others disagreeing with them. I wouldn’t put makeup on a 3 year old. You would so fine, crack on.

Roeq · 07/03/2022 17:41

@Soton

I'm just curious. Do the boys need to put on make up as well?
Very good question.
ilovesushi · 07/03/2022 17:42

According to this thread, I must be in the "bleating" category of dance parents, because I place value on my DD being well trained, taking exams and performing in shows. Who knew!

Teateaandmoretea · 07/03/2022 17:43

There are two sorts of dance parents. The ones like me who don't give a stuff about technique and grades and make up and being washed out and are just happy that their child is having fun, doing something active and making new friends.

It’s not just dance, it applies to all extra curriculars.

hangrylady · 07/03/2022 17:45

@FoxyFoxyLoxy

Just because the kids wear the correct uniform doesn’t mean the classes won’t be fun. Also good technique is best taught from the start.

When my child was 3 I did not give a single shiny shit about "good technique". It was about her having fun and gaining confidence.

There are two sorts of dance parents. The ones like me who don't give a stuff about technique and grades and make up and being washed out and are just happy that their child is having fun, doing something active and making new friends.

The other sort bleat on about technique and take it all SO seriously and put their pre-schooler in for exams, and grades, and medals or whatever. While failing to realise that a miniscule percentage of children who attend dance classes at the age of THREE are going to go on to have a professional career in dance.

Wrong. There is a third type. People like me who appreciate how much effort goes into these shows and sees make up as part of a costume and not an attempt to sexualise children. My DD goes to have fun and socialise and yes I've trowelled on the make up before shows but I'm not expecting to see her on the big screen in a few years. I do however respect the people who run performing arts classes and don't belittle their efforts.
speakout · 07/03/2022 17:45

*For most of the groups of little ones I’ve helped out with over the years, putting in a bit of make up is one of the most exciting things about the shows. If a child didn’t want it no one would force them. But in my experience (many, many years of helping with dance shows) those kids are few and far between.

I don’t know why so many people seem to see it as an issue. It’s just part of the experience and nothing to get worked up about.*

Totally agree- most kids love it.

Have none of you had children diving into your make up- putting on lipstick, beads, mummy's shoes- these things are all fun, part of a game for little ones, a chance to play grown up. My DD would put on my OHs shirt and tie and pretend to be a daddy, put on my scarf and bag and see how it feels.

I can't see the harm, I don't see it as sexualising.
There are far greater dangers for kids- mobile phones, internet etc, than wearing a bit of lipstick for a dance show.

Teateaandmoretea · 07/03/2022 17:46

@ilovesushi the thread is about a toddler 😂😂

hangrylady · 07/03/2022 17:46

@FantasticFebruary

There's a lot of ignorance in this thread.

If you don't want your child (girl OR boy) to wear stage makeup so they don't look faceless on stage, then don't enrol them in things that have stage shows.

Why in earth do you think the occasional use of stage make up is such a problem.

It's not a fecking beauty pageant!

Exactly this
speakout · 07/03/2022 17:49

FoxyFoxyLoxy

I am the third type too.

I never expected or pushed my DD to dance, but she loved the challenges and structure of dance. The dicipline and skills she learned over the years have served her well in life, learning how to work hard for results, steady her nerves before exams. many life skills which were transferred to her studies at school and university.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 07/03/2022 17:49

@Teateaandmoretea

I don’t know why so many people seem to see it as an issue. It’s just part of the experience and nothing to get worked up about.

I don’t understand people who get worked up
about others disagreeing with them. I wouldn’t put makeup on a 3 year old. You would so fine, crack on.

No one at my dds dance school would make your dd wear lipstick or eye shadow (that’s all the little ones wear) if you were dead against it. I would be your dd would be sad being the odd one out though when all her friends were putting it on. They all love it and it’s just a bit of fun.

My teenage dds barely wear any make up out side of shows, and have good self esteem and body image. wearing at bit of lipstick at 3 did them no harm at all.

Teateaandmoretea · 07/03/2022 17:50

I do however respect the people who run performing arts classes and don't belittle their efforts.

Utterly bonkers. Not putting makeup on 3 year old = belittling dance classes.

ilovesushi · 07/03/2022 17:51

@Teateaandmoretea fair point! Grin