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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel uncomfortable putting make up on my 3 year old

382 replies

adastraperaspera1 · 07/03/2022 14:19

DD (age 3) does a dance class that she loves and is taking part in her first show next month.

In the information sent to parents, it says stage make up is mandatory and she has to wear: blue eyeshadow, pink blusher & red lipstick. It says mascara & foundation are optional but 'they do look better with them on'.

The show is mixed ages so I clarified whether make up is really required for Pre-School age and they said yes.

I do understand that it's stage make up and part of its purpose is to look 'better' under the stage lights, but I just feel really uncomfortable putting make up on her at age 3. To me, she is perfect as she is and teaching her about make up at such a young age sends the wrong messages to her.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Teateaandmoretea · 07/03/2022 17:52

@Ohhelpicantthinkofaname my daughter really wasn’t sad about it at all. It was also years ago, so she’s forgotten I imagine by now.

HoldingTheDoor · 07/03/2022 17:56

ilovesushi the thread is about a toddler 😂😂

No it's not. It's about a 3 year old.

hangrylady · 07/03/2022 17:56

@Teateaandmoretea

I do however respect the people who run performing arts classes and don't belittle their efforts.

Utterly bonkers. Not putting makeup on 3 year old = belittling dance classes.

Oh FFS stop twisting things. We are talking about a stage show not the weekly classes. Actual professionals on here saying that make up is required so you can actually see the kids features under the stage lights and still there are people who don't get it. I give up, you can't argue with stupid.
ronjobbins · 07/03/2022 17:58

@Meatshake

Not a snowballs chance in hell would my 3 year old be wearing make up! They could have her as she is or not at all!
This

It’s an outrageous and outdated request.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 07/03/2022 17:59

[quote Teateaandmoretea]@Ohhelpicantthinkofaname my daughter really wasn’t sad about it at all. It was also years ago, so she’s forgotten I imagine by now.[/quote]
I’m glad it didn’t upset your dd.

It would have upset many of the little ones I’ve looked after at shows over the years.

But I’ve ho early never met a parent who cared about make up in real life, unless the child had an allergy or something.

Dds dance school isn’t the pushy sort, where they all have to wear full make up and inappropriately small costumes, we have one of those ones in our town and it’s much less popular than the relaxed one my dds attend. But a bit of make up is part of the fun for the little ones.

rainbowscalling · 07/03/2022 18:08

The amount of people against the use of makeup in this context honestly surprises me.

I don't think this would be the response if we were talking about a young child wearing face paint as part of a fancy dress, or a child in an acting role wearing 'stage makeup'.

Why is this any different? It's not tying their worth or talent/ability to wearing makeup. It's part of a performance. Not comparable to, as one PP said, making them look like a stripper.

RobotValkyrie · 07/03/2022 18:11

Did ballet as a kid, and I remember how we had to wear make-up for the shows.
Didn't mind at the time, as the adults made it sound "fun" and "grown up". But I still have photographs of us on stage. Make-up made us look like fucking clowns. Gross.
But I guess having their own little army of identical looking kids (looking nothing like their actual self) does flatter the ego of dance teachers, of course, so all is well...

I reckon that's the same reason some headteachers have a serious hard-on about uniforms. Ownership and de-individualisation.

YANBU to say no thank you.

WeirdlyKind · 07/03/2022 18:13

[quote LucindaJane]@WeirdlyKind As others have pointed out though, the boys don't get told to put make up on. And I don't really understand why 3 year olds need to do a full on show with proper stage lights, so even if that was an issue, I would just not send my child to that. Classes for fun - yes. Putting this much expectation on a 3 year old - no.[/quote]
@LucindaJane at the class I attended, the boys also wore make up. I can't remember exactly what but I know they had foundation at least cause we used to get into trouble for sharing!

ChairCareOh · 07/03/2022 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

WeirdlyKind · 07/03/2022 18:15

Also if you're equating make up with strippers then I think you need to have a little think about why... 🤷🏻‍♀️

Teateaandmoretea · 07/03/2022 18:15

@Ohhelpicantthinkofaname it was never an issue or made into one.

@hangrylady I’m twisting nothing, the hysteria on both sides of this is ridiculous.

Makeup does not make a 3 year old look like a hooker. Your 3 year old will look fine on stage with or without it. Do what you are happy and comfortable with.

Teateaandmoretea · 07/03/2022 18:17

Sorry it was stripper but ridiculous anyway.

PleaseDontDriveMeBlind · 07/03/2022 18:24

I don't think this would be the response if we were talking about a young child wearing face paint as part of a fancy dress, or a child in an acting role wearing 'stage makeup'.

Why is this any different?

Actors wear stage makeup, but not many need to wear bright red lipstick etc. Surely there is a difference between stage make-up to help with stage lights Vs blue eye-shadow and red lips. I would also expect the boys in the show to be wearing red lips and blue eye-shadow if that was needed.

speakout · 07/03/2022 18:37

Interesting to read the hosility towards stage make up in children.

My DD danced from the age of 3- still dancing, she teaches dance part time now too.
As a dance parent I often helped backstage in the many productions and shows over the years. The dance school has a roll of 480 students, so over the years I have seen hundreds of little ones getting ready to perform.
I can count on the fingers of one hand the parents who chose no make up over the years.
The school didn't make it a requirement, but did suggest it, and the children were excited to wear it.

Strange that the hostility to make up was not so evident in real life as it seems to be on this thread.

Bunnycat101 · 07/03/2022 18:45

This is getting a bit ridiculous now. There is a massive difference between supporting a talented student with exam grades/ experience at the top end and expectations of a 3yo pre school class.

I’m amazed the 3yos are included in the show in the first place. Lots of little girls at that age just want to look like a princess/like the outfit etc. I’d bet at least one would be picking their nose on stage, scratching their bum etc. looking a bit washed out is neither here nor there really. At my daughter’s school the tinies aren’t involved in the show and I’m quite grateful for that. She’ll love it when she can join me will be of an age where she’d be properly practicing and excited to take part.

ancientgran · 07/03/2022 18:48

It is nothing like face paint though, is it? Make up is societies way of telling women they need to alter their faces in order to be pleasing to the eye. To confirm with a very out dates idea of how women should look and what constitutes beauty. Most women do not have naturally red lips, red cheeks, big black eyelashes and stand-out eyebrows. That isn't what stage make up is. Boy and men wear stage make up. You might not like it at 3 but that is a different point.

ancientgran · 07/03/2022 18:49

@Bunnycat101

This is getting a bit ridiculous now. There is a massive difference between supporting a talented student with exam grades/ experience at the top end and expectations of a 3yo pre school class.

I’m amazed the 3yos are included in the show in the first place. Lots of little girls at that age just want to look like a princess/like the outfit etc. I’d bet at least one would be picking their nose on stage, scratching their bum etc. looking a bit washed out is neither here nor there really. At my daughter’s school the tinies aren’t involved in the show and I’m quite grateful for that. She’ll love it when she can join me will be of an age where she’d be properly practicing and excited to take part.

Well thinking back to my DD on stage at 3 there was definitely no nose picking or bum scratching from any of the kids.
Gotajobthrunepotism · 07/03/2022 19:01

I hate seeing the outfits a lot of the kids wear for those shows, and the hairdos and make up. It makes me feel icky

Whitewolf2 · 07/03/2022 19:05

Totally agree with OP, my kid has just started a dancing class aged 5 and she won’t be wearing make up for any reason.

SpicePumpkin · 07/03/2022 19:26

@HoldingTheDoor

I'd rather my TODDLER looked like a 'washed out blob' on stage, than be dolled up with disgusting blue eyeshadow and bright red lippy like some caricature of a prostitute! It's revolting! A 3 year old does not need to wear make up on stage.

Three year olds are not toddlers, people. I wouldn't be thrilled about my 3 year old wearing that much makeup either though.

Of course 3 year olds are toddlers, what a stupid comment!
solbunny · 07/03/2022 19:49

@incognitoforthisone

I don't get why anyone would actually care if a three-year-old looks 'washed out' on stage. They're tiny children - dancing mostly very badly, because they are three - for their own parents and relatives.

I used to work in the entertainment industry (in production, not as a performer) and yes, if they were appearing in a professional show on stage or screen for a paying audience, and needed makeup to make their features stand out under the lights or on camera, fine - put makeup on them. But they really don't need it when they're just dancing for fun as a toddler for their parents.

I would also add that whenever I've worked on shows (whether theatre or TV) the makeup for small children has absolutely never consisted of red lipstick and blue eyeshadow. The idea is to make their natural features stronger, not to make them look unnatural or adult or glamorous. They often line their eyes softly, whack on a bit of blush and mascara and tinted lip balm, which makes them look healthy and bright-eyed under the lights. Powder if they're too shiny. But red lippy and blue eyeshadow is really not the sort of makeup they'd wear if the only objective was to stop them looking washed out.

Agree with this
HoldingTheDoor · 07/03/2022 19:54

Of course 3 year olds are toddlers, what a stupid comment!

Wrong. Babies become toddlers on their first birthday and they are toddlers until their 3rd birthday when they become preschoolers.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/03/2022 20:07

@AppleKatie

Except ‘being totally washed out on stage’ is a) a bit of a myth b) not actually a problem when you are watching three year olds dance- who in their right mind is thinking well that’s a lovely pirouette if only she had more defined eyes…
Well, no.

They might be thinking 'where is she? I can't tell which one she is'.

I very much hope that they aren't looking at the little ones who are wearing makeup and thinking 'Christ, that one looks a right whore', though.

MumYourBabyGrewUpToBeACowboy · 07/03/2022 20:10

The colour scheme sounds garish (blue eyeshadow, yuk), but as someone who performed onstage from a young age and still does, performance makeup is not the same as ‘real life’ makeup, even if it’s standard cosmetics being used instead of professional grade makeup - it’s generally applied heavy-handedly to everyone, regardless of gender, so that their features are well-defined under the lights. It doesn’t look sexual or anything - offstage it looks weird, but under the lights it should appear completely natural.

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/03/2022 20:11

That would be a flat no from me.