To feel uncomfortable putting make up on my 3 year old

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DD (age 3) does a dance class that she loves and is taking part in her first show next month.

In the information sent to parents, it says stage make up is mandatory and she has to wear: blue eyeshadow, pink blusher & red lipstick. It says mascara & foundation are optional but 'they do look better with them on'.

The show is mixed ages so I clarified whether make up is really required for Pre-School age and they said yes.

I do understand that it's stage make up and part of its purpose is to look 'better' under the stage lights, but I just feel really uncomfortable putting make up on her at age 3. To me, she is perfect as she is and teaching her about make up at such a young age sends the wrong messages to her.

AIBU?

It’s not to complete the performance, it’s so you can see them onstage. Vote with your feet if you’re not happy but I’d say you’ll struggle to find a dance school who doesn’t ask for performance makeup.

@Pumperthepumper

It’s not to complete the performance, it’s so you can see them onstage. Vote with your feet if you’re not happy but I’d say you’ll struggle to find a dance school who doesn’t ask for performance makeup.

I didn't realise people became invisible on stage!

This is appalling! So what if you can’t see their eyes pop? You’re watching them dance. They’re kids. I’m assuming you’re not actually on TV or film? How ridiculous.

Part of the glitz and glamour of the stage imo.

My DD has danced since 3- now 22 and teaches dance part time.
Make up was just part of the deal, and most little ones loved it- always optional- but part of the magic. Just like having your first pair of ribbons on ballet shoes- I have watch tiny ones entranced by the teacher flaming the ends, the transition to pointe shoes, the meticulous attention to hair, the fact that teachers are called Miss Anne, Miss Elizabeth etc.
All quite archaic, but all part of the razzmatazz, discipline and tradition.

@Pumperthepumper

It’s not to complete the performance, it’s so you can see them onstage. Vote with your feet if you’re not happy but I’d say you’ll struggle to find a dance school who doesn’t ask for performance makeup.

You don’t have to see their eyes or lips surely?

This’ll be one of those things people look back on.

I remember having stage make up applied for dance shows when I was small and I thought it was really fun. My DD dances and has taken part in lots of dance shows and festivals and loves the fun of performing and the back stage excitement and prep. I've never had any qualms about her wearing make up for a performance. It doesn't have any negative connotations for me at all and the boys she dances with wear stage make up too. Stage make up isn't about them looking prettier or better (they don't!), it's about making their features more visible to the audience under harsh lights. That's my understanding!

@Thatsplentyjack ah, I see. Yes, they do. It must be hard to appreciate if you’re not familiar with theatres, but it’s very difficult to see features from a distance if they’re not accentuated with makeup.

Also, most people want to see their kid perform! So if they’re one of twelve with identical costumes and you can’t see their faces, you miss out.

giving them all the skills and training to succeed in the industry

Massive LOL if you think people sending their wobbly little three-year-old to a dance class on a Saturday morning are doing it to 'give them all the skills and training to succeed in the industry'.

They are not. They are sending them to a dance class because their kid likes jumping about to music and, possibly, it gives their parents an hour or so of free time to go off and do a bit of shopping.

Most parents think of their kids' dance lessons as no different from sending them to Rainbows/Beavers or something - an activity, or a hobby, or a way for them to work off a bit of energy.

Do you think people who send their toddler to swimming lessons are doing so because they want them to win an Olympic gold medal? Or are they doing it because their toddler likes flapping around in the water like a lovely, happy little hippo?

Its just to make their faces stand out under the lighting, it doesn't look like make up when they are performing. If they don't wear it their heads just look like pale circles with no features, just a swipe of blue on each eyelid and a smear of red on the lips is all that is needed to make a difference

[quote Pumperthepumper]@Thatsplentyjack ah, I see. Yes, they do. It must be hard to appreciate if you’re not familiar with theatres, but it’s very difficult to see features from a distance if they’re not accentuated with makeup.[/quote]
Ah yes, I understand now 🤣

No worries! @Thatsplentyjack

I PROMISE you all that my son does not wear blue eyeshadow when he dances and he’s done plenty of shows.

Dance school owner here: make up is to make sure your can see facial features on stage and our students aged 7+ wear it for shows (boys and girls). We don’t ask any child under the age of 7 to wear any.
Perfectly acceptable to say no.

Oh and we talk about it as ‘stage make up’ so it’s part of the costume and nothing to do with making you look better.

It's part of the costume, just as she's got nice hair and a pretty outfit not her old pajamas and bed hair.

@BeeDavis

This has been a thing for years. I’m 28 and when me and my sister were that age makeup was required for dance competitions. I think you’re being a bit precious.

A lot of awful and inappropriate things have been around for 28 years or longer. It doesn’t mean they can’t change. My DNiece was heavily involved in dance from age 3 to around 15 and some of the costumes and make up were really inappropriate in my opinion

My daughter dances, and one of the main reasons that we chose her fantastic dance school is their absolute ban on makeup on primary aged children in shows. We also don’t need to do buns for class (hair tied up is fine). It’s a really sensible approach. They send a handful of their senior students to top dance schools every year, so it clearly doesn’t affect progress. YANBU.

Im amazed at some of the hideous comments here about children looking like strippers, prostitutes, sex trafficking victims. Appalling, outrageous, disgusting.

Its all So misogynistic. A bit of bloody makeup for a dance competition is not sexual.
Little girls swimwear, little girls underwear, little girls fashion, little girls dance outfits. Little girls school uniforms
None of it is inherently sexual.

@Soton

I'm just curious. Do the boys need to put on make up as well?

My son did. He was the only boy in the class, it was always a bit of a juggle about what he wore in shows as he was allowed something different but maybe the same colour as the girls or linked in another way. He didn't need the bun either which was fortunate but the make up he was exactly the same as the girls.

@Thatsplentyjack

"It really shouldn't matter how they're faces look."

Yes, you should be able to see THEIR faces. It's part of the performance.

It's part of the show. The lights are strong and make up means they can be seen. My 8 year old wore makeup for her dance show. The younger ones ( including the boys) wore it too. It wasn't just little ones enjoying themselves on a stage - they were dancing in a well known theatre, to a packed audience who had paid quite a lot for their tickets. It had to look right.

Really don't worry.

All three of mine (yes including ds) have their make up bags for stage. They're used to the full works on stage from age 3 upwards.

They're all in their teens or 20s and only wear make up on stage, never at other times.

Although it did lead to a funny argument one time in a very long queue with ds aged about 6yo. He wanted to try a particular make of mascara which more expensive than I was prepared to pay. As I got to the front of the line I began to notice we were getting funny looks from the people either side of us. So I said "When you go on stage no one will care what type of mascara you have on." You could almost hear the "Ah!" thoughts from the ladies either side of me.

@incognitoforthisone

giving them all the skills and training to succeed in the industry

Massive LOL if you think people sending their wobbly little three-year-old to a dance class on a Saturday morning are doing it to 'give them all the skills and training to succeed in the industry'.

They are not. They are sending them to a dance class because their kid likes jumping about to music and, possibly, it gives their parents an hour or so of free time to go off and do a bit of shopping.

Most parents think of their kids' dance lessons as no different from sending them to Rainbows/Beavers or something - an activity, or a hobby, or a way for them to work off a bit of energy.

Do you think people who send their toddler to swimming lessons are doing so because they want them to win an Olympic gold medal? Or are they doing it because their toddler likes flapping around in the water like a lovely, happy little hippo?

Theyre still teaching them proper swimming though, and it would be equally ridiculous if people decided that the swimming coaches were inappropriate because the costumes were skimpy

YANBU

No need for this at age 3!

Move dance classes!