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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel uncomfortable putting make up on my 3 year old

382 replies

adastraperaspera1 · 07/03/2022 14:19

DD (age 3) does a dance class that she loves and is taking part in her first show next month.

In the information sent to parents, it says stage make up is mandatory and she has to wear: blue eyeshadow, pink blusher & red lipstick. It says mascara & foundation are optional but 'they do look better with them on'.

The show is mixed ages so I clarified whether make up is really required for Pre-School age and they said yes.

I do understand that it's stage make up and part of its purpose is to look 'better' under the stage lights, but I just feel really uncomfortable putting make up on her at age 3. To me, she is perfect as she is and teaching her about make up at such a young age sends the wrong messages to her.

AIBU?

OP posts:
neverbeenskiing · 07/03/2022 16:42

If your daughter is going to carry on in performing arts you may as well get used to it.

"Performing arts" Grin OP's DD is 3 years old!!

cavalierkingc · 07/03/2022 16:44

I am a dance teacher and all our students wear stage make up for shows and competitions. The kids love it! Dance schools are there to train people to become dancers, this is part of the training.

SpicePumpkin · 07/03/2022 16:44

I'd rather my TODDLER looked like a 'washed out blob' on stage, than be dolled up with disgusting blue eyeshadow and bright red lippy like some caricature of a prostitute! It's revolting! A 3 year old does not need to wear make up on stage. My daughter did dance and was 7+ when she was first asked to wear stage make up, even then it wasn't blue and red!

hangrylady · 07/03/2022 16:46

@neverbeenskiing

If your daughter is going to carry on in performing arts you may as well get used to it.

"Performing arts" Grin OP's DD is 3 years old!!

I'm assuming the OP sends her daughter to a class she has to pay for, so yes, performing arts. Confused . Different if it was a school play as I said in my post.
steff13 · 07/03/2022 16:47

@Gowithme

I don't think I could be involved in anything that thought putting eye liner and lipstick on a three year old was essential (but not essential for boys funnily enough). I think this sort of thing really needs rethinking along with a lot of other sexist nonsense.
It usually is required for the boys. I don't see where the OP said it isn't.

It's part of the costume. It's sexualizing or anything like that. If they were asking them to wear pasties and a thong, I would get the objection. This is just like wearing makeup for Halloween.

cavalierkingc · 07/03/2022 16:47

I cant speak for all dance schools, but for us its not childcare or a laugh and a social. Its giving them all the skills and training to succeed in the industry. Hair and make up and costumes are all things they will need in the future. Its part of performing.
Id say if your not up for that, chose another activity.

Thatsplentyjack · 07/03/2022 16:47

Putting make up on a 3 year old so they don't look washed out ffs 🤣 they are 3! No activity for children should require them to wear make up at any point. NONE.
Bet the boys aren't required to wear it.

MrsAvocet · 07/03/2022 16:48

@ScrambledSmegs

The blue eyeshadow in particular does look hideous, especially on stage as the lighting magnifies it, and IME all of the schools that insist on it are run by former dancers whose glory days were the 1970s/80s. It's slowly dying out, at a glacial pace but it is going.

You get used to the rest though. Even the lipstick.

Yes, I agree with this. My DD started dancing when she was 2, went on to train professionally and is now a teacher. Things have changed a lot. It was very much blue and white eyeshadow and bright red lipstick regardless of what the costume when my DD was young but she rebelled against that as she got older and started doing her own thing. Later at full time dance school she was taught how to do her stage make up properly. Things have changed in schools run by younger teachers IME. DD does ask her pupils to wear make up if they are performing under stage lights but it is much more natural or make up that fits with the particular theme and costume. The OP's DD's school sounds rather old fashioned to me, if they are still stuck in the blue eyeshadow zone. That said, if you see a properly made up dancer or actor off stage they can look a bit horrific, but under the lights look completely normal. It does need to be heavier make up than you would expect, to allow facial expressions to be clearly seen. Not that that is likely to really matter at age 3 of course - it's a miracle if they are facing the right way most of the time. I'd agree that it is unnecessary to wear much, if any make up on stage at a young age, but equally it's unlikely to be harmful. I'm pleased to report no lasting damage to my DD's self esteem or morals as a result of wearing make up on stage from a young age. Even from being quite little she viewed it as just part of the costume she wore when she was dancing and pretending to be a character. She knew it wasn't "real". I wouldn't say her make up wearing outside of dance was any different to any of her friends either - if anything she was less bothered.
JudgeRindersMinder · 07/03/2022 16:49

@Hugasauras

So 3yo boys are wearing eyeshadow and red lipstick?
Actually, generally they do. You’re entitled to feel how you feel, however the dance school is also entitled to have their rules so their show is done to the best standard. Of you don’t like the rules, don’t have your kids take part
nocheesegromit · 07/03/2022 16:49

TatianaBis

Guess which one we chose?

No idea, depends what kind of dance lessons you were after.

@TatianaBis - what kind of dance lessons would they be eh?? Exotic dance for little girls?

@gonnagetgoing Ballet, tap, modern, jazz, disco, street, bollywood, ballroom.. Literally any kind of dance. There isn't just Royal Academy of Dance and "exotic" 😂

Thatsplentyjack · 07/03/2022 16:49

Its giving them all the skills and training to succeed in the industry. Hair and make up and costumes are all things they will need in the future. Its part of performing.

Aw don't be ridiculous! There's loads of things children don't do while they're children that they will need to do when they grow up. Children should not be required to wear make-up to perform.

Branleuse · 07/03/2022 16:54

I imagine its as much a part of it as wearing leotards and tights. I think if you didnt do it, noone would mind, but to be dead against it, id worry that you were sexualising what is a normal part of dance. A PP even suggested 3 year olds in dance makeup look like strippers Hmm

cavalierkingc · 07/03/2022 16:54

@thatsplentyjack
We train people who go on to have dance careers, without the skills needed they wouldn't have the option to pursue a career as a dancer if they wish to. Its a tough industry!

caringcarer · 07/03/2022 16:54

I would put s bit of blue eye shadow, blush and lip stick to make dd look consistent with others but not mascara or foundation. Tell your dd it is just part of stage costume, just for on stage. It will wash off before bed.

namechanged1900 · 07/03/2022 16:54

YANBU. At all.

Thatsplentyjack · 07/03/2022 16:56

[quote cavalierkingc]@thatsplentyjack
We train people who go on to have dance careers, without the skills needed they wouldn't have the option to pursue a career as a dancer if they wish to. Its a tough industry![/quote]
🤣🙄 there 3!

Anonymous48 · 07/03/2022 16:56

It's nothing to do with her not looking perfect as she is. It's because stage lights change the way you look. I'm sure you can explain that to her in three year old language.

JudgeRindersMinder · 07/03/2022 16:57

@NicNax38

Wow, some of the vitriol aimed at dance teachers on here! Some of you need to remember that, while we may not be running the Bolshoi, we are, on the whole, highly trained individuals, and our dance schools are our businesses- most of us don't have huge marketing budgets, and shows are great advertising for us, especially after the last 2 years that have all but obliterated our industry. I put all my efforts into making our shows as professional and fun as possible, as the kids absolutely love them, and they help to attract new students, or encourage those already in the school to take more classes, which allows me to keep my studios running, and myself and my 7 teachers in employment. What you may consider a little, unprofessional performance is actually months and months of hard work, and extremely long and tiring days for us. My show profits go to charity, so I don't make any money or even get paid for it. I do it because I love the kids I teach, they love the show, get a massive boost out of being onstage and have fun!

If you don't want your child involved, that's fine, but don't pile on your dance teachers, they work bloody hard, often spending time with your child while missing their own child's bedtime, for very little money, and absolutely no thanks whatsoever!

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
savehannah · 07/03/2022 16:59

It really is a stage thing, and in our stage school yes the boys get made up too. Possibly not eye shadow but foundation, eye liner,mascara and lipstick to make their features visible when on stage.

Thatsplentyjack · 07/03/2022 16:59

@Anonymous48

It's nothing to do with her not looking perfect as she is. It's because stage lights change the way you look. I'm sure you can explain that to her in three year old language.
It really shouldn't matter how they're faces look.
cavalierkingc · 07/03/2022 17:00

Yes they may be 3. But if they are enrolled in a school for dance funnily enough, we teach them! Were not there for just games and messing about.

Landedonfeet · 07/03/2022 17:01

My stance is that I wouldn’t want any product, let alone designed for adult skin, on my child’s utterly perfect skin

ChristinaXYZ · 07/03/2022 17:01

My daughter did dance class shows on stage from age 3 to 15 and never was asked to wear make-up though there were the usual ballet show rules of tidy hair in a bun (you got a glower if you daughter had cut her hair short) and no underwear showing under the costume (straps and vpl as they got older) but no make-up rules. Never noticed under the lights. Seems unreasonable to me. Bet you are not the only one unhappy - can you approach the teacher with another mother or two?

Landedonfeet · 07/03/2022 17:02

I d be worried about skin reaction or rubbing mascara In to their eyes

Steelesauce · 07/03/2022 17:02

Its only a bit of make up. My 3 year old spends ages messing about the with play make up (and mine, if she gets her hands on it). All the drama over a bit of make up that will be washed off, which is actually so the photos come out better (for you!) Under the stage lights.