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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Pils treating us unfairly?

170 replies

pilmoaner · 06/03/2022 19:58

Ok so pils own a second home which they do holiday rentals. We get to use it for a week once a year and just pay expenses (electric/cleaner etc). as does sil and her family. We have to use it in school hols as I work in a school. Sil tends to do term time as their ds is only 1. We have generally gone in summer hols as it's been our only hol due to not being able to afford another holiday. We realise this is a busy time but sil tends to use it 5/6 weekends a year on top whereas we only do the one week so we figured it equals out. This year for first time in many years we have book a holiday abroad in summer, we talked about going to seaside house too n decided to see if we could have the house spring half term. Pils have said the can't really let us have it peak time any more due to fact they can rent it. This means we can only go oct or feb half terms which seaside is a bit lacking for kids out of season. But sil n family will continue to use it for a week in june plus numerous weekends. We can't do weekends as dh works plus too far to go one night. Usually due to lack of money this is our only hol. We did enquire how much to cover loss so we could still go but it's more than we can afford to pay. The think is if you add up the losses for all sils uses it's prob not much different to our week it's just more spread out. Aibu to be a bit peeved?

OP posts:

fungh · 06/03/2022 21:35

Sil does live in same town we live 20 mile away.

This will be a big part of it

Hercisback · 06/03/2022 21:38

20 miles away is over an hour round trip. Not exactly weekly childcare friendly.

I get why you feel a bit like second best however I betnif they need anything they ask SIL.

Hankunamatata · 06/03/2022 21:38

Could sil take weekends that aren't booked? So say like two weeks before if there's no bookings then sil uses it

tara66 · 06/03/2022 21:40

Sorry but you seem to be counting every crumb that falls from PIL's table to SIL. Can you/your DH try to progress to better paid jobs so you can afford holidays yourselves?

Hankunamatata · 06/03/2022 21:41

Sil family is benefiting as she chooses to live next to inlaws. We and dh made the same decision while his sibling lives some distance. Sibling then bitches about the stuff inlaws do for us. They are wonderful and help us no end but because we live 5 mins from them. The same as we would drop everything to help them.

Jvg33 · 06/03/2022 21:41

I think if your partner is wound up by it, you need to leave partner to deal with it alone. Surely you didn't marry or with your OH just to gain things from your PILs? Focus on your own relatives and visiting them for a bit and let the annoyance pass.

twominutesmore · 06/03/2022 21:43

"Sil gets -
Free childcare several days a week plus odd weekends
Cleaner (mil)
Gardener (fil)
Free dog sitter Mon-Fri
Holiday home one week a year plus several weekends
Dh gets -
Holiday home one week a year oct/feb half term only
Occasional overnight stay for dd maybe once every few months.
Sil does live in same town we live 20 mile away."

You are too far away for daily childcare or daily dog sitting.
Do they pay mil and sil for cleaning and gardening?
Holiday home has already been discussed to death.

Might be worth also compiling a list of what your sil/bil do for them and what you and your dp do for them.

Has your dp talked to them about this?

Do you get support from your parents?

You are looking forward to a holiday abroad and a free week out of season courtesy of pil. Glass half full would make you happier maybe.

PeacefulPrune · 06/03/2022 21:45

You sound very entitled

Toothsil · 06/03/2022 21:45

You could still go in October or February, you just don't want to. We go away every October half term and it's lovely. We're just back from a week self catering in February half term, having had to move it from October when we had Covid in the house. We had a brilliant week.

It seems you only want to go in peak time but that's the time your in laws would be turning away a good income to let you have it for free.

Bananarama21 · 06/03/2022 21:46

Sil gets -
Free childcare several days a week plus odd weekends
Cleaner (mil)
Gardener (fil)
Free dog sitter Mon-Fri
Holiday home one week a year plus several weekends
Dh gets -
Holiday home one week a year oct/feb half term only
Occasional overnight stay for dd maybe once every few months.
Sil does live in same town we live 20 mile away.

She is there DAUGHTER your a not its a total different relationship to a dil. Mil isn't going to clean your bloody house, christ do it yourself and your own garden. The fact you live 20miles says it all. Your jealous and bitter about your inlaws close relationship with their dd who lives in the same town get a grip, where are your parents? Your entitlement is quite frankly disgraceful, if I found our my dil spoke about my relationship with my dd I'd cut you off. I imagine sil goes round and sees her dps. The fact you had to compare what they do for their dd and you says it all really.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 06/03/2022 21:51

Would it have 100% occupancy if not for sil and your weeks? Because that's the only way you can compare. Also how do you know it's offered to SIL and not requested by her? I get my dp holiday place more often than ds because I ask more.

Stompythedinosaur · 06/03/2022 21:54

I think you are being unreasonable! They are offering the same choice to you both, and it isn't their fault your dc is at school! I imagine they make most of their rental income in peak times.

I think you have let yourself feel entitled to a holiday - lots of people can't afford a holiday!

lanthanum · 06/03/2022 21:54

Perhaps the reason they've only recently started offering weekends is that they used to only do Sat-Sat lets, and when they started doing Mon-Sat, that meant that they sometimes had it standing empty for a couple of days - but they knew that weekends weren't going to work for you.

I think lots of people with holiday lets concentrate on making money from them in peak season, and only offer them to friends/family in school term-time. It's not so much that they'll make more for a week in August than in October, but that they might not get a booking at all in October.

WindyKnickers · 06/03/2022 22:01

I love a seaside holiday in October half term. Not so packed with tourists but things still open like arcades and attractions. I'd bite their hand off even in February.

Original poster

pilmoaner · 06/03/2022 22:02

@Bananarama21

Sil gets - Free childcare several days a week plus odd weekends Cleaner (mil) Gardener (fil) Free dog sitter Mon-Fri Holiday home one week a year plus several weekends Dh gets - Holiday home one week a year oct/feb half term only Occasional overnight stay for dd maybe once every few months. Sil does live in same town we live 20 mile away.

Someone asked. My mum died last year. My dads in a home.

OP posts:

SukiToast · 06/03/2022 22:03

I think you really need to take a step back, and realise just how much you sound like a spoilt brat here. She is their daughter. Tbh if you come across like this in real life, I'm not surprised they don't do as much for you. Why would they??? Perhaps their daughter is grateful, and appreciates their help rather than jealously throws her toys out the pram and huffs because she's not getting exactly what she wants.

You're a grown adult. So is your husband. His parents raised him. But they do not owe you or him anything at all. If you can't afford a holiday, tough shit. That's your problem, not theirs.

Cocomarine · 06/03/2022 22:10

It’s really weird that you’ve been costing up your SIL’s weekends and deciding that loss is equal to your week, and therefore bestowing that entitlement on yourself!!

Have you actually been checking the weekend prices for her dates?

I expect your summer week is guaranteed to let, whereas some of the odd weekends might not. You say they haven’t offered it to your husband. Perhaps as it’s a case of offering, they only offering to her when it hasn’t been let?

I completely sympathise if there is genuine favouritism in a family. But I am put off that you seem to think you’re literally to the penny owed a week.

You could always lie, take your summer week but sublet it… would that help? 😉

gah2teenagers · 06/03/2022 22:13

Yeah it’s not fair. Main point is = is this their pension or spends for 5 cruises a year ? Surely family would get at least a “peak” week to suit or is that just me ? I’d take October and count my blessings I think.

oakleaffy · 06/03/2022 22:14

Hugely unreasonable.
Not your house, and they probably rely on that big income.
I'm always shocked at the price of UK holiday rentals, but there are warmer, sunnier, and cheaper places to go to {Unless WW3 breaks out, then all bets are off!}

Bananarama21 · 06/03/2022 22:15

Someone asked.
My mum died last year. My dads in a home

Sorry for your loss but your inlaws are not your parents and not going to treat you the same as they would their dd its unreasonable to expect them to do. They already do enough.

Londoncallingme · 06/03/2022 22:16

Sounds as though you having peak time has always bothered them but they put up with it because you were broke. Now that they know that you can afford a holiday they don’t feel that it’s necessary to be out of pocket.
It wouldn’t happen in my family - a few of us have holiday homes and we share without charge to family and friends. If they don’t need the income then YANBU, if they need it then YABU.

DSGR · 06/03/2022 22:16

FGS, just go in Feb or Oct. Be grateful for an amazing free holiday! You sound spoilt and your intricate knowledge of your SIL’s comings and goings with her parents is a bit weird.
Get a better job, afford your own holidays?

saraclara · 06/03/2022 22:18

She is there DAUGHTER your a not its a total different relationship to a dil.

...and OP's DH is their SON!

It's the son and daughter who are not being treated equally.

saraclara · 06/03/2022 22:20

@Bananarama21

Someone asked. My mum died last year. My dads in a home

Sorry for your loss but your inlaws are not your parents and not going to treat you the same as they would their dd its unreasonable to expect them to do. They already do enough.

They should be treating their son (OP's husband) the same as their daughter.

OP just happens to be the one posting here, and not her DH.

Original poster

pilmoaner · 06/03/2022 22:21

I find the how people treat their kids really interesting. So pils obviously treat sil and dh differently and people say "but she's their daughter." I wonder if it was other way round people would say "but he's their son of course he should be treated better"

OP posts:

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