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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Pils treating us unfairly?

170 replies

pilmoaner · 06/03/2022 19:58

Ok so pils own a second home which they do holiday rentals. We get to use it for a week once a year and just pay expenses (electric/cleaner etc). as does sil and her family. We have to use it in school hols as I work in a school. Sil tends to do term time as their ds is only 1. We have generally gone in summer hols as it's been our only hol due to not being able to afford another holiday. We realise this is a busy time but sil tends to use it 5/6 weekends a year on top whereas we only do the one week so we figured it equals out. This year for first time in many years we have book a holiday abroad in summer, we talked about going to seaside house too n decided to see if we could have the house spring half term. Pils have said the can't really let us have it peak time any more due to fact they can rent it. This means we can only go oct or feb half terms which seaside is a bit lacking for kids out of season. But sil n family will continue to use it for a week in june plus numerous weekends. We can't do weekends as dh works plus too far to go one night. Usually due to lack of money this is our only hol. We did enquire how much to cover loss so we could still go but it's more than we can afford to pay. The think is if you add up the losses for all sils uses it's prob not much different to our week it's just more spread out. Aibu to be a bit peeved?

OP posts:

SynchroSwimmer · 06/03/2022 20:24

I would be inclined to treat them to a meal or a gift to show your appreciation - and say “ we understand, and we also want to say thank you properly for all the holidays we have enjoyed in the past”

I find it’s human nature for people to get upset when things that are given and are later withdrawn - rather than people taking a step back and thinking “that was nice, we got to enjoy x,y,z and it was a bonus”. People can get stroppy instead of being grateful.

bellac11 · 06/03/2022 20:24

I do find it odd that people baulk at the idea of going on holiday in Feb or Oct, we go away at all times of the year, there is always something to do and being by the sea, will be lovely and quiet, wrap the kids up teach them to love all seasons

But in answer to your actual question, you're not entitled to use someone elses provision when you want if it is outside of when its available to you

Chloemol · 06/03/2022 20:24

You are going abroad so what does it matter that you use it Feb or Oct half term?
What about the May half term?

Why can’t you and your partner take a Friday off and go down straight from school?

It’s income for your in-laws, it’s not their fault their daughter can go outside of peak times at the moment

Original poster

pilmoaner · 06/03/2022 20:28

I get what your all saying. Thank you. We absolutely don't get treated same though as we use to be able to go weekends and it was never offered to us only to sil. Dh mentioned it once and it was offered a few weeks later then never again. Also the loss they take for all sils visits is similar to loss for us to have it one peak week.

OP posts:

SukiToast · 06/03/2022 20:28

You are being very unreasonable.

I understand it's not exactly what you want, but it was not designed to be exactly what you want. You cannot afford to make up the loss yet youd be happy for your in laws to miss out on that money? How incredibly selfish

Original poster

pilmoaner · 06/03/2022 20:29

@HomeHomeInTheRange

Very unreasonable.

They clearly need to make income from the property. They have been very generous in allowing you to use it in the very sort peak window they have to make money in the summer school holidays.

If you, or SIL, can use it without reducing their income too much, fine, I am sure they would be happy for you to use it.

It isn’t their fault you aren’t able to do weekends.

You are lucky: few other people have had years of a free holiday house at a peak time!

Yes have always been grateful for it.

OP posts:

fungh · 06/03/2022 20:29

Does it cost less for the SIL?

Original poster

pilmoaner · 06/03/2022 20:29

@rookiemere

Perhaps ILs figured that as you could afford a holiday abroad this year, they didn't need to miss out on a peak weeks rental.

Just go in February or October instead.

Yes that's probably why.

OP posts:

fungh · 06/03/2022 20:31

If the cost they lose out on for SIL is similar to you than I think it's a bit unfair.

fungh · 06/03/2022 20:31

Perhaps ILs figured that as you could afford a holiday abroad this year, they didn't need to miss out on a peak weeks rental.

agree

Hercisback · 06/03/2022 20:32

Sat - Mon makes sense if they rent Sat-sat for a full week.

rookiemere · 06/03/2022 20:33

@pilmoaner they are less likely to rent it out for 3-4 weekends off season than they are for one full week of the Summer holidays.

Original poster

pilmoaner · 06/03/2022 20:33

@fungh

Does it cost less for the SIL?

No roughly same

OP posts:

TravellingFrom · 06/03/2022 20:34

PIL have a property they are renting as a holiday cottage.
It’s full all year around (sea side etc… too) nit just during the summer hols.

Thé SIL going at the weekend would lead to the same loss tbh. Maybe more because I would expect that proportionately the weekend would be more expensive.
So yes I can see why you are thinking that the loss of income would be the same with her too.

I suspect that your PIL feel like the weekends are a smaller amount so not as much if an issue. But they haven’t quite counted the fact its several weekends.
I disagree though that once her child starts school it will even out. She will still be able to go at the weekends, regardless of school.

Shesmyperson · 06/03/2022 20:34

@pilmoaner

So you have been offered weekends.

Even though your dh can't go. But he actually asked about weekends, so he could go occasionally, then? À

But you expect them to keep offering until he magically has a weekend off?

You don't get treated differently. You have different circumstances.

They don't have to take losses of equal value. They are happy to loan it at weekends or the full weeks that they have stipulated.

They dont have to loan it to any of you.

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 06/03/2022 20:37

Yabu

Original poster

pilmoaner · 06/03/2022 20:37

@Shesmyperson no you misunderstood the weekends have only been an issue last couple of years. Before that we could have done weekends but it was only offered once. It's been regularly offered to sil every year. I assumed because our week is peak time and hers wasn't they offered it her more to balance it out.

OP posts:

twominutesmore · 06/03/2022 20:42

I expect sil, able to go any week and any weekend, books it for weeks/weekends when it hasn't been booked by paying guests.

I also think your pils have been effectively paying a lot of money in lost revenue to let you use it in the summer holidays, which has been very kind and generous.

This year the cost of uk holidays has increased a lot so they are losing even more money if you use it, bills are increasing for everyone and you have demonstrated that you can now afford to holiday elsewhere.

It is a shame and I can see why you're disappointed but I don't think they're being unfair. It's the downside of teaching unfortunately.

Shesmyperson · 06/03/2022 20:46

[quote pilmoaner]@Shesmyperson no you misunderstood the weekends have only been an issue last couple of years. Before that we could have done weekends but it was only offered once. It's been regularly offered to sil every year. I assumed because our week is peak time and hers wasn't they offered it her more to balance it out.[/quote]
I would bet money sil asks and arranges the weekends with pil.

You can't do weekends, so it entirely irrelevant what sil does.

This is a holiday home for you to use, it's an investment. They loan it to you when it works for them and the investment. The same as with sil.

Its not their fault that you are a teacher and your dh can't ever take a weekend off.

AskingforaBaskin · 06/03/2022 20:54

YABU to put it in simple terms SIL does not lose them money.

You do.

They are paying for your holiday. They don't want to buy you a holiday.

Jvg33 · 06/03/2022 20:56

Why don't you ask to go a weekend then? You are waiting to be offered for some reason. You are whinging about a freebie from people who are not your parents. Why are you so obsessed with SIL? Look at the bigger picture before you complain. What do the pil do for your husband in general. They can't afford to give you a week in the summer anymore because that is when they are most likely to gain lettings. And you have stated that you can't afford to pay them. Therefore you save up for your own holidays.

Baconandmaplesyrup · 06/03/2022 20:58

This doesn’t make a lot of sense. She doesn’t go peak time, you were gong a week in peak season, so you got th better deal. Yo can still go, just go off peak.

TellMeMoreHellebore · 06/03/2022 21:00

what do you mean by 'you dont get treated the same'?

you dont have to be. you aren't all kids anymore! just because the in laws have 2 kids who are adults now does not mean you should expect to get 'the same'

mrsm43s · 06/03/2022 21:01

So, both you/DH and family and SIL/partner and family are welcome to reasonable usage outside of peak rental times.

SIL can make use of the outside peak rental times.
You can't make use of the outside peak rental times due to other commitments.

The problem is your commitments which mean you can't make use of the non-peak times offered.

Your PILs are being entirely reasonable, and treating both families fairly.
It's not reasonable to expect them to take a £££ rental loss to accommodate your work/school commitments.

PeakyBlender · 06/03/2022 21:02

You're being silly.

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