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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask to use the phone?

119 replies

LightingCandles · 06/03/2022 19:15

I get a really good, half-price cheap deal with work on a SIM-only deal. We agreed I would go onto this SIM-only deal as it saves so much money. (Think about a tenner a month, no contract, unlimited everything)

I bought the SIM. Literally the same day, my phone stopped working.
I need a phone for work - think WhatsApp groups daily communications. This is non-negotiable. Work does not provide phones, everyone uses their own phone.

So I need a phone handset. I powered up an old phone we have. It is DC's old one, a huawei y6 (2019). Has gone through three DC, being factory reset each time but does have a cracked screen. It has WhatsApp, but doesn't do things like connect to my watch, I cannot download any apps at all as no space (so no parking app for example) Cannot use it to pay by card.

Due to being skint, we cannot buy me a new handset. See above re money saving.

DH has an old phone we managed to power up. It is an HTC one M8(2014). It is no better than the old one from the DC.

For comparison, DC1 has an iPhone they got as a birthday present. DC2 has a Samsung A41, again a present and DC3 has a hand-me-down Samsung.

DH however, has three phones. One for work. And two for personal use. One does not have a sim. He uses it when the other one needs to charge.

I asked to use the one without a sim. Apparently not ok, he doesn't want to give it up.

So I have to choose between a 2019 phone with no space, that barely does the minimum or a 2014 phone that is slower than slow.

AIBU to ask for the non-sim phone so I have a half-decent phone? Or is it rude as 1) I technically have a phone, 2)it does what I need (but not what I want) and 3) he still technically uses it.

Cos he did say he would prefer not to give it up. And I could use either of the other two old ones. And now I feel guilty.

OP posts:
MalbecandToast · 06/03/2022 19:17

He is being ridiculously selfish! Tell him you want the phone now. Unbelievable!

NuffSaidSam · 06/03/2022 19:18

I think your DH is insane.

You can't as a family afford to get you a new phone, but he has three? Unbelievable.

ParkheadParadise · 06/03/2022 19:20

How could be bothered with 3 phones?

saturdayhelicopter · 06/03/2022 19:22

So basically everyone in your family except you gets a decent phone, and your DH gets 3 decent phones.

That isn't ok.

Cakelover17 · 06/03/2022 19:23

Your DH sounds very selfish. How can he afford 3 phones when you can’t?

Original poster
LightingCandles · 06/03/2022 19:26

@Cakelover17

Your DH sounds very selfish. How can he afford 3 phones when you can’t?
He doesn't need to. One is a work phone, so free as they provide it. One we pay for. The sim-free one is an older one (but around 2020? maybe) now out of contract and has no sim. So we are only paying for one of his phones.
OP posts:
Haveyoubrushedyourteeth · 06/03/2022 19:26

Obviously not what you asked, and I appreciate not my business, but if he was my husband I'd be asking him why he needs 3 phones as that seems very odd, especially since hes keen to keep it for himself. Unless of course I've misunderstood and it's an old phone in a drawer? Either way it's him that's being selfish not you.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 06/03/2022 19:27

I thought only cheaters had more than 1 personal phone?

BitOutOfPractice · 06/03/2022 19:28

Is he always a selfish arsehole op?

Original poster
LightingCandles · 06/03/2022 19:29

Those saying YABU please can you explain? I don't want this to be an echo chamber and genuinely want opinions from both sides.

As I do feel guilty cos my WhatsApp does work. I would just like to be able to download the parking app and be able to pay by. phone rather than carry a card, but I do recognise these are luxuries and not "needs" as such, which is why I feel bad.

If the general consensus is I should just use the old phone, then I will suck it up and not raise it again with DH - I don't want drama.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 06/03/2022 19:30

Three phones? That's suspicious as fuck.

Grilledaubergines · 06/03/2022 19:30

2 for personal use? Unless he’s dealing drugs or dick, he has no need for 2.

lateral · 06/03/2022 19:31

If the general consensus is I should just use the old phone, then I will suck it up and not raise it again with DH - I don't want drama.
It's not going to be the general consensus though, is it? You know as well as the rest of the posters on this thread that your husband is being a cunt. I suppose he is counting on the fact you don't like drama to treat you like a lesser being. If that's what you like OP then crack on but I don't think you are going to get the back up from this thread. Fuck that shit.

Cakelover17 · 06/03/2022 19:31

I’d put it to him that you use his spare sim free phone, and he can use the kids old one that you’ve managed to get working. Because he still has a functioning spare phone for charging (like anyone needs that anyway), and you have the one that allows you to pay for parking etc. Its the most logical solution and is fair.

Mrssebastianstan · 06/03/2022 19:32

If he’s only using it when his normal one is charging, can DH not use the Huawei as a spare and give you the newer one? Then he still has three.

lap90 · 06/03/2022 19:33

Work phone I understand but he doesn't need two phones for personal use.
That combined with him not wanting to hand the phone over would have me sus tbh.

Original poster
LightingCandles · 06/03/2022 19:33

To repeat, the second phone HAS NO SIM. He uses it to connect to the internet and watch youtube when his other phone dies.
He is not cheating. He is signed off work with depression and alcoholism and barely leaves bed or the house.
The 'selfishness' possibly comes from the above.

Hence my guilt.

OP posts:
worriedatthemoment · 06/03/2022 19:34

If he only uses his other phone for when other runs put if charge , well charge it , buy a car charger or he can have one of the older ones for a real emergency
Why should you get the real crap ones
Or say if he won't let you have one of his you will look online and buy a second hand one and the money will have to come out shopping bill or whatever

worriedatthemoment · 06/03/2022 19:35

So what if he is off for the above why should you feel guilty , he can wait an hr for his phone to charge
Or go buy a second hand one you earn money too

grapewines · 06/03/2022 19:36

I'd wonder why he wants to keep it. Sounds dodgy to me apart from very selfish.

Slippy78 · 06/03/2022 19:37

If you need a phone for work then they should provide it.
Just tell work you don't have a phone so won't be able to take any calls/messages etc. until they buy you one.

RandomMess · 06/03/2022 19:37

If he barely leaves the house then he can use his phone whilst it's charging up. Invest in an extra long charging cable.

grapewines · 06/03/2022 19:38

Read your update. He's still selfish. No one needs a phone in their hand while the other one charges. No one.

HamsterTrumpet · 06/03/2022 19:38

@LightingCandles

To repeat, the second phone HAS NO SIM. He uses it to connect to the internet and watch youtube when his other phone dies. He is not cheating. He is signed off work with depression and alcoholism and barely leaves bed or the house. The 'selfishness' possibly comes from the above.

Hence my guilt.

Can’t he just connect to the Internet / watch YouTube while the phone is plugged in and charging? There must be somewhere he can sit within a charger cord reach.
Original poster
LightingCandles · 06/03/2022 19:40

@Slippy78

If you need a phone for work then they should provide it. Just tell work you don't have a phone so won't be able to take any calls/messages etc. until they buy you one.
Not gonna happen. Massive company, at least three or four managers per site, at least 800 sites. Work will not provide a phone. Never have, never will. It isnt used for calls, just daily whatsapp communications. Which pretty much everyone has on their personal phones anyway, so we are just added to the group. No apps or access etc. Why would they give everyone a phone?
OP posts: