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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask to use the phone?

119 replies

LightingCandles · 06/03/2022 19:15

I get a really good, half-price cheap deal with work on a SIM-only deal. We agreed I would go onto this SIM-only deal as it saves so much money. (Think about a tenner a month, no contract, unlimited everything)

I bought the SIM. Literally the same day, my phone stopped working.
I need a phone for work - think WhatsApp groups daily communications. This is non-negotiable. Work does not provide phones, everyone uses their own phone.

So I need a phone handset. I powered up an old phone we have. It is DC's old one, a huawei y6 (2019). Has gone through three DC, being factory reset each time but does have a cracked screen. It has WhatsApp, but doesn't do things like connect to my watch, I cannot download any apps at all as no space (so no parking app for example) Cannot use it to pay by card.

Due to being skint, we cannot buy me a new handset. See above re money saving.

DH has an old phone we managed to power up. It is an HTC one M8(2014). It is no better than the old one from the DC.

For comparison, DC1 has an iPhone they got as a birthday present. DC2 has a Samsung A41, again a present and DC3 has a hand-me-down Samsung.

DH however, has three phones. One for work. And two for personal use. One does not have a sim. He uses it when the other one needs to charge.

I asked to use the one without a sim. Apparently not ok, he doesn't want to give it up.

So I have to choose between a 2019 phone with no space, that barely does the minimum or a 2014 phone that is slower than slow.

AIBU to ask for the non-sim phone so I have a half-decent phone? Or is it rude as 1) I technically have a phone, 2)it does what I need (but not what I want) and 3) he still technically uses it.

Cos he did say he would prefer not to give it up. And I could use either of the other two old ones. And now I feel guilty.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 06/03/2022 23:10

@LightingCandles

And the reason he uses a second phone while the first is charging is that it is apparently slow charging.
But why can’t he use it whilst it’s charging. It makes no sense
Magicmaths · 06/03/2022 23:54

My phone from Tesco mobile is not top of the range but has plenty of space for apps, gives a reasonable amount of minutes/ data and costs £10/11 a month- with a contract though

Brefugee · 07/03/2022 11:10

good update, OP.

Your work can’t make you use WhatsApp etc without providing you with a phone. Trust me on this. DH refuses to even download the app because they can make you use your personal property for work and they can make you reply to messages outside your working hours.

There is a balance to be struck. Nobody can "make you answer WhatsApps out of work time". As it happens we all have work phones but i don't look at mine once I've logged off for the day/weekend/holiday.
The only really huge issue i could see is that if you're in a WA group, everyone else can get your phone number. I would want there to be clear guidance about that, and then I'd only use WA during work time.

It is useful though - last week we got a message on ours to say that anyone who was planning to go to the office that day should reconsider or go to another because there was going to be no water supply for 7 hours. We got that late one evening. It's useful sometimes. Other times, you can just ignore.

CombatBarbie · 07/03/2022 14:14

@LightingCandles

And the reason he uses a second phone while the first is charging is that it is apparently slow charging.
Presumably because he's not using a lightning cable....
LondonQueen · 07/03/2022 20:11

Why he needs 2 phones for personal use is beyond me...

Therunecaster · 07/03/2022 20:58

@LondonQueen

Why he needs 2 phones for personal use is beyond me...
Aye right. I'd be wondering what he was deleting off the phone before passing it over.
EthelTheAardvark · 08/03/2022 10:56

@LightingCandles

And the reason he uses a second phone while the first is charging is that it is apparently slow charging.
Why can't he just use his work phone if he's only using it to watch stuff on the internet?
Nat6999 · 08/03/2022 11:09

Have you looked at somewhere like CEX? They sell reconditioned phones from around £75, if your selfish dh won't give you his spare phone maybe he could be persuaded to buy you one.

Bookworm20 · 08/03/2022 12:33

That’s good he’s agreed.
I do still find it very odd though.

He has this old phone which he uses regularly when his is charging.
Ok.
No sim, just internet.
Ok.

He didn’t want you to have it even though you really needed it. His reason because he uses it when his is charging.

He’s now realised how ridiculous an excuse that sounds and has now agreed you can use it, but only after he’s taken his ‘stuff’ off it.
Ok.

Am I the only one thinking he’s obviously been using it to access stuff he doesn’t want a trail left from in his normal or work phone? And more than likely, evidence of that is what he’ll be ‘removing’.

If you’re only borrowing it op, just tell him leave his stuff on there as you just need it now for WhatsApp.
See how insistent he is in ‘removing’ his stuff first.
Sounds dodgy as hell to me.

BeneficiaryMadness · 08/03/2022 12:51

Why does he need to download videos and photos of the kids? Absolutely unnecessary. He’s clearing the phone of any evidence before he gives it to you.

You know he can still be cheating without leaving the house right? Emotional affairs/chat rooms/webcam girls/dating sites/porn etc. No one needs two phones, he can charge the other while he’s using it like the rest of the world.

You know he can still be

ManAlive24 · 08/03/2022 13:01

@Bookworm20

That’s good he’s agreed. I do still find it very odd though.

He has this old phone which he uses regularly when his is charging.
Ok.
No sim, just internet.
Ok.

He didn’t want you to have it even though you really needed it. His reason because he uses it when his is charging.

He’s now realised how ridiculous an excuse that sounds and has now agreed you can use it, but only after he’s taken his ‘stuff’ off it.
Ok.

Am I the only one thinking he’s obviously been using it to access stuff he doesn’t want a trail left from in his normal or work phone? And more than likely, evidence of that is what he’ll be ‘removing’.

If you’re only borrowing it op, just tell him leave his stuff on there as you just need it now for WhatsApp.
See how insistent he is in ‘removing’ his stuff first.
Sounds dodgy as hell to me.

Spot on. OP is mega naive.
Original poster
LightingCandles · 08/03/2022 20:44

No. Its just normal stuff like videos of the kids saved on the phone, not the cloud. So we. Need to transfer it to the cloud first so we don't lose it.
Moot point anyway as I mentioned he Still hadn't done it, (in context of my covid post) and it felt like I always had to put up with shit cos he couldn't be bothered or put it off for later and he was like I have had this phone years and this phone years and why do you go through so many phones? Th elast time was 2020. I said its not my fault my MINT CONDITION phone is not responding. He said go back to the person you bought it from. Can't, it was amazon. I can upgrade and get a hand set from my network provider BUT WE AGRED I WAS GETTING A SIM. FROM. WORK TO SAVE Money.
Feels. Like it is all deflection as he hasn't yet done what he needs to.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 08/03/2022 21:04

@NuffSaidSam

I think your DH is insane.

You can't as a family afford to get you a new phone, but he has three? Unbelievable.

So you need it for work, while you carry the whole load, whilst he is in bed with his alcoholism and depression.

God help you entertain him and his utter selfishness.

WeeOrcadian · 10/03/2022 18:36

@LightingCandles

No. Its just normal stuff like videos of the kids saved on the phone, not the cloud. So we. Need to transfer it to the cloud first so we don't lose it. Moot point anyway as I mentioned he Still hadn't done it, (in context of my covid post) and it felt like I always had to put up with shit cos he couldn't be bothered or put it off for later and he was like I have had this phone years and this phone years and why do you go through so many phones? Th elast time was 2020. I said its not my fault my MINT CONDITION phone is not responding. He said go back to the person you bought it from. Can't, it was amazon. I can upgrade and get a hand set from my network provider BUT WE AGRED I WAS GETTING A SIM. FROM. WORK TO SAVE Money. Feels. Like it is all deflection as he hasn't yet done what he needs to.
You're more naive than you realise OP.

He's cocklodging, you're allowing it and making excuses for what he does and why you put it with this shite.

Good luck. You'll need it.

HeadToToesNo · 10/03/2022 18:47

It's stunning that OP continues to think this isn't an extraordinary situation.

TrendingNowt · 10/03/2022 19:21

So let's pretend there isn't something on that phone if doesn't want you to see...
His opinion of you is pretty low. He won't let you have it because his other 2 phones don't charge fast enough. Can you not see how ridiculous that is?
Find someone that actually cares about and values you.

steff13 · 10/03/2022 19:26

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

I thought only cheaters had more than 1 personal phone?
Maybe he's a hitman?
Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 10/03/2022 20:32

Then he would be able to buy a new phone for op!!

steff13 · 10/03/2022 20:59

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Then he would be able to buy a new phone for op!!
That's fair.
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