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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask to use the phone?

119 replies

LightingCandles · 06/03/2022 19:15

I get a really good, half-price cheap deal with work on a SIM-only deal. We agreed I would go onto this SIM-only deal as it saves so much money. (Think about a tenner a month, no contract, unlimited everything)

I bought the SIM. Literally the same day, my phone stopped working.
I need a phone for work - think WhatsApp groups daily communications. This is non-negotiable. Work does not provide phones, everyone uses their own phone.

So I need a phone handset. I powered up an old phone we have. It is DC's old one, a huawei y6 (2019). Has gone through three DC, being factory reset each time but does have a cracked screen. It has WhatsApp, but doesn't do things like connect to my watch, I cannot download any apps at all as no space (so no parking app for example) Cannot use it to pay by card.

Due to being skint, we cannot buy me a new handset. See above re money saving.

DH has an old phone we managed to power up. It is an HTC one M8(2014). It is no better than the old one from the DC.

For comparison, DC1 has an iPhone they got as a birthday present. DC2 has a Samsung A41, again a present and DC3 has a hand-me-down Samsung.

DH however, has three phones. One for work. And two for personal use. One does not have a sim. He uses it when the other one needs to charge.

I asked to use the one without a sim. Apparently not ok, he doesn't want to give it up.

So I have to choose between a 2019 phone with no space, that barely does the minimum or a 2014 phone that is slower than slow.

AIBU to ask for the non-sim phone so I have a half-decent phone? Or is it rude as 1) I technically have a phone, 2)it does what I need (but not what I want) and 3) he still technically uses it.

Cos he did say he would prefer not to give it up. And I could use either of the other two old ones. And now I feel guilty.

OP posts:

HalzTangz · 06/03/2022 21:36

If he only uses second phone whilst one is on charge, why can't he use one of the older phones, or plug in to charge where he can use the phone at the same time. There really is no need to have 2 personal phones

Aquamarine1029 · 06/03/2022 21:36

The phone is the least of your problems. You need to figure out why your standards are so low that you tolerate this cocklodger.

HalzTangz · 06/03/2022 21:39

I work for a massive company, hundreds of manager, dozens senior managers and loads of execs. A good 2000 of is have work issued mobiles. Companies get far better deals than the individual when signing up for contracts.
They shouldn't expect personal devices to be used at all

Jonny1265 · 06/03/2022 21:43

DH sounds like a prick to be honest. Why can't he use his works phone to access the internet? No-one legitimately needs 3 devices.

SukiToast · 06/03/2022 21:43

@LightingCandles

To repeat, the second phone HAS NO SIM. He uses it to connect to the internet and watch youtube when his other phone dies. He is not cheating. He is signed off work with depression and alcoholism and barely leaves bed or the house. The 'selfishness' possibly comes from the above.

Hence my guilt.

Why doesn't he just charge his phone more often so it doesn't run out?

The fact you don't want to cause drama, or you'd feel guilty asking for it is incredibly sad. He is being so selfish here. It wouldn't even be a question in my household. As soon as my phone stopped working my partner would be like oh there's a spare, here you go.

I understand he has issues, but those do not excuse his selfish behaviour. It's normal for this to be an issue, there has to be more to it.

percypig · 06/03/2022 21:45

If you don’t have a phone how will your kids or their schools contact you in case of emergency or all the random change of plans/questions etc most parents deal with on a regular basis. I assume (from your description of your husband) that you are the ‘default parent’ - tell your DH that as you don’t have a phone he’ll have to be available to deal with everything and you’ll have to take your number off the school’s contact systems.

HalzTangz · 06/03/2022 21:46

Not sure what you read, bit OP said he's off sick, so currently not working

Somuddled · 06/03/2022 21:49

Iys annoying that he isn't willing to let you use the other phone. However, you do know that you can use WhatsApp on a laptop or tablet don't you?

AlwaysOutside · 06/03/2022 21:51

I have 3 phones just like your DH and would definitely give my DP or DC the sim free one if they needed it.

YANBU

PeacefulPrune · 06/03/2022 21:53

Can't you sell all these spare old phones and buy a decent refurbished one?

Abouttimemum · 06/03/2022 21:56

I just bought a new phone. I gave my ‘old one’ (2020) to my DH as the battery in his kept dying and his phone switching off, plus my old one was better than his current.

I did this because I only need one phone and I’m capable of putting it on charge before it dies. Your husband is being unreasonable, and also quite crazy.

Frigginintheriggin · 06/03/2022 21:56

Just a thought, but is it possible the stuff he's watching is stuff he would not be allowed to watch on a work phone? (For the people suggesting he uses the work phone)
Still doesn't explain why he won't give up the simless phone though.
If you are afraid of him then I'm really sorry if you feel you're getting a hard time here and urge you to seek some help for yourself (and your kids) 💐

Abouttimemum · 06/03/2022 21:59

I’m really sorry but just to reiterate - why does his phone run out of charge so much that he needs a second phone? I just can’t get my head around this!

grapewines · 06/03/2022 22:02

I don't think he's cheating, but a man who needs a second phone to faff about on the Internet on, while his first one is charging, and won't let his wife have the second one for work needs to have a serious rethink about priorities. I cannot understand why you haven't insisted on having that phone.

He is not behaving like a supportive husband should. Tell him to get a grip.

DoubleGauze · 06/03/2022 22:05

Insist onthe phone op.

When my phone was being repaired my husband handed me his spare without me even asking.

He's very selfish.

Mamamamasaurus · 06/03/2022 22:07

Sorry but something doesn't add up. There's no reason he vent use his own phone while it's charging.

He could use his work phone when his own phone dies - for YouTube. He's talking shite and you're being a doormat to accept this excuse.
It doesn't need a SIM card to use the Internet - you can do plenty of dodgy stuff without a telephone number allocation - gambling, porn, dating websites, the list is endless. You don't need a SIM card to get online, just an Internet connection.

There's either more to this than you're saying, or he's fed you enough BS to make you think what he's saying is right / acceptable

tkwal · 06/03/2022 22:10

Why should you feel guilty. ? You need a decent phone for your work and for your convenience. He is currently signed off work and home all day. You can get 2m or 3m charging cables for about £5 , much cheaper than buying a new handset. There would then be no reason for his phone to get run down so what's the problem?

Original poster

LightingCandles · 06/03/2022 22:14

I haven't disappeared. We have been having discussions.

DH is now going to give me the sim-less phone once he has downloaded a bunch of old videos and photo of the DC off it and backed it up to the cloud. The suggestion he uses the old ones if he needs to is good, so thank you.

Eldest DC is then going to factory reset it for me to use.

People saying DH is being dodgy are wrong. He isn't. He is ill.

OP posts:

Original poster

LightingCandles · 06/03/2022 22:15

And the reason he uses a second phone while the first is charging is that it is apparently slow charging.

OP posts:

Doingtheboxerbeat · 06/03/2022 22:17

@HalzTangz

I work for a massive company, hundreds of manager, dozens senior managers and loads of execs. A good 2000 of is have work issued mobiles. Companies get far better deals than the individual when signing up for contracts. They shouldn't expect personal devices to be used at all

Not all jobs are managerial jobs though are they - some people stack shelves, clean loos, wash pots and still have WhatsApp groups for shift swapping etc.

BobbyeinArkansas · 06/03/2022 22:22

I was going to suggest he gets a cheap mobile phone battery thingy that you can use when your phone is in danger of running out but it sounds like you’ve solved the problem.
FYI I was going to say you’re not being unreasonable. Glad you got it sorted out.

berksandbeyond · 06/03/2022 22:23

Only drug dealers or cheaters have 3 phones

godmum56 · 06/03/2022 22:34

@berksandbeyond

Only drug dealers or cheaters have 3 phones

and me. I have got 4(!) phones.

Gagagardener · 06/03/2022 22:34

We charge our phones overnight. Whether they need it or not. So every morning the phones are fully charged. (Except for when I'd accidentally switched off the socket for mine.) It's as much routine as toothbrushing. But your husband is not being very husbandly by not offering to swap with you. Alcoholism and depression is a horrible combination; is he doing something about it? Good luck in sorting this out.

Gagagardener · 06/03/2022 22:36

Sorry: posted before I saw your update. Glad it's sorted.

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