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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you screamed or stayed silent in labour?

625 replies

WibbleWobbleWibble · 05/03/2022 18:14

The other night I was watching an old episode of call the midwife with my mum and dad. Both of the women giving birth were screaming the place down and it got us chatting.........my brother was born at home and my dad said he never heard a sound from my mum even though he was in the next room (1971 dads were not welcome in the delivery room).
My mum said that she couldn't identify with the screaming woman as she went quiet when she was in labour, I was the same, I went quiet and didn't say a word during both my deliveries.
Judging by TV and movie representations of women giving birth everyone screams! I think just as many women stay quiet as scream, it's whatever works for you ..........

YANBU I didn't scream
YABU I screamed the place down

OP posts:
Northernmum12 · 05/03/2022 20:16

Silent with both of mine. Very much don’t talk to me, don’t touch me, keep your distance from me.
Even when pushing with 1st went on for close to 2 hours and contractions eventually stopped, episiotomy, massive tear and forceps. I have nightmares about the pain even now. He’s 7.
2nd was very nearly born in the bathroom as midwives didn’t believe I was as far along as I was because I was so quiet. They didn’t examine me until I felt the urge to push and DD was crowning. 50 minutes from phone call to hospital and DD being born. I would do that one again tomorrow just glad I trusted my instincts and went in.

Did anyone else feel that they were just in the zone and didn’t want interference?

emmaluggs · 05/03/2022 20:17

I didn’t scream, it was more like a moo or a groan, I did say this bloody hurts (both my labours were too quick to get pain relief) 🤣

Cookerhood · 05/03/2022 20:18

You know what? I can't remember & have no idea if I screamed or not! It was 25 years ago though.

SunshineCake1 · 05/03/2022 20:19

I made a fair bit of noise with the third and the patronising midwife told me to stop as if end up with a sore throat Hmm. Obviously I was just screaming for the sake of it. Baby pushed out in seven minutes.

Yellownightmare · 05/03/2022 20:19

I screamed my head off. And then said to the midwife that I guessed lots of people did and she just looked a bit embarrassed and said not really.

The pain was really, really bad until I had an epidural and I've had other painful things without problems. But the midwife did say my contractions were really strong so maybe that was it. Also they happened really close together straight from the outset.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 05/03/2022 20:20

I'm too repressed to scream. I stayed silent and sweated a lot.

YouHaveYourFathersBreasts · 05/03/2022 20:21

I was noisy! MW told me that I was using up my energy quicker by being that way but I was beside myself, couldn’t seem to control it.

mam0918 · 05/03/2022 20:21

I mooed mostly... I hit notes so low Barry White would be impressed.

eandz13 · 05/03/2022 20:22

I was silent. XP said I was like a stray dog, didn't want anyone near me, touching me, talking to me, wanted to be in the corner on my own. I was only silent because I was gritting my teeth to concentrate on counting through my contractions (I do that thing where you count to the peak of the contraction so you get some relief knowing it will tail off after that). Screamed like a fucking banshee with the final push for each of them though.

Hibye23289 · 05/03/2022 20:23

Screaned the place down! Back to back baby in first birth and no pain relief with either of my 2 babies it was aboslute torture,I can't remember the pain but I know it was bad. Like it was unbelievable

WhiteJellycat · 05/03/2022 20:24

Lots of swearing then apologising. I could hear everyone one screaming. the only bit that really hurt was crowning which is very short. I'm petting sure I was moaning but can only remember the swearing. Mortifying. I do swear a lot but only in front of people I know well. I wasnt swearing at anyone btw.

MrsAvocet · 05/03/2022 20:25

I was quiet. I don't think it is a particular virtue, it is just how I cope with pain/stress. It isn't necessarily in your best interests to be quiet mind you, as lots of staff seem to interpret it as meaning nothing is happening. I have had a couple of experiences when I was overlooked despite being seriously injured because I wasn't screaming and other people were.

Lorw · 05/03/2022 20:26

I screamed and cried when got to the pushing stage, I’d been in labour 4 days and was so bloody tired and I’m so much pain. Midwife didn’t say anything about the noise - think she knew it would be pointless saying anything 😂

HemanOrSheRa · 05/03/2022 20:26

Did anyone else feel that they were just in the zone and didn’t want interference? Yes Northernmum12. I told DP to stop stroking my leg between contractions, to stop talking, I told my sister that she stank and to get away Confused. I have a very vivid memory of just wanting to be alone with the midwife supporting me.

GalesThisMorning · 05/03/2022 20:26

And why wouldn't we all scream, and moo, and grunt and groan and curse and cry?? Labour is hard. It's physically demanding, painful work that can sadly go wrong. It can be scary... No one needs to explain or apologize for the way they birthed their children. I was a screamer. The midwives would rather I hadn't, but too bad. That is what I needed to do to bring my children into the world.

We don't need to perform or apologize when we are giving birth. It's our own experience, it's a valid experience, and whatever way we express our pain, fear and joy at the time is okay.

Well done to all of you amazing women, and to anyone who was or is traumatized by their birth - a special well done, you did everything right.

househunters · 05/03/2022 20:27

I thought I was screaming my head off. DH assures me I was silent throughout- so all of the screaming must have just been in my own head. Needless to say I chose it have a section for DC2.

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 05/03/2022 20:28

Oh and stories or films where they swear at people when in labour always makes me laugh.

I don't remember this but DH said I was so high from the gas and air I kept telling him and the midwife how much I loved them and that they were the most amazing people in the world 😂😂

ROWLE · 05/03/2022 20:28

@mam0918

I mooed mostly... I hit notes so low Barry White would be impressed.
This made me proper laugh 😂
Tunnocks34 · 05/03/2022 20:28

My first son I was very young, very early twenties. I screamed like they do on tv! My second and third I was completely quiet.

I think the reasons I was so hysterical were shock, and fear the first time. I remember being so shocked at how painful it was and absolutely terrified

Sometimeswinning · 05/03/2022 20:28

I barely said a word during labour (Gas and air helped!) But when it got to the pushing I screamed the house down - will never forget the midwife who said “push from your bottom not from your throat!” angry

This helped me. I need honesty. Put more effort into pushing than screaming! I did and it saved me a trip to hospital.

lulabellz123 · 05/03/2022 20:29

I am a midwife on labour ward. Majority of women who have epidurals are silent and don't make a lot of noise because obviously they don't feel the pain (well working epidurals that is).

I think most women without epidural/no pain relief make some sort of loud noise during full blown contractions and ESPECIALLY the pushing stage.

I personally have one child and I was groaning/and crying when I was 8-10cm and then waters broke, baby came straight suddenly and that made me scream alot because of the intense pain/pressure and baby was born soon after. I progressed extremely quickly for a first time mum though so idk if that speediness and shock made a difference to the way I reacted. In that moment of the baby's head coming I wanted to die and was so overwhelmed by the pain that I could do nothing but scream. I literally couldn't push because I felt so out of control so ended up with a kiwi delivery.

Some women with no pain killers don't make a noise and are quite but I wouldn't say that's the majority. I find that certain ethnicities react different types of way to labour and pushing when it comes to noise.

Also most midwives will tell you not to scream during the pushing stage as they want you to use that energy to push/they try focus your energy. Also we take away gas and air if your using it as you can't breath on the gas and push at the same time.

Nelliephant1 · 05/03/2022 20:29

Silent. There's absolutely no need for all the dramatics!!!

WhiteJellycat · 05/03/2022 20:30

When I had my third someone was screaming like they was being murdered. They was next to me on the post natal ward and told me a midwife came into their room.and shouted at them to shut up as they was scaring the first time mums.

changenametimeagain · 05/03/2022 20:31

I quietly groaned Grin (5 weeks prem birth, no time for pain relief)

Horst · 05/03/2022 20:31

No screaming or shouting or mooing or anything. No drugs either. Midwifes never believed I was as far as I was till they actually checked. I had to stop watching one born as I used to get angry at the tv at those screening at 1/2cm. I used to want to be a midwife untill then, I realised I couldn’t do it because I’d want to tel the women to stfu 😬