To be tired of negative comments about curly hair?

[nothingbutsnow]

Just reading a thread from last year in Style & Beauty.
Most posters agreeing that 'curly hair is ageing' or 'most people look unhinged with curly hair'
Usual insults include 'mad art teacher', 'old hippy', 'mad ferret', etc.

And then there's the assumption that all curls belong in the 80's, or it is notoriously difficult to make natural curls look good.

And don't get me started on frizz. Apparently this is only ever a bad thing, and can't be an actual hair texture. So anyone who was born with hair that has a tendency to frizz (basically, porous hair) needs to get rid of it immediately or you'll look old, tired, terrible.
Spend hundreds on cosmetic shite to counteract it.

Anyone else sick to death of this? I don't even have curly hair but I think it's all a bit repressing. It's like current attitudes (for past 20 odd yrs now) are really straight laced and austere - anything considered wild, bohemian or flamboyant is BAD. Colourful is bad. Curls and wild, natural hair are bad! Some of these attitudes go much further than mere fashion trends.
Psychologically speaking, I actually think it says a lot about contemporary attitudes in our culture; an inability to relax, be natural or to even slightly digress from a somewhat conservative, fixed set of rules. And i also think this segues into other parts of life too, such as shopping, housing, life choices. It's all so very uptight and judgemental, and I do wish we could have some sort of renaissance of true diversity and going with the flow!

Well, I went from curly hair to a collapsed culture pretty quick there

Completely agree!!!

Especially the tone of all the posts where the OP assumes everyone else with curly hair has the same negative attitude that they have to their hair. 😡.
I feel like saying I feel sorry for you that you have such a low opinion of our hair type, but in my opinion, my curly hair still looks better at its most scarecrow and frizzy than straight fine/thin blonde hair. Obviously this is personal to me, but I hope what I'm trying to say makes sense.

I have fine frizzy curly hair, inherited from my mother. I think my negative connotations about it started because of my mum. She hated her curly hair and called it a curse. I have spent the best part of 30 years straightening mine with flat irons and chemicals and eventually making it thin and broken. Lockdown changed everything for me. I stopped straightening it and was amazed at how thick and healthy my hair became.. I still get the comments ‘ not brushed your day etc etc. I don’t care anymore. This is me, like it or lump it!

The worst thing about that thread is one poster who appears throughout demanding that everyone who doesnt dress like a Parisian, isnt tall and angular and thin with flat hair is frumpy and OLD

She was certainly on a mission!

I just think stuff what people think. I like my curly hair and really it looks miles better on me than when it is straightened. It is me! iI have had a mix of compliments and negativity but hey ho

I have straight hair and thought everyone loved curly hair. I don't think I've ever heard any negative comments about it, except sometimes curly people saying they've found it hard to style. I am very envious of curls.

I also think OP that you make far too many assumptions and generalisations about attitudes. I don't think colourful, wild or natural are seen as bad. They're just looks/styles which some people like and some don't. It's stereotyping to equate straight hair with being uptight, colourless and unable to relax! I think there's a lot more choice and less adherence to what's 'in fashion' than 20-30 years ago and it's nice that we can be formal or relaxed, curly or straigh haired, colourful or monochrome, depending on what you like or suits you.

@elementalprimary

I have straight hair and thought everyone loved curly hair. I don't think I've ever heard any negative comments about it, except sometimes curly people saying they've found it hard to style. I am very envious of curls.

I also think OP that you make far too many assumptions and generalisations about attitudes. I don't think colourful, wild or natural are seen as bad. They're just looks/styles which some people like and some don't. It's stereotyping to equate straight hair with being uptight, colourless and unable to relax! I think there's a lot more choice and less adherence to what's 'in fashion' than 20-30 years ago and it's nice that we can be formal or relaxed, curly or straigh haired, colourful or monochrome, depending on what you like or suits you.

well i do think there's a bit of a repressed, conformist vibe in the S&B threads. And no, i dont equate straight hair with conservatism, it is the attitudes 'to hair' that are a little unforgiving, not the hair itself.

It's just fashion Op, straight hair is fashionable right now. Back in the 90's everyone had a curly perm and I hated it, everyone had my hair! I love my curls and actually find completely straight hair really boring

@elementalprimary I think the thing is with curly hair is that it’s hard to feel ‘polished’and when people say have you brushed your today today? It really knocks your self esteem.

My experience is the total opposite. All my life people have commented on my curly hair and said how lucky I am to have it.

Same here. I love my curly hair.

I'm the only one in the family with curly hair. It twists and tangles in various directions, its bushy, tight at the front and loose at the back . Every Christmas I'm gifted a range of Frizz Ease products, curl activators, taming sprays etc etc. Tired of DM asking why I didn't put any product in it when I've just used half a bottle! I try not to let it get to me.

Love my curls, and I've never had any negative comments on them. I wasn't bullied at school for them - just everything that was "wrong" with me (glasses, swot, "posh", teacher's pet, etc, etc!)

But they do effect my work - I'm an actor, and my agent rarely bothers even submitting me for "corporate" roles, but can't submit me fast enough for anything with "quirky" in the character brief!

Never had a single person look at me funny for having curly hair. Only ever had compliments and I’m talking thousands of comments throughout my life.

My daughter also gets a hell of a lot of comments about how beautiful her hair is and people wish their child had curly hair.

Honestly, never met a single person who hates curly hair only people who wished they had it 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think some posters are misinterpreting the type of negativity curly hair attracts (in my experience) — it’s less that anyone walks up to you and says ‘Your hair’s awful’ than unthinking comments that certainly aren’t directed at you or intended to be unpleasant, like (and this was everywhere on here in threads about dressing for WFH, Teams calls etc during Covid) things like ‘I HAVE to put on foundation and lip gloss and straighten my hair as a minimum to feel groomed’ or comments about curly greying hair being ‘ageing’ (and I’ve come across that a lot). A friend I was out with last night attended a famously strict secretarial college in the 1990s (where you wore a uniform and heels to classes), and continually got comments on her curly hair not ‘looking groomed’.

It’s more the equating between straight or straightened hair and being ‘groomed’. Hairdressers often say ‘Will I blow dry it straight?’ after a cut.

And actually don’t get me started on how hard it is to find a hairdresser who can cut curly hair.

YANBU regarding negative comments; I pay to have my hair curled as I think it's rather glam.

YABU to criticise St Jon of Bon Jovi in any capacity. The man's Barnet was the stuff of my teenage fantasy. We ALL wanted his body hair.

I like my curly hair. I do occasionally straighten it just to have a change, but I think wearing it curly suits me more, it makes me feel more characterful and a wee bit different to everyone else, which I rather like.

Yes, try being a black woman with wire tough Afro hair - you may aswell be an alien from out of space when around anyone who isn't black, it's sad.

It seems to me that all through history women with straight hair have spent a fortune to go curly and those with curls torture it to go straight !
My hair is mostly straight but with a wayward kink - I just wish it would go one way or the other. People with natural curls tend to really suit them.

I have long very curly hair and all my life I’ve had nothing but compliments about it.
Even on what I consider a bad hair day, other people seem to love it.
I love it too as it’s so easy to care for... no brushing except when washing it with conditioner and I even get away with DIY haircuts

I wasn’t aware I may be considered “unhinged” but that wouldn’t bother me either. I’d be more amused than anything.

I’ve never had any negative comments

I have long naturally curly hair, I spent the best part of 15 years straightening it every single day, mainly because I got bullied for it. If you remember the film princesses diaries the main girl had curly hair and glasses and in her makeover was given sleek hair and removed the glasses. I felt like I couldn’t be seen as attractive unless I had straight hair, hated that if I put my hair up all the baby hair throughout the day would revert to being curly.

Now I’m 30 I’m more relaxed but I think years of straightening - chemical straightening, Brazilian blow outs, hair straightening ect has probably ruined my curl pattern.

I'm very jealous of curly hair

I think it could depend on skin colour and type of curly hair too. I have 3C hair, my skin is very dark and I have received negative comments/backhanded compliments/overheard people commenting negatively/grown adults trying to touch my hair.

Whereas I can think if 4 friends off the top of my head who have had comments about their lovely curls etc.

This will be amplified on mumsnet as I've found it to be pretty racist.

@nothingbutsnow

To be honest, I think posters on that horrible thread who put down curls probably have that hair type and fear it themselves, and are expressing their own insecurities about age, weight and hair texture. I doubt the ones who call curly hair ageing have straight hair.

Not surprising in our crazy culture, but depressing all the same.

They've probably seen my mother's perm.

She's had it since about 1978 and it looked bloody awful then and ever since. Smallest barrel rollers possible, strongest possible solution. Then raked vertically with an afro comb.

There was nothing wrong with the thick, dark hair she had in the first place. Except that people said long (as in more than an inch long), straight hair after 40 was really ageing.

I lost interest in that thread on the first 100 replies, when they all seemed to be saying 'Don't be fat', tbh.

I shouldn't get too worried about it. Have you seen the hairstyles, colours, and cuts they approve on S & B?!

YANBU OP.

I have naturally curly hair. When I was in my late teens/ early 20s it was waist length ringlets, very Pre Raphaelite. I was always very proud of my curls. However people never hesitated to criticise it. At university 'friends' said it was common, and that it showed I was working class/ poor. One girl even said I'd never get a boyfriend without straightening my hair! At work I was told it was scruffy and I should wear it up, even though female colleagues with longer (straight) hair were never told this. I also had several relationships where it was suggested my hair looked better, tidier, when straight.

I've never understood the level of judgment. I don't comment on people's straight hair, why do they feel entitled to have a go about mine?!

I have had many nice comments about it over the years, but also a significant number of not so nice ones.

I'm in my late 50's and have very thick naturally curly hair. I constantly get compliments and I love my curls. I haven't come across negative comments fortunately.