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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be tired of negative comments about curly hair?

128 replies

nothingbutsnow · 05/03/2022 15:44

Just reading a thread from last year in Style & Beauty.
Most posters agreeing that 'curly hair is ageing' or 'most people look unhinged with curly hair'
Usual insults include 'mad art teacher', 'old hippy', 'mad ferret', etc.

And then there's the assumption that all curls belong in the 80's, or it is notoriously difficult to make natural curls look good.

And don't get me started on frizz. Apparently this is only ever a bad thing, and can't be an actual hair texture. So anyone who was born with hair that has a tendency to frizz (basically, porous hair) needs to get rid of it immediately or you'll look old, tired, terrible.
Spend hundreds on cosmetic shite to counteract it.

Anyone else sick to death of this? I don't even have curly hair but I think it's all a bit repressing. It's like current attitudes (for past 20 odd yrs now) are really straight laced and austere - anything considered wild, bohemian or flamboyant is BAD. Colourful is bad. Curls and wild, natural hair are bad! Some of these attitudes go much further than mere fashion trends.
Psychologically speaking, I actually think it says a lot about contemporary attitudes in our culture; an inability to relax, be natural or to even slightly digress from a somewhat conservative, fixed set of rules. And i also think this segues into other parts of life too, such as shopping, housing, life choices. It's all so very uptight and judgemental, and I do wish we could have some sort of renaissance of true diversity and going with the flow!

Well, I went from curly hair to a collapsed culture pretty quick there

OP posts:

Thread gallery

Leilala · 05/03/2022 16:52

@YouCantTourniquetTheTaint

Have you tried paddle brush when when they conditioner on hands and “zuzzzz”

Mouse for curls can be good- crispy, but good.

Some people say not to brush curly hair but I always have and it’s still very curly.

MrsDeaconClaybourne · 05/03/2022 17:01

I've got mad, curly hair. Like a PP it has good and bad days wrt frizz! I do see the attitude you describe- think it's seen as a bit wild and unprofessional to leave it curly.

When I was young, it was always older people saying I was lucky and peers making fun of it! People used to randomly ask if it was real and want to touch it! That doesn't happen any more ( maybe due to bitch resting face!)

Another thing I notice a lot is, when the weather is damp/raining, people talking about how awful it is that their hair will go frizzy/curly with no apparent awareness that that's how I have my hair most of the time

curlymom · 05/03/2022 17:10

I have very curly hair which I usually can’t be arsed to straighten. Never realised that makes me unhinged. 😂. Maybe I am 😂

User839516 · 05/03/2022 17:10

I have poker straight hair as does my younger DD but my elder DD has ringlets (who knows where they came from!) and people literally stop us in the street to comment on her hair. I actually worry about younger DD that she will have a complex about having rubbish straight hair because no one ever compliments hers (even though it’s also lovely!)

FunnyTalks · 05/03/2022 17:11

Agree with your analysis re general culture. It's the same attitude that has people astroturfing or concreting their gardens for fear of messy mud or weeds.

I think people do love curls... When they're perfect though! Toddler curls or that rare day when you had nothing social planned but your hair comes out well. But as you say, the reality is so often frizz. I think people actually don't understand what frizz is (ie a curly or wavy hair that hasn't clumped with others) which might be why they feel they can be so rude about it.

Original poster

nothingbutsnow · 05/03/2022 17:12

@curlymom

I have very curly hair which I usually can’t be arsed to straighten. Never realised that makes me unhinged. 😂. Maybe I am 😂

I think most people here, well all of us are saying the opposite!

My OP is clearly annoyed with those who seem to relentlessly describe curls as ageing. No one here agrees with this thank god.

OP posts:

gogohm · 05/03/2022 17:12

I have curly hair, it's also pretty thin. It's always a bit messy to be honest - think Kate Humble.

I don't care what others think though

Original poster

nothingbutsnow · 05/03/2022 17:16

@FunnyTalks

Agree with your analysis re general culture. It's the same attitude that has people astroturfing or concreting their gardens for fear of messy mud or weeds.

I wonder what a perfect curl is. Just another shitty rule to judge ourselves against. Surely there can't be one type of curl, most are very different, and all are completely normal.

Some are wispy, some tight ringlets, some are large bouncy thick curls. There's no denying they have had bad press for decades, I can even recall the 'shift' when everyone went from saying 'i would kill for curly hair' to 'oh i feel sorry for you its so hard to deal with curls'

What a contrast, it was literally overnight!

Why ere curls seen as enviable up to, say, year 2K, and then perceived as 'hard work' after?
It's all bollocks and fashion. Curls are no harder to live with now than when they were enviable in the early 90's.

OP posts:

Sexnotgender · 05/03/2022 17:17

I was bullied horribly at school for my hair.

Now I know what I’m doing with it it looks great, people literally stop me in the street to tell me how nice it is which is weird! However I’m still really self conscious of it after all the bullying.

Original poster

nothingbutsnow · 05/03/2022 17:17

but why is kate humble's hair 'messy'?

OP posts:

Toomanyradishes · 05/03/2022 17:21

Its like glasses, you always get films or tv shows were the supposedly ugly heroine straightens her hair, or gets contects, preferrably both and poof everyone notices shes beautiful its just a continuation of the theme through to older age, its very depressing.

Honestly one of the most vibrant, interesting women Ive known had masses of grey curly hair which looked amazing, i aspire to be her. Another had short grey straight hair, also looked amazing, they both looked amazing because they were brilliant, interesting women who were living the life they wanted with zero fucks. Im pretty sure the giving zero fucks is more anti ageing than any hair straighter is ever going to be

Robloxia · 05/03/2022 17:23

As a curly haired person, I've had a mixed bag. Lots of really negative comments particularly as a teen. People have been kinder about it as I've gotten older but even still I do still get 'Oh wow you're hair looks much nicer' when I straighten it.

I'm passed the stage of giving a shit. I'm in my 40s, I'm married with kids and not really arsed about attracting a bloke, even if I was single. If the worst thing that can happen in life is that I look my age, then so be it.

curlymom · 05/03/2022 17:24

@Robloxia

I wish you lived nearby. Best friends xx

stripeyflowers · 05/03/2022 17:25

My SIL has amazing, thick, curly hair. She stands out in a crowd - in a good way.

CounsellorTroi · 05/03/2022 17:27

I think curly hair is lovely, and men with curly hair make me come over a bit unnecessary!

gingerhills · 05/03/2022 17:28

@stripeyflowers

My SIL has amazing, thick, curly hair. She stands out in a crowd - in a good way.

So does my SIL. She has Robert Plant hair and DS2 inherited that gene. I am quite envious of it. And when she complains about it (as does DS) I think it's a bit like complaining about having long thin legs.

Snoopysimaginaryfriend · 05/03/2022 17:31

I have two daughters. One has beautiful straight hair and the other has beautiful curls.
I have wavy hair, flat on top and wavy ends that turn frizzy the moment they see a hairbrush or a bit of drizzle I would rather have straight or curly over wavy.

Hoolahoophop · 05/03/2022 17:32

I also have curly hair which is prone to frizz. On a good wash day, after about 8 hours of air drying it looks amazing and I get loads of compliments. Then it's just a ball of fly away frizz until the next wash and people ask why on earth I don't brush it. I can dry brush it of course......but that will not improve matters. I definitely feel that I don't get taken seriously because of the girly curls or uncontrollable frizz. Especially in my male dominated workplace.

AelinoftheWildfire · 05/03/2022 17:37

My eldest DD has absolutely beautiful ringlets that I'm hoping she will embrace. One particular family member has said "oh she will hate it when she's older" which annoyed me as if she hears that then she will think there is something to dislike! I've now decided to embrace my own wavy/ curly hair so that we can both be curly together

Myshitisreal · 05/03/2022 17:41

My hair is passing my waist and is wavy as opposed to curly. I get very regular compliments in work from all ages and all types of people. People actually walk up to me to tell me how nice it is. I try to manage it as best I can, it's in a French plait most of the time unless I'm working.

Sadly someone asked me the other day if my hair was real, or was I Wearing extensions. They had never seen real Hair that long. Not sure how to take that one 🤔

Off to read the depressing thread.

Gherkingreen · 05/03/2022 17:43

I'm late 40s and have curly shoulder length hair, and while I hated it as a teenager that was before products and knowledge about how to manage my particular hair type.
I used to get negative comments and it was hard to take as a young person who just wanted to be like everyone else and blend in.
I went through a phase of straightening it as I worked in an industry that almost expected a sleek aesthetic, and curly hair felt much less polished.
For about 10 years now I've been embracing the curls, they take work, a lot of trial and error, loads of products and techniques and some days are better than others but I get compliments and I adore my hair. It's been a life's work though to get to this stage and I do think curls are still seen by some as bohemian, unkempt, unprofessional and something to be controlled.

audweb · 05/03/2022 17:48

@Sexnotgender

I was bullied horribly at school for my hair.

I came onto say the same thing. Spent the whole of the nineties being bullied and made fun of. Now people comment on it positively all the time but it’s left me with deep self esteem scars. My daughter is bi racial with curly hair and I have worked so hard to make it a positive experience for her, cos god knows mine was an absolutely terrible experience having curly hair growing up.

I understand why black women feel like they are judged for their natural hair, if I as a white girl was made fun of for curly hair, I can’t imagine the racism that women have faced to be both black and have curly/natural hair.

phoenixrosehere · 05/03/2022 17:51

Reminds me of the buzzcut on boys thread earlier this week.

Several posters saying “at least it’s not messy, floppy curls” or suggesting posters are lying about their sons’ curly hair because they call it gorgeous.

tiredanddangerous · 05/03/2022 17:51

I have very thick curly hair and I've never had any negative comments (not to my face anyway!)

Original poster

nothingbutsnow · 05/03/2022 17:52

To be honest, I think posters on that horrible thread who put down curls probably have that hair type and fear it themselves, and are expressing their own insecurities about age, weight and hair texture. I doubt the ones who call curly hair ageing have straight hair.

Not surprising in our crazy culture, but depressing all the same.

OP posts:

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