To say no fucking way.

[Rosebel]

My DD is 15 and she has a boyfriend who is 16. He used to live near but moved to London with his dad.
His dad has kicked him out and he's asked to come and stay with us. Initially I thought this was a one night thing but after talking to him it sounds like he wants to stay until he sorts something out.
In reality I don't want him staying for one night let alone temporarily. However I feel bad leaving a 16 year old alone without his parents.
I'm surely not unreasonable to say no am I?

Op has said she'll support him.

If he's fibbing about being thrown out, he may be too afraid to admit he's lied, and might lie to the bitter end, rather than let op try to help him sort something via social services or local community groups/hostels/churches etc. It could be because he doesn't want to get into how things are at home, or be taken back. He could also be failing to mention bad behaviour at home, that's resulted in his dad saying "just go then".

If he has lied, has it been to you and dd, or just you, and dd has lied for him?

Assuming he's not lying, surely he should he be having counselling at least, especially if there's potentially been abuse? This requires SS intervention, imo.

It's also possible that he's such a nightmare to be around that he's even alienated his own parents.

Kids generally don’t turn out that way all by themselves.

People need to stop guilting the OP into doing something that is not in the best interests of her own daughter.

Luckily I think the OP knows this.

@GatoradeMeBitch

People saying it's "intriguing" that neither his mother or father "get on" with him. Like it's so hard to comprehend that some poor kids grow up in abusive families.

It's also possible that he's such a nightmare to be around that he's even alienated his own parents.

And if he moves in with the OP he becomes her responsibility. And so will any of his resulting offspring...

Alternatively he may be lovely, but she doesn't know him. I wouldn't risk it.

Unlikely.

He is the child. If he has behavioural issues, these are very likely caused by the environment he's grown up in. OP already said his mother is abusive. Abused children need to be shown kindness and clearly he's not going to get that from his family.

It's disturbing that in a post about an abused child so many posters want to blame him. It's bad enough when adults are blamed for being the victims of abuse but a child? What is wrong with people? Nothing he might plausibly have done (given the police know where he is due to the missing persons report and have not arrested him or raised any concerns about illegal activity) excuses abuse or hos parents throwing him out on the street at 16.

Stop victim blaming and have some compassion.

@AlternativePerspective

The insinuations that he is lying about being thrown out although there appears to be zero evidence of that. the fact that he was reported missing is a pretty good indication that he wasn’t thrown out but left.

The fact that he is furious that the OP has said he can’t move in is a major red flag and is a fairly good indication that this was probably planned.

As much as there are children who are in abusive situations there are also 16 year olds who are trouble and manipulative. The OP’s responsibility is towards her daughter. This lad might not want social services to be involved, but if he was that desperate he would accept whatever help he was offered, not become furious when the person he had in mind to carry him said no.

And people are naive if they think he will just move out when the OP moves. The argument will be that he can sleep on the couch there’s presumably no law against having people to stay in this new house, and once he’s under the OP’s roof it will be impossible to make him move out.

If he’s genuine then he will engage with the professional help available to him, not become furious if he doesn’t get his own way.

How ridiculous.

Lots of abusive parents do things like that to cover their tracks. Extremely naive.

If he was in trouble the police, having located him due to the missing persons report, would have arrested or questioned him. You are making things up and making nasty insinuations. Just because a kid has no family support does not mean they are a bad child.

OP doesn't know if he was furious. She says that's just what her daughter said. Perhaps her daughter made that up because she wants him to stay and she is furious. OP said the boy himself hasn't expressed that to her.

How would he not leave when everything is removed from the house and a new family move in? Are you implying you think he'd squat there and prevent the sale going through?

I mean, honestly. 🙄

Just crazy conjectures with nothing to sunstantiate any of it at all.

@LadyPropane

However DD and her boyfriend are furious with me

Well this makes him sound like a wanker, tbh. It confirms that you made the right choice by saying no.

He needs to either get set up on his own near where he is training (which I imagine would be almost impossible at 16) or he needs to go home. Surely if his parents have reported him missing, he has in fact run away, instead of being kicked out?

It really sounds like there is so much more going on here than you have been told. If you're concerned about his welfare then the best thing you could do is contact social services.

Yeah great. Keep saying he needs to go home, when he says he has been thrown out. How will that work? OP has said his parents are abusive. Why would you want to send a child back to a home where they are unwanted at best, and at worst abused?!

OP doesn't know if he was furious. She says that's just what her daughter said. Perhaps her daughter made that up because she wants him to stay and she is furious. OP said the boy himself hasn't expressed that to her.

Speaking of ‘conjecture’…..

How would he not leave when everything is removed from the house and a new family move in? Are you implying you think he'd squat there and prevent the sale going through?

No. He’d go with them to the new place. Of course.

@Puzzledandpissedoff

I probably should clarify that my DD said her boyfriend was furious, I haven't spoken to him

Okay, so either she's telling the truth and he really is disrespectful, or it was just "something to say".
Not that it's her decision of course, but if the second one is true then she's just made this easier for you when she carries on - because if she's not mature enough to make a coherent case for him staying, she's not mature enough either to cope with the posssible consequences

Anyway I think you've made the right decision in supporting him to get help, but not housing him - though it's interesting that not one of the "let him stay" folk have answered how a 16 year old could get sorted in just a week, or what should happen when he hasn't

Wow. So the kid should be left in the streets because the OP's daughter is like every other 15 year old and rather emotional qnd unable to "make a coherent case" for him staying?

Surely as an adult the OP should be able to construct the obvious coherent case herself?

These comments are shockingly callous.

[quote Amnotamug]@HootOwl…I agree with you . Where is the compassion for a 16 year old ?[/quote]
No idea. I knew there were people this callous but not so many.

The fact that he is furious tells you everything you need to know about him. How dare he be furious because you won't take him in? He sounds like a very entitled boy.

@HoneyItIsntGoodLuck

OP doesn't know if he was furious. She says that's just what her daughter said. Perhaps her daughter made that up because she wants him to stay and she is furious. OP said the boy himself hasn't expressed that to her.

Speaking of ‘conjecture’…..

How would he not leave when everything is removed from the house and a new family move in? Are you implying you think he'd squat there and prevent the sale going through?

No. He’d go with them to the new place. Of course.

How would he do that without consent?!?

These posts are mad.

@HollowTalk

The fact that he is furious tells you everything you need to know about him. How dare he be furious because you won't take him in? He sounds like a very entitled boy.

Highly doubtful he's entitled given he's a kid that the OP has said was abused by his mother. Those two things don't go hand in hand, at all. Quite the opposite. Victims of abuse generally don't think they deserve anything, even basic human kindness. Which I suppose it just as well given thaz based on this thread there is a severe shortage of that.

@HootOwl you are sitting at home, completely detached from the situation - you can say what you’d do until the cows come home, if you wish.

What you should not be doing, is guilting the OP into doing something that is not in the best interests of her own daughter.

The OP has said she wants to help the boy.

That does not, and should not, be at the expense of her own DD’s wellbeing. Which facilitating her living with her boyfriend at 15 would be.

And why would she take him in for 8 days, only to throw him out when they move?

What’s the point in taking him in at all, in that case? You’re naive if you think he’d be sorted in that time, and ready to move on.

Again - the OP has said she wants to help him. She just doesn’t want him living with her daughter.

How many 16 year old boys have been taken in by all those passing judgement on here?

EmpressCixi that’s a great story and shows there are options available for people needing help

OP your daughter is still a child and as you can see needs protecting from an adult situation and living with her boyfriend in the family home

If he’s ok in the hotel then he can stay there the weekend

@WhatNoRaisins

How many 16 year old boys have been taken in by all those passing judgement on here?

I'd hazard a guess that the answer is none. Especially since some of them are saying he can't possibly be entitled because his mother was abusive. That shows so little understanding of DCs who grow up in abusive homes that it's laughable.

OP if the police are already involved then they may have already referred him to social services. The police know where he is. His dad knows where he is. They also know the full story about what has happened. You letting him stay would complicate matters rather than help.

@wishuponastar1988

Childrens social care have a duty to accommodate under 18's so I would ring them. They have an out of hours service that are covering over the weekend

I as I'm a homeless hostel at 16 on my own. No social services involvement whatsoever

[quote HoneyItIsntGoodLuck]@HootOwl you are sitting at home, completely detached from the situation - you can say what you’d do until the cows come home, if you wish.

What you should not be doing, is guilting the OP into doing something that is not in the best interests of her own daughter.

The OP has said she wants to help the boy.

That does not, and should not, be at the expense of her own DD’s wellbeing. Which facilitating her living with her boyfriend at 15 would be.

And why would she take him in for 8 days, only to throw him out when they move?

What’s the point in taking him in at all, in that case? You’re naive if you think he’d be sorted in that time, and ready to move on.

Again - the OP has said she wants to help him. She just doesn’t want him living with her daughter.[/quote]
The discussion the OP started was whether to let the boy stay with them for eight days until they move house. It's hardly a big deal or her "putting him above her daughter". It's just being a decent human and helping someone who really needs help, in this case, a child.

Yeah I can "sit at home" and say this, having been that 16 year old many years ago and been shunned and victim blamed as many of you advise. Hang your heads. I'm sad to see nothing is any better in terms of understanding that children are not to blame for being abused.

Him staying for 8 days while she helps him access SS support is hardly her daughter "living with him". Seriously. Some of the things written here are the wrong side of the crazy line.

Benefit of the doubt, you can't leave a 16yr old, or anyone for that matter, homeless if you don't have to.

@Cheesecake53

YABU. I would let him stay. I cannot believe how heartless people are and hope Karma gets you.

I agree.

I was that child made homeless. My friend put me up and potentially saved my life.
I am actually horrified by some of the 'not my circus not my monkeys' responses on here. I think you are truly awful. All of you.

I'd probably say yes to a few days while he gets sorted.

@autienotnaughty

I'd probably say yes to a few days while he gets sorted.

What happens then when it doesn’t take “a few days”? Takes weeks, months..? How/when does OP ever break that without then being the baddie that “kicked him out”?

I think the fact that he is her 15 year old daughters boyfriend is the worst part. It’s an incredible
Responsibility her daughter would be left with - at 15.. Daughter is of course oblivious to it at this age, but I think it’s only right OP protects her from that in her own best interests.

If you let him stay, he'll never leave.