To say no fucking way.

[Rosebel]

My DD is 15 and she has a boyfriend who is 16. He used to live near but moved to London with his dad.
His dad has kicked him out and he's asked to come and stay with us. Initially I thought this was a one night thing but after talking to him it sounds like he wants to stay until he sorts something out.
In reality I don't want him staying for one night let alone temporarily. However I feel bad leaving a 16 year old alone without his parents.
I'm surely not unreasonable to say no am I?

Can you sit down and explain to him that even if you did want him to stay - long term the best thing is to engage with helpful services now.

We took in my 15yo nephew and we did it all ourselves. In hindsight it was a mistake. What we should have done (and he says it himself) was supoort him to get other support.

In a year or so no-one like social services will get interested.

It will help him be self sufficient long term - so he won’t have to rely on anyone again. That will likely appeal once he thinks about it.

Just be aware too that you housing him gives a bad SS a get out clause as he isn't then homeless. It needs to be a very firm no & do not bend. You call the shots here, not your DD, who sounds manipulated by him too, be much firmer & stop being so nice

This is ridiculous! You are being emotionally blackmailed by a couple of teens and a bunch of people on the internet. You can't have him and if you try he will move with you and lose everything he had so will become more dependent on you and it will become so unhealthy for your own children that you will end up loathing the site of him.

Take him to the Council now, your dd can look after the children if you need someone to do so while you're out - tell her it's a chance to show that she's responsible enough to have a bf staying in the house for one night ket alone longer, and if he stays the weekend it will depend entirely upon her ability to take on the extra work that entails, including extra childcare so she'd better shape up.

Make sure that the housing officer knows that you are not orepared to take on this extra responsibility and that your own housing depends upon it so he is homeless now, NOW. Do not agree to give him even one night as they will offload him onto you at the slightest excuse. This is not their fault, they are so stretched these days that the have to jump on any weakness they perceive, so don't give them one.

Explain this to your dd afterwards, if they think you've been awful.

OP,

Of course you can ring the police.

A 16 year old arrived at your door homeless and you do not want him staying in your home.

He is not your responsibility.

Your daughter agreed this with him?
Well isn't she the little madam.

Are you hoping to be a granny or isn't life tough enough.

Your 13 year old doesn't want this boy in her home?

That should be enough.

Ring the police and tell them this is not your problem.

You have two teenagers running rings around you.

Shame on your daughter doing this to her mother who has so much on her plate.

You need to mind yourself, your own family and NOT except this hugely manipulative bull from them both.

This is madness.

I cannot believe people are telling you to let him stay. You have NO IDEA about him, your daughter is underage and you have young kids.

This is absolutely mental- he needs to go. Yes you'll be the bad guy but I'm afraid that's what has to happen right now.

I'm genuinely aghast that anyone would recommend you take him in. In fact I actually don't believe it.

I don't understand what will be different in a week? You will still be kicking a homeless child out. Do it now, do it next week - what's the difference?

I feel quite angry on your behalf. Some posters coming on here giving you grief about a child that isn't even your own. You've got an awful lot on your plate. If nothing else, please ensure he doesn't move with you!

All the best op

@Migrainesbythedozen

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Just back off now. You've said your piece. She knows how you feel.

Why on earth did he quit? He sounds a bit unhinged at this point OP. Agree that you should ring social services and say a homeless 16-year-old turned up last night and you aren't keeping him.

I have only read the ops posts

Op - the fact that one of my own children doesn't like the boy would be enough of a reason for me to refuse. Tell him and your daughter that no means no. Tell him you will accompany him to the council or ss but he is not coming in anymore, nevermind sleeping over. Block him at the front door and if he kicks off then call the police. He is NOT your responsibility and your dd and boyfriend are emotionally blackmailing you. Tbh he is more likely to get assistance if he does kick off/Police so let the drama unfold and hold tight, its going to get rough. You can do this though

@wishuponastar1988

Childrens social care have a duty to accommodate under 18's so I would ring them. They have an out of hours service that are covering over the weekend

ha, how misguided as someone emancipated at 16 do they fuck care... bar the 2 weeks I spent in a halfway house (which was hell on earth) I was homeless for 3 years.

After 16 the council doesn't give 2 fucks if you're on the street, as for young homeless charities they LITERALLY told me they would only help if I got pregnant (I was a virgin at the time).

They were very quick to force me into cheap labor though, the ONLY help offered was a scheme through the job center (basically JSA) of £50 a week and I had to 'volunteer' for the council to get it.

If I didn't show up (which I often couldn't because it was usually the middle of nowhere and I had no money or transport) then I didn't get that week's pay.

You cant claim benefits until 18 either.

People who think 16/17-year-olds get automatic help are sorely naive.

People who think 16/17-year-olds get automatic help are sorely naive.

They do get far more help when an adult is looking out for them.

And whilst it’s not the OP’s job to do it, in the circumstances it’s absolutely in her interests (and that of her DD) to be that adult.

Benefits can be claimed under 18 in certain circumstances as well.

@mam0918 I'm sorry the system failed you. I can't imagine how horrible that must have been for you, at such a young age as well. Disgusting they told you to get pregnant for help.

You need to have a serious chat with your daughter, and by "serious" I mean you need to pull serious rank here and make it abundantly clear whose house this is and who is in charge.

I don't believe for a moment that "they" were furious when you said no the first time. SHE was furious and embarrassed because she probably felt all grown up and expansively told him he could live with her, and then you sensibly threw cold water over the idea. Then she told him he could come anyway. I would be very surprised if the boy himself cooked all this up independently when he had a job and somewhere to stay in London.

I honestly wouldn't have him in the house tonight under any circumstances - the minute he looks "housed" the council will deprioritise him:

england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/homelessness/help_if_youre_homeless_16_and_17_year_olds

@mam0918, how long ago was your experience? The LA now has a duty of care towards under 18s, provision won't be nationally equal though. In my city there are good teenage hostels. Benefits can be claimed and if a young person becomes a child in need before 18 there's funding to tap into.
Most cases similar to this that I've known the DD always ends up pregnant because they see themselves as living together and a proper couple with a house. Other services are available once they are housed by SS, which this troubled teen needs. The OP should act on his behalf to contact SS, but that's it.

@Wauden

Your daughter is 15!

@Wauden And?

@Rosebel

No. I have told him that he can't stay because of the house and because it's too much pressure on their relationship and because it's not fair on the other children. I could not just leave him on the street last night. He's been out of the house all day, both DDs are at school (I double checked) and we can't have him here long term. So if he isn't out by Monday he'll have to go and sit in the council office until they house him. Been at work today but will be calling SS later today.

Good for you-I think you’re handling it well. I wouldn’t know where to start with something like this.

What has your daughter said about it all? Are they both fully aware he won’t be moving to the new house with you?