Hi there. My dh and I are in our early/mid-50s. Together nearly 20 years, married nearly 18. When we got married I was madly in love with him and expected that our lives together would be amazing. Overnight he stopped making an effort, and started treating me as if we'd been together for a long time and kinda tolerated each other, but the spark was gone. He stopped paying me any real attention, and our sex life fell off a cliff. I knew he loved me, but not in the way I wanted to be loved. Still, I decided to stick with it because it was fine (albeit not great) and we had 2 kids.
During lockdown he started working from home, and what with perimenopause and my elderly father's failing health reminding me that life is short, I came to the realisation that I want more out of life. I thought long and hard, obviously, as he's a very doting dad, helps around the house, and in many ways is a great person to be married to. But I've only stayed for his and our dds' sake, for many years.
I couldn't decide if I should suck it up and stay with him, even though he never touches me (and I wouldn't want him to, anyway) and I feel so crushed whenever he's around. I can't wait for him to leave the house (which he rarely does!) or I spend a lot of time avoiding him by going out on my own.
So a few weeks ago I told him I didn't love him and wanted to leave him. We've started counselling, and I've really thought about whether or not I can make this work. I can see he's really struggling with it, and has said he loves me and will do anything. But I suspect he really just wants family life rather than me, per se. I'm actually finding that it's strengthening my desire to go off and find myself. Even if I never find another partner, I would rather be on my own than be in this relationship. The problem is that it's not horrendous, it's just "meh" and that doesn't seem like enough of a reason to leave. I feel like there's an invisible noose around my neck.
Not sure if that helps you at all, but anyway - good luck with it!