To think smacking was 'acceptable' in the 90s?

[Grapeflavour]

My parents smacked me as a child, usually if I did something they deemed as 'very naughty' or sometimes if I just didn't stop doing something quite trivial, they would threaten me with smacking.

I just assumed this was normal (albeit bad) attitudes back then, but talking to a couple of friends around the same age (30s) recently, it seems like that's not the case? They seemed pretty horrified that my dad used to occasionally hit me well into my teens if I pissed him off. As a teen he would often square up to me and threaten to 'knock me out' if I challenged him or talked back. I was 16 the last time he hit me. (I know this behaviour is totally unacceptable, and bearing in mind he is a huge 6"2 man and I was a 5"5 teenage girl). I think this has had an impact on me and trying to work through it.

Would you say it was fairly typical and normalised for parents to smack kids as punishment in the 90s? Or not at all?

I was threatened with a smacked bum a few times, and got precisely 2 smacks through the years - one, on the arm, when I ran into the road at about 7 and my mum must have been TERRIFIED and smacked me on the arm when she finally caught me. And one - which I'm sure she's not proud of now, but I think was the only thing that shocked me into shutting up at the time - when I was 15 and was being a horrible cow and screamed in her face to shut the fuck up, and she slapped my cheek.

It wasn't seen as that unusual, or at least the idea of 'if you're naughty you'll get a smack' - I dunno how many people actually did.

That's not what you're describing though, OP - that was abuse :(

@Rno3gfr

Even by 90s standards smacking a young child and threatening to “knock out” a 16 year old girl were on two different levels.

Apparently I was occasionally smacked as a toddler in the late 90s. I don’t remember it though. I wasn’t smacked during my childhood in the naughties.

Now it’s considered abhorrent to smack. Although I don’t condone smacking and haven’t smacked my own child (and won’t), I don’t consider it child abuse to occasionally lightly smack a child in limited circumstances, e.g. I’m dangerous situations/ if they’re in danger of doing something harmful to themselves. It is child abuse to hit a child to the point where it hurts them at any age. It’s bizarre to use smacking as a form of punishment past a certain age.

Yeah exactly. Smacking isn't great but there is actually a vast difference between the exceedingly rare single smack VS beating your child with objects/leaving bruises or bleeding.

Unfortunately the latter still happens, I've seen it. Any physical hitting isn't great but one smack is not that bad and it won't traumatise anyone.

Same as shouting. It can be abuse. But there's a difference between the odd shout at the end of your tether VS relentless insults and emotional abuse, non stop shouting and fear.

Once again, not great, but the odd smack isn't the end of the world. Parents should apologise at the time and move on.

@Grapeflavour.......
I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm totally unsurprised that it has had a lasting impact on you
I was a child in the 50's and 60's, when corporal punishment was seen as the norm, ("spare the rod and spoil the child" - appalling).
I was smacked a lot by a quick-tempered mother for the heinous crime of being a lively, sometimes a-bit-naughty child. I saw classmates in primary school caned.
It still haunts me now, in my 60's.
My kids were born late 80's/early 90's, and smacking was never on my agenda.
I can't remember what the societal norms were at the time, but my experiences made me determined never to hit my children.
I am no saint, and there were times when I lost my temper and could easily have hurt them.
But I could not do to them what was done to me.
Hitting children is abhorrent, inexcusable and damages them - often more than we can ever know.

It was normal where I lived for me and younger cousins. But only a light tap on the bum really (meaning "you've really gone too far this time"). I don't think squaring up to a teenager would have been acceptable at all.

Corporal punishment was used in my secondary school until 1987. It continued to be legal in independent schools until 1999.
From a personal perspective, while the punishment was both cruel and unusual (my school and one other applied a peculiar form of beating to to the hands), it was preferred by many to detention (2 hours on a Friday night) because it was over quickly and the infraction deemed settled.
Despite it becoming far less common for children to be smacked, many cultures support physical chastisement by the head of the household (male or female) with some horrific outcomes.

tonic.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/Domestic-Abuse-Perpetrators-within-minoritised-communities-TONIC-v1.8-FINAL.pdf

Spanking primary school age children was acceptable, but threatening to knock a teenager out wasn't.
My parents smacked my very occasionally, but I had a friend whose father would hit her with a belt as a teen. I saw no correlation between these punishments and knew what happened to my friend was very, very wrong. I think one of the dangers of spanking is a belief that if the behaviour continues you haven't hit them hard enough, hence the escalation in violence.
I'm sorry your father was such a sick to you op. My friend took years to process what happened to her and has trouble with relationships to this day as a result.

I was a child in the 80s and 90s and my parents have some pretty old fashioned ideas, but the only time mum ever hit me was a Peggy Mitchell style slap across the face when I was about 15 and being an absolute bitch to her. My Dad has never raised his hand to me not once so in my experience YABU.

I grew up in the 90s and got smacked ALL the time (though I was a little sh*t) though never with much force i.e. any slight mark/redness left wouldn’t be there long (less than half an hour). Though it really was the norm both sides of the family and all my friends parents (though only smacking their own child) I’m not any worse off for it, however what you are talking about is a complete different level that’s not smacking in my opinion that’s full on abuse x

Also on reading back my message apologies for all the “though” must be my word of the day 😂

smaller children can not be reasoned with and yes it's NOT a great parenting technique BUT it was common practice up until not long ago and in come cultures still acceptable.
i do not think these threads are helpful for those who suffered abuse where the line has been blurred.
and i don't think that NOT being spanked/smacked or physically reprimanded is the best practice either. time will tell.

I was born late 80s so was a child thru the 90s 00s and I got smacked. It seemed pretty normal Altho I did have friends who never got smacked. It’s actually quite horrifying to think smacking was acceptable at any point

Smacked at home and at school in 1980s. Most of my friends were smacked.
But what you are describing in your teens could never be called or considered reasonable chastisement.

I was born in the late 80s and my parents never smacked us, even if they were really cross. I don't ever smack my children as I managed to grow up disciplined without it

I had our eldest in 1993 and smacking was definitely not the norm with people I mixed with and it wouldn’t have crossed my mind to smack as I was bought up by non smacking parents . When we were looking at schools the headmaster of a small local independent very proudly told me and my mum that he wouldn’t object if one of his teachers felt the need to smack a child - he was talking to the wrong people we couldn’t leave fast enough .

I was an 80’s/90’s child. Back then in my circle a smack on the bum/tap on the hand was relatively normal and speaking to other adults I know of a similar age to me most of them had the occasional smack as a young child aswell.
Squaring up to a child or teen and threatening to knock them out definitely wasn’t considered normal or remotely acceptable though.
My DC’s are 10 and 7 and I’ve never smacked them, and the adults mentioned above are against smacking their children aswell.

My parent’s definitely saw it as normal. I’m 31 with younger siblings and we were all smacked for similar reasons to you. (No I don’t think it’s acceptable).

[quote LindyLou2020]@Grapeflavour.......
I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm totally unsurprised that it has had a lasting impact on you
I was a child in the 50's and 60's, when corporal punishment was seen as the norm, ("spare the rod and spoil the child" - appalling).
I was smacked a lot by a quick-tempered mother for the heinous crime of being a lively, sometimes a-bit-naughty child. I saw classmates in primary school caned.
It still haunts me now, in my 60's.
My kids were born late 80's/early 90's, and smacking was never on my agenda.
I can't remember what the societal norms were at the time, but my experiences made me determined never to hit my children.
I am no saint, and there were times when I lost my temper and could easily have hurt them.
But I could not do to them what was done to me.
Hitting children is abhorrent, inexcusable and damages them - often more than we can ever know.[/quote]
Thanks for sharing, it does seem like it was pretty widespread in the 50s and 60s. Parenting was a bit harsher then? That's when my parents grew up, and they're always saying how awful their parents were, how they used to be hit with belts/walking sticks/slippers all the time etc. So the fact they went on to do it to their kids is baffling really. Like you, there's no way I'd intentionally hurt my children.

Yeah we'd get a smack of a slipper🤣 Or it would be launched across the room at you if you didn't shut up talking over the telly.
Also got a lot of ankle grabbing halfway up the stairs.
It caused me no further grief in life. I find it funny thinking back. 🤷‍♀️

I was regularly threatened with a smacked bottom but I don't recall either parent following through. I don't recall any of my friends every telling me they got a clout from a parent either, but tbh I'm not sure I would?

I only remember being smacked once, and that was when I was behaving like a nasty little cow and wound my mum up clearly to the point of no return and she slapped me. I was 12. She was very upset and cried immediately afterwards.

So not, not normal, not often, and certainly my dad never hit me or my sibs (although I do remember some horrendous shouting during fights).

@WhoKnowsProbsNotMe

Also on reading back my message apologies for all the “though” must be my word of the day 😂

It's so easy to do that though

I was born in the 70s and was never smacked. I’d have been pretty taken aback if any of my friends had been smacked, especially as a teenager - in fact I would have been really shocked.

My parents smacked us in the 90s and so did my parents best friends.

It wasn't a big deal for me but I know I'm lucky and it's not the same for everyone.

Weird really to think of it because my parents were defo the keeno type to try and do things "right".

I got the occasional smack on the backside when little but nothing continued into my teens. My father certainly never threatened to 'knock me out'. Which is a really weird thing to say to your teen child. As if you're some big geezer picking a fight with him in a pub ?! Your his teenage girl ffs, hardly a threat.

@Snazzyjazzpants

Spanking primary school age children was acceptable, but threatening to knock a teenager out wasn't. My parents smacked my very occasionally, but I had a friend whose father would hit her with a belt as a teen. I saw no correlation between these punishments and knew what happened to my friend was very, very wrong. I think one of the dangers of spanking is a belief that if the behaviour continues you haven't hit them hard enough, hence the escalation in violence. I'm sorry your father was such a sick to you op. My friend took years to process what happened to her and has trouble with relationships to this day as a result.

Thank you. Yeah I'm quite fearful and wary of men in general, especially men in their 40s/50s. I didn't feel comfortable to date anyone until my mid/late 20s. Fortunately I met a lovely partner who is the complete opposite of my dad, so I'm getting there.

@cherrytopcake

I got the occasional smack on the backside when little but nothing continued into my teens. My father certainly never threatened to 'knock me out'. Which is a really weird thing to say to your teen child. As if you're some big geezer picking a fight with him in a pub ?! Your his teenage girl ffs, hardly a threat.

Toxic masculinity. Can't be made to feel like a teenage GIRL has got the better of you.