To think smacking was 'acceptable' in the 90s?

[Grapeflavour]

My parents smacked me as a child, usually if I did something they deemed as 'very naughty' or sometimes if I just didn't stop doing something quite trivial, they would threaten me with smacking.

I just assumed this was normal (albeit bad) attitudes back then, but talking to a couple of friends around the same age (30s) recently, it seems like that's not the case? They seemed pretty horrified that my dad used to occasionally hit me well into my teens if I pissed him off. As a teen he would often square up to me and threaten to 'knock me out' if I challenged him or talked back. I was 16 the last time he hit me. (I know this behaviour is totally unacceptable, and bearing in mind he is a huge 6"2 man and I was a 5"5 teenage girl). I think this has had an impact on me and trying to work through it.

Would you say it was fairly typical and normalised for parents to smack kids as punishment in the 90s? Or not at all?

I was a teen in the 90s, and got smacked. When we were younger, it was a slap across the back of the thighs or bum. When we got to teens, it was a slap across the face. My dad would grab us and throw us into the wall.
No wonder I have MH issues now!

Grew up in the 80s, my siblings and I were slapped all the time by my mother, sometimes with the slipper or hairbrush, basically whatever was near to hand.

Born in 87. Smacking was the norm in my house.

Mum slapped me in the face when I was 17/18

Definitely not.

Maybe the 1970s and before. But not the 1990s.

Since the late 1980s, no-one I know/knew has ever smacked their children. I wouldn't be associating with them if they did. I think using physical violence against a child is abhorrent, and smacks of poor parenting.

You're not doing a good job as a parent if you need to resort to physical violence to discipline your child. And you should be ashamed of yourself.

You would never hit another adult for doing something they shouldn't be doing; so therefore, it is NOT acceptable to hit a small child who doesn't know right from wrong.

The 'I got smacked as a child and it never hurt me' brigade are just exasperating. FFS, just because something was 'ok' 40-50+ years ago, that doesn't make it OK now.

If I knew someone was smacking/belting their children, I would not hesitate to report them to social services. It is completely unacceptable, and is NEVER warranted, and it sets a terrible example to children who end up thinking that physical violence is 'normal.'

It was definitely acceptable. I think we were threatened with a smack more than actually being smacked, but most of the other children I know were smacked. I went to a very nice MC village school and I witnessed a teacher smacking 2 children during my time there. I admit I did tell my parents as I was shocked a teacher would do it, who told the parents of one of the children. Their response was ‘they probably deserved it’. That’s how acceptable it was! I don’t think hitting a teen or threats of more extreme violence like ‘knocking someone out’ was considered the same though. What you describe sounds more like abuse and threats rather than poor parenting in an otherwise loving home. Despite threats of smacking I was never scared of my parents, and I knew a smack from them wouldn’t actually hurt me. Dh on the other hand lived in fear of his mother. That’s the difference and it’s a big one.

I was born 1981 and a smack on the legs or bottom was definitely very normal.

I remember being slapped round the face by my dad when I was about 11 and sort of knowing it was wrong though. He also used to get right up in our faces and threaten to knock the shit out of us, but he never actually did.

From what I can remember, smacking children became far less acceptable in the 90s but it was possibly a gradual process.

So much shit parenting.

Waiting for the "I hit my children the MORAL AND RIGHTEOUS way" brigade. They'll be along soon. They don't learn. They're hitters, after all. It doesn't tend to go with emotional evolution or the smarts.

@DrSbaitso

Fun fact: every parent I know, including mine, who said they couldn't possibly handle their children without hitting them managed to learn to control themselves once the kids slapped them right back.

Amazing.

Telling my mum that her even touching me would mean I would leave and she could stop referring to me as her daughter stopped the smack threats. She never actually hit me though.

Smacking was not unheard of in the 90s.

Smacking of youngish children - yes more common. Although I grew up in 70s and have friends who were never smacked (I was).

But what you’re describing with your Dad isn’t smacking. My Dad was a bit like this, and it’s a low level of casual violent that does leave its mark, so yes you might need to work through it a bit.

I never smacked in the 80s, never mind the 90s, neither did most parents I knew. No doubt some did, what they hoped to achieve by it I do not know.

i don't even think it was "bad" it was very much acceptable and not at all unusual.
it will be interesting if in 40 years time all this debating with children and pandering to their happiness leads to better humans but i suspect it will not solve anything.

I didn’t get smacked. It was the threat of a smack - to be fair it was when I’d been very naughty and I think born more of fear than anything. Once I ran away after school to see a friends litter of kittens, I think I was 6/7 ish. The other time, my JRT jumped out of the car window and I jumped out into oncoming traffic and ran after him. Both times parents really upset, so think they wanted to scare me enough that I wouldn’t do it again. Both parents were very even tempered, happy, loving etc.

What your describing sounds more like child abuse.

I was born 1978 no smacking in the 80's here

I was smacked in the 90s as a form of parenting! Not frequently, but if I was seen as especially naughty, which I wasn't really. It wasn't seen as an abnormal form of parenting. Would never slap my own children though!

@Nightlystroll

My mum smacked me. My dad never smacked me. I don't think smacking is abhorrent.

You’re wrong. Smacking is abhorrent and no ridiculous argument about it not affecting you will ever make you correct.

I was born in the mid 80s and it was unfortunately pretty normalised in our house, and amongst my friends/my partner who are similar ages.
Remember seeing my friend’s mum smack her hard round the face when she was about 15 and being shocked though.

It didn’t happen very often but I used to get hit on my legs/butt (hard!).. I was terrified of my dad losing his temper.

@BabyTurtIe

Was normal with everyone I know growing up including myself

Ditto.

Telling my mum that her even touching me would mean I would leave and she could stop referring to me as her daughter stopped the smack threats. She never actually hit me though.

That's pretty good. I don't think anything other than the threat of physical retaliation would have stopped mine, though. He liked to hit. He was an angry and rather stupid man.

Born in the 80s and never smacked, neither were any of my friends to my knowledge.

Late 80s child. My mother smacked us a handful of times when we were very young out of sheer frustration (she was quite young as a mother and I think was overwhelmed by parenting sometimes). But she always felt very guilty afterwards, it wasn't part of her usual parenting and my father was completely against smacking and never hit any of us.

One set of cousins were occasionally smacked right up until senior school. Another set were smacked frequently throughout their childhood and I remember seeing my uncle chasing my cousin around the house to give him a smacking which struck me as bizarre. They were all quite "strong-willed" children compared to us though... we were much quieter and more compliant. I think parents nowadays are much better equipped to handle strong-willed children and to encourage good behaviour though positive parenting strategies, but back then it was considered that some children just "needed a smack". I have to say, it never seemed to have any positive effects on my cousins and just made them feel humiliated and resent their father.

@DrSbaitso

Telling my mum that her even touching me would mean I would leave and she could stop referring to me as her daughter stopped the smack threats. She never actually hit me though.

That's pretty good. I don't think anything other than the threat of physical retaliation would have stopped mine, though. He liked to hit. He was an angry and rather stupid man.

Like I said, my mum never actually hit me so I wasn’t up against the same level of shit parenting that you were.

Ooh, we'll get the "running into the road" lot soon as well, won't we? Hitters always seem to be so shite at road safety.

a smack on the leg of a child (up to about aged 5/6) maybe normal, if not ideal (although I grew up the 90s and my parents never smacked us that I can recall). A grown man squaring up to a 16 year old girl and threatening to knock you out, very much not normal or acceptable, and I would have found that upsetting if I'd been your friend at the time, let alone now.

@gingembre
My dad fully stands by his decision to smack me and if ever asked about it says that I didn't turn out too badly so what's the problem? He wouldn't apologise for hurting me or making me scared or fearful as a child in a million years.

@latetothefisting

a smack on the leg of a child (up to about aged 5/6) maybe normal, if not ideal (although I grew up the 90s and my parents never smacked us that I can recall). A grown man squaring up to a 16 year old girl and threatening to knock you out, very much not normal or acceptable, and I would have found that upsetting if I'd been your friend at the time, let alone now.

Sod social services. If I witnessed that, I would call the police.