I used to be on pins every time my DH went out. He could be really nasty with what he said, would end up falling asleep on the bus or tube and going backwards and forwrads all night dribbling (could have been robbed any time etc) , coming in with kebab sauce down his front, falling everywhere. It was a real turn off, and every time he came in like that it turned me off a bit more.
The final straw for me, though, was when he broke a glass downstairs in the living room on one of those occasions and I only knew he hadn't bothered to clear up the broken shards when todder DS walked into the room next morning and very nearly walked all over it in his bare feet.
I read him the absolute riot act, and said if he ever got in that state again and put our children at risk, then it would be divorce and that I would be thinking twice about letting him have unsupervised access.
He has never got in that state again. He does still get drunk but I don't worry about him getting home safely anymore. Yes, he staggers around a bit when he comes in and slurs his word but is mostly coherent. Never verbally aggressive anymore.
I think you should say that he needs to look up the definition of controlling, that you're happy for him to go out with friends. You're even happy for him to come back a bit pissed. But that you're just not happy to put up with shit drunken behaviour in the extreme and if he can't figure out his safe limit to avoid him turning into a total arsehole when he drinks then maybe he should just not drink? That most people have this figured out by his age etc etc.