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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I an controlling wife

133 replies

Mummy3788 · 03/03/2022 19:53

So basically my hubby has been asked to play some golf at the weekend or maybe a drink! I feel like I don’t want him too go! That sounds awful but whenever my hubby use to go out he’d be a complete twat after too much to drink! The last time was probably 2018 Xmas bash so a very long time ago! I actually stayed at my mums and I’m glad I did as when I got home the next morning he’d some how smashed the tv! Because he’s got form I worry! Before that he was drunk before children at a wedding and got very aggressive!
Totally changes!!
Am I being a total selfish controlling moo? Or would u guys feel alittle worried too! If I knew it was just some golf and that’s it then I wouldn’t care but I just worry about him then drinking too much and then acting like that again! I don’t want to tell him how I’m feeling as I don’t want to be that controlling wife I’m sounding like!
Argh any advice or what you would is welcome but please be kind people!! I had 2 young children too

OP posts:
steff13 · 03/03/2022 20:31

Are you the poster whose husband lost his wedding jacket? I remember another poster who used too many exclamation points.

Original poster
Mummy3788 · 03/03/2022 20:32

@steff13

Are you the poster whose husband lost his wedding jacket? I remember another poster who used too many exclamation points.
No not me
OP posts:
userxx · 03/03/2022 20:35

My OH plays golf most weekends, I love it, gets him out from under my feet and gives me the opportunity to meet up with my mates. Does he spend all his time with you ?

BingBangB0ng · 03/03/2022 20:36

I think you’re getting a bit of an unfair response considering your concern is aggression and violence when drinking. It’s true that it’s not sustainable for him never to go out without you, but if he smashes things and gets angry when drunk he has a real issues and needs to drink less or not drink at all.

Luredbyapomegranate · 03/03/2022 20:42

@MintyGreenDream

Yabu for all the exclamation marks
And the use of the term ‘hubby’ (Grinsorry)

I’d have a direct conversation with him - please go out and enjoy yourself, but don’t come home acting like an arsehole - you have form and I’m not having it.

godmum56 · 03/03/2022 20:44

what @Luredbyapomegranate said. You don't mind him going out, you do mind the aggressive and mindless behaviour when he comes home.

cuno · 03/03/2022 20:48

I couldn't abide aggression and violence when drinking, it's really nasty and unpleasant. If he really wants to go out, he'll need to find somewhere else to stay for the night.

Marmight · 03/03/2022 20:48

if the household income is £110k then the split for bills should be:
30/110 = 27.3%
So 27% them and 73% you.
That's fair.

If they earn £30k a year, its only £1905 per month after tax/ni/pension.

How much are bills /rent / food per month in total?

ImAvingOops · 03/03/2022 20:49

I wouldn't like it either. People who get aggressive when drunk, shouldn't drink. And it's not on to make this your problem by coming home and making you deal with it!
I'd tell him he could go but he has to stay with a mate or book into a premier inn or something. I wouldn't want an aggressive drunk coming back to my house or being around my kids.
I cba with being a cool wife who accepts shitty behaviour.

CheshireChat · 03/03/2022 20:53

What does aggressive mean though?

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 03/03/2022 20:53

@devildeepbluesea

You sounds like really hard work, not letting your husband out for over 3 years and using exclamation marks like confetti.

Just give the poor sod a break.

The "poor sod" likes to smash televisions when he drinks.

Should OP really not worry?

Laptopsandmouses · 03/03/2022 20:55

Gos all those exclamation marks

Yes, if your husband can’t go out once in four years it’s controlling and weird,

Laptopsandmouses · 03/03/2022 20:56

The "poor sod" likes to smash televisions when he drinks

Oh give over, he’s not some rock star who smashes tellies routinely, 😂😂😂

Booboobibles · 03/03/2022 20:57

It’s so ridiculous how people seem to just copy all the other comments.

Of course you’re not controlling! He smashed the tv and was aggressive in front of children.

On other threads that would be grounds for divorce but on here it’s perfectly acceptable 🙄.

Bouledeneige · 03/03/2022 20:58

What? How come he hasn't been out for a drink since 2018? That's terrible.

soapboxqueen · 03/03/2022 20:59

It's perfectly reasonable to not want to deal with an aggressive person in your own home.

However you can't stop him going out for a drink.

Tell him if he's going he either has to find somewhere else to stay that night or you'll take the kids to a hotel.

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/03/2022 20:59

I’m reading excessive alcohol = violent behaviour?
Is that correct?

cuno · 03/03/2022 21:00

@Booboobibles

It’s so ridiculous how people seem to just copy all the other comments.

Of course you’re not controlling! He smashed the tv and was aggressive in front of children.

On other threads that would be grounds for divorce but on here it’s perfectly acceptable 🙄.

Couldn't agree more. I am shocked at the number of people who think that it's controlling to have these boundaries with such a volatile drunk. If I was with someone who couldn't handle their drink to that extent then they would have to be teetotal for me, I'm afraid. If the drink matters more, they're more than welcome to leave.
Royalbloo · 03/03/2022 21:01

Agree with CayrolBaaaskin

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 03/03/2022 21:02

"Omg! He's not a rockstar, hur hur!"

No, but he's someone who is aggressive when he drinks alcohol.

Darbs76 · 03/03/2022 21:03

Yes it is controlling to expect him to never go out again. Have a chat with him about it being unacceptable to come home like he did last time or stay with your mum again. It’s not like it’s every week is it

CheshireChat · 03/03/2022 21:05

So what is he doing to make sure he doesn't get aggressive again?

Thatsplentyjack · 03/03/2022 21:06

Who was he aggressive towards?

CheshireChat · 03/03/2022 21:07

And there's a big difference between someone who is irritating and belligerent when drinking and someone who is physically or verbally abusive.

Thatsplentyjack · 03/03/2022 21:08

@Bouledeneige

What? How come he hasn't been out for a drink since 2018? That's terrible.
Probably because he becomes violent. That's more terrible.