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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to buy colleague a ready meal?

409 replies

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 17:55

I hardly ever think of AIBUs but this feels appropriate
In the office the other day, I was going to stretch my legs. A colleague asked me to buy her a chicken ready meal if I went near a shop.
I went to marks and Spencer to buy Percy pigs. The ready meals were about £5. She didn't offer me money before I went, she's not in my team and I might not see her in person for months. I would probably have ended up paying for her lunch.
I also don't like her, she's rude and weird and messed with my stuff once because I was using the desk she likes.
Final point, I'm vegan and don't want to buy chicken, but I was too chicken (lol) to say that.
If I liked her, I would have happily bought a meal but I would have said can I get you a veggie one instead, and I wouldn't have minded if I didn't get paid back.
I told her the meals were £5 and I didn't feel comfortable spending that much of her money without her agreement. But I never had any real intention of buying one, mostly because there were no actual supermarkets nearby anyway.
Context, I'm a manager and she isn't, but I'm a lone parent and broke as shit.

So, was I a total cow (YABU) or a diplomatic genius? (YANBU)

OP posts:
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6
DysmalRadius · 03/03/2022 18:35

I don't think it's a massive deal in the scheme of things, but it sounds like you are trying to come up with more 'work-friendly' reasons for not buying it when the real reason was that you don't like her and didn't want to! That's a good enough reason IMO, but you need to get better at excuses!

Hotpinkangel19 · 03/03/2022 18:36

You come across as if she shouldn't have had the cheek to ask you because you are a Manager, and are therefore far too superior to buy a lowly employee a ready meal!

Iamthewombat · 03/03/2022 18:36

@LizDoingTheCanCan

She was a twat to me first though but she doesn't realise she was because she's generally twatty.

You're acting like a child.

This! If I was going out to a shop and a colleague asked me to pick up lunch for them I wouldn’t do any of the following:

Insist on cash upfront (who does that? Wouldn’t you just come back and say, ‘that was £X’? Asking for the cash in advance makes you look a bit mistrustful and frankly nutty)

Say that I’d pick something up then decide not to. Leaving the other person with nothing to eat.

Rejoice at the other person not getting any lunch because they are, in my opinion ‘twatty’ and deserve to be punished for it.

Decide whilst out, having agreed to buy a specific item, that I wasn’t going to buy what the person wanted after all because I don’t agree with their choice.

Jewel52 · 03/03/2022 18:37

Would say what you did was fine if you weren’t so hung up on being a “manager” and it’s like you think she shouldn’t have asked because you’re superior to her. Think you’re making something out of nothing

TheBestofTimesTheWorstofTimes · 03/03/2022 18:39

If someone is so cheeky as to not say "here is the money" before hand then they are they type to make you feel awkward about it after I find.

TillyTopper · 03/03/2022 18:39

YANBU to not get it - but tell her up front next time. "Sorry, I'm only going for a walk I don't fancy going to the shop".

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 03/03/2022 18:40

I'm a bit concerned that you are a manager but unable to say no sorry to such a request. You should be able to handle saying no to people.

SweetsAndChocolates · 03/03/2022 18:40

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

Does nobody think she was unreasonable to ask a manager she barely knows to buy her lunch without offering cash up front? I would never
@CloseYourEyesAndSee I do find it strange, don't think I would ask a manager, let alone one I had only just worked with to buy me lunch.

However, if it was someone I had worked with for a while and knew then well, that wouldn't be so strange.

NETSRIK · 03/03/2022 18:42

Just say No, you're not going in a shop and you don't have time to buy a ready meal for someone else as it is. Just say no, sorry, no can do!

Unescorted · 03/03/2022 18:46

Liz Truss has more diplomatic skill.

Cloudsarebright · 03/03/2022 18:47

As a vegan I always politely explain to people that I’m not comfortable paying for animal products.

I would potentially if it was someone who had directly given me the money towards it beforehand.

But yeah I wouldn’t pay for someone’s lunch who I barely knew either. Probably would have thought ahead though and not eaten my percy pigs in front of them though!
Grin

Riapia · 03/03/2022 18:48

AIBU to hope she points out to you that Percy pigs aren’t vegan.😁😁

TopTabby · 03/03/2022 18:49

YANBU & colleagues who ask you to get stuff for them on your break are a right pain.
Years ago when I had 2 dd under 3 to sort out before I even arrived at work someone used to ask me every time I went out to get her a sandwich, meal etc
I stopped saying I was going out as I wanted the fresh air but not the hassle. She was really passive aggressive for a bit about not having any lunch like it was MY responsibility!
Your colleague was perfectly capable of choosing her own food & went out to get it.

Mamamia7962 · 03/03/2022 18:50

So if she had given you the money upfront would you have only bought her a vegan ready meal. That's really strange.

How would you feel if it was the other way round and a meat eater refused to buy you a vegan ready meal.

You sound really childish.

Cloudsarebright · 03/03/2022 18:50

Also some percy pigs are vegan.

WTF475878237NC · 03/03/2022 18:51

I think it's mean to not have just said no, because you led her to believe lunch was coming and obviously never did.

Gwenhwyfar · 03/03/2022 18:52

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

Why would anyone ask someone to pick up a ready meal for them?

Weird.

Pretty normal in offices for someone going to buy food to ask if colleagues also want something. It's not polite to ask yourself though if you're the one not going out. Also, I find it really strange that a manager would be asked by someone below them.
Gwenhwyfar · 03/03/2022 18:53

@WTF475878237NC

I think it's mean to not have just said no, because you led her to believe lunch was coming and obviously never did.
Actually that's true. If the colleague didn't go out herself because she thought lunch was coming and then had nothing to eat all day, that's pretty awful.
Pebbledashery · 03/03/2022 18:54

All you had to do was be upfront instead of dancing around bullsh*t. Its much easier just to be straight.

Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 18:54

@Cyberpunk2077

Percy pigs are not vegan it seems
Crap!
OP posts:
Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 18:55

@pupcakes

Urgh, YABU. I can't get my head around vegans pushing their agenda onto non vegans.
Hahaha She was pushing her wish to eat disgusting chicken carcass onto me, no?
OP posts:
Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 18:56

@PinkSyCo

They are vegan aren't they?

My attempt at a joke went well then. Blush

Apparently they aren't! So you've ruined Percy pigs for me now Grin
OP posts:
Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 18:58

The only vegans i know that care about beeswax are the hardcore ones who check toilet roll holders for animal based glue. Life is just too short.

I mean I wasn't going to admit it on this thread but now you've said that I probably will keep eating them
So I'm not only a sanctimonious vegan I'm a hypocritical one too

OP posts:
TooManyPJs · 03/03/2022 18:58

YABU - you shouldn't have said you'd get her a meal if you'd no intention of doing so. You should have just made an excuse when she asked you.

PinkSyCo · 03/03/2022 18:59

The only vegans i know that care about beeswax are the hardcore ones who check toilet roll holders for animal based glue. Life is just too short.

With that attitude you may aswell say life’s too short to be vegan and go vegetarian instead.

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