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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to buy colleague a ready meal?

409 replies

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 17:55

I hardly ever think of AIBUs but this feels appropriate
In the office the other day, I was going to stretch my legs. A colleague asked me to buy her a chicken ready meal if I went near a shop.
I went to marks and Spencer to buy Percy pigs. The ready meals were about £5. She didn't offer me money before I went, she's not in my team and I might not see her in person for months. I would probably have ended up paying for her lunch.
I also don't like her, she's rude and weird and messed with my stuff once because I was using the desk she likes.
Final point, I'm vegan and don't want to buy chicken, but I was too chicken (lol) to say that.
If I liked her, I would have happily bought a meal but I would have said can I get you a veggie one instead, and I wouldn't have minded if I didn't get paid back.
I told her the meals were £5 and I didn't feel comfortable spending that much of her money without her agreement. But I never had any real intention of buying one, mostly because there were no actual supermarkets nearby anyway.
Context, I'm a manager and she isn't, but I'm a lone parent and broke as shit.

So, was I a total cow (YABU) or a diplomatic genius? (YANBU)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 05/03/2022 07:43

As for the ‘messing with my stuff’ : if that actually happened, how does the OP know that her colleague was the messer?

Ok what happened was

I was using a desk. My stuff was on it, my coffee pot and cup, pens, face mask (washable one), my bag was next to it, my coat was under it. I had a meeting so I picked up my laptop and took it into a private room as I needed to focus. (Important meeting, I am a manager after all) (jk)
When I came back she was sitting at the desk. She had taken my coffee pot and cup and put them in the kitchen (annoying as they are my personal ones and we all know what office kitchens are like) and worst of all, she had picked up my face mask and loudly said she was going to throw it in the bin. I know this because one of my team stopped her and said it belonged to me and I was coming back. She said the woman was holding it with disgust 'as if it was a pair of dirty knickers'.
When I came back I was pretty stunned to see her sitting there since I thought it was clear the desk was taken, also my colleague had told her I was sitting there and coming back! However she likes that desk and she wanted it and she didn't move even when I came and picked up all my things from around her. She's weird, socially awkward and rude. She's been rude to other people in my team too. For some reason my social skills deserted me when she asked me to buy her lunch and I didn't respond as I should.

OP posts:
Arabellla · 05/03/2022 07:47

@Iamthewombat

But this colleague is not normal. She has form for treating OP badly.

She can’t expect favours.

Can you really not see that the OP is determined to justify her odd behaviour by any means? I bet that the colleague doesn’t even know that the OP is nursing a grudge against her.

There are many people (perhaps you are one of them) who will take violently against somebody over really trivial stuff. Threads in AIBU are stuffed with such incidents. The other person looked at them in a strange way in 2018 or criticised something they like in a conversation with a third party, or whatever. The grudge holder will no doubt tell themselves, and others, that the object of their hatred has ‘treated them really badly’ but you can’t necessarily believe it because you only have one side of the story.

OP described her colleague as rude, weird and messing with her stuff in her first post @Iamthewombat

So you say she’s trying to justify herself doesn’t make much sense.

Iamthewombat · 05/03/2022 07:55

If you read the first post, and the subsequent posts, then you should know that the OP decided to jerk her colleague around by not buying lunch for her, despite saying that she would, then attempted to justify it with:

  • I might not have got the money back (no evidence to suggest this of course)
  • I’m a vegan
  • I’m a manager
  • I don’t like her, she’s a bad person.
  • I’m skint
  • I didn’t expect ready meals in M&S to be £5 so I’ll use the excuse that I “didn’t want to spend so much of her money”

The colleague may not be whiter than white - although I think that the OP should have got over the desk thing if they were in a hot desking environment with scarce desks - but there’s no excuse for the OP’s behaviour.

tintin13 · 05/03/2022 08:05

My god if u feel superior. I get that u don't like her and it's fine.. but the fact that you are a manager doesn't mean colleagues are underneath you.
If you aren't close then she was unreasonable to ask u that..but the way you wrote the story makes it seem like you are very unreasonable.

CarrieHughes · 05/03/2022 08:58

@Iamthewombat

If you read the first post, and the subsequent posts, then you should know that the OP decided to jerk her colleague around by not buying lunch for her, despite saying that she would, then attempted to justify it with:
  • I might not have got the money back (no evidence to suggest this of course)
  • I’m a vegan
  • I’m a manager
  • I don’t like her, she’s a bad person.
  • I’m skint
  • I didn’t expect ready meals in M&S to be £5 so I’ll use the excuse that I “didn’t want to spend so much of her money”

The colleague may not be whiter than white - although I think that the OP should have got over the desk thing if they were in a hot desking environment with scarce desks - but there’s no excuse for the OP’s behaviour.

The overreaction to a lighthearted thread is crazy. OP you've brought out all the angry people who WANT their dopamine kick.

Read the OP, she never promised to buy lunch, she said 'if' she passed any shops. Obviously different from someone running down to the canteen while the team works furiously on a live incident (true story for IT).

No harm was done, the colleague was rude and didn't engender goodwill, OP didn't do it, the end.

I'm surprised this thread's still going!

CarrieHughes · 05/03/2022 09:03

Also @CloseYourEyesAndSee you should really speak to her manager. Her attitude will end up damaging her career.

BrummieCahoots · 05/03/2022 09:52

Percy Pigs are vegan ... also I wouldn't waste any more time thinking about this .. I wouldn't have got one either .. it's not like you asked if anyone wanted anything...

PurpleDaisies · 05/03/2022 09:54

@BrummieCahoots

Percy Pigs are vegan ... also I wouldn't waste any more time thinking about this .. I wouldn't have got one either .. it's not like you asked if anyone wanted anything...
Read the bloody thread.

They aren’t. They contain beeswax.

How many more times?

MyPretttyRedDress · 05/03/2022 09:57

@Lulu1919

So if you're a vegetarian you find it hard to buy meat for other people ...I've not heard this before ..not saying you're wrong obviously it's up to you it's just not something I've come across Which misses the point sorry !!
This is totally a thing.
PurpleDaisies · 05/03/2022 09:57

From Ocado…
www.ocado.com/products/m-s-percy-pig-fruit-gums-512822011

Not to buy colleague a ready meal?
BuyDirt · 05/03/2022 10:04

16 pages and still debating whether Percy pigs are vegan. 🤦🏻‍♀️

chesteroo · 05/03/2022 10:16

No, unfortunately, Percy Pigs aren't suitable for vegans. In recent years M&S has decided to permanently remove the gelatin from their Percy Pig range making them all vegetarian-friendly; however, the iconic sweet still contains beeswax making them still unsuitable for vegans.

allplants.com/blog/lifestyle/are-percy-pigs-vegan

mynamesnotMa · 05/03/2022 11:56

Just ignore the request.
My partner used ask me to buy the mail everyday I'd say no I can't. They kept asking so I'd say they were out of stock they kept asking so then I'd buy them the guardian then they stopped asking.

AWOL66 · 05/03/2022 12:10

I hate it when people ask me to buy stuff unless 1) it's family or 2) they know I'm going to a shop already, only want a couple of things, know me well and are the polite type to insist on giving me the money there and then. Any other time I've found it a bit rude. I think you should feel pleased you didn't just get it feeling obligated and no you're not being petty or unreasonable. In future you can say "I've not got my card on me have you got the cash" there and then so you don't worry when out and now you're prepared. Don't ever feel awkward feel bold when making excuses. Some people feel strangely entitled to getting other people to pay for things.

WTAFhappened123 · 05/03/2022 12:33

Petty and passive aggressive. Why give her the impression you’ll do it then be all snarky? Are you an adult?

Itloggedmeoutagain · 05/03/2022 12:42

I'm a manager, she's not.
What on earth does that have to do with anything?

Aunty4 · 05/03/2022 13:50

Your not her bitch..she was trying it on....and it wouldn't of ended there..I've experienced this and let it go too often.

Iamthewombat · 05/03/2022 14:10

The overreaction to a lighthearted thread is crazy. OP you've brought out all the angry people who WANT their dopamine kick.

The thread must be going against the OP and her apologists if you’re resorting to this.

Now will somebody drop in and tell us that Percy Pigs are vegan? We all need reminding.

JustAnotherCrack · 05/03/2022 14:19

Bizarre thread. At my last office it was the norm for anyone going out to be asked to pick something up. Generally we would bring back the receipt for them and they would pay up. It was often me going as I liked to get out for air, I was also the manager 😮

PinkSyCo · 05/03/2022 16:07

Now will somebody drop in and tell us that Percy Pigs are vegan? We all need reminding.

Pointless anyway, as OP has already stated that she will forgo her veganism for her favourite sweeties. She will not forgo her ‘vegan’ label of course, but that’s by the by.

UKRAINEwearewithyou · 05/03/2022 16:10

@LizDoingTheCanCan

You come across as very unprofessional. All you needed to do was either say no, or get the money before you went. It's not rude to say no, it is rude to say you will and then come back with nothing.
This. Petty too. As a manager surely you have worked out how to say no if you don't want to upfront and not do this childish messing around. Be straight.
HollowTalk · 05/03/2022 16:13

@Itloggedmeoutagain

I'm a manager, she's not. What on earth does that have to do with anything?
Most people wouldn't ask their manager to pick up some lunch for them and certainly wouldn't do it without giving them the money.

Most people also wouldn't sit at their manager's desk and move everything around. If they did, they would jump up when she returned and not remain seated.

Libertybear80 · 05/03/2022 16:13

I would have said 'yeah if you give me the cash now' with my hand out. I don't think I would have batted an eyelid to ask for the cash.

Baublebonkers · 06/03/2022 08:31

I think don’t worry, you have no obligation to her.
And YES she SHOULD have given you the money upfront, you didn’t suggest getting her the meal so it’s not down to you to ask for the money.