Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to buy colleague a ready meal?

409 replies

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 17:55

I hardly ever think of AIBUs but this feels appropriate
In the office the other day, I was going to stretch my legs. A colleague asked me to buy her a chicken ready meal if I went near a shop.
I went to marks and Spencer to buy Percy pigs. The ready meals were about £5. She didn't offer me money before I went, she's not in my team and I might not see her in person for months. I would probably have ended up paying for her lunch.
I also don't like her, she's rude and weird and messed with my stuff once because I was using the desk she likes.
Final point, I'm vegan and don't want to buy chicken, but I was too chicken (lol) to say that.
If I liked her, I would have happily bought a meal but I would have said can I get you a veggie one instead, and I wouldn't have minded if I didn't get paid back.
I told her the meals were £5 and I didn't feel comfortable spending that much of her money without her agreement. But I never had any real intention of buying one, mostly because there were no actual supermarkets nearby anyway.
Context, I'm a manager and she isn't, but I'm a lone parent and broke as shit.

So, was I a total cow (YABU) or a diplomatic genius? (YANBU)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Gwenhwyfar · 03/03/2022 19:33

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

If the colleague didn't go out herself because she thought lunch was coming and then had nothing to eat all day, that's pretty awful.

She went out right away and was back in ten minutes. There was no way she wouldn't have been able to go out and get food.

Ok fair enough. I thought maybe she would have missed the opportunity.
CarrieHughes · 03/03/2022 19:33

@Gwenhwyfar

"However, she was also U for not giving me money upfront. Everyone agrees on that I think."

I don't. I think it makes more sense to pay afterwards when you know how much it was.

If you can't trust someone else to not return your change... don't ask them for favors. And even if they keep it you still got your sandwich.

However not giving money upfront means the sandwich buyer is at risk of loss. With zero upside.

Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 19:33

@Lulu1919

So if you're a vegetarian you find it hard to buy meat for other people ...I've not heard this before ..not saying you're wrong obviously it's up to you it's just not something I've come across Which misses the point sorry !!
It's not in keeping with my values to buy meat. I don't buy it for anyone else in my life so wouldn't really want to break that for her sake. I would have done if there had been a suitable meal but wouldn't have been happy. Next time I'll just say.
OP posts:
Mirw · 03/03/2022 19:33

So why did you say you would. Not a great manager are you...

BuyDirt · 03/03/2022 19:34

I should have just said that. Oddly I didn't want to appear to be a sanctimonious twat. So I was a disappointing lunch promising twat instead.

Oh well. You said she was rude, you don’t like her and probably won’t see her for ages anyway. She won’t ask again. 🤣

BronwenFrideswide · 03/03/2022 19:35

If you give someone a fiver or tenner they bring you the change. That's normal.

So you open your mouth and ask for it when you agree to their request, it's ever so easy.

Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 19:35

@Mirw

So why did you say you would. Not a great manager are you...
I said I would if I passed a shop. I felt pressed into saying that really. I would have done if I had passed a shop where they sold cheap ready meals. I didn't buy her a £5 meal.
OP posts:
Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 19:36

@BronwenFrideswide

If you give someone a fiver or tenner they bring you the change. That's normal.

So you open your mouth and ask for it when you agree to their request, it's ever so easy.

It's cringe and awkward. And if she didn't have cash and said she'd pay me back next time should I then say no I'm not getting it? That's even more cringe.
OP posts:
ThisBloodyNoiseInMyHead · 03/03/2022 19:37

You're vegan but didn't want to pick up something that had chicken in it? How weird. So you would expect someone to follow your principles?

I understand that you don't like her. You could have just said you weren't going to a shop, or you could have asked for a fiver upfront. Either way, you sound like a rather unpleasant person.

Gwenhwyfar · 03/03/2022 19:37

"If you give someone a fiver or tenner they bring you the change. That's normal."

Then you have to do two transactions so you have the exact change to give them. I'd rather pay myself then show them the receipt and ask for their share. I've never had a problem with that.

Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 19:37

@ThisBloodyNoiseInMyHead

You're vegan but didn't want to pick up something that had chicken in it? How weird. So you would expect someone to follow your principles?

I understand that you don't like her. You could have just said you weren't going to a shop, or you could have asked for a fiver upfront. Either way, you sound like a rather unpleasant person.

I wouldn't expect her to buy herself a vegan meal, no Thanks by the way :) I can be unpleasant, as we all can. In general I'm not.
OP posts:
Lulu1919 · 03/03/2022 19:37

No gelatine

Not to buy colleague a ready meal?
NumberTheory · 03/03/2022 19:38

YANBU for not buying her anything. I think it was rude (especially as you're a manager) not to tell her at the time she asked, given your long list of points against doing her the favour. You don't need to be rude about it, you can just say something like "I don't think I'll be able to manage that. You should plan on getting your own. Sorry."

Your "I didn't want to spend so much of your money" was a good way out of it, though.

YABU for buying percy pigs - even if they were vegan. They are disgusting! Grin

Gwenhwyfar · 03/03/2022 19:38

"You're vegan but didn't want to pick up something that had chicken in it? How weird. "

I don't find that weird. I wouldn't want to buy cigarettes for smokers.

Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 19:38

@NumberTheory

YANBU for not buying her anything. I think it was rude (especially as you're a manager) not to tell her at the time she asked, given your long list of points against doing her the favour. You don't need to be rude about it, you can just say something like "I don't think I'll be able to manage that. You should plan on getting your own. Sorry."

Your "I didn't want to spend so much of your money" was a good way out of it, though.

YABU for buying percy pigs - even if they were vegan. They are disgusting! Grin

Yes I definitely should have said that!!
OP posts:
BridgesofMadisonfan · 03/03/2022 19:39

@Lulu1919

No gelatine
It's not gelatine it's the beeswax
Lulu1919 · 03/03/2022 19:39

Ah just read ..they have bees wax in them ...no not vegan
I was wrong

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm · 03/03/2022 19:41

You sound nice.

BuyDirt · 03/03/2022 19:41

If your son asked you for a ham sandwich would you refuse to make it for him?

He wouldn’t expect me to touch meat. My kids know that if I make food, it’s vegan.

Marmelace · 03/03/2022 19:41

I know I said this thread was bollox, but I genuinely can't understand all the nasty insults to the op. Some people on here really are nasty. OP ignore them, you did nothing wrong, I'm sure you are neither unpleasant or a bad manager. Ffs people need to get a grip over such trivial things or get out more!

Mamamia7962 · 03/03/2022 19:43

NumberTheory - " I don't think I'll be able to manage that".

The OP's a manager though so that response wouldn't look very good 😂

EllaVaNight · 03/03/2022 19:44

Honestly this could have been sorted with clear communication skills. Something which you may want to work on if you're going to be a decent manager.

You sound like you think you're above others for being a manager too.

The whole thread is just very strange.

WonderfulYou · 03/03/2022 19:44

I think it’s odd you think she wouldn’t have paid you back - fortunately none of my colleagues are like this.

But I would have asked for the money upfront, even if I said in a joking way like where’s the money then? And if she said anything then I’d say I didn’t have your purse on you or something.

YANBU to get her lunch but what concerns me is if you’re her manager and have such an issue with her.
So much so that you felt you were unable to say no to her.
I can’t see the working environment very good if you both have a difficult relationship.

BuyDirt · 03/03/2022 19:44

You're vegan but didn't want to pick up something that had chicken in it? How weird. So you would expect someone to follow your principles?

Confused No, she just doesn’t want to buy it for her.

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 03/03/2022 19:45

Not BU for not buying. BU for not telling her you have no intention of buying.