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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to buy colleague a ready meal?

409 replies

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 17:55

I hardly ever think of AIBUs but this feels appropriate
In the office the other day, I was going to stretch my legs. A colleague asked me to buy her a chicken ready meal if I went near a shop.
I went to marks and Spencer to buy Percy pigs. The ready meals were about £5. She didn't offer me money before I went, she's not in my team and I might not see her in person for months. I would probably have ended up paying for her lunch.
I also don't like her, she's rude and weird and messed with my stuff once because I was using the desk she likes.
Final point, I'm vegan and don't want to buy chicken, but I was too chicken (lol) to say that.
If I liked her, I would have happily bought a meal but I would have said can I get you a veggie one instead, and I wouldn't have minded if I didn't get paid back.
I told her the meals were £5 and I didn't feel comfortable spending that much of her money without her agreement. But I never had any real intention of buying one, mostly because there were no actual supermarkets nearby anyway.
Context, I'm a manager and she isn't, but I'm a lone parent and broke as shit.

So, was I a total cow (YABU) or a diplomatic genius? (YANBU)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Bogeyes · 04/03/2022 04:13

She can get her own bloody meal. If you don't once it will continue. Then you feel awkward asking for money. When you have to repeatedly ask for your money you will be snarled at and treated like a pest ..I know cos I've been there.

Bogeyes · 04/03/2022 04:14

If you do it once*

Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 04/03/2022 05:26

@Nat94

If you agreed to get someone some lunch then you absolutely should of done this. I would feel so guilty playing games with people that they went hungry all day as they were expecting me to bring them food as agreed?

Please next time just say no if you don’t care about people and stop with your power trip.

She didn't go hungry all day. She went out straight away and bought herself something, as I knew she would.
OP posts:
Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 04/03/2022 05:28

Unbelievably, almost 2000 people have voted, which is very strange, and most people still agree with me.

My conclusion is yes I was a twat, but more of an awkward one than a deliberate one. Thanks for your input everyone, you distracted me from a slightly stressful evening :)

OP posts:
DropYourSword · 04/03/2022 05:36

I must admit I wondered how had this total non event generated 280+ posts until I saw almost a quarter of them are from the OP!

SerenavanderWoodsenHumphrey · 04/03/2022 05:45

You were neither a total cow (sexist much?) nor a diplomatic genius. Next time, just tell the person asking that you won't buy chicken on ethical grounds. Not difficult.

DedalusBloom · 04/03/2022 06:08

My DH is vegan, I'm a vegetarian ( for ethical context Grin) I have zero issues buying meat based products for other people - their choice is their choice, even if I wish it were different. It's not my place to randomly present them with something different to what was asked for without qualification.

The chicken is getting bought either way, whether it's by the OP or the staff member- I think imposing that level of sanctimony is ridiculous if not stated upfront that you are uncomfortable with handling meat products.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 04/03/2022 06:09

Dead right.
YANBU.
She sounds like a chancer who wanted a free meal.

RBKB · 04/03/2022 06:12

They changed Percy Pigs...they are vegan now

Zonder · 04/03/2022 06:14

There's no evidence she didn't plan to pay. Back when we were all in an office together someone going to the office would often pick up something for a colleague if they were still working, and the colleague would pay back immediately they returned. Usually it might be a coffee or a sandwich but it was perfectly normal.

I would have just got her a meal then given her my PayPal. You really were a bit of a twat and not very professional / managerial.

Anyway you've achieved the goal that she won't ask you again.

UnsuitableHat · 04/03/2022 06:17

Well I guess it's a lesson just to say no straight out in future.
I might have bought the ready meal and asked for the money at the point of giving it to her. If she said she didn't have it, and didn't bring it the next day or whatever, I'd perhaps chalk it up and make sure I never agreed to that again.

shrunkenhead · 04/03/2022 06:18

Are you a manager? You didn't say?

HELLITHURT · 04/03/2022 06:39

*I told her the meals were £5 and I didn't feel comfortable spending that much of her money without her agreement. But I never had any real intention of buying one, mostly because there were no actual supermarkets nearby anyway.
Context, I'm a manager and she isn't, but I'm a lone parent and broke as shit.

*Don't understand the not about the supermarket? Surely you were going to get the meal from M&S?

Charley50 · 04/03/2022 07:03

I don't ask colleagues to buy me food and don't offer if I'm going to the shop (which I rarely do, bring in lunch).

Had one colleague who was always asking but never offering money, and also always asking to borrow a quid here or there, as she had plans for early retirement so was scrimping and saving by scrounging off everyone else.

And another colleague who would give people long shopping lists of heavy stuff. Fuck that shit. I'm not doing her weekly shop on my lunch break.

DobbyTheHouseElk · 04/03/2022 07:13

Percy is veggie. Used to not be so. But his green ears mean veggie. Think there might be one packet that is vegan now but they are as tough as boots.

RobotValkyrie · 04/03/2022 07:30

You both communicated poorly. She should have been clearer about what she wanted, including price range, and how she would intend to repay you. You should have been clearer about your own expectations and misgivings (tell her to pay up front, tell her no you don't run errands, whatever)

The whole exchange sounds extremely unprofessional. But as a manager, you should have bigger balls and not be afraid to set the tone/narrative. Not hide behind weasel words.

UnsuitableHat · 04/03/2022 08:11

I'm definitely the sort of person who would ask a colleague to get me some lunch (although probably not someone who didn't like me tbf). But I'd pay them immediately, or as soon as I could - wouldn't occur to me to try not to, and if I forgot, I'd be surprised if they didn't remind me. I don't quite get this scrounging thing that some people do. I guess we don't know whether your colleague was attempting that or not.

Regularsizedrudy · 04/03/2022 12:08

Btw if anyones going near an m and s can they get me some Percy pigs? I won’t pay you back.

purplebunny2012 · 04/03/2022 17:31

YANBU for not buying when she didn't give you any money, but you really should have said, sorry but no

ziegfeld · 04/03/2022 17:37

why couldn’t you have asked her for the money upfront.

“Sure X, give me a fiver and I will see what they have for that.”

purplebunny2012 · 04/03/2022 17:39

@littlefireseverywhere

Percy pigs are vegan!
No they aren't, they contain beeswax.

No, unfortunately, Percy Pigs aren't suitable for vegans. In recent years M&S has decided to permanently remove the gelatin from their Percy Pig range making them all vegetarian-friendly; however, the iconic sweet still contains beeswax making them still unsuitable for vegans.

sammie66 · 04/03/2022 17:41

Percy Pigs aren't vegan, they have beeswax in.. No judgement, just letting you know in case you didn't.

Tuskanini · 04/03/2022 17:43

There's a vegan meal called Percy PIGS? !!!

You only needed one good reason to not run this errand. Stop inventing bad ones.

LoisLane66 · 04/03/2022 17:44

I'd have said yes, give me a fiver and I'll bring back the change...if there is any. If she mumbled something about paying me when I got back, I'd say, 'Sorry, done that before a couple of times and never got paid so now I get the money upfront. Just how it is'.

Shell4429 · 04/03/2022 17:44

@PinkSyCo

YWBU to eat Percy pigs when you are a vegan.
She didn’t say she was vegan. Vegetarian. There’s a huge difference.
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