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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to buy colleague a ready meal?

409 replies

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 17:55

I hardly ever think of AIBUs but this feels appropriate
In the office the other day, I was going to stretch my legs. A colleague asked me to buy her a chicken ready meal if I went near a shop.
I went to marks and Spencer to buy Percy pigs. The ready meals were about £5. She didn't offer me money before I went, she's not in my team and I might not see her in person for months. I would probably have ended up paying for her lunch.
I also don't like her, she's rude and weird and messed with my stuff once because I was using the desk she likes.
Final point, I'm vegan and don't want to buy chicken, but I was too chicken (lol) to say that.
If I liked her, I would have happily bought a meal but I would have said can I get you a veggie one instead, and I wouldn't have minded if I didn't get paid back.
I told her the meals were £5 and I didn't feel comfortable spending that much of her money without her agreement. But I never had any real intention of buying one, mostly because there were no actual supermarkets nearby anyway.
Context, I'm a manager and she isn't, but I'm a lone parent and broke as shit.

So, was I a total cow (YABU) or a diplomatic genius? (YANBU)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Butchyrestingface · 04/03/2022 18:24

@Lolabray

I’d have done the same.
What - agree to pick up lunch for someone and then ... NOT pick up lunch?
bakebeans · 04/03/2022 18:29

Rather passive aggressive. Either say no I can’t or yes and agree she covers the cost before you leave the office?

Mummyofsquidge · 04/03/2022 18:38

To be honest has this person ever tried to not pay you? I don't know many people who would ask and not expect to pay for it?
I do think you should of been honest and said you would not be popping into a shop. You don't know how busy they were and if they were relying on someone to just help get them some food (happens to me very often).

I am veggie, but have no objection to buying someone a meal containing meat. I would just present the receipt straight away and let them know where you would be sat, or just said no.

Silvers11 · 04/03/2022 18:38

To be honest - I don't think your feelings about not wanting to do this were unreasonable for the reasons you have said, but you handled this in a not very nice way and your subsequent behaviour was unreasonable in my view

If you didn't want to get a chicken meal, you should have told her that and explained that as a vegan it really bothers you and asked if a vegan meal would do. You could have asked her for the cash upfront - again, with an apology that you didn't have enough cash on you but you told her yes, without any intention of doing so and presumably meant she had barely time to have her own lunch if she had been waiting for you to come back with hers? That isn't a nice thing to do either way

In any case, you have made it very clear that you actually didn't want to do it because you don't like her. Even if you don't. would it have hurt you to be nice?

Margerine78 · 04/03/2022 18:41

YANBU (and also a diplomatic genius). She should've offered the cash upfront. I would also not buy lunch (or meat) for someone who was a total tit.

cakewench · 04/03/2022 18:44

YANBU. I'd never ask anyone, manager or not, to pick food up for me without saying I'd be paying them back, or offering them the money up front.

TBH I think in general people aren't comfortable with asking for money back so I probably just wouldn't ask unless I was absolutely starving and unable to leave. "Chicken ready meal" is really vague though Confused Just weird all around tbh.

Sizzer40 · 04/03/2022 18:45

If she was in need of a ready meal so urgently then she shoulda gone herself. Plus she sounds like a nightmare so meh!

Mfsf · 04/03/2022 18:48

Personally I think the whole thing is stupid , you where petty and childish for saying yes . I worked in a office for years and I don’t understand this level if hypocrisy tbh

Powerflower22 · 04/03/2022 18:55

Sorry but I think you’re rather mean spirited - especially saying you’re not happy buying a M&S chicken dinner - you sound extremely mean spirited to me. I always try to be nice (where I can) because Karma always pays a visit when nastiness has been at play

Powerflower22 · 04/03/2022 18:57

Very well put

BoredZelda · 04/03/2022 19:08

I don't know her well enough to ask for money up front and say I'm skint. I'm a manager, it would be awkward.

No it wouldn’t.

Liekje · 04/03/2022 19:08

But no I haven’t read through all pages so don’t know if it’s been said but Percy pigs are vegetarian but they still contain beeswax therefore not vegan!

Butchyrestingface · 04/03/2022 19:10

@Liekje

But no I haven’t read through all pages so don’t know if it’s been said but Percy pigs are vegetarian but they still contain beeswax therefore not vegan!
Jesus H Christ.

Why do people do this?

Hmm1234 · 04/03/2022 19:20

She knows you don’t like her and she’s annoyed you. Congrats to her. Office politics

pomers · 04/03/2022 19:31

You did the right thing. I had a colleague who was always doing this to people, including asking people to pick up cigarettes (early 1990s); she never paid people back. Just don’t start it

pantsandpringles · 04/03/2022 19:47

Correct me if I'm wrong, OP, but although they don't contain gelatine, do they not contain beeswax?

cherish123 · 04/03/2022 19:53

It's a bit odd of her to ask as a) you didn't ask her if she wanted anything and b) you hardly know her.

I think you were polite enough.

Mandyjack · 04/03/2022 19:53

Should've just said you didn't go anywhere that had anything or didn't get time.

Arabellla · 04/03/2022 19:55

@Hmm1234

She knows you don’t like her and she’s annoyed you. Congrats to her. Office politics
More like congrats to OP for not giving this rude woman a free lunch.
Jeannie88 · 04/03/2022 19:55

Nope, we're all responsible for sorting our own lunches. If that was me I would have give you some money and asked very nicely but wouldn't have expected it. Also, would be nice generally so you wouldn't mind and I would do a favour in return. Not that I work in an office, in a school we're lucky to scoff a home made sandwich on way to loo! X

LaDamaDeElche · 04/03/2022 20:18

It's weird to ask a colleague you don't know to get you lunch. It's weirder to as someone who is in a more senior role, who you don't know, to get you lunch at work. The weirdest thing of all
Is to ask anyone you don't know well to get you lunch without giving them the money first.

Bunnyfuller · 04/03/2022 20:21

You ABU if you are a manager and you don’t know how to say no to a junior.

YABU when you say you don’t know her but ‘she’s weird and wants a specific desk’ either you know her, and that’s your reaction (weird or ASD?) or you are going on hearsay and that is not a good manager.

‘Sorry, I won’t be near the shops, maybe another time’

FFS

SchadenfreudePersonified · 04/03/2022 20:48

@WTF475878237NC

I was a disappointing lunch promising twat

^ you said it Grin

No way would I give a colleague I don't really know my bank card to tap, nor would I expect someone else to.

Would you expect someone who didn't really know you to get your sandwich? What if you didn't fancy egg and cress(or whatever), and refused to pay?
FluffyRabbitGal · 04/03/2022 21:11

I’ll be honest, I wouldn’t have got lunch for somebody I didn’t like, irrespective of if their dietary requirements being different to mine. I would however have told her directly that I had no intention of doing so!!

SleepingStandingUp · 04/03/2022 21:15

Sounds like you enjoyed not getting her a meal when she was expecting you to and knowing that it would put her out.