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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to buy colleague a ready meal?

409 replies

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 17:55

I hardly ever think of AIBUs but this feels appropriate
In the office the other day, I was going to stretch my legs. A colleague asked me to buy her a chicken ready meal if I went near a shop.
I went to marks and Spencer to buy Percy pigs. The ready meals were about £5. She didn't offer me money before I went, she's not in my team and I might not see her in person for months. I would probably have ended up paying for her lunch.
I also don't like her, she's rude and weird and messed with my stuff once because I was using the desk she likes.
Final point, I'm vegan and don't want to buy chicken, but I was too chicken (lol) to say that.
If I liked her, I would have happily bought a meal but I would have said can I get you a veggie one instead, and I wouldn't have minded if I didn't get paid back.
I told her the meals were £5 and I didn't feel comfortable spending that much of her money without her agreement. But I never had any real intention of buying one, mostly because there were no actual supermarkets nearby anyway.
Context, I'm a manager and she isn't, but I'm a lone parent and broke as shit.

So, was I a total cow (YABU) or a diplomatic genius? (YANBU)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
PinkSyCo · 04/03/2022 17:48

She didn’t say she was vegan. Vegetarian. There’s a huge difference.

Oh yes she did……

Final point, I'm vegan and don't want to buy chicken, but I was too chicken (lol) to say that.
If I liked her, I would have happily bought a meal but I would have said can I get you a veggie one instead, and I wouldn't have minded if I didn't get paid back.

zigazigaahfuck · 04/03/2022 17:48

The lazy git should’ve got up and got one herself! YANBU

maybloss2 · 04/03/2022 17:50

You’ve judged yrself correctly. 🤓tho as a vegan I feel you just say- I don’t buy meat -saves so much hassle. Or simply, no I won’t be doing that, if said with a smile it doesn’t have to be unpleasant

GingerWit · 04/03/2022 17:50

Childish.

You should have told her no from the start. YABU if she thought you were bringing back lunch. Hopefully she didn't go rest of the day without eating.

I can appreciate being broke, but at least be honest and just say, "Sorry, I'm not going to the shops."

Gonnagetgoing · 04/03/2022 17:53

I’d have bought her the £5 meal but asked her to pay me back via PayPal as I might not see her for a while.

But yeah you were being a bit petty not buying this and then saying it’s because it was chicken so against your principles!

purplebunny2012 · 04/03/2022 17:54

Ok, that's fair
I would have bought her one if there was a Tesco or whatever right outside with a ready meal for under £2
I didn't think that was likely, and it wasn't

You really don't live in the real world! £5 is not much more than a ready meal from a supermarket. You're lucky to get one for under £3.50 now, unless you get one from the Basics range

Dumblebum · 04/03/2022 17:54

This is such an odd thread.
You sound really obsessed with the fact you’re “a manager” even though you’re not even her manager, so just a colleague.

You’re vegan but eating non vegan products and don’t even bother to check if something is vegan befor you eat them.

You’re agreeing to buy someone lunch when you’ve no plan to do it and lying to your colleague becayse you don’t have the courage to be honest.

You’re “ a manager” and you’re on here slagging a colleague off for being weird and rude, and displaying petty issues over her “ messing with your stuff”

It’s all, well, weird.

purplebunny2012 · 04/03/2022 17:55

Oh, bold fail! Couldn't quote as the comment contained a quote

1forAll74 · 04/03/2022 17:58

You should have said that you didn't want to go shopping on your little walk. and moreso, you said that you don't much like this person. She needs to get more organised about her eating habits.

BuanoKubiamVej · 04/03/2022 17:58

I think you should have been upfront in advance that as a vegan you have no wish to be involved in facilitating her access to chicken corpses. That you respect her right to make her own decisions about what she eats but not to ask a vegan to help her to do things that don't mesh with that person's own ethical position.

YWBU to make out that it was about the money, and YWBU to wait till you returned to the office before telling her that she needed to make her own arrangements to get the thing she wanted. But YWNBU to not want to buy the thing for her.

Gonnagetgoing · 04/03/2022 17:58

@RobotValkyrie

You both communicated poorly. She should have been clearer about what she wanted, including price range, and how she would intend to repay you. You should have been clearer about your own expectations and misgivings (tell her to pay up front, tell her no you don't run errands, whatever)

The whole exchange sounds extremely unprofessional. But as a manager, you should have bigger balls and not be afraid to set the tone/narrative. Not hide behind weasel words.

@RobotValkyrie - yes if this was me in the past I’d say I’m going via Sainsbury’s or Waitrose etc and what do they want? Usually people just say X item not with a price tag but you can tell what they mean via the shop usually.

I think berating the OP for being a manager is a bit silly, she just needs to assert herself more and say no. Especially as this colleague went out herself afterwards. Perhaps the colleague liked seeing OP as it sounds like a younger new manager running around after her!

Onlyforcake · 04/03/2022 17:59

I'm still unclear why she couldn't get her own lunch? Does she not get a break in her shift then?

Londoncallingme · 04/03/2022 18:00

How do you manage people if you can’t even open your mouth and ask for cash up front? Or say no? A mouth isn’t just for Percy pigs you know. YABU.

Butchyrestingface · 04/03/2022 18:00

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

What's your position on making owl noises in the faces of colleagues you don't like?

🦉🦉🦉

Member869894 · 04/03/2022 18:02

Petty and passive aggressive. Yabu

Scoobydoobydo · 04/03/2022 18:02

If you are vegan why were you buying Percy Pigs? Or were they for a friend?

Bunnylady · 04/03/2022 18:02

You do know Percy Pigs aren't vegan don't you? They still contain beeswax!

myusernamewastakenbyme · 04/03/2022 18:03

I don't offer to get anything for my colleagues from the shops if im nipping out....It is a pain asking for the money and i always seem to be left out of pocket...I never ask others to pick stuff up for me either.

Bunnylady · 04/03/2022 18:04

She does say she's a vegan

supaloops · 04/03/2022 18:11

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

Does nobody think she was unreasonable to ask a manager she barely knows to buy her lunch without offering cash up front? I would never
I do, and I wouldn't have done what she did. I would have felt awkward too OP. I wouldn't have said no outright when put on the spot either, but I wouldn't want to buy either for someone I don't really know. A friend, yes.
Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 04/03/2022 18:13

How the fuck did this thread wake up again this evening Grin
I'm off out to have fun this evening so I won't be replying, as it's all been said, but thanks for your comments I guess

OP posts:
Tulipomania · 04/03/2022 18:19

Make sure you stick to vegan wine too ...

Overtired201984 · 04/03/2022 18:20

I think it your post was a bit of any excuse not to get her a ready meal , and as another poster said was passive aggressive .

The bit that made me laugh is I would have bought someone a vegan ready meal but not chicken that’s ridiculous , you’re not eating it!

Lolabray · 04/03/2022 18:21

I’d have done the same.

jazzchilli · 04/03/2022 18:24

I don't think YABU. You aren't close friends. You know if you have a relationship with someone where either you're confident they'll pay you back, or you routinely buy each other things and it all evens out.

Clearly you don't have that relationship, so she should have given you the money upfront. If not, she's taking her chances on whether you'll buy it or not. But yes, say no in future or ask for the money upfront.

I used to live with a friend who always wanted something when I went out to get a takeaway. I would tell her how much it was and she would always give me less back - if it was £3.50 I might get £2.50, for example. It used to drive me crazy because it would make me sound petty to ask for the rest of the cash, but also not my job to subsidise her food.

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