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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you work from home, you’ll have interruptions

998 replies

Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 17:28

I have a DH wfh and a toddler. I pick the toddler up at around 4, home for 430. DH finishes at 6, which leaves an hour and a half or so of time where DS is constantly trying to get to DH, crying and having tantrums.

DH ‘solution’ to this is take DS out but tbh I really don’t think I should have to do this five days a week!

OP posts:
TheHateIsNotGood · 03/03/2022 19:32

MN can literally be the gift that keeps giving - so many posters here so critical of another mother. It might be 2022 and things are supposed to have moved on but you're either doing it wrong or your doing it right but still wrong anyway.

Unbelievable that any poster here can criticise a working mother of a 1 yearold for not being subservient enough to the working 'options' chosen by her partner, the child's father.

If that's so called progress for women since I first noticed the female predicament back in the 1970s then I consider we've gone back a few 1000 years, albeit with mobile phones and t'internet.

Hedgecog · 03/03/2022 19:33

If he can't manage to work with him there he should go back into the office, I can't think of much worse than having to go out with a tired toddler every evening after a full day at work- you should be able to relax and play at home.

Carbiesdreamhouse · 03/03/2022 19:34

After nursery toddler is a nightmare so you have my sympathies. It's a very hard 'shift' and I'm not surprised your DH likes to duck out of it by working during those hours!

I'd say headset for DH and a baby gate or extendable baby fence to keep him away from the door where DH works.

Also suggest DH adjusts hours and works earlier so he can log off earlier if that's possible?

We have the same issue but we take turns each evening and the one working goes into the bedroom to do the last few calls of the day.

Lilac57 · 03/03/2022 19:34

Exactly @stairgates. My DH has decided to deal with the interruptions/noise, on the three days a week he's WFH. When it was a choice between that or going to the office full time, he chose to deal with it. OPs DH just wants to have his cake and eat it, because he's trying to make it the OPs problem! It is not the OPs problem. I suspect that the DH will decide he can cope with the interruptions if it's a choice between that or the office, when the OPs stops preventing the interruptions. It will suddenly be tolerable when he actually needs to put himself out.

Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 19:34

I think the suggestion that I cook dinner while DH works was very telling.

And I know people are meaning to be kind but we don’t have an upstairs. I can’t just wander into work an hour late. I really, really, strongly don’t feel it’s in DS best interests to be adding five hours to his already full time nursery hours. Reasonable or otherwise I would encourage DH back to the office full time before doing that.

OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 03/03/2022 19:35

Unbelievable that any poster here can criticise a working mother of a 1 yearold for not being subservient enough to the working 'options' chosen by her partner, the child's father.

I know right? I'm gobsmacked that posters on here would argue that a tired toddler should be kicked out of his home on winter evenings, so his dad gets the run of the house when he has a perfectly good office to go to.

This place is batshit sometimes.

SilverGlassHare · 03/03/2022 19:35

@HoveringDonkeyofKnock

It's a family home, first and foremost.

Well….yes. But we’re in a new time now where ‘work’ and ‘home’ are being redefined. Many are living and working differently now. Increasingly work is something that can be done anywhere. Working in the home can bring significant benefits to home life.

Well… yes. Except it’s not doing so in this case, is it? DH is getting ratty and DS is getting upset and OP is getting it in the neck from both sides.
oblada · 03/03/2022 19:36

DH should go back to the office a couple of days a week and/or combine that with a flexible working request to finish at 430pm or 5pm once or twice a week and/or finish the day in a separate space and ensure that he does not have meetings at that time if possible IE focuses on quiet work and along with all or some of that OP could fine a weekly activity for her to do with the little one betw 430pm and 6pm (so sorting out the issue for once a week).

TheKeatingFive · 03/03/2022 19:36

I really, really, strongly don’t feel it’s in DS best interests to be adding five hours to his already full time nursery hours.

Of course it isn't. It's a bizarre suggestion.

stuntbubbles · 03/03/2022 19:37

I’m your DH in this scenario as we stagger our hours to give DD a shorter day. She comes home at 4pm and I work til 5.30, no home office. I just go into the bedroom. And if she interrupts, I park my work and pick it up in the evening. That’s my job as a parent, not to make her do an excessively long nursery day that’ll run her ragged just because it suits me to WFH. Your DH needs to find a solution here, not you and not the toddler.

mafsfan · 03/03/2022 19:37

Jeez, your DH needs to suck it up and go back to the office. This is a ridiculous situation to allow in your home.

He's not in a WFH job, he just prefers it. We'll tough luck, your DS comes first and it's home! I can't believe he'd even argue about it.

LawnFever · 03/03/2022 19:38

@Positivelyperfect

Yes, he could work at the office but he prefers wfh.
There’s your solution then, if wfh isn’t working he needs to go into the office, best way all round.
LyricalBlowToTheJaw · 03/03/2022 19:38

It's also a much more expensive option than an inside lock on the bedroom door, a pair of noise cancelling headphones and turning the telly on so DS can't hear DH would be. There is no way I'd be defaulting to the dearest option first.

itsnotdeep · 03/03/2022 19:39

Your Dh does need to move rooms at 4.30. What other rooms do you have that he could go into? Of course it's unreasonable to expect you to sit in the car/go out/keep ds in nursery.

I go up to my bedroom when my dc come home and if I've got lots to do. (or they go upstairs, but they aren't toddlers).

Ivyonafence · 03/03/2022 19:39

Selfish man.

Tell him he can't have his cake and eat it.

He should head into work if he wants a purely work environment all day.

He is choosing to work from home, and his home has a grumpy toddler in it for the last hour of the day.

It's not a woman's job to run around like a manic pixie ensuring DH gets the best of both worlds.

NoSquirrels · 03/03/2022 19:40

So now you’ve said, No, DH, I’m not doing that, and I can’t keep DS quiet and out of the way every day - what’s his alternative solution?

LuaDipa · 03/03/2022 19:40

@TheHateIsNotGood

MN can literally be the gift that keeps giving - so many posters here so critical of another mother. It might be 2022 and things are supposed to have moved on but you're either doing it wrong or your doing it right but still wrong anyway.

Unbelievable that any poster here can criticise a working mother of a 1 yearold for not being subservient enough to the working 'options' chosen by her partner, the child's father.

If that's so called progress for women since I first noticed the female predicament back in the 1970s then I consider we've gone back a few 1000 years, albeit with mobile phones and t'internet.

Absolutely. I honestly can’t believe what I’m reading.

There’s a very simple solution here, dh needs to fuck off back to work or accept that his dw and toddler will be undertaking a perfectly normal, non-silent routine of family activity when they get home.

I wfh, sometimes in the kitchen, but I don’t expect my family to tiptoe around me. If I need quiet I go somewhere else because I understand that they have the right to enjoy their home too. Yanbu op.

OfstedOffred · 03/03/2022 19:43

He needs to work somewhere where you won't need to walk through. He has to accept normal family background noise (headphones might help) but you should be keeping the toddler away from where he s working - just tell him Daddy isnt home.

BornBlonde · 03/03/2022 19:43

@Positivelyperfect

I do think he should go back to the office a couple of days a week if us being around is such a problem. It’s very annoying being chivvied out of your own home!
@Positivelyperfect agree that the sensible solution. Your DH is being unreasonable!
PonyPatter44 · 03/03/2022 19:45

Why doesn't the silly sod just go back to his office? WFH only works if there is a suitable set-up at home, and your home is not suitable. Therefore, he needs to go somewhere more suitable, like his office!

RewildingAmbridge · 03/03/2022 19:46

DH and I both go to the office even when we could WFH one day per week each, the days we could do at home DS is at home with either one of us or my mum. It's not fair to the child or to the adult trying to look after/distract them. Your husband needs to go back to the office

Nogoodusername · 03/03/2022 19:47

If DH needs peace for the last 90 minutes then DH needs to go back to the office. Tough that he ‘prefers’ wfh - if the set up isn’t suitable then it isn’t suitable.
Only thing I was wondering is whether he could change his hours? Start work an hour earlier so that he finishes at 5? Otherwise, he is just going to have to go back to the office

PrivateHall · 03/03/2022 19:47

OP you have my full sympathy! DH needs to go back to the office or suck it up. He is being completely unreasonable. There is no realistic way for you to stop your little one from making noise!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/03/2022 19:48

I know right? I'm gobsmacked that posters on here would argue that a tired toddler should be kicked out of his home on winter evenings, so his dad gets the run of the house when he has a perfectly good office to go to.

This place is batshit sometimes.

^^
Exactly

OP, I hope you’re now seeing that the majority of voices are saying this is your H’s problem, and that he needs to suck it up or go back to the office. Lots of perfectly good options open to him - for example can he flex his hours ? - and nothing sensible that can or should be done differently by you.

shssandhr · 03/03/2022 19:50

DH needs to solve this.
It's not acceptable to expect you to take the toddler out 5 evenings a week for an hour and a half.
Whatever solution he comes up with - that is not it.
If he doesn't like it he should go back to the office.
OR he moves rooms before you come back with the toddler, he keeps his voice down so toddler doesn't hear him and you play some quiet music downstairs so that covers up Dad's voice further without being loud enough to disturb big man doing big important job DH