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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you work from home, you’ll have interruptions

998 replies

Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 17:28

I have a DH wfh and a toddler. I pick the toddler up at around 4, home for 430. DH finishes at 6, which leaves an hour and a half or so of time where DS is constantly trying to get to DH, crying and having tantrums.

DH ‘solution’ to this is take DS out but tbh I really don’t think I should have to do this five days a week!

OP posts:
LyricalBlowToTheJaw · 03/03/2022 19:20

@Positivelyperfect

Even working in a bedroom DS would be able to hear him and try to get to him - as I’ve said I was on the other side of this the other day, so I’m not totally unsympathetic and I don’t mind going out a couple of days a week. It’s the expectation that I’m going to do it every single day that I’m really fed up with.
Then there needs to be a lock on the inside of the bedroom door, radio or similar in the background so DS can't hear his daddy and DH will have to wear noise cancelling headphones if the noise disturbs him.
Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 19:21

We both work FT, which I must admit I thought was reasonably obvious by the fact I’m back at 430
Five days a week!

@LottyD32 if you think I am being unreasonable then fair enough but I am most definitely not posting for advice as to things I can do between 4 and 6 every day out of the home. I have said I can and will a couple of days a week but I think this being presented as a solution every day is really not on at all.

OP posts:
Mangofandangoo · 03/03/2022 19:21

Can't you distract? Maybe a buddy bath etc, might help break the habit?

HoveringDonkeyofKnock · 03/03/2022 19:21

It's a family home, first and foremost.

Well….yes. But we’re in a new time now where ‘work’ and ‘home’ are being redefined. Many are living and working differently now. Increasingly work is something that can be done anywhere. Working in the home can bring significant benefits to home life.

busyeatingbiscuits · 03/03/2022 19:22

Both your DH and your DS will just have to get used to hearing each other! It's not the end of the world.

Get DH to move into the bedroom before you get back and close the door.

Depending on your lay out, either close the living room/kitchen door or put a stairgate somewhere to keep DS away from the bedroom door.

DH can try to keep the noise down, DS will get used to hearing daddy but not being able to play.
If your DH wants to work from home then he needs to accept there will be home/child background noise.

EveningOverRooftops · 03/03/2022 19:22

Are your DHs hours fixed at WFH? Can he renegotiate them?

Eg could he start earlier and do the none client based stuff whilst you’re getting the baby (too young for toddler imo, still a baby) ready for nursery and breakfast etc?

Can he go back to the office?

If that’s not possible can DH rent a hot desk elsewhere at least part of the week so you can come home without stress?

Can he find a more family friendly job?

NoSquirrels · 03/03/2022 19:22

Can’t your DH start earlier and finish earlier?

If he’s not doing childcare drop offs and pick ups then he can flex his hours.

Otherwise just tell him to move his ‘office’ and accept that at 4.30 he needs a 15-20 minute break to interact with his toddler before finishing up for the day.

As you say, it’s his problem not yours.
Tell him that.

Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 19:23

Of course he could go back to the office but apparently I should sit in my car instead Sad

OP posts:
DaveGrohl · 03/03/2022 19:23

It sounds like your DH does not have an appropriate space (as in a large enough house, free from noise and distractions) to work from home. He is allowed to work from the office so that’s where he should be. Or a hybrid situation where he’s in the office three days a week/2 days at home (and on those days you put on a film one day and do swimming one day. Or something!)

AubadeIsIt · 03/03/2022 19:23

[quote Positivelyperfect]@AuntyBumBum I’m not suggesting he quits work but I do object to the suggestion I’m a ratty housewife and some of the other replies have made it clear this is how I am viewed as well. I should be cooking dinner while DH finishes work and entertaining our child. Except hang on … I’ve been working as well.[/quote]
This. If it were you asking your DH to take your one year old out or not move around in the home, you'd be criticised. Bedroom or café -- or can he ask to start and end his day earlier ?

AubadeIsIt · 03/03/2022 19:24

@Crimesean

Just keep him away from the door! You can't allow him to bang on the door and shout through it, that's crazy. You just have to keep him with you and keep your eye on him.
Have you had a one year-old recently ? Hmm
NoSquirrels · 03/03/2022 19:24

How solution is you stay put.

You say “No” very loudly and assertively and ask for his alternative suggestion where HE creates a solution to HIS problem.

RJnomore1 · 03/03/2022 19:25

Can you go into work later and pick him up later? Can your husband organise his day so he has no meetings after a certain time a few days a week and catches up on his written work quietly?

It’s easily sortable with a bit of thinking and adaptation all round. The better weather will also help. That is not a suggestion you do all the compromise btw

busyeatingbiscuits · 03/03/2022 19:25

My DH worked from home during lockdown with children at home.

They weren't allowed to go into his office, but I didn't keep them quiet either. Family homes are noisy, tired toddlers have tantrums.

NoSquirrels · 03/03/2022 19:25

How solution = His solution

FinallyHere · 03/03/2022 19:27

What you describe is not about WFH, it's about the pitfalls of working from home when you don't have the private space to do so successfully.

Big difference. Hugh.

Ivyonafence · 03/03/2022 19:27

Your DH is being unreasonable.

The house is a home first and foremost. If WFH doesn't suit him then he should go into his office, he doesn't get to commandeer the whole home when he has a perfectly good space at work.

This is his home set up, he needs to find a solution. He could schedule his meetings earlier in the day. He could get a lock for the bedroom and work from there for the last hour. He could deal with the fact a toddler will be there, get a basket of toys and pull DS onto his lap.

It's not your problem.

stairgates · 03/03/2022 19:28

Havent read it all, but if DH chooses to work from home then he is choosing the noisy 1 1/2 hours, thats the choice. Office or noisy for an hour and a bit home. Hes taking the piss, tell him to go back to the office and give him a list of shopping to pickup on his way home.

canary1 · 03/03/2022 19:29

Your husband is the problem here.
Is he expecting you to keep toddler quiet?
He should go back to office, at least a few days a week. Flex time to avoid this some of time.
It’s not reasonable at all that toddler who has been out all day is not allowed to relax at home to play. It sounds like you need to have a serious talk with your husband

FinnulaFloss · 03/03/2022 19:29

DH going upstairs would surely be far better. Stairgate preventing dc going up, job done. Having dc banging on the door where DH is working isn't really a good option.

It's not ideal for either of you - you have a grumpy toddler to distract, he's trying to work with noise in the background. You both just have to suck it up really.

Cornishmumofone · 03/03/2022 19:29

Could your husband start working an hour earlier? Just have a 30 minute lunch break?

LyricalBlowToTheJaw · 03/03/2022 19:29

@Positivelyperfect

Of course he could go back to the office but apparently I should sit in my car instead Sad
He's being completely ridiculous not to try and of the options that allow you both to be in the home at the same time.
AubadeIsIt · 03/03/2022 19:30

@givethatbabyaname

This is exactly why I lost my mind during lockdown. It's impossible handing a wfh parent and a toddler in a flat. Impossible.

Your DH has the option of going into an office. He needs to use it. Unbelievably selfish expecting a 1yo child or its parent to stay quiet for 1.5hrs in their own home, when they don't have to.

Exactly. Not everyone has a house, an upstairs and a garden in which to build a home office, ffs.
TheKeatingFive · 03/03/2022 19:30

Havent read it all, but if DH chooses to work from home then he is choosing the noisy 1 1/2 hours, thats the choice.

Exactly.

His choice is wfh in a busy family home. Not wfh entirely on this own terms.

SilverGlassHare · 03/03/2022 19:31

@Greengagesnfennel

It seems from your post that you might be tired and tetchy when you get back home. Have you got into a mindset of viewing this time with your toddler as a chore? Perhaps that's coming across and is why he/she wants to get away to dad? Have you tried doing things you think they would like to do and having a chill out (not attempt cooking, anything household) when you get home. This could be a special 1.5h just you and them. Toddler times you can look back on and remember fondly. Doesn't last long and if you've been at work all day precious time with them too.
Wow, this is judgemental. If the OP saw it as a chore she’d be happy to stick her DS in nursery or park him in front of the tv. She just doesn’t want to be out of the house every evening with a tired toddler and I’m not sure why anyone thinks that is unreasonable.
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