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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you work from home, you’ll have interruptions

998 replies

Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 17:28

I have a DH wfh and a toddler. I pick the toddler up at around 4, home for 430. DH finishes at 6, which leaves an hour and a half or so of time where DS is constantly trying to get to DH, crying and having tantrums.

DH ‘solution’ to this is take DS out but tbh I really don’t think I should have to do this five days a week!

OP posts:
Lilac57 · 03/03/2022 19:51

@ofstedOffred keeping the toddler away from DH is only reasonable if it's very easily done, and doesn't involve extra work/stress/hassle for the OP. It sounds like that isn't the case here. The OP isn't done housewife facilitating the DH's big important job that is keeping a roof over their heads. The OP works full time too. They shouldn't be lumbered with extra work (i.e. keeping the toddler away from DH) when they come home.

Darbs76 · 03/03/2022 19:53

Your DH needs to go upstairs. It’s not reasonable for you to keep child quiet in the same room

Dishwashersaurous · 03/03/2022 19:54

Upstairs he goes.

That way toddler doesn't know he's at home and you can do toddler activities etc

SunnySideDownBriefly · 03/03/2022 19:54

I don't know if this has been suggested but can your husband start an hour earlier and then finish an hour earlier? This is the what I do as our ddog gets very twitchy for the last hour my DH and I work.

WonderfulYou · 03/03/2022 19:55

I think the suggestion that I cook dinner while DH works was very telling.

Why would you not cook dinner whilst he’s working?

That means you’re in the house but won’t start making dinner until after 6pm when he’s finished or even later if he was in the office and had to drive home first?
I don’t understand the logic in that.

Honestly I don’t think this is about DS.
Do you think he’s not pulling his weight?

ProfFloss · 03/03/2022 19:56

I don’t mean this unkindly but you have a pretty bad attitude about it.
I guess your husband is the main wage earner so he should be left to work in peace. Or perhaps you are the wage earner and could go back to work so he looks after your child? Either way work and childcare don’t mix. If you don’t want to take child out find other ways to entertain him.

Darbs76 · 03/03/2022 19:56

Or can you bath him and distract him upstairs?

ChocolateMassacre · 03/03/2022 19:57

DH works in the bedroom and locks the door/stairgate if no lock? Toddler will give up eventually if they can't get to him.

Meanwhile, could you have a really great distraction which you just bring out at that time? A pop-up tunnel would have kept mine busy for ages. Or put toddler in high chair and do painting/stick on TV.

Lilac57 · 03/03/2022 19:59

OMG I can't believe what I'm reading, the outright sexism! What on earth makes you think the DH is the main wage earner? No where in this whole thread is that suggested. And as for the insistence that the OP goes out to work, the OP does go out to work full time. Good grief MN, have we gone back to the 50s and nobody told me?

autienotnaughty · 03/03/2022 19:59

I really don't understand the layout of your house. Can't you go in living room and dh go in bedroom even if it's all n one floor there's two doors between the rooms. Alternatives are -
Dh finds somewhere else to work
Dh puts up with it
Dh changes work hours

busyeatingbiscuits · 03/03/2022 20:00

@WonderfulYou

I think the suggestion that I cook dinner while DH works was very telling.

Why would you not cook dinner whilst he’s working?

That means you’re in the house but won’t start making dinner until after 6pm when he’s finished or even later if he was in the office and had to drive home first?
I don’t understand the logic in that.

Honestly I don’t think this is about DS.
Do you think he’s not pulling his weight?

The advice was that the OP should pay for the 1 year old to stay in nursery late, so she can come home without disturbing her DH and make dinner, then go and collect their child once he's finished work.

Lots of extra work for the OP, extra time for the 1 year old to be in nursery, just because the DH prefers to work from home but wants quiet.

Hellolittlestar · 03/03/2022 20:02

Ehm, I’ve not read replies past page 2, but surely the obvious answer is that your husband moves to a room with a closed door for the last 90 minutes.

Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 20:02

Where does it say DH is the main wage earner? Confused

As for why would I not make dinner while DH is at work - well because I don’t want to make dinner five nights a week.

We have no upstairs. Therefore DH cannot go upstairs, because upstairs is non existent.

OP posts:
Lilac57 · 03/03/2022 20:03

@WonderfulYou maybe the OP started work an hour before DH (hence the early finish), then has to deal with the toddler for the dinner/bedtime stint after a full day at work, so doesn't fancy cooking dinner for her and DH too? Maybe cooking dinner is the least the DH could do after the OP's done all that?

Threeboysandadog · 03/03/2022 20:04

Could you do ds’s tea, bath and story during that hour and a half.

Dishwashersaurous · 03/03/2022 20:04

OK. So the flat layout makes more sense now.

Basically does it work to have a one year old and someone working in what sounds like not a big flat at the same time. No it does not.

So husband could go into office. He could finish work earlier.

You could move to somewhere bigger so that there's more space in the house.

But you both need to work out a solution together.

Maybe one day a week you take him out.
Two days he finishes work earlier so no conflict.
Two days a week he goes into the office

TheKeatingFive · 03/03/2022 20:07

I don’t mean this unkindly but you have a pretty bad attitude about it. I guess your husband is the main wage earner so he should be left to work in peace.

Ffs 🙄

Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 20:09

@TheKeatingFive

I don’t mean this unkindly but you have a pretty bad attitude about it. I guess your husband is the main wage earner so he should be left to work in peace.

Ffs 🙄

I think that was a joke post.

I hope!

OP posts:
Lilac57 · 03/03/2022 20:09

Why do they need to work out a solution together? DHs problems are not the OPs problems to sort. He doesn't need to WFH, he chooses to, so he can't justify creating problems if he's not willing to deal with them.

Shittybobbins · 03/03/2022 20:13

Does he have to be on calls/ Teams all the time?
Could he schedule 4pm onwards as admin time, so that he's not speaking and DS doesn't hear he's there? Agree he should also go to the office a couple of days a week.

stuntbubbles · 03/03/2022 20:15

I guess your husband is the main wage earner so he should be left to work in peace.
Have you perhaps considered some training in “actually reading the OP’s posts” and “not being sexist”

DameHelena · 03/03/2022 20:17

@Shittybobbins

Does he have to be on calls/ Teams all the time? Could he schedule 4pm onwards as admin time, so that he's not speaking and DS doesn't hear he's there? Agree he should also go to the office a couple of days a week.
If feasible, this seems like the best solution to me.
Michellexxx · 03/03/2022 20:17

I have a husband who tok wfh from choice and I find it quite suffocating not being able to relax in your own house.
Could he go into work 2 days a week and you try and do something yourself/with your son a couple of days a week? Then there’s only 1 day at home all together but it seems everyone gets a bit of space?
If he doesn’t agree to going to the office for 2 days; then he needs to deal with the upset!

AfraidToRun · 03/03/2022 20:18

He should go back to the office. I despair for all the children who are being told by parents to go away even if it's for understandable reasons.

Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 20:19

It’s very suffocating, often in ways I find the person not WFH doesn’t really understand.

OP posts: