Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think if you work from home, you’ll have interruptions

998 replies

Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 17:28

I have a DH wfh and a toddler. I pick the toddler up at around 4, home for 430. DH finishes at 6, which leaves an hour and a half or so of time where DS is constantly trying to get to DH, crying and having tantrums.

DH ‘solution’ to this is take DS out but tbh I really don’t think I should have to do this five days a week!

OP posts:
Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 19:00

Seriously, I have to sit in my car for an hour because my home isn’t an option?

OP posts:
LottyD32 · 03/03/2022 19:01

@Positivelyperfect

could you swim

Every day? Would you like to go swimming every single day after work with a toddler?

I’m not necessarily looking for solutions to how I can ensure DS is quiet, I was just wondering if others thought that what I was being asked was in any way reasonable.

Once again:

Ds goes to nursery for longer, you do something for yourself between leaving work at your normal time and picking him up later than you do now.

Greengagesnfennel · 03/03/2022 19:01

It seems from your post that you might be tired and tetchy when you get back home. Have you got into a mindset of viewing this time with your toddler as a chore? Perhaps that's coming across and is why he/she wants to get away to dad? Have you tried doing things you think they would like to do and having a chill out (not attempt cooking, anything household) when you get home. This could be a special 1.5h just you and them. Toddler times you can look back on and remember fondly. Doesn't last long and if you've been at work all day precious time with them too.

Palavah · 03/03/2022 19:01

@Positivelyperfect

Yes, he could work at the office but he prefers wfh.
Then he'll have to accept that he is working from your family home, and everything that goes with that.
bellac11 · 03/03/2022 19:03

@Positivelyperfect

Yes, he could work at the office but he prefers wfh.
Well then end of discussion. He goes back to the office.
Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 19:04

@LottyD32 - I know this might sound really grumpy and that isn’t actually the intention, but I don’t actually want your ‘solutions’ regardless as how many times you ‘once again’ me.

I pay quite a lot for that house and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to return to it at the end of the day!

OP posts:
MirandaWest · 03/03/2022 19:04

How did it work when you were on maternity leave?

Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 19:04

@Greengagesnfennel

It seems from your post that you might be tired and tetchy when you get back home. Have you got into a mindset of viewing this time with your toddler as a chore? Perhaps that's coming across and is why he/she wants to get away to dad? Have you tried doing things you think they would like to do and having a chill out (not attempt cooking, anything household) when you get home. This could be a special 1.5h just you and them. Toddler times you can look back on and remember fondly. Doesn't last long and if you've been at work all day precious time with them too.
So because I a bit fed up with this (which isn’t a new situation) I am terrorising my toddler who is desperate to get rid of me? Grin
OP posts:
Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 19:05

@MirandaWest

How did it work when you were on maternity leave?
I was out as much as was feasible but it was different. DS wasn’t mobile and didn’t get upset at his dad being in and out. It was more a pain for things like naps and so on.
OP posts:
LottyD32 · 03/03/2022 19:07

[quote Positivelyperfect]@LottyD32 - I know this might sound really grumpy and that isn’t actually the intention, but I don’t actually want your ‘solutions’ regardless as how many times you ‘once again’ me.

I pay quite a lot for that house and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to return to it at the end of the day![/quote]
Half past four isn't the end of the day. Maybe your dh doesn't want to commute after working until, shock horror 😲, six!

TheHateIsNotGood · 03/03/2022 19:07

Seriously, you and your child need to get back into your home and DH needs to either get over himself or get back to his place of work.

If he thinks that's unreasonable then suggest he goes and 'camps out' in his office and only returns 'home' to work.

Coughee · 03/03/2022 19:08

Greengagesnfennel's post is hilarious 😂

I'm guessing their toddlers are now all grown up and they are looking back with very very rose tinted glasses.

Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 19:09

So your view is that I am being wholly unreasonable and should be out of the house from 715-6 every day, is that right, @LottyD32? I am just clarifying here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 19:09

@Coughee

Greengagesnfennel's post is hilarious 😂

I'm guessing their toddlers are now all grown up and they are looking back with very very rose tinted glasses.

It’s me who is terrorised and runs in fear from the toddler, to be fair.
OP posts:
Lilac57 · 03/03/2022 19:12

Honestly, why are people still suggesting the OP needs to do something to solve this?! They've already posted that DH could go to the office, that is the solution. But instead he's choosing to inconvenience the OP, essentially by trying to make the OP deal with the difficult parts of WFH, so that they are not inconvenienced at all. The OP has already done her days work, she should be able to do whatever she feels like in her own home when she's finished. If she's anything like me, she's probably knackered after a day at work and just wants to relax when home (as much as you can relax with a toddler anyway), and get on with the dinner/bath/bed without any extra hassle and stress. Why should they go swimming?! If my DH suggested I take my toddler DS swimming after a full on day at work, whilst he works in peace, I'd tell him where to go. Your DH needs to stop being a selfish , and you don't need to do anything at all OP.

LottyD32 · 03/03/2022 19:15

@Positivelyperfect

So your view is that I am being wholly unreasonable and should be out of the house from 715-6 every day, is that right, *@LottyD32*? I am just clarifying here.
You are a bit. It's give and take, he's working to provide for your family not laying about drinking and smoking.

I've had some ridiculous commutes (leaving the house at 5.30am and getting off my train home at 7.20pm), and if could work from home, I would always choose to.

Do you and ds benefit from his extra time where he has no commute?

Does he pull his weight once he's finished working?

Personally, I'd take the free hour for myself everyday by putting ds nursery for longer.

MsChatterbox · 03/03/2022 19:15

My husband wfh, I have a 4 year old who goes to preschool for 3 hours and a toddler at home all day. I do have to remove 4 year old from his room sometimes, the toddler I find easier to keep away. I think you should be able to be at home. If this was my husband I would have to be out all day!! To me the clear issue is where your husband is working. Mine works in the bedroom. It's upstairs and completely tucked away, no need for us to go in there. Is this a possibility for yours?

Sparkletastic · 03/03/2022 19:15

If I were in your position I'd make no effort whatsoever to keep DS quiet and away from DH. Any complaints or suggestions to go out every day would be met with a cheerful no can do. He'll soon get the message and go back into his perfectly good office.

stripeyflowers · 03/03/2022 19:16

@Positivelyperfect

Seriously, I have to sit in my car for an hour because my home isn’t an option?
I get what you mean but you could vary it. You aren't being unreasonable at all in what you say but that's not helping the problem. The solutions are limited. If you did find something to do and let the little say longer and nursery it doesn't have to be every day. Even some days would be a help. You could vary how you spend that time, nothing has to be done every day.

I know you're out of your own house and I do get that but being in your own house in this situation is surely more stressful with what's going on than it would be staying out of the house before picking up from nursery. It solves the problem for your husband. It's definitely not the perfect answer for you but it's no worse and maybe worth a try?

stripeyflowers · 03/03/2022 19:17

*little one stay longer at nursery.

Thesearmsofmine · 03/03/2022 19:17

It’s hard at that age because they are too little to understand that daddy is working. I would maybe try and compromise, maybe 2 days a week keep DS out a bit longer, one day at the park or soft play and the other day go to the supermarket, he can have dinner there. The other days DH needs to put up with a bit of interruption, move rooms or go into the office.

LunaNova · 03/03/2022 19:17

It's rude of people to assume that because you finish at half 4 and your DH at 6 that you obviously work less 🙄. Noone knows what times you both start so cannot comment.

Regardless, yanbu. It's draining enough coming home from work with a toddler who's been at nursery all day (and therefore shattered) and playing normally, never mind having to think of 5 days worth of activities on top of this. Plus, all the money for these extra activities?! Where is that supposed to come from?

There has to be a compromise - DH either tries moving to the bedroom to see if that helps minimise the disruption to your DS (I know you said DS can hear anyway) or he just lumps it and tries to keep the last 90 mins of his day for admin time so he's not on the phone as much. If that's not possible then he needs to work in the office.

Fwiw both me and DH can wfh, although DH prefers to work in the office. When he's home though he understands there will be times he gets disrupted.

PotteryLady · 03/03/2022 19:18

Can toddler stay at nursery until day 5.30/6.00 - you make tea and the collect?

LemonPledge555 · 03/03/2022 19:18

Not RTFT but the setup isn’t great. Does DH have to WFH? Mine does about 50% now, but was at least in a separate room and was able to explain to DD that he’s working.

violetbunny · 03/03/2022 19:19

Could DH start and finish a bit earlier in the day?

Swipe left for the next trending thread