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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think if you work from home, you’ll have interruptions

998 replies

Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 17:28

I have a DH wfh and a toddler. I pick the toddler up at around 4, home for 430. DH finishes at 6, which leaves an hour and a half or so of time where DS is constantly trying to get to DH, crying and having tantrums.

DH ‘solution’ to this is take DS out but tbh I really don’t think I should have to do this five days a week!

OP posts:
Lilac57 · 04/03/2022 12:39

It's really poor form for MN to take the post down rather than deal with the abusive posters. It's tantamount to condoning bullying.

LottyD32 · 04/03/2022 12:40

And I didn't say anyone with mh problems should be kept away from their child, at all.

You twisted that op, to deflect from your own unwillingness to find a solution to your problem.

5zeds · 04/03/2022 12:40

The OP doesn't need to do anything.
@Positivelyperfect has posted because she is unhappy with the set up as is. While obviously she doesn’t have to do anything surely she is actively looking for support to make her life less miserable? She has stated she can’t get dh to change what other options does she have?

Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 04/03/2022 12:42

I have a copy of your post @LottyD32

Would you like to explain now exactly what you did mean, then?

OP posts:
Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 04/03/2022 12:42

@Lilac57

It's really poor form for MN to take the post down rather than deal with the abusive posters. It's tantamount to condoning bullying.
I believe this and I am extremely disappointed. I hope MN will reconsider but I see Lotty is still here.
OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 04/03/2022 12:43

I'm not sure why you think it's the OPs job to be amenable. She's not the one with the issue.

The thing is lemmein, she’s literally said it is her with the issue - her DH doesn’t apparently see the problem.

lemmein · 04/03/2022 12:44

@NoSquirrels

I'm not sure why you think it's the OPs job to be amenable. She's not the one with the issue.

The thing is lemmein, she’s literally said it is her with the issue - her DH doesn’t apparently see the problem.

Well he clearly does or he wouldn't be suggesting she stays out of her home for 90 minutes every day?
LottyD32 · 04/03/2022 12:44

@Positivelyperfect

I have a copy of your post *@LottyD32*

Would you like to explain now exactly what you did mean, then?

I meant, if responses on a forum can upset you so much, it might be good for you have an hour of me time every day. Its good for everyone to have me time. You could rake the extra hour in nursery to do something for yourself each day. And solve the wfh problem.

That's not spiteful.

NoSquirrels · 04/03/2022 12:45

He’s suggested that in response to her saying it’s difficult to manage DS.

So her other choice is to stop managing DS.

Only then will it be his issue!

LottyD32 · 04/03/2022 12:46

*take

And expecting someone to be banned because you twist the meaning of their words is worse than spiteful imo.

TheKeatingFive · 04/03/2022 12:46

She needs to ignore any requests to keep DS quiet or away from his father and leave it to him to make adjustments necessary.

I'm pretty sure she's taken that advice on board, so from that POV job done.

Wfh is a preference for many. That doesn't mean that others have to roll over and let their house become an office with no thought to their or their children's needs.

Thinking about you OP. Assert your and your sons rights to your own home Flowers

Arabellla · 04/03/2022 12:47

It sounds like DH could WFH but chooses not to?

I’d suggest he work from home in the mornings and go into the office in the afternoons.

Alternative, he moves his desk to the bedrooms installs a lock/latch. He should also minimise noise by not listening to music and trying to schedule any calls before 4pm where possible.

Don’t be forced out of your own home after a long day at work, OP.

TheKeatingFive · 04/03/2022 12:47

It was a shitty thing to say LottyD32

At least own that

lemmein · 04/03/2022 12:48

@NoSquirrels

He’s suggested that in response to her saying it’s difficult to manage DS.

So her other choice is to stop managing DS.

Only then will it be his issue!

Still wrong though. The OP is only having to manage her toddler because DH has a problem with a toddler behaving like a toddler during his work time Hmm

This is not the OPs issue, I'm unsure why you are adamant on making it so.

Arabellla · 04/03/2022 12:48

DS will soon get the message that the bedroom is out of bounds if no one gives him attention when he cries.

Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 04/03/2022 12:48

I don’t believe I did twist it @LottyD32.

Because if you’d meant that post kindly and supportively you would have said what you said above - if you’re struggling, wouldn’t ‘me time’ do you good? No one would have deleted a post like that.

But you didn’t say that.

Besides, I have explained quite patiently it wouldn’t be an hour of me time, it’s an hour of me-sat-in-traffic-time, and while I know things get missed in longer threads, that answer was literally in response to you. You’re backtracking and you know it.

OP posts:
LottyD32 · 04/03/2022 12:48

How is suggesting daily self care a shitty thing to say?

Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 04/03/2022 12:49

@TheKeatingFive

It was a shitty thing to say LottyD32

At least own that

Indeed.
OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 04/03/2022 12:49

How is suggesting daily self care a shitty thing to say?

Putting the best possible spin on your comment and ignoring the snide undertones of it is not fooling anyone.

Arabellla · 04/03/2022 12:49

@LottyD32

And I didn't say anyone with mh problems should be kept away from their child, at all.

You twisted that op, to deflect from your own unwillingness to find a solution to your problem.

I don’t think this is the right forum for you, Lotty. Go well.
Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 04/03/2022 12:49

Why night MN delete a post suggesting daily self care Lotty?

OP posts:
Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 04/03/2022 12:50

If the thread can be filled there is no reason to take it down.

OP posts:
jazzandh · 04/03/2022 12:51

Surely if it bothered DH he would find a solution himself. Perhaps it isn't an issue for him having a toddler around and potentially interrupting him. Maybe he can gently teach him to stop etc?

The OP has not actually said that he gets annoyed, it seems to come across that she feels she should keep the child quiet and out of the way. If the DH is not bothered, then he may well then say that it is not infact him that has an issue.

My DH has worked from home on and off through the years when I had small children at home and actually it never bothered him. I think he was always quiet interactive in an office environment and so was used to breaking and restarting work. (I do understand that you think you need to keep them quiet but I came to realise that was almost my conditioning rather than something that bothered DH).

Offices are a distracting environment especially at the end of the day with people coming and going. Get on with your plans and let him work round it as he needs to.

Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 04/03/2022 12:51

And for those wondering why I don’t want it taken down - I hate this tendency when threads get really nasty of sweeping it under the carpet.

There have been some awful posts but now it’s not 4 in the morning I see wonderfully supportive ones too. Please keep it up.

OP posts:
stuntbubbles · 04/03/2022 12:51

@LottyD32

How is suggesting daily self care a shitty thing to say?
Perhaps your act of self care today could be stepping away from this thread.
Swipe left for the next trending thread