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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think if you work from home, you’ll have interruptions

998 replies

Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 17:28

I have a DH wfh and a toddler. I pick the toddler up at around 4, home for 430. DH finishes at 6, which leaves an hour and a half or so of time where DS is constantly trying to get to DH, crying and having tantrums.

DH ‘solution’ to this is take DS out but tbh I really don’t think I should have to do this five days a week!

OP posts:
Escargooooooo · 04/03/2022 11:51

The OP is being asked to constrain and inconvenience herself and her child

No. Just parent him.

TheKeatingFive · 04/03/2022 11:51

But then you think a mother being able to look after her own child whilst the other parent is in the house for 90 minutes is outrageous.

I see that your reading comprehension hasn't improved one jot.

Better get the head down before those GCSEs, hmm?

stuntbubbles · 04/03/2022 11:51

@ChoiceMummy

But if op's mental state is as bad as she says off the back of the comments of an internet forum, then putting the child in nursery longer and taking the time between finishing work and picking him up, for herself, might be the best idea.

I agree that if the op's mh is this fragile, then it's the wrong forum for her and hope she is seeking professional medical advice for her health issues and managing with her child.

“Parenting effectively”, “managing with her child” – you just won’t stop, will you? Are you getting some kind of vindictive pleasure out of this?

It’s quite clear to me reading the thread that the OP is a good parent, trying to make decisions to benefit her child: keeping his nursery day short because she has the opportunity to do so, minimising the length of the nursery run car time, limiting screen time before bed, setting boundaries to keep him away from DH who is working, not dragging a tired one year old out swimming five times a week… There is NOTHING in the thread to suggest she’s not an effective parent or that she needs professional medical advice for managing with her child, and your insinuations that she does are just cruel and nasty. Behave yourself.

Escargooooooo · 04/03/2022 11:53

@TheKeatingFive

But then you think a mother being able to look after her own child whilst the other parent is in the house for 90 minutes is outrageous.

I see that your reading comprehension hasn't improved one jot.

Better get the head down before those GCSEs, hmm?

Why do you pretend to have children?

Yours don't exist.

washingmachines4 · 04/03/2022 11:54

Can he not discuss with his employer a bit more of flexibly working time? Either clocking off at 4.30 like you and starting earlier each day, or clocking off at 4.30 and making up the hours on 1 long day a week in the office? I have done both and allowed my employees to do both, unless it is like a customer service role with set hours he must be available I don't see that this would be unreasonable. Men feel less free to ask about flexitime - seems to be a 'well that's what my wife does but don't worry I don't need to that' kind of thing which is dumb. He may need encouragement

Don't worry, your child will get older - they'll understand more and it'll get easier but it does seem bonkers your DH feels free to make requests like stay out whilst making the choice to WFH. If he wants peace and quiet then go to the office. He can also get a headset if he hasn't already so he is talking quieter and not projecting for the mic to pick up.

GoldenOmber · 04/03/2022 11:54

“Parenting effectively”, “managing with her child” – you just won’t stop, will you? Are you getting some kind of vindictive pleasure out of this?

Yes, is my bet.

Some people get an absolute kick out of laying in to what they see as a bunch of silly, nasty, trivial mummies. Often by pretending to have children themselves while they can’t even do the basics of research to make it seem like they have children of their own (but why would they need to, surely they’re experts, how hard can it be?). It is fun for them. It gives them pleasure.

Escargooooooo · 04/03/2022 11:54

(just popping that in, because anyone who you disagree with, according to you has fake children)

TheKeatingFive · 04/03/2022 11:54

Why do you pretend to have children?

Where have I mentioned my children on this thread?

TheKeatingFive · 04/03/2022 11:55

just popping that in, because anyone who you disagree with, according to you has fake children

Again, reading comprehension, it's a real struggle isn't it pet.

Ask your teacher for some help

Escargooooooo · 04/03/2022 11:57

Oh so you (unlike the people you accuse of having fake children because they can't possibly be parents if they don't agree with you) aren't actually a parent...

Escargooooooo · 04/03/2022 11:59

How the fuck is a normal evening routine being likened to a workhouse??

It's hilarious isn't it. Give him a bath and read him a book? You monster.

Maybe op and her dh just need to work on reinforcing that screaming and tantrumming doesn't get you what you want. The child is nearly 18m old.

Again, no, it's clear OP should not have to address her child's tantrums/behaviour, not engage with him and read, nor play, or bathe. Clearly the good parents just remove his father from the house.

ScrumpyBetty · 04/03/2022 12:01

It's hilarious isn't it. Give him a bath and read him a book? You monster

Bath and book fine but that takes 30 minutes max,

lemmein · 04/03/2022 12:01

Sorry your thread has being overtaken by the surrendered wives OP - it's a bit like The Walking Dead, once one turns up they all do Grin

MichaelAndEagle · 04/03/2022 12:01

The problem is esgargooo that parenting the toddler in that 90 minutes involves being in, around and transitioning through the area of the house DH has stationed himself in.
And toddlers aren't quiet.

Escargooooooo · 04/03/2022 12:04

By the way, here's a section from one nursery document. With the hourly rates that don't exist. That the children I don't have, attend.

(Fucking idiots)

To think if you work from home, you’ll have interruptions
stuntbubbles · 04/03/2022 12:05

It's hilarious isn't it. Give him a bath and read him a book? You monster.
He gets home at 4.30pm, that’s not bathtime for any kid I know. It’s definitely verging on tea time, but, oh, look: DH is in the kitchen working, so aOp can’t sort the toddler’s tea without the toddler seeing DH. So actually, yeah, in this instance removing the husband from the equation – to his office! A place it’s perfectly reasonable to ask him to go!” – is the best solution. We could even call him doing that for the benefit of his child… parenting.

Hellorhighwater · 04/03/2022 12:07

@Escargooooooo

The OP is being asked to constrain and inconvenience herself and her child

No. Just parent him.

Which is not a silent activity and requires access to a kitchen.

It’s not reasonable to expect to the other parent to take a toddler out after nursery five days a week so one can monopolise the home to work at. For a phase or a one off, yes. Regardless of what the solution is here, it is DH’s problem to solve. I suspect the reason the OP is so frustrated is that the solutions are being heaped on her to put in the work, when this is DH’s problem. He needs to modify his work day to accommodate his family. Either by moving it to the office (or a third location) not scheduling meetings so he can work quietly after 5pm (and going to loo before you get home) starting and finishing earlier or some other way of accommodating his family. Not by them all working around him. A mother would certainly be expected to, and just expecting mum to deal with it shows lack of respect for her time and energy. Sure, kids can’t always have access to dad. But Mum should not be expected to hold this impossible boundary or be banished from her home.

lemmein · 04/03/2022 12:09

We could even call him doing that for the benefit of his child… parenting.

Why are you ignoring the fact that this person has a penis? Shock how dare you suggest he finds a solution to his own problem, for the benefit of his child.

Woke nonsense!

TheKeatingFive · 04/03/2022 12:10

I'm not sure what you think that doc proves sweetie.

Having hourly rates doesn't mean that you aren't contracted to a certain number of hours.

You'd think parent of the year of twins who has definitely used lots of nurseries would know that, but lol.

GoldenOmber · 04/03/2022 12:11

@Escargooooooo

By the way, here's a section from one nursery document. With the hourly rates that don't exist. That the children I don't have, attend.

(Fucking idiots)

Oh, pet.

Nurseries often present their hourly rates for different age groups. Mine does. This doesn’t, alas, mean that we parents who use them pay by the hour. You do not get to save an hour’s fees if you drop the kids off at 9 rather than 8.

Escargooooooo · 04/03/2022 12:13

Correct. Toddlers aren't quiet. I know that, I've got two of them.

They also don't scream at the sight of/ trying to get to one of their parents for 90 minutes. They are able to be present in a room where I may be cooking, and DH may be around, without screaming.

This is not because I ( and millions of others) have a magic wand.

Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 04/03/2022 12:13

If I was MNHQ, the comments stating that my DS is better off without me because of my mental state would warrant an instant ban.

OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 04/03/2022 12:13

You do not get to save an hour’s fees if you drop the kids off at 9 rather than 8.

😂

She's coming right round to stupidly endearing now.

Where did Catherine De Burgh fuck off to I wonder,

Escargooooooo · 04/03/2022 12:14

Oh, pet.

Nurseries often present their hourly rates for different age groups. Mine does. This doesn’t, alas, mean that we parents who use them pay by the hour. You do not get to save an hour’s fees if you drop the kids off at 9 rather than 8.

Except that's exactly how this one works. Pet.

GoldenOmber · 04/03/2022 12:14

Going to pick mine up at 5 rather than 5.30 today and demand nursery give me half an hour’s worth of the hourly rate back. Grin