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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think if you work from home, you’ll have interruptions

998 replies

Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 17:28

I have a DH wfh and a toddler. I pick the toddler up at around 4, home for 430. DH finishes at 6, which leaves an hour and a half or so of time where DS is constantly trying to get to DH, crying and having tantrums.

DH ‘solution’ to this is take DS out but tbh I really don’t think I should have to do this five days a week!

OP posts:
ScrumpyBetty · 04/03/2022 11:33

I don't think playing with lego with his mother for an hour and a half in his bedroom is going to traumatise him tbh

You think a one year old will have the patience and tolerance to sit for an hour and a half and play Lego, after a whole day of nursery? Really?

Lilac57 · 04/03/2022 11:36

@shssandhr

Yet thread after thread leans in favour of the DHs and DPs, encouraging OPs to put up with shitty situations on the basis that other people have

It didn't used to be like that and in fact there are still many threads calling the DHs and DPs pricks, bellends, knobs and all the rest.
I wonder if sometimes people with some kind of agenda pop up on these threads and I sometimes wonder if there are quite a lot of men posting on threads like these pushing their idea of what is acceptable in a relationship.

I do think you're right @shssandhr. There's probably a number of posters on MN who do have an agenda and who are not who they claim to be. Who are not supportive of mothers, particularly working mothers. They've always been out there, and MN is just another platform for them to post their BS.
ChoiceMummy · 04/03/2022 11:36

@BaronessEllarawrosaurus
Let me guess, you had a decent sized house and your mother had a dedicated office space. I take it your mother wasn't working in the dining section
Yet here I am, having managed it for years! Alone.

ScrumpyBetty · 04/03/2022 11:36

Anyone else concerned that parenting 'effectively' in some people's eyes seems to involve shutting small children in rooms, shushing them constantly, suppressing their natural reactions in seeing their parents

Yes this 100% @TheKeatingFive

Escargooooooo · 04/03/2022 11:37

And guess what, this parent had parented two children all day long and still managed to meet their needs whilst her oh worked!

Imagine that a whole day of keeping two children entertained whilst your husband worked 8 or 9 hours!

Yup.

But 90 minutes.... Unheard of.

And of course, OP has it harder, because unlike me, she's been at her difficult stressful job all day, not just fannying around looking after children while someone is wfh.

Oh, wait, that's what she's complaining about. For 90 minutes. Only seems fair to do so, what with DH still doing his difficult stressful job.

The vast majority of posters think YANBU, and most of those that have been critical probably aren't genuine

Vast majority? ER, ok. And anyone who points out what a meal the pair of you are making of such a basic situation, does not in fact have a point, they are imaginary.

Grin
Lilac57 · 04/03/2022 11:39

Have you done your GCSE's yet? Because 72% to 28% is a majority.

ChoiceMummy · 04/03/2022 11:39

@MrsMcNally
All of this. The thread is full of people talking about a situation which is pure fantasy so it’s a complete waste of time now..

Oh you mean all of these parents that actually manage to parent and juggle all of the balls that parenting requires?

stuntbubbles · 04/03/2022 11:40

@TheKeatingFive

Anyone else concerned that parenting 'effectively' in some people's eyes seems to involve shutting small children in rooms, shushing them constantly, suppressing their natural reactions in seeing their parents.

What the fuck hole have we fallen down here?

I wonder if there’s a Venn diagram crossover with the “Never had any trouble with mine, simply popped them in the basket and into a routine from day one, I didn’t tolerate nonsense” crowd you get on the sleep threads. Who are also blessed with easy, compliant babies.

Mind you I’m home with DD today and DP is WFH: he came wandering out of his office for a cuddle and she shouted “No, you go away and work! We busy!” So OP, it might just resolve itself with time…

GoldenOmber · 04/03/2022 11:40

@TheKeatingFive

Anyone else concerned that parenting 'effectively' in some people's eyes seems to involve shutting small children in rooms, shushing them constantly, suppressing their natural reactions in seeing their parents.

What the fuck hole have we fallen down here?

Well, on the one hand that’s a pretty awful way for children to exist in their own homes, making them feel like an unwelcome inconvenience at a time when they should be feeling nurtured and safe.

But on the other hand, if they didn’t do that, Daddy would have to go and sit in a professionally kitted-out office. And then he would have to face horrors like having to get dressed or being a longer walk from the toaster. 😱

I’m sure toddlers can suck it up for the greater good of making Daddy’s live as easy as possible at the expense of everyone else. Fair’s fair.

LottyD32 · 04/03/2022 11:40

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GoldenOmber · 04/03/2022 11:42

Hey Escargoooooo, any update on all those many many pay-per-hour nurseries you used that you were going to tell us about? My childcare costs are a fortune right now and I’m sure many of us could use the help! Smile

ChoiceMummy · 04/03/2022 11:42

[quote Positivelyperfect]@ChoiceMummy as I’ve explained, there is an enormous difference between managing a whole day with children and managing a couple of hours with children at the end of a working day.

Both are challenging but suggesting they are the same is not correct at all.[/quote]
Yes, the latter easier!!!

TheKeatingFive · 04/03/2022 11:42

Have you done your GCSE's yet?

Very pertinent question Grin

shssandhr · 04/03/2022 11:42

the thing is it is not DH complaining. It’s me saying to DH ‘look, DS is a bit of a nightmare when you’re there - any chance you could think about going to the office a couple of days a week’ and he looks all sad and says ‘but can’t you go out with him?

Well he's still a bit of a prick for not taking your concerns seriously. All he needs to do is move to another room or go to the office.

It isn’t DH who is adversely impacted, it’s me

What happens if you don't intervene with your child and just let him go to DH all the time?
And no, to answer your original question in your post, you should not have to go out 5 days a week at that time.

DH has other options as to where he works. You do not have options as to what you do and where you go with your toddler (well you do, you could do this or that... but a toddler needs to be in their own home after a day at nursery and so do you after a day at work).

Escargooooooo · 04/03/2022 11:43

@ScrumpyBetty

Anyone else concerned that parenting 'effectively' in some people's eyes seems to involve shutting small children in rooms, shushing them constantly, suppressing their natural reactions in seeing their parents

Yes this 100% @TheKeatingFive

Pmsl.

Bathe him, give him snacks/tea, read with him, sticker book, TV, toys....the poor lad, how terrible.

"Shut in a room, suppressed" Grin

DTwins are currently in their highchairs having a banana in an equal state of suppression.

MrsWinters · 04/03/2022 11:44

How would you feel if you DP was then back half an hour later in the evenings (or however long his commute would be) and leaving earlier in the morning.
I like WFH because our family time can start as soon as I finish work- but when I am working I need to work. It also maybe coming from members of his team- rather than himself. My view is you can work from home IF you can make it work- if you can’t then you need to come back into the office. It sounds like for him it’s not working

Escargooooooo · 04/03/2022 11:45

@GoldenOmber

Hey Escargoooooo, any update on all those many many pay-per-hour nurseries you used that you were going to tell us about? My childcare costs are a fortune right now and I’m sure many of us could use the help! Smile
Sorry you want me to give details of the nurseries I've put my children in? Er no thank you.

You have internet access. Look some up. And if you can't be arsed to do so, don't declare they don't exist.

TheKeatingFive · 04/03/2022 11:45

Shut in a room

That is literally what was suggested by at least two posters, two pages ago.

I say two posters, I mean, the tag teaming is becoming just a teensy bit obvious.

I'm glad the imaginary twins are almost certainly imaginary, because I'd feel awfully sorry for those poor little mites if they weren't 😆

ChoiceMummy · 04/03/2022 11:45

But if op's mental state is as bad as she says off the back of the comments of an internet forum, then putting the child in nursery longer and taking the time between finishing work and picking him up, for herself, might be the best idea.

I agree that if the op's mh is this fragile, then it's the wrong forum for her and hope she is seeking professional medical advice for her health issues and managing with her child.

ScrumpyBetty · 04/03/2022 11:46

Oh you mean all of these parents that actually manage to parent and juggle all of the balls that parenting requires?

I cant imagine the unhappiness in you that requires you to want to denigrate and belittle parents that are struggling, people have tried patiently explaining to you that's it's not so easy with 1 year olds sometimes after a busy day, yes you can distract them and pick them up but that doesn't always work. Your genuine nastiness is astounding

TheKeatingFive · 04/03/2022 11:46

You have internet access. Look some up.

People did earlier in the thread.

Again, the figments of a lively imagination in full swing

Escargooooooo · 04/03/2022 11:46

[quote ChoiceMummy]@MrsMcNally
All of this. The thread is full of people talking about a situation which is pure fantasy so it’s a complete waste of time now..

Oh you mean all of these parents that actually manage to parent and juggle all of the balls that parenting requires?[/quote]
Ye God's. This.

MrsMcNally · 04/03/2022 11:48

[quote ChoiceMummy]@MrsMcNally
All of this. The thread is full of people talking about a situation which is pure fantasy so it’s a complete waste of time now..

Oh you mean all of these parents that actually manage to parent and juggle all of the balls that parenting requires?[/quote]
You’re spectacularly missing the point, which is that this ISN’T ‘required’. The husband has another perfectly reasonable option. It wasn’t that long ago that the idea of going to work in an office each day wasn’t considered so horrifying for the poor little man. The OP is being asked to constrain and inconvenience herself and her child at the end of a long and tiring day of work and nursery, be uncomfortable and inconvenienced so the husband can suit himself.

It’s really odd how keen some posters are to ensure that everyone else suffers the same difficulties that they apparently did. It’s odd how angry they are at the notion that life doesn’t have to be shit and that basic consideration and reasonable treatment between family members can mean everyone is content and has a nice quality of life.

Escargooooooo · 04/03/2022 11:49

@TheKeatingFive

You have internet access. Look some up.

People did earlier in the thread.

Again, the figments of a lively imagination in full swing

Oh I haven't seen that.

But then you think a mother being able to look after her own child whilst the other parent is in the house for 90 minutes is outrageous. Surprises me not, that you're not capable of finding one nursery that does what most do (did you see the post from the person who owns a nursery who said, yeah we can add an hour on? or just glossing over that too?)

MrsMcNally · 04/03/2022 11:49

Oh and I think the OP knows plenty about juggling the balls of parenting-she’s a full time working parent with a one year old. And an apparently selfish husband. You lecturing her about juggling balls is painfully patronising.