To think if you work from home, you’ll have interruptions

[Positivelyperfect]

I have a DH wfh and a toddler. I pick the toddler up at around 4, home for 430. DH finishes at 6, which leaves an hour and a half or so of time where DS is constantly trying to get to DH, crying and having tantrums.

DH ‘solution’ to this is take DS out but tbh I really don’t think I should have to do this five days a week!

Assuming you’re telling the truth @CatherinedeBourgh then that’s awful and not something that I would ever inflict on my children just so my husband could CHOOSE to work at home because it suits him. And I’d be disgusted in him as a father if he expected it. I find it surprising that your posts imply the OP should offer to inflict that situation on her kids to be a nice helpful wife or something? The children’s well-being should be prioritised over the dad’s choice to work at home. Of course what he’s asking isn’t impossible but it’s selfish and unkind and I’m surprised you are implying the OP is somehow in the wrong for putting their child first and not agreeing.

OK @CatherinedeBourgh, and you think being confined to one bedroom is good parenting, do you?

@lockdownalli There’s a real AIBU trend lately to race to the bottom. I read a thread recently with the OP’s husband wanting to go to a four-day stag leaving her with a toddler and newborn post-C-section. The replies were just collective outdoing each other of the horrors they’d all survived and therefore OP should too: “I managed 3 months alone with twins and a fourth degree tear, why can’t you.” Er, because that sounds horrible and to be avoided? I honestly don’t understand it and it’s bloody awful MNHQ have to remind us to be kind and supportive to each other. Yet thread after thread leans in favour of the DHs and DPs, encouraging OPs to put up with shitty situations on the basis that other people have.

I firmly believe not that “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” - which is bollocks - but “what doesn’t kill you might still be really shit and if it can be made better, try that! It’s nicer!”

Some people seem to think parenthood is punishment and should be a horrible endurance test. Fuck knows why.

Can he go somewhere else for his last 90 mins eg coffee shop.
I can completely understand you just want to come in get changed, unpack bags, put washer on, maybe cook and spend time doing whatever with a tired toddler.
Normal family life needs to go on.
If he can’t or won’t work with that in background then he needs to do something - move hours to a 8-4 or agree to work his last hour at 8pm etc. Flexible working requests aren’t just for women.

I don't understand this thread at all. There have been a few threads recently involving bloke working from home and complaining about wife and child being there and making normal day-to-day living noises. The threads tend to pile on the bloke calling him a prick and all the rest and now we have this thread where it's a pile on to the OP.

The arrogant, knob of a husband needs to sort the problem by going into another room or going into the office. That is it. That is all that needs to happen. If it's still too disruptive being in another room then off he fucks to the office.

OP, you don't seem to want any suggestions but I'm giving you one anyway. Tell your husband that he is to go to another room with the door closed or go to the office as you and toddler will be in the living space during that time. There is no other option for you.
Then be in the living space and don't make an effort to keep the toddler quiet/away from DH.

Yes I’ve noticed that @stuntbubbles - I don’t honestly know what should be done about it, if anything.

I also think a PP was correct when they said bait the OP is a well established game - if I’d posted saying I wanted DH to keep the toddler out I think I’d have got a flaming.

I don't think playing with lego with his mother for an hour and a half in his bedroom is going to traumatise him tbh.

@PearPickingPorky

The magic parenting? I had exactly this. Not for 90 minutes like OP. But 8 hours a day. With twins. Who are not magic children. I am not a magic parent. Mine too, would catch sight of daddy throughout the day and with the sudden reminder that he was there, would cry or call out, rattle the baby gates wanting to get through.

So your situation was entirely different then. You weren't picking up a tired, hungry toddler from nursery, taking them home (to see his parents after 9 hours away from them) and then saying they weren't allowed to make any noise because their dad was working and needed silence and peace, in the middle of the communal family area.

All while OP has had a very long day herself, with a very early start, a very early nursery drop, and full day of work, a nursery pick-up, and then home to the stress of the for the rest of the evening?

So you don't know. You've no idea.

And guess what, this parent had parented two children all day long and still managed to meet their needs whilst her oh worked!

Imagine that a whole day of keeping two children entertained whilst your husband worked 8 or 9 hours!

Yet thread after thread leans in favour of the DHs and DPs, encouraging OPs to put up with shitty situations on the basis that other people have

It didn't used to be like that and in fact there are still many threads calling the DHs and DPs pricks, bellends, knobs and all the rest.
I wonder if sometimes people with some kind of agenda pop up on these threads and I sometimes wonder if there are quite a lot of men posting on threads like these pushing their idea of what is acceptable in a relationship.

@shssandhr - the thing is it is not DH complaining. It’s me saying to DH ‘look, DS is a bit of a nightmare when you’re there - any chance you could think about going to the office a couple of days a week’ and he looks all sad and says ‘but can’t you go out with him?’

It isn’t DH who is adversely impacted, it’s me.

@CatherinedeBourgh

I don't think playing with lego with his mother for an hour and a half in his bedroom is going to traumatise him tbh.

But as I said, it's your right to refuse to help.

Possibly @shssandhr but wfh threads are different. I think for a lot of posters any suggestion their near constant presence in the house might be problematic is met with outrage!

refuse to help

How does this look to you, @CatherinedeBourgh?

@Positivelyperfect I’m glad you can see it for baiting, and I hope you’re feeling better than in the middle of the night. This thread is a bear pit but it’s not your real life or your real value, so please don’t take the trolling to heart.

I don’t know what the solution is here if your DH won’t budge, but absolutely don’t take your kid swimming daily! All my daughter wants after nursery is to be at home unwinding, and you’re not doing anything wrong by giving your toddler that.

I don't think playing with lego with his mother for an hour and a half in his bedroom is going to traumatise him tbh.

He's 1.

1 year olds don't play with lego for an hour and a half in their bedroom.

Particularly not when tired and hungry.

Would having to go into a perfectly fit for purpose office 'traumatise' the DH?

@ChoiceMummy as I’ve explained, there is an enormous difference between managing a whole day with children and managing a couple of hours with children at the end of a working day.

Both are challenging but suggesting they are the same is not correct at all.

I think for a lot of posters any suggestion their near constant presence in the house might be problematic is met with outrage!

Agreed.

It's a very odd dynamic

I really hope that you're emboldened by the overall support you've had on here OP, and can ignore the critical posts. The vast majority of posters think YANBU, and most of those that have been critical probably aren't genuine anyway, so it's not worth worrying about them. Given you're definitely not being unreasonable, I do hope you can find a way of changing this situation with your DH. Because it really does need to change, you'll go mad living like this, if you haven't already after doing it for two years already. Parenting little kids, when they're tired and grumpy, after a full day of work when you're tired too, is hard. Don't let anyone tell you it isn't hard, , and you should just do X,y,z, because it is. Your DH is making it a lot harder for you than it needs to be, without making concessions himself, and that's not acceptable behaviour from someone who is supposed to love and care for you. Good luck OP, I really hope things change for you.

@Positivelyperfect

I have been ‘entertaining sprog’ but doing so while someone is booming away in the next room and said sprog is desperately trying to get to him is easier said than done!

Of course your husband is ' booming' in the next room. Perhaps he could do his job more quietly as he seems to be disturbing your toddler

And it’s your right to have lower standards for your kids time than some of us do @CatherinedeBourgh

At the end of a long day at nursery from 4:30-6pm shutting a child in their bedroom and not providing them with their tea is nothing short of cruel.

Either you’re being deliberately obtuse, not reading or digesting the facts provided, or you have a standard of parenting that very few of us wish to replicate.

@Lilac57

Maybe the rest of us should all just agree to stop reading, and responding to, posts from *@Escargooooooo* (and a few others). Stop feeding the trolls.

Just because others manage to parent effectively and make reasonable suggestions doesn't me a they're trolls. And suggesting otherwise really further belittles the credibility of anything you then say.

you have a standard of parenting that very few of us wish to replicate.

Exactly. It sounds brutal

Can your DH not start work and hour earlier and finish an hour earlier?

[quote Positivelyperfect]@shssandhr - the thing is it is not DH complaining. It’s me saying to DH ‘look, DS is a bit of a nightmare when you’re there - any chance you could think about going to the office a couple of days a week’ and he looks all sad and says ‘but can’t you go out with him?’

It isn’t DH who is adversely impacted, it’s me.[/quote]
So, are you saying that if you stopped trying to distract DS and let him bother your DH for 90 minutes he wouldn’t care?

Anyone else concerned that parenting 'effectively' in some people's eyes seems to involve shutting small children in rooms, shushing them constantly, suppressing their natural reactions in seeing their parents.

What the fuck hole have we fallen down here?