To think if you work from home, you’ll have interruptions

[Positivelyperfect]

I have a DH wfh and a toddler. I pick the toddler up at around 4, home for 430. DH finishes at 6, which leaves an hour and a half or so of time where DS is constantly trying to get to DH, crying and having tantrums.

DH ‘solution’ to this is take DS out but tbh I really don’t think I should have to do this five days a week!

Did you aye @CatherinedeBourgh

Oh, and mum was a single mother who couldn't make her bills at the end of the month at the time, hence having to work longer hours than the nursery provided.

@Positivelyperfect

Did you aye *@CatherinedeBourgh*

🤣👍

Actually, when I was one year old we lived in a tiny house and my mother worked in the living room. My sister, the nanny and I were in our bedroom when mum was working.

That sounds very far from ideal in fairness (also so spookily like the OP, it feels quite manufactured).

Anyway

As I've already said, just because your mother prioritised family space for her office doesn't mean this is any way a desirable approach for others.

Your mother may not have had much choice. The DH here has a perfectly good office to work from.

@CatherinedeBourgh

Oh, and mum was a single mother who couldn't make her bills at the end of the month at the time, hence having to work longer hours than the nursery provided.

And yet, she could afford two small children in nursery, plus a nanny to pick you up.

Chinny reckons.

Oh, and mum was a single mother who couldn't make her bills at the end of the month

But managed a nanny.

Is this thread just honey to the bullshit merchants?

Or did somebody namechange? 🤔

@Positivelyperfect

Did you aye *@CatherinedeBourgh*

Yup, we did. Not sure what the is about.

There was no choice, so it was what it was.

@CatherinedeBourgh

My mother worked from home all the way through my childhood. She had 4 dc. She was never once interrupted. We were with a nanny who made it clear that when mother was working she was not available, end of.

I'm guessing you are not making this sufficiently clear to your toddler. I can imagine one or two tantrums to start out with, but children often latch on when they have no chance and give up

How big was the house?

Did your mother sit and work in effectively the same room, while visible to the children but ignoring them?

Was your mother on Teams calls which required no noise, yet sitting in the same room as you all?

What methods did the nanny use to ensure no interruptions and would they be comparable with the values and behaviours of most loving parents now?

I can’t help wondering if the answers to the above questions would show that your experience isn’t as relevant to this situation as you imagine.

@TheKeatingFive

Oh, and mum was a single mother who couldn't make her bills at the end of the month

But managed a nanny.

Is this thread just honey to the bullshit merchants?

Or did somebody namechange? 🤔

Wasn't in the UK, a nanny wasn't expensive. Less than she made by working evenings, so was worth it for her.

If she had four kids in nursery plus a nanny I’m not surprised she struggled with the bills…

Well my mother was a single mother to two sets of triplets and she couldn’t afford nursery at all but had to work 6 days a week doing 16-hour days at very important business, we simply learned not to disturb her and went swimming all day while sitting quietly in our hourly rate high chairs, because she parented us so correctly.

Troll hunting might be against the rules but unless the drip feed is that the ‘nanny’ is the eldest daughter and the ‘wfh’ is making matchboxes or something I think we know @CatherinedeBourgh is being a little economical with the truth

OP - some people clearly read your original post, and immediately pictured a 3yo toddler, you working 12 hours a week for pin money, and your DH in a separate room in the west wing of your house, desperately trying to work while you sat with your feet up and the toddler tried to break the door down.

Don't let their poor reading comprehension get you down. Now they are off on one, they just don't want to climb down and admit that an equal full time job, 1yo, and DH working off the kitchen makes a world of difference.

@stuntbubbles

I would suggest getting this thread taken down. Most people support you, but everything has been said and there are some horrible people about.

All those saying well we did this so you should be able to too…are totally missing the point that just because you survived a situation doesn’t mean it wasn’t shit or that others should aspire to what you had.

If @CatherinedeBourgh was in fact shut in a bedroom with her sister and the nanny while her mum worked in the living space, that’s awful. I’m confused about why anyone would hold that up as an example of the childhood we should aspire to or even accept for our children. There are other options here so the lowest bar isn’t what should be aimed for.

I suspect you’re right @CaptainMerica

@CaptainMerica

OP - some people clearly read your original post, and immediately pictured a 3yo toddler, you working 12 hours a week for pin money, and your DH in a separate room in the west wing of your house, desperately trying to work while you sat with your feet up and the toddler tried to break the door down.

Don't let their poor reading comprehension get you down. Now they are off on one, they just don't want to climb down and admit that an equal full time job, 1yo, and DH working off the kitchen makes a world of difference.

All of this. The thread is full of people talking about a situation which is pure fantasy so it’s a complete waste of time now.

Well, it’s done now isn’t it @BoredBoredBoredB? Besides, as upsetting as some posts were last night it’s become fairly obvious that some aren’t being totally truthful.

I am baffled why OP is getting such a hard time. This is a one year old we are talking about!!!

My view is that if DH cannot cope with DC being around, he works in the office. He is choosing to wfh. It's crazy to suggest OP should walk the streets for that long just so His Lordship isn't interrupted.

He fits in (stops moaning about interruptions of normal family life) or he fucks off back to the office.

How big was the house?

Small two bedrooms

Did your mother sit and work in effectively the same room, while visible to the children but ignoring them?

No, she was in the living room we were in the bedroom.

Was your mother on Teams calls which required no noise, yet sitting in the same room as you all?

No, she had groups of people in with her, did require no noise. We were in the bedroom.

What methods did the nanny use to ensure no interruptions and would they be comparable with the values and behaviours of most loving parents now?

We played. Yes, nanny was lovely and kind.

I can’t help wondering if the answers to the above questions would show that your experience isn’t as relevant to this situation as you imagine.

No, they don't. That's why I talked about my mother. Dh also worked from home while dc were tiny but the house was big and it was mostly email (yes, and calls which required silence), so it was much easier for me when the dc were small.

Fact is, if OP wanted to she could do it but she resents it so isn't willing to. It's her right to refuse to help her dh to work from home if he has an alternative, but it's disingenuous to suggest that what he's asking is impossible.

@Positivelyperfect

Troll hunting might be against the rules but unless the drip feed is that the ‘nanny’ is the eldest daughter and the ‘wfh’ is making matchboxes or something I think we know *@CatherinedeBourgh* is being a little economical with the truth

My mother was a therapist, she saw patients at home. It was in a country where nannies are very cheap. Not sure why this suggests I am economical with the truth.

I sympathise with you op, my oh works from home permanently now and he's takes up the space in our bedroom and scowls at me every time I need something from our bedroom, what time does your DH start work? Is his job flexible enough for him to start a little earlier to reduce the time from when ds get home from nursery?

but it's disingenuous to suggest that what he's asking is impossible.

I don't think anyone is saying it's impossible.

Just a shitty way to organise family life, with the OP and her DS's needs deprioritised.

Your childhood sounds miserable. I'm sorry about that. But also surprised that you think it's a good idea to inflict that set up on others

This thread is horrible!

Of course you don’t have to go out every evening!

There isn’t an easy solution to the situation, parenting isn’t easy but this is definitely the downside of wfh. I know it used to drive me mad when I worked part time and DH was wfh - he’d pop out for a cuddle, mess up the kitchen and then bugger of back into the office! Very annoying!