To think if you work from home, you’ll have interruptions

[Positivelyperfect]

I have a DH wfh and a toddler. I pick the toddler up at around 4, home for 430. DH finishes at 6, which leaves an hour and a half or so of time where DS is constantly trying to get to DH, crying and having tantrums.

DH ‘solution’ to this is take DS out but tbh I really don’t think I should have to do this five days a week!

As @Escargooooooo has used nurseries in quite a wide geographic area, any suggestions of nurseries which allow such flexible hours would surely be helpful to loads of parents on here.

I do feel for you as my little one can be similar I've had to lock DH in his office a few times and just let little one have a tantrum outside. Bit unpleasant and obviously cold be heard inside but he has now learnt so in honesty I would just get a stair gate and your DH could make sure you had snacks and drinks to hand and just ride out the tantrums. Obviously try distraction and comfort him but don't let him out.

The extra hour is a red herring. I don’t want to increase DS nursery hours. That is not going to happen, I would actually choose swimming every day over that, if it came to it.

I own a nursery. Many private nurseries (particularly ones attached to schools) have their full day as 9-5 with 7:30-9 and 5-6 as extra services that you can opt into / out of on a monthly basis.

A school-attached nursery for 1 year olds?

And the full day is 9-5, so OP would be paying the full-time rate, plus extra?

All the nurseries for 1 year olds here are either 8-6 or 730-6, you pay for the full day, regardless of what time you pick up or drop off.

@Positivelyperfect

The extra hour is a red herring. I don’t want to increase DS nursery hours. That is not going to happen, I would actually choose swimming every day over that, if it came to it.

Absolutely, and you shouldn't have to.

You're clearly thinking about DS and what's best for him.

I hope your DH can get on board soon.

Just for kicks I just looked up the nurseries in and around my London borough, proper leafy nappy valley area where surely an hourly rate nursery would go down a storm. 35 nurseries, all charge daily or half day rates, with top up early start sessions. Not one does hourly. Nor did any of the many nurseries we looked at across the SE when moving. It’s a nonsense.

@Ozanj if many nurseries do allow this, I've never come across one. Whereabouts is your nursery? Is there a surplus of childcare options/cheaper than average operating costs, so private nurseries where you are either don't need to charge a flat daily rate, or need to offer flexibility to remain competitive. Evidently the nurseries where I am so not feel the need to offer flexibility to remain competitive, as none of them do this.

I’m with you @Positivelyperfect
It sounds as though you do too good a job of entertaining and calming your child. As others have said, you need to let him interrupt, especially if your DH is obliviously leaving the key in the door and going to the loo as if it didn’t upset anyone.
Most people do support you. Best wishes

YANBU OP and I am shocked at most of the responses on this thread.

This is your HOME! it isn't an office. Your DH has an office that he can go to if he needs it but first and foremost he is working FROM HOME so should be considerate of this.

Have you asked you husband to work in the office in the afternoons?

I would also be asking that for the 1.5 hours at the end of the day he shuts himself away properly.... Doesn't let your son see him. So he needs to make sure his keys aren't in the back of the door, he has a loo break/gets a drink before you get home and he takes his calls quietly and considerately of the others who are IN THEIR HOME.

Sorry for all the flack you have experienced OP it is a really shitty situation and one of the MANY reasons WFH just sint a good idea for alot of people!

Even if DH won’t go to the office at the very least he should:

• Relocate to the bedroom for 90 mins (that’s what I do)
• Stop leaving the key in the door to parade around in front of the DC (basic housemate courtesy anyway to not lock your partner out!)
• Go for a wee before DC gets home and hold it for 90 minutes and if he can’t do that, see a GP about his tiny bladder

The fact he can’t or won’t even make those small changes says to me it’s deliberate, to drive OP out into the cold.

@Lilac57

No ffing way do nurseries in London allow you to pay by the hour, or have options of either a 4pm or 6pm pick up, and pay a reduced rate for the privilege. Can MN please block *@Escargooooooo* because a number of things that they have said have made in very obvious that they are a troll. Not only are they obviously lying, but they've been a outright bully too, which should not be tolerated on a parenting site. MN should have a block function, and if is doesn't, trolls should be removed.

Lilac troll-hunting is not allowed on MN. If you have concerns about another poster, use the report function to alert MNHQ.

My mother worked from home all the way through my childhood. She had 4 dc. She was never once interrupted. We were with a nanny who made it clear that when mother was working she was not available, end of.

I'm guessing you are not making this sufficiently clear to your toddler. I can imagine one or two tantrums to start out with, but children often latch on when they have no chance and give up

@Escargooooooo

Ah, yes they must be imaginary no one could possibly look after two one year olds.

To be fair, I imagine it is quite a stretch to the imagination to some people, if the concept of looking after one for 90 minutes is such a task.

There's some real clutching at straws now.

I hope you're teaching your kids not to incessantly bully people who have asked them to stop and told them it's affecting their mental health. What an unpleasant person.

@Escargooooooo

Genuinely surprised at this nursery thing though. It can't be coincidence that every single one (bar one) that I've used operates the ability to charge for an extra hour and they're the only ones in the country and I've stumbled across all of them.

Maybe they couldn't be arsed to argue with you

You chose an appropriate user name @CatherinedeBourgh

We were with a nanny who made it clear that when mother was working she was not available, end of

And was your mother sitting slap bang in the middle of the family area, speaking loudly on calls, getting up for pee breaks and generally trying to get the children's attention when it suited her?

Hmm, I wonder 🤔

@CatherinedeBourgh

My mother worked from home all the way through my childhood. She had 4 dc. She was never once interrupted. We were with a nanny who made it clear that when mother was working she was not available, end of.

I'm guessing you are not making this sufficiently clear to your toddler. I can imagine one or two tantrums to start out with, but children often latch on when they have no chance and give up

Let me guess, you had a decent sized house and your mother had a dedicated office space. I take it your mother wasn't working in the dining section of an open plan kitchen in a flat

We ran a business from home for many years when the children were small.. We had our garage converted into an office and when the door was closed no-one went in there.

If your house layout is such that your dh cannot have a self contained room to work then he needs to go back to the office.

My 2 year old DD will try to get to daddy whilst he's working and if he's not a phone call, he will have a quick cuddle with her then I'll lead her away and she happy because she's seen daddy albeit for 1 minute.

I think your dh is being unreasonable to expect total peace and quiet or expect you to take a tired toddler out each evening.

@CatherinedeBourgh - so you believe this is sub standard parenting on my part, then?

@CatherinedeBourgh

My mother worked from home all the way through my childhood. She had 4 dc. She was never once interrupted. We were with a nanny who made it clear that when mother was working she was not available, end of.

I'm guessing you are not making this sufficiently clear to your toddler. I can imagine one or two tantrums to start out with, but children often latch on when they have no chance and give up

The child is fucking one year old.

Did your mother sit working right in the middle of the same room you and your nanny needed to be in?

The idiotic replies on this thread...

I think I've figured out why @Escargooooooo thinks nurseries are flexible. Pre-schools do offer shorter days, but pre-schools aren't nurseries. Pre-schools don't take children younger than two, and they're not set up for two working parents as their operating hours are too short, they don't start early and they don't close late. Ironically, given WFH could in theory be more family friendly than the office (but obviously not in the OPs case), more working parents probably now do use pre-schools than they used too. Escargoooo has probably done a quick Google, found pre-schools where you can pick up at 3pm or 4.30pm, and confused them with nurseries.

@NoSquirrells I can see why troll hunting is not allowed, so I'll just stop giving them the time of day now (I know I said I'd do that earlier, but I really will now ). However, if posters can't be blocked, there really needs to be a way to deal with bullying posters who are (probably) not genuine. I do think MN needs a block feature, I will suggest it to them.

Actually, when I was one year old we lived in a tiny house and my mother worked in the living room. My sister, the nanny and I were in our bedroom when mum was working.

It was usually one or two hours at the end of the day (we went to nursery during the day).

I'm guessing that OP resents her husband and is conveying this to the dc. The dc sees they can push that boundary so they do.

I’ve got a little bit confused as to what Escargooo thinks I should be doing re nursery but I think it is that DH should drop DS off at 9, and I collect at 4. I’m unsure as to why this is a solution for the evenings but never mind.

That isn’t workable because of traffic. Areas around the nursery get very heavily congested at peak times. DH would have to leave at 8 to get DS there at 830 to be home by 9. Whereas when I leave at 730, it only takes fifteen minutes or so, meaning I can drop off and get to work for around 8.

It would make no difference to the bill at the end of the month whether we dropped DS at 745 or 9 and it makes no difference if I collect at 4 or 5, however it obviously makes a difference to DS.