To think if you work from home, you’ll have interruptions

[Positivelyperfect]

I have a DH wfh and a toddler. I pick the toddler up at around 4, home for 430. DH finishes at 6, which leaves an hour and a half or so of time where DS is constantly trying to get to DH, crying and having tantrums.

DH ‘solution’ to this is take DS out but tbh I really don’t think I should have to do this five days a week!

So with your apparently demonic toddlers and preschoolers, do you not do anything between 5 a d bedtime? Or do you parent and still manage to bathe, cook etc whilst entertaining and meeting their needs. Or do they just sit their deeply unreasonable and grumpy?Surely you're proactive. Something the op should be.

That's unfair. I've been a very proactive parent post nursery pickup, rolled out dinner, bath, teeth, bed with military precision, done the slow cooker thing, the quick whip-round Tesco at 5:30 pm thing, the make ahead oven meal thing, the instant pot thing, the let's just order takeout thing, and the let's just give them an Ella's thing.

I have had crabby-ass kids plenty of nights through all of it.

I really doubt OP is sitting on her ass when she gets her baby home.

Morning, all.

We've had some reports about the tone of some of the posts on this thread, so we just wanted to pop in with a reminder that Mumsnet is here so that parents can support each other. Please do post with that in mind - we all know what it's like to be at our wits' end as parents and sometimes all we need is a bit of understanding.

Thanks.

@GoldenOmber

Um, yes that's how most nurserys operate. You can book full days. Half days. And hours. 99% have an hourly rate.

Where on Earth do you live?

Currently south east. Have older children so not my only experience of nursery.

This has been the case in nurseries we've used in South East. East Anglia. Cambridge. And London.

Of course you can't just ask for one hour on Tues morning and one hour Friday afternoon. You have to do a minimum block on each attendance. But for example, DTwins current placement is 9-3, and they will shortly go 9-4.30. My bill will increase by 1.5hrs a day

It's pretty standard practice.

I've only encountered one nursery, ever, in Norfolk, where you either dropped off at 7am or 9am and could pick up at 4pm or 6pm and there was no flexibility. If you wanted to pick up at 5 you had to do the 6pm and pay for that, irrespective of collecting your child earlier.

So whilst I appreciate the concept is absurd to some, as they've only got experience of nurseries perhaps akin to the Norfolk one, it is by no means uncommon to extend your day/reduce your day and the proportionate fee as long as you're attending the minimum amount for that day.

We use stair gates

@GoldenOmber

Um, yes that's how most nurserys operate. You can book full days. Half days. And hours. 99% have an hourly rate.

Where on Earth do you live?

The Magic Kingdom?

Never known a single private nursery (because that's what this has to be, this is not an early years nursery for 3+ year olds) where you can have a full-time place for a 1yr old but pay an hour less every day for a later drop-off.

Fucking ridiculous.

@Mumofsend

I would suggest he works elsewhere in the house for that last 90 minutes where the door can be closed

This

@busyeatingbiscuits

Anyone else starting to think the *@Escargooooooo* twins are purely imaginary? It’s always twins, isn’t it

Oh my gosh, I was just about to post this. Twins are a classic Mumsnet tell.

I haven't read the full thread (because 29 pages) but...I WFH full-time and have a toddler. My DH collects him from nursery and looks after him one day a week. It is SO hard to get work done when my DS is around, he's a very full-on toddler, but I do suck it up. DH tends to take him out a lot during the day, especially if I have meetings but if I have no calls to go on then we just get on with it. Sometimes it does mean I have to squirrel myself away in a bedroom if I need peace and can't deal with constant interruptions. At the end of the day, I am trying to do my job which pays the bills so I need DH to help by removing the obstacle sometimes but I am also aware that it's their home!

But he won't though. He won't even put himself out enough to move rooms when his hungry 1 year old gets home.

Hallelujah! Correct. He won't. And if OP can't have a discussion with her DH that results in him just sitting in a closed door room for 90mins of his day, why keep suggesting it?

The other suggestions people keep putting forward are because the obvious thing to do, is not being done.

I've used three private nurseries myself, and investigated all the others in our local area to see which would work out best value for us, as like the OP, I'm also usually finished work earlier than most. It would have benefited us greatly to use a nursery that charged by the hour, but they did not exist. A few could accommodate half days, but not a single one offered a reduction because you could pick your child up early. Even if they quote an hourly rate, it doesn't actually mean they allow you to use them by the hour. This point alone makes it obvious that @Escargooooooo is most definitely not a parent, or at least not a mother. Even if they were a SAHM mother they'd have at least have had conversations with other working mothers about childcare. Maybe, just possibly, they're a father who has never had to worry about organising childcare, but I am now more and more convinced that they are not a parent at all. Which is just as well, because they're horrible.

Let’s assume for a wild imaginary moment that there is a nursery near the OP with magic hourly rates. And it has a place for her toddler. Moving him to a new nursery and rearranging his entire routine and schedule and setting is still a nuclear move when there’s a very simple solution, of DH going to the bloody office. How about he makes that small sacrifice 2-3 times a week, as the adult, instead of disrupting a small child?

Ah, yes they must be imaginary no one could possibly look after two one year olds.

To be fair, I imagine it is quite a stretch to the imagination to some people, if the concept of looking after one for 90 minutes is such a task.

There's some real clutching at straws now.

99% have an hourly rate

Ah ok maybe you are on a wind up. Because this is simply not true.

@Lilac57

I've used three private nurseries myself, and investigated all the others in our local area to see which would work out best value for us, as like the OP, I'm also usually finished work earlier than most. It would have benefited us greatly to use a nursery that charged by the hour, but they did not exist. A few could accommodate half days, but not a single one offered a reduction because you could pick your child up early. Even if they quote an hourly rate, it doesn't actually mean they allow you to use them by the hour. This point alone makes it obvious that *@Escargooooooo* is most definitely not a parent, or at least not a mother. Even if they were a SAHM mother they'd have at least have had conversations with other working mothers about childcare. Maybe, just possibly, they're a father who has never had to worry about organising childcare, but I am now more and more convinced that they are not a parent at all. Which is just as well, because they're horrible.

Omg. I'm dying

Now none of my children exist

Best compromise is to:

• put baby in nursery for longer days two days per week
• husband work at the office two days a week
• One day do an activity outside the house

That means your husband can work in peace at home 3 days per week and you get 3 days to enjoy your son between 4-6pm. Plus the two longer days at nursery you could use the time before pick up to cook tea etc so when you pick up your son you can play with him and relax with your husband rather than running errands or doing jobs.

@TravellingFrom
Deal with ds the way you normally do. If he screams, he screams. If he goes to the door, he goes to the door. If he grabs DH when he goes to the bathroom, he grabs him.
Every time you interfere to stop ds from disturbing DH, you are enabling him and his idea that somehow it’s your problem rather than his.

Is that really how you see an adult relationship working? A supposed partnership?

He's not asking for the moon. He's askibg her to parent and reduce the interruptions.

Yes, he could also be proactive. But your suggestions make her even more of an aggressor in this. And if this is what has been happening, no wonder they're at a stalemate.

And let's say she does as you suggest, great if this has implications for his job, and you could say he'll only have wfo but what if he lost it? Really worth this?

Talk about all trying to light her fire and fan the flames.

@Escargooooooo

Ah, yes they must be imaginary no one could possibly look after two one year olds.

To be fair, I imagine it is quite a stretch to the imagination to some people, if the concept of looking after one for 90 minutes is such a task.

There's some real clutching at straws now.

OP has never said 90 minutes looking after a toddler is difficult: she’s said 90 minutes looking after a toddler when his dad is right there ignoring him, and said toddler is fractious and tired after nursery, is difficult. You keep behaving as though the actual parameters of the thread don’t exist, and suggesting that OP is finding parenting hard, full stop, vs finding parenting with an intractable husband hard.

Genuinely surprised at this nursery thing though. It can't be coincidence that every single one (bar one) that I've used operates the ability to charge for an extra hour and they're the only ones in the country and I've stumbled across all of them.

@Lilac57

I've used three private nurseries myself, and investigated all the others in our local area to see which would work out best value for us, as like the OP, I'm also usually finished work earlier than most. It would have benefited us greatly to use a nursery that charged by the hour, but they did not exist. A few could accommodate half days, but not a single one offered a reduction because you could pick your child up early. Even if they quote an hourly rate, it doesn't actually mean they allow you to use them by the hour. This point alone makes it obvious that *@Escargooooooo* is most definitely not a parent, or at least not a mother. Even if they were a SAHM mother they'd have at least have had conversations with other working mothers about childcare. Maybe, just possibly, they're a father who has never had to worry about organising childcare, but I am now more and more convinced that they are not a parent at all. Which is just as well, because they're horrible.

I own a nursery. Many private nurseries (particularly ones attached to schools) have their full day as 9-5 with 7:30-9 and 5-6 as extra services that you can opt into / out of on a monthly basis. So, for example, one of our parents is a GP and works set days from home (arranged a month in advance). Provided he gives us a month’s notice we can book his child into the extra services as needed

@Escargooooooo
You are, sadly, one of a dying breed of parents who actually parents and focusses on what's best for them and the family.
Hope your twins are doing well.

Talk about all trying to light her fire and fan the flames.

Absolutely.

No ffing way do nurseries in London allow you to pay by the hour, or have options of either a 4pm or 6pm pick up, and pay a reduced rate for the privilege. Can MN please block @Escargooooooo because a number of things that they have said have made in very obvious that they are a troll. Not only are they obviously lying, but they've been a outright bully too, which should not be tolerated on a parenting site. MN should have a block function, and if is doesn't, trolls should be removed.

hey Escargooooooooooo, could you drop us a link to these many nurseries that your children have attended that let you pay by the half-hour? As you’ve said these are ones your older kids went to and you no longer live in those towns, it wouldn’t be at all identifying. Might be very helpful to MNers in all those places with young DC at the moment!

@Escargooooooo

But he won't though. He won't even put himself out enough to move rooms when his hungry 1 year old gets home.

Hallelujah! Correct. He won't. And if OP can't have a discussion with her DH that results in him just sitting in a closed door room for 90mins of his day, why keep suggesting it?

The other suggestions people keep putting forward are because the obvious thing to do, is not being done.

Why are you suggesting dozens of other unsuitable ways that the already-run-ragged OP, who is so distressed by the pressure she's under that she is having dark thoughts, can make her own life EVEN MORE DIFFICULT in order to facilitate her selfish, lazy husband who won't budge a single inch?

@TheKeatingFive

Would you prefer him to work out of the house til 6, meaning he isn't home until later?

I expect that would be infinitely less stressful for the OP actually

I can’t lie - it would.

I don’t think it would be reasonable to demand this EVERY day but I do think going into the office two or three times a week is reasonable.

@busyeatingbiscuits it’s always twins crossed my mind too BUT in fairness I know people do genuinely have twins so who knows! I can also totally understand opting to stay at home with twins as it must make paying for nursery very costly. And it’s bloody hard work, so I sort of get the whole ‘it’s only ninety minutes and I do it for nine hours blah blah’.

But dealing with a whole day is different because you structure the day differently. When I was at home with DS on maternity leave we’d usually do a class or meet friends in the morning, nap after lunch, then a walk in the afternoon. It wasn’t as intense or tiring for either party. Plus because of DS age the witching hour wasn’t as much of an issue as was in the summer. I know summer is coming but it’s still been very wet here.

But that is by the by, I actually don’t mind being out with DS and a lot of the time it is actually my preference, but I do mind it being presented as a solution to my home being turned into an office.