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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you work from home, you’ll have interruptions

998 replies

Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 17:28

I have a DH wfh and a toddler. I pick the toddler up at around 4, home for 430. DH finishes at 6, which leaves an hour and a half or so of time where DS is constantly trying to get to DH, crying and having tantrums.

DH ‘solution’ to this is take DS out but tbh I really don’t think I should have to do this five days a week!

OP posts:
PearPickingPorky · 04/03/2022 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Ivyonafence · 04/03/2022 09:57

@Escargooooooo

All while OP has had a very long day herself, with a very early start, a very early nursery drop, and full day of work, a nursery pick-up, and then home to the stress of the for the rest of the evening?

Yes, the disparity here is not actually the end of the day. He's working until 6. She's looking after DS until 6. They're both making a meal of those 90 minutes which could be much smoother.

However. The start of the day. She starts at 8. So leaves at 7.15 to get DS to nursery at 7.30.

DH doesn't start until 9. He should leave at 8.30 and do the drop off and return home to start work for 9. That's an hour less nursery to pay for. And OP doesn't have to get up early and run round getting DS ready. DH can do that at 8 when OP is starting her work. That way they both are doing a mix of work and childcare between 8 and 6.

Lol, are there nursery that you pay for by the hour? Like a parking meter? Grin

Are you here to tease, in which case please choose a different target, Op is struggling. Or are you really that clueless?

MogsBestestFurball · 04/03/2022 09:58

I can relate to this. Toddlers are challenging it's not good for them to be constantly told no when they can't comprehend the reasons.

DH needs to go to a bedroom for that time. It might be cramped and inconvenient but t
he will have to suck it up.

Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 04/03/2022 09:58

@Escargooooooo of course the days your twins were at nursery were easier, because you were at home!

I am not for a second saying you were sitting with your feet up all day but there is a difference between being home with demanding toddlers and not being home with demanding toddlers.

The days when my toddler goes to nursery - every day - is when I’m at work myself. Its only a couple of hours after a full day at work - surely you can see the difference!?

OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 04/03/2022 09:59

Lol, are there nursery that you pay for by the hour? Like a parking meter?

😂 😂 😂

youvegottenminuteslynn · 04/03/2022 10:00

@Escargooooooo

Taking a leaf out of your book and repeating myself...

If you read OP's post in which she shared how low she has felt reading your posts and what impact they've had on her mental health, and are still relentlessly continuing to do exactly the same thing, you're being cruel. A bully.

Wouldn't it be better to just step away from the thread? OP is a stranger. You have nothing to gain from continuing to repeat yourself but have been told that your posts are having a negative affect on someone's mental health,

It sounds like you want to 'win' rather than to offer anything constructive now. You've made your suggestions and are simply repeating them not adding anything new. There's no prize to win though. You're just being relentless.

Please consider stopping and going about your day rather than doing something you've been told has caused another mum to have dark thoughts. Model empathy and compassion.

busyeatingbiscuits · 04/03/2022 10:01

@Escargooooooo you’re winner of the thread!
You’re totally right, the OP should do as you say.
Now you’ve won, you can stop Smile Go you!

Throwntothewolves · 04/03/2022 10:03

Neither of you are wrong, it's about compromise.
I think he should move to a room where he can shut the door when you're all in the house, and you should keep your toddler away from him.
Ultimately if it isn't working he will have to make a home office space he can close the door on, go to his workplace (if he has one), or rent a workspace to work in peace. Would you prefer him to work out of the house til 6, meaning he isn't home until later?

TheKeatingFive · 04/03/2022 10:04

Would you prefer him to work out of the house til 6, meaning he isn't home until later?

I expect that would be infinitely less stressful for the OP actually

GoldenOmber · 04/03/2022 10:04

Neither of you are wrong, it's about compromise.

But he won’t compromise, on any of it, so yes he is wrong.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/03/2022 10:06

DH doesn't start until 9. He should leave at 8.30 and do the drop off and return home to start work for 9. That's an hour less nursery to pay for. And OP doesn't have to get up early and run round getting DS ready. DH can do that at 8 when OP is starting her work. That way they both are doing a mix of work and childcare between 8 and 6.

This is actually right though! This is what should happen. Even if nursery is not paid per hour (ours actually had this option) it would be fairer, and the DS wouldn’t have such an early start. One does mornings, one does afternoons.

Escargooooooo · 04/03/2022 10:07

Lol, are there nursery that you pay for by the hour? Like a parking meter?

Um, yes that's how most nurserys operate. You can book full days. Half days. And hours. 99% have an hourly rate.

Amazed you thought the idea was hilarious. It's how most childcare providers operate. Or do you think that someone with a child going from 9-3 pays the same as a child going 8-5?

Do you have children?

ChoiceMummy · 04/03/2022 10:07

@Ivyonafence

Laughing out loud at the idea a toddler would 'quietly potter around' someone working after an exhausting day at nursery.

Where can I order one of those?

I have pre schoolers and toddlers. They are delightful in the morning, busy and engaged during the day, spent, tired, grumpy, needy and deeply unreasonable between 5pm and bedtime.

The toddler is not the problem. His mother is not the problem. The set up is the problem

So with your apparently demonic toddlers and preschoolers, do you not do anything between 5 a d bedtime? Or do you parent and still manage to bathe, cook etc whilst entertaining and meeting their needs. Or do they just sit their deeply unreasonable and grumpy? Surely you're proactive. Something the op should be.
iCouldSleepForAYear · 04/03/2022 10:07

Well, working out of the house until 6 might mean less stress all around. Still solo parenting, but at least not getting it in the neck from both child and spouse.

God, I would have happy to escape if I was still WFH full-time with all of the interruptions I had (and I worked upstairs in the bedroom with the door closed and noise cancelling headphones on... DH's desk used be my desk 😭).

I'm still hoping to get to the office at least a couple days a week once we're out of the woods with the preschool years. I'm so bored of being in the house.

GoldenOmber · 04/03/2022 10:08

Um, yes that's how most nurserys operate. You can book full days. Half days. And hours. 99% have an hourly rate.

Where on Earth do you live?

Escargooooooo · 04/03/2022 10:09

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

DH doesn't start until 9. He should leave at 8.30 and do the drop off and return home to start work for 9. That's an hour less nursery to pay for. And OP doesn't have to get up early and run round getting DS ready. DH can do that at 8 when OP is starting her work. That way they both are doing a mix of work and childcare between 8 and 6.

This is actually right though! This is what should happen. Even if nursery is not paid per hour (ours actually had this option) it would be fairer, and the DS wouldn’t have such an early start. One does mornings, one does afternoons.

Oh don't be so ridiculous. It's not a perfectly helpful suggestion. It's another thing, much like the ability to close a door and work behind it, that the mere suggestion of is bullying. Wink
iCouldSleepForAYear · 04/03/2022 10:10

@iCouldSleepForAYear

Well, working out of the house until 6 might mean less stress all around. Still solo parenting, but at least not getting it in the neck from both child and spouse.

God, I would have happy to escape if I was still WFH full-time with all of the interruptions I had (and I worked upstairs in the bedroom with the door closed and noise cancelling headphones on... DH's desk used be my desk 😭).

I'm still hoping to get to the office at least a couple days a week once we're out of the woods with the preschool years. I'm so bored of being in the house.

For clarity: When I say not getting it in the neck from child and spouse, I'm referring to OP, not her DH.
busyeatingbiscuits · 04/03/2022 10:10

@Escargooooooo

Lol, are there nursery that you pay for by the hour? Like a parking meter?

Um, yes that's how most nurserys operate. You can book full days. Half days. And hours. 99% have an hourly rate.

Amazed you thought the idea was hilarious. It's how most childcare providers operate. Or do you think that someone with a child going from 9-3 pays the same as a child going 8-5?

Do you have children?

Most childcare providers don’t offer by the hour. Days, yes. A full time child probably just pays a weekly rate. Some might offer half days or “school hours”. Most don’t.
busyeatingbiscuits · 04/03/2022 10:12

Anyone else starting to think the @Escargooooooo twins are purely imaginary?
It’s always twins, isn’t it Hmm

Lilac57 · 04/03/2022 10:13

Maybe the rest of us should all just agree to stop reading, and responding to, posts from @Escargooooooo (and a few others). Stop feeding the trolls.

Stravaig · 04/03/2022 10:13

You know who's not making any accommodations in this scenario? DH's workplace. They've invaded the family home; aren't flexible about hours (but you must ask/insist); haven't ensured a proper workspace for DH; without undue disruption to family life; nor given a pay rise sufficient for a bigger home with dedicated office space.

It's work and DH who have to do more in this scenario, not OP. Which means OP standing ground with DH, and DH with his workplace.

Lilac57 · 04/03/2022 10:15

Of course the twins are imaginary. No-one who has actually dealt with young twins would be so lacking in empathy. Families with multiples have their own support groups ffs.

GoldenOmber · 04/03/2022 10:15

Suspect Escargoooo did some quick background googling on “how do people with children pay for nurseries”, saw a few nurseries talking about their hourly rate, and assumed it worked like a parking meter in pp’s words Grin

stuntbubbles · 04/03/2022 10:16

Um, yes that's how most nurserys operate. You can book full days. Half days. And hours. 99% have an hourly rate
99% eh? Can you back up this statistic? Because not a single nursery in my neighbourhood offers an hourly rate, and I’ve never come across such a thing.

Are you teaching your perfect children empathy and kindness by the way? A good start would be by modelling such behaviour and stepping away from this thread, where you’ve treated the OP appallingly. You should be ashamed.

PearPickingPorky · 04/03/2022 10:16

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

DH doesn't start until 9. He should leave at 8.30 and do the drop off and return home to start work for 9. That's an hour less nursery to pay for. And OP doesn't have to get up early and run round getting DS ready. DH can do that at 8 when OP is starting her work. That way they both are doing a mix of work and childcare between 8 and 6.

This is actually right though! This is what should happen. Even if nursery is not paid per hour (ours actually had this option) it would be fairer, and the DS wouldn’t have such an early start. One does mornings, one does afternoons.

Yeah, the DH could do lots of things to make his wife and child's day less difficult.

But he won't though. He won't even put himself out enough to move rooms when his hungry 1 year old gets home.