To think if you work from home, you’ll have interruptions

[Positivelyperfect]

I have a DH wfh and a toddler. I pick the toddler up at around 4, home for 430. DH finishes at 6, which leaves an hour and a half or so of time where DS is constantly trying to get to DH, crying and having tantrums.

DH ‘solution’ to this is take DS out but tbh I really don’t think I should have to do this five days a week!

@busyeatingbiscuits

Some people just like to take against the OP of a thread. Doesn't really matter what the subject is. If the OP was:

"I could work from my office but I much prefer to wfh at my dining room table. My DH also works full time and collects our 1 year old from nursery on his way home at 4.30pm.
I'd getting really annoyed that DH brings our toddler home every day instead of going straight out somewhere until I finish work. I can hear the toddler screaming for me from the living room and DH keeps wanting to walk through the dining room to get things from the kitchen"

exactly the same posters would be ripping the OP apart for not going back to the office and being a terrible mother for letting her child be upset.

No they wouldn't. This is MN. The dh would be at fault.

Since when has going to the office mean someone is banished?

@Escargooooooo

4.30pm. Snack in highchair.
4.45pm. Undress, bath, redress/PJ's if he's an early to bed chap
5.10pm TV program.
5.20pm Look at some books
5.35pm Crayons or a sticker book
5.50pm Put stuff away

When are they having their evening meal? And why are they bathing so early? Also what toddler on earth is going to watch 10mins of TV then be torn away to do some focused activity like crayons at 5.35pm after a day at nursery! This routine reads like how you imagined having children before you actually had them.

@addictedtotheflats

Depends on what he does. If he has meetings then its not really appropriate. My DP is a management accountant and we live in basically a 2 up 2 down and when he wfh ( 2 or 3 days a week) he is in the general living room and there are days where me and our DS 3 going about our day while he clicks away on excel and sends/answers emails.

He could work in the bedroom, where he's not negatively impacting on you/your DS.

This routine reads like how you imagined having children before you actually had them.

Quite

I think you should stop trying to stop DS getting to Daddy. Let him go.

Daddy is embracing WFH because he has the best of all worlds. No stress of sharing office space, no commute, his own bog, he can fart at will and you will run around making sure he isnt disturbed. I am betting that he gets up an hour later than you too as you take DS to nursery on your way to work. Why on earth would he want to change this cushy set up?!

So stop facilitating it. He wants to WFH then he accepts being disturbed by your child. Give it a couple of weeks and I would bet that the office looks a lot more inviting to him....

Well I think you are a saint and 100% in the right here. Me, 3 kids in, would just let toddler in to Daddy. Daddy needs to make this work, not you.

[quote Summerfun54321]@Escargooooooo

4.30pm. Snack in highchair.
4.45pm. Undress, bath, redress/PJ's if he's an early to bed chap
5.10pm TV program.
5.20pm Look at some books
5.35pm Crayons or a sticker book
5.50pm Put stuff away

When are they having their evening meal? And why are they bathing so early? Also what toddler on earth is going to watch 10mins of TV then be torn away to do some focused activity like crayons at 5.35pm after a day at nursery! This routine reads like how you imagined having children before you actually had them.[/quote]
Glad you said that.

The idea of my 1 year old DS doing all that quietly after a full day at nursery when he's starving, tired, and daddy keeps popping out to remind him he's there and then refusing to engage with him, is absolutely preposterous.

I’m amazed you can’t think of things to do with a child you haven’t seen all day for an hour or even an hour and a half. What would you do if he wasn’t there? Surely you would be bathing, eating and reading a story anyway?

I'd stop trying to corral DS. Let him in to see DH. DH can suck it up or go back to the office.

@Positivelyperfect

i would simply have the child in childcare for longer, you have an hour to yourself at the end of the day to relax, do some bits around the house... collect child at 5/5:30 and then by the time you're home it's almost time for your husband to finish work!

Aside from the obvious point that the real loser in this scenario is a extremely young child who is spending 730-530 5 days a week in childcare, none of those things apply. I would leave work at 4, return at 430 and because of peak traffic have approximately fifteen minutes “relaxing” before having to go out again, get DS and then drive through peak traffic so what should be a ten minute journey is probably closer to thirty.

Maybe you could do a spin class on the way home? Just joking, sorry, OP, YANBU.

WFH is great for some people, but the first people back in my office after lockdown were the ones with young/demanding kids at home during the day - because WFH is just not compatible with proximity to a 1yo. Taking him out a few days per week is a good compromise, he should meet you half way.

@TheKeatingFive

What is wrong with the following, because these are all suggestions given:

She doesn't want the stress of all that while trying to keep DS from her entitled father at the end of a long day for both of them.

Perhaps she wants to cook. Everyone's hungry. I know if we don't have dinner ready by six, the evening routine is shot.

I am struggling to understand your issues with the OP and her small child treating their house like an actual hone,

The stress of reading a book with her one year old child. Really? That's now what we have to call stressful. Yes she's been at work, just like the other parent has, and still is.

She doesn't want to cook. She's said that already.

There is no issue with her treating her house like her own home. She's just apparently not capable of doing so. Watch TV with him? Oh no, impossible, and tries to justify it is by pretending you mean for the whole 90 minutes. Same with give him a bath. Inexplicably can't do that either, again pretending he's got to be in it for 90 minutes.

All she's got to do is look after her own child for 90 minutes while the other parent works. The answer literally is, just get on with it. But that's hard work, so it's not ok. Crayons and books? No, she can't do that, too noisy (?!) Highchair? No. Playpen? No. Again with the "ohhhh I'll leave him in it for 90 minutes then shall I?!"

She's determined to make non excuses why the very simple, is unachievable. She doesn't want to hear anything other than cheers of "send the other parent back to the office". Which isn't going to happen, so she can just merrily carry on as she is, seeing as she can't possibly do anything else. Sounds terrific.

@5zeds

I’m amazed you can’t think of things to do with a child you haven’t seen all day for an hour or even an hour and a half. What would you do if he wasn’t there? Surely you would be bathing, eating and reading a story anyway?

If the DH want there, she'd let the DS make normal toddler noise.

And if the DH want there, the DS wouldn't be trying to play with daddy who is sitting right in the middle of the family area booming away on the phone, reminding the DS he's there.

Nor would the DS be getting upset while sitting settled with the OP and then seeing daddy going to the loo and reminding the tired, hungry DS that he's there.

Honestly. Some people.

I'm not quite sure why you are getting such an awful time on here, OP and I gave up reading some of the ridiculous responses.

Has your husband currently got any flexibility with how he works in terms of his core hours, or has he asked for any flexibility? With regards to his working day, would it be possible for him to slightly change his hours and start earlier in the morning to allow him to finish earlier, or take a shorter lunch break to allow his day to end sooner? Are there certain times where he needs to make calls / attend meetings, or could he ask to take a break when you and your child come home and then do some work later on to catch up?

It seems your husband just wants you to stick to his suggestion of a solution, without thinking of the bigger picture and how it impacts on you and the wee one. He needs to think about alternatives that suit the whole family best x

Can DH go back to the office for at least 2 or 3 days a week?
At the end of of the day its your home first and foremost. Or Is there anyway DH can change his working hours, start earlier to finish earlier? Or do some work when DS is in bed? That time of day can be the witching hour for toddlers, overtired and hungry so not at all easy to keep them quiet. Clearly you'll need access to the kitchen and sounds like you don't have a spare room to work in so if you work from home you have have to take the rough with the smooth, no commute but might be disturbed by a toddler!

@Positivelyperfect

Yes, he could work at the office but he prefers wfh.

Then that preference has to be reversed. WFH has to become much less attractive than going in to the office.

To that end, I'd step back and let your DH handle his toddler from 4.30 to 6pm. Behave as you normally would when getting home before he WFH. If your husband's presence affects your toddler's behaviour (as it surely would, and does), so be it. If that drives your husband back to his office and stops him making unreasonable demands on you and the toddler - because it is unreasonable to expect a one year old to ignore daddy until the clock strikes six - so be it.

WFH only works if the home has a workspace that doesn't impinge on everyone else in that home. It's time for your husband to acknowledge that truth, and to stop pretending to you that his preferences are all that counts.

Honestly some people are capable of looking after one child for 90 mins without pretending it’s absolutely impossible. As I said above what would the 4:30 to 7:00 schedule look like if she was at work elsewhere.

The stress of reading a book with her one year old child. Really? That's now what we have to call stressful. Yes she's been at work, just like the other parent has, and still is.

You can't sit and read a book with an exhausted, hungry one year old.

Have you ever actually met a tired hungry 1 year old?

When are they having their evening meal?

I've deliberately left that out, because apparently, fuck knows. OP doesn't mention feeding him before 6pm. Which I would assume he must be, but she has missed this out of her whole 90mins that she acts like is such a hardship.

And why are they bathing so early? Again, there's no need, but OP has an excuse for everything.

Also what toddler on earth is going to watch 10mins of TV then be torn away to do some focused activity like crayons at 5.35pm after a day at nursery!

Yes, quite. But apparently OPs toddler can't watch TV for barely any time. So I suggested any form of distraction.

This routine reads like how you imagined having children before you actually had them.

You're sort of proving my point. Any parent would just be feeding their child and getting on with their evening. OP, by the presence of her husband, is rendered incapable of any of this, and simply can't do any of the things you'd just be getting on with at that time of day.

Check the voting ration OP. I find most normal people nowadays just click the vote and don’t bother posting, they can’t be bothered to run the gauntlet in the comments.

Obviously YANBU and DH can go back to the office or rent a nearby work space before he gets to tell you and a small child what to do in your own home.

I would lay it on the line in no uncertain terms then totally stop trying to police your little DS. If he’s crying at the door for daddy then open the door and let DH deal.

Of course you can read with a tired child. You sit them on your lap, give them a biscuit/apple and read. That’s what most younger siblings do while waiting for older ones to come out of clubs or home from school.

@Positivelyperfect I may be making connections that don't exist, but if your husband is the one who wouldn't understand why you wanted the house to yourself when you were on maternity leave, you are definitely not being unreasonable. Your husband really does need to make some compromises, it is not fair on you, or you son!

Your flat is, to put it mildly, not suitable for working in whilst living with a young family, and if that is an immovable object, then he needs to budge!

The leaving the keys in the door thing is particularly shitty.

Your husband sounds extremely selfish. I would be telling him he needs to work in another room AT LEAST, perhaps go to office part-time, adjust his hours, anything.

If he really is just so entitled that he has to keep things how they are despite the negative impact it's having on his family, I would just stop bothering trying to keep him happy. Perhaps if you stopped trying to keep DS away from his precious WFH area (which is actually a communal area), he might realise he needs to do something differently.

We both wfh. I work in the bedroom, he works in the spare room.
It's been asked to death on here now, but why on earth can't your DH work from the bedroom like I do?

@5zeds

Of course you can read with a tired child. You sit them on your lap, give them a biscuit/apple and read. That’s what most younger siblings do while waiting for older ones to come out of clubs or home from school.

Yeah ok:o

With a kid who is knackered and hungry and wants Daddy, who is there but isnt engaging with his child. Ever lost a front tooth to a child that you are trying to hold and engage with but is massively tired and pissed off so does that "arch back" thing and throws their head back? NEither have I but I did have to babysit for a friend who did while she got her bridge fitted.

I swear this place is mainly populated by women who are TTC and are full of "Well with MY child I will......" . We all did that once and now feel embarrassed on behalf of the fucking tits we were then!