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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you work from home, you’ll have interruptions

998 replies

Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 17:28

I have a DH wfh and a toddler. I pick the toddler up at around 4, home for 430. DH finishes at 6, which leaves an hour and a half or so of time where DS is constantly trying to get to DH, crying and having tantrums.

DH ‘solution’ to this is take DS out but tbh I really don’t think I should have to do this five days a week!

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 03/03/2022 22:37

@Wootothewho

God you have had a hard time on this post, I don’t knows what’s happened to mumsnet recently it feels like the vipers have all gone a bit nuts!

You both work full time, your husband might choose to work from home but it is still first and foremost you and your child’s home not his workplace. If he can’t handle home noise maybe he should work from the office rather than work from home!

Indeed, the other day it was a puzzle, op asks a question about a tweet from the head of mi6, then all of a sudden , certain posters were character assassinating, the head of mi6, and it seem odd that instead of debating and help answer the op, some wanted to name call and derail the ops thread.
PearPickingPorky · 03/03/2022 22:39

Just read this one, I understand your perspectives and frustrations, mumsnet can be quite of a mix when wanting perspectives. It's a pitty your dh, couldn't use a garden office.

Yeah, hard to do when they don't have a garden.

He could use the bedroom, but he won't.

He could go to the office, but he won't.

He won't do anything.

In fact, he just does things that he knows are making his wife's life harder, and his toddler upset (locking them out, booming on the phone, sitting in a communal area of their family home, going to the loo when he knows DS will see him and get upset).

Whitefire · 03/03/2022 22:40

Hawkins Seriously will you read the thread and actually take on the information. OP lives in a flat without a garden.

PearPickingPorky · 03/03/2022 22:40

No one is that stupid. I’d say he’s deliberately making it difficult so you’ll take the toddler out daily and he gets to WFH and not change a thing, vs the easier solution of going to the office or changing his hours. He wants you to adjust and have your life be more difficult, and his remain exactly the same.

My thoughts precisely.

ouchmyfeet · 03/03/2022 22:40

@Positivelyperfect

Yes, he could work at the office but he prefers wfh.
Well I wouldn't be bothering to keep the toddler away from him at all. If he's got the option of going to the office but prefers the alternative option (most of the day in peace, with an hour and a half of interruptions) then that's his choice.

He sounds very presumptuous. Leave him to it, he knows where the office is.

Whitefire · 03/03/2022 22:41

No Hawkins you derailed the thread.

stuntbubbles · 03/03/2022 22:41

Believe me, I've been there, hissing at DH for coming downstairs to get a tea and sticking his head in where we were, because he's just reminded both of them he's at home and now I've got two hobbits chanting "Dadddddy!" and tugging at the baby gate, while he just leaps back upstairs and leaves me to deal with it. When I'd only just got them both to sit down. And had not had a cup of tea myself for two hours.

But the reality of it, is I just had to parent them better.

You know this is mad, though? And not the reality? He could have just as easily NOT stuck his head in and made your life harder, and you were parenting just fine. I work while DP’s parenting DD, and it’s really remarkably easy to weight up my want for tea vs his need for me to not wind up our kid with my presence and make his life harder.

Merryoldgoat · 03/03/2022 22:42

God he sounds like a prick.

TheKeatingFive · 03/03/2022 22:42

OP, just ignore his bullshit from here on in. You and DS treat your home like a home (not an office) and DH either deals with that or makes other arrangements.

Hawkins001 · 03/03/2022 22:43

@Whitefire

No Hawkins you derailed the thread.
I was asking why was it helpful having posters just name calling the head, rather than analysing and answering the ops question ? Yes some people did , but some also generated unrelated information to the ops question.
busyeatingbiscuits · 03/03/2022 22:44

Some people just like to take against the OP of a thread. Doesn't really matter what the subject is.
If the OP was:

"I could work from my office but I much prefer to wfh at my dining room table. My DH also works full time and collects our 1 year old from nursery on his way home at 4.30pm.
I'd getting really annoyed that DH brings our toddler home every day instead of going straight out somewhere until I finish work. I can hear the toddler screaming for me from the living room and DH keeps wanting to walk through the dining room to get things from the kitchen"

exactly the same posters would be ripping the OP apart for not going back to the office and being a terrible mother for letting her child be upset.

Hawkins001 · 03/03/2022 22:44

@Whitefire

Hawkins Seriously will you read the thread and actually take on the information. OP lives in a flat without a garden.
Fair point, I missed that bit, I hold my error, I appreciate the new information
addictedtotheflats · 03/03/2022 22:45

Depends on what he does. If he has meetings then its not really appropriate. My DP is a management accountant and we live in basically a 2 up 2 down and when he wfh ( 2 or 3 days a week) he is in the general living room and there are days where me and our DS 3 going about our day while he clicks away on excel and sends/answers emails.

feministqueen · 03/03/2022 22:45

If my husband set up camp in the kitchen and I couldn't use that room 5 days a week I would be pissed off.

The kitchen and lounge are communal rooms. Not offices. Fine if no one is home all day but fuck that for a game of soldiers if he had options. We're not in the pandemic where we all have to wfh now.

Either he ships his arse to the bedroom and sets himself a desk in there or he goes back to his work office.

Your husband is inconsiderate.

Hawkins001 · 03/03/2022 22:45

@PearPickingPorky

Just read this one, I understand your perspectives and frustrations, mumsnet can be quite of a mix when wanting perspectives. It's a pitty your dh, couldn't use a garden office.

Yeah, hard to do when they don't have a garden.

He could use the bedroom, but he won't.

He could go to the office, but he won't.

He won't do anything.

In fact, he just does things that he knows are making his wife's life harder, and his toddler upset (locking them out, booming on the phone, sitting in a communal area of their family home, going to the loo when he knows DS will see him and get upset).

After reading your analysis, omg 😲,
MichaelAndEagle · 03/03/2022 22:46

@TheKeatingFive

OP, just ignore his bullshit from here on in. You and DS treat your home like a home (not an office) and DH either deals with that or makes other arrangements.
And if he says anything, just tell him he can go and work in the bedroom or back to the office if its bothering him. And don't engage in any conversation that starts with 'well couldn't you just entertain him/keep him out of here/go for a walk?'. I honestly wouldn't bother repeating myself.
Escargooooooo · 03/03/2022 22:48

@TheKeatingFive

If you can't even read what people are writing

You're not really engaging with your 'suggestions' though, are you?

It's a time of the day where everyone is tired and the OP has to prep dinner. It's not a time where, with the best will in the world, its practical to be both limited in your activities and fully hands on for 90 minutes.

The OP has more than enough on her plate without indulging her entitled husband.

Genuine question.

What is wrong with the following, because these are all suggestions given:

4.30pm. Snack in highchair.
4.45pm. Undress, bath, redress/PJ's if he's an early to bed chap
5.10pm TV program.
5.20pm Look at some books
5.35pm Crayons or a sticker book
5.50pm Put stuff away

Done.

If, as she says, it's physically impossible to cook while the child is around, then she can't be cooking dinner during this time if DH is working at home or in an office, can she?

So at 6pm, DH either takes him and she can cook, or vice versa.

TheKeatingFive · 03/03/2022 22:50

Depends on what he does. If he has meetings then its not really appropriate.

That would be why there's an office for him to use

YisforWanky · 03/03/2022 22:51

@Positivelyperfect

OK so genuinely what do you suggest I do?
I suggest you tell him to go (back) to an office or to rent an office space somewhere else for at least part of the time. WFH is the work of the Devil (also a marriage-wrecker), and children (and those who care for them) should not have their homes dominated by WFH.
Escargooooooo · 03/03/2022 22:52

@stuntbubbles

Believe me, I've been there, hissing at DH for coming downstairs to get a tea and sticking his head in where we were, because he's just reminded both of them he's at home and now I've got two hobbits chanting "Dadddddy!" and tugging at the baby gate, while he just leaps back upstairs and leaves me to deal with it. When I'd only just got them both to sit down. And had not had a cup of tea myself for two hours.

But the reality of it, is I just had to parent them better.

You know this is mad, though? And not the reality? He could have just as easily NOT stuck his head in and made your life harder, and you were parenting just fine. I work while DP’s parenting DD, and it’s really remarkably easy to weight up my want for tea vs his need for me to not wind up our kid with my presence and make his life harder.

Well yes it is the reality. Because I can not have two children incapable of seeing their other parent pop their head in (for whatever reason) without having a screaming fit. It's preposterous to indefinitely hide from a child lest they scream.

You don't banish the other parent. You parent your children so this does not become standard behaviour.

TheKeatingFive · 03/03/2022 22:53

What is wrong with the following, because these are all suggestions given:

She doesn't want the stress of all that while trying to keep DS from her entitled father at the end of a long day for both of them.

Perhaps she wants to cook. Everyone's hungry. I know if we don't have dinner ready by six, the evening routine is shot.

I am struggling to understand your issues with the OP and her small child treating their house like an actual hone,

Crikeyalmighty · 03/03/2022 22:54

IM getting the impression you don’t much like your DH OP— am I wrong? There seems little here in the ‘teamwork/discussing a solution’ going on— I think your Partner is bang out of order— your domestic arrangement is totally unsuitable for full time WFH and he should be back in the office if possible most days a week or pay out for a co working centre at least several days a week— WFH works best for women or people with plenty of space — it isn’t working for you and he needs to take account of that.

TheKeatingFive · 03/03/2022 22:56

You don't banish the other parent.

No ones banishing anyone. But a home is not an office and expecting office conditions with small children trying to wind down in an evening is just the height of selfishness

Benjispruce5 · 03/03/2022 22:58

Close the door , don’t acknowledging that he’s at home as far as DS is concerned.

Benjispruce5 · 03/03/2022 23:00

Can he not work in a bedroom?

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