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Original poster

To fear a family member is accessing our medical records

395 replies

durdledoo · 03/03/2022 08:51

I'm not really sure what to do about this and would love some practical advice to stop this potentially happening.
My mil is a nurse, she works at the local surgeries that me, my husband and my children attend. She has previously gone through my husbands medical notes before and confronted him on health complications he's had in the past and not told her about (this was a long time ago, but he was in his early twenties at the time).
A few comments recently has be concerned she's done it again. My husband had 2 drs apts and we only told her about one. She / fil has asked me several times now if dh is okay and asked about his second drs apt (that we haven't even discussed with them)
They know about one health issue and he's openly discussed it with them but the other is very private.
The other day mil said "how is dh, is he okay" and I just replied "yes, he went down and has been referred" (discussing said health issues we've told them about) and she said "well, he went down again didn't he?" Basically prying into the outcome of this second apt she should know nothing about.

I can't prove anything, but considering previous and the fact she's digging (a lot) and acting very stand off-ish I am legitimately concerned she's been at our medical notes (or at least dh's) but i wouldn't put it past her to look through all of ours. We've had lots of ongoing problems in the past with boundaries and the relationship has never been simple.

Is there anything I can do. Would loving surgery completely help? She works all over locally so I fear not.

Can we ask the surgery to make out information inaccessible to her?

Looking for some practical steps I could take to protect our privacy. There's absolutely no point raising this with her, she will inevitably deny it and previously when she went through her adult sons records he was the one "in trouble" for not telling her about his health concerns...Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
durdledoo · 03/03/2022 17:57

@cansu

It is up to your husband. Not really down to you to complain at all. I would also think hard about what could be the unintended consequences. Let's say she saw his name on a list or a colleague mentioned that she had seen your dh in the surgery. Your husband complains that she knew about his appointment. She or her colleague is disciplined. You will have a family row. Let's say she looked at something she shouldn't, she will be sacked. You will have a bigger family row.

If HE is concerned about what she is doing, he needs to tell her directly. You have no evidence whatsoever that she has been anywhere near your notes.

she's looked at his notes previously and admitted it. She sees absolutely nothing wrong with it. I'm not accusing her because I'm bored I'm accusing her because of the above ^ You're right my husband can deal with it. Which he won't and in the meantime I'll just have to hope she doesn't fancy having a look at my notes just like she has his. Hopefully I've got it all wrong but I don't think I'm being silly to have concern considering
OP posts:
CannibalQueen · 03/03/2022 17:59

If it's just that he's had appointments then they might be visible to all the staff - there might even be a couple of words regarding what they're in for - especially during covid when it might need to be decided if a zoom appointment would suffice or whether face to face would be better. But if she has details about conditions, then yes, she's prying.

EeeICouldRipATissue · 03/03/2022 18:01

If it's just that he's had appointments then they might be visible to all the staff - there might even be a couple of words regarding what they're in for

You're still bound and can't say anything though if that's the case.

SunshineCake1 · 03/03/2022 18:04

No, you don't have to hope she isn't looking at your notes. Come on. You just need to phone the surgery and raise your legitimate concerns and ask that safe guards are put in place.

2DogsOnMySofa · 03/03/2022 18:04

How much of a pain in the arse would it be to move to a practice she doesn't work at? I know it's not fixing the issue of her controlling behaviour, but it does solve the problem of her seeing any medical records? I'm presuming you can't view the records of patients not registered at the practice she works in.

My gp is half an hour away and it's never been an issue. If it's an emergency I go to a&e. Otherwise I pre book appointments or travel

notthatonethisone · 03/03/2022 18:08

You 'hope' she's not reading your records?!

What about your daughter?

Maybe you don't feel you deserve some respect in a professional setting but perhaps she does

Like I said. Report it. If she's done nothing wrong there's no problem is there

I would be livid if this was someone at my practice. If you're not going to do it for yourself think of everyone else who deserves their Medical records to be kept confidential

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 03/03/2022 18:11

@cansu

It is up to your husband. Not really down to you to complain at all. I would also think hard about what could be the unintended consequences. Let's say she saw his name on a list or a colleague mentioned that she had seen your dh in the surgery. Your husband complains that she knew about his appointment. She or her colleague is disciplined. You will have a family row. Let's say she looked at something she shouldn't, she will be sacked. You will have a bigger family row.

If HE is concerned about what she is doing, he needs to tell her directly. You have no evidence whatsoever that she has been anywhere near your notes.

Yes, but they will check whether she has illegally accessed her son's file... More serious than had she just overheard something.

Still wrong that she has asked him about it....

There's a reason data protection exists.... There are very very small number of reasons when you can breach this... Nosiness /running your sons life, isbt obe of them.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 03/03/2022 18:13

If you work and live in small communities it is inevitable you'll end up overhearing stuff about people you know /come across.

Absolutely not OK to ask them about it.

ThreeRingCircus · 03/03/2022 18:13

You need to talk to the practice manager of the surgery you are registered with and ask for your family's notes to be sealed or for her access to be blocked. You can site your DH's embarrassment over the vasectomy appointment if you need an excuse. If she is accessing the notes she will find out the next time she tries - but still won't be able to directly say anything to you will she? It will also likely trigger a report somewhere if she tries to access something she is specifically blocked from.

This is what I would do. You need to write to the surgery and make this request, asking that it be kept confidential. You don't need to accuse her of accessing the records, you're just being extra careful given there is a family member working from the surgery. Then if she tries to access, she'll find she can't and would be a complete idiot to say anything or kick up a fuss at that point as it would result in her being sacked.

Lizzy1980 · 03/03/2022 18:15

This is something I’m concerned about. My very nosey sil has recently started working as a receptionist at our GP practice. I had some MH issues many years ago and It’s a time in my life that I would like to leave in the past. I was sexually assaulted when I was 18. My parents and Sister know about it but I kept it from my brother and the rest of the family. I ended up spending some time in a psychiatric hospital which everyone knows but they don’t know about the assault and I’d like to keep it that way. The thought of her finding out terrifies me. After years of counseling and medication I’d finally got my life back on track but this has brought it all back and those feelings of fear and anxiety are creeping back. I had an accident a couple of years ago and I’m still undergoing treatment so I have to contact my GP regularly. I’m scared that this will give her the perfect excuse to access my records without anything being flagged.

godmum56 · 03/03/2022 18:21

@durdledoo
"she's looked at his notes previously and admitted it. She sees absolutely nothing wrong with it.
I'm not accusing her because I'm bored I'm accusing her because of the above ^
"You're right my husband can deal with it. Which he won't and in the meantime I'll just have to hope she doesn't fancy having a look at my notes just like she has his.
Hopefully I've got it all wrong but I don't think I'm being silly to have concern considering"

i thibnk this is one occasion where it needn't be the actual person whose notes have been accesssed who can report it. Its not a complaint in the same way that eg rudeness is a complaint, its more reporting a suspected breach of confidentiality. If she asked about your husband's "other appointment" in your presence or has said anything else in your presence that makes you suspect that she has accessed your husband's or anybody else's record when she should not, then you can approach the surgery yourself....just re read and you have said that she has asked YOU about appointments she should not know about and therefore YOU can go to the practice and report it...its not a complaint as such but a report. here's the relevant document. www.england.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/confidentiality-policy-v5.1.pdf

Original poster
durdledoo · 03/03/2022 18:23

@SunshineCake1

No, you don't have to hope she isn't looking at your notes. Come on. You just need to phone the surgery and raise your legitimate concerns and ask that safe guards are put in place.
I know I absolutely should have to hope. It was in response to someone saying I have no proof etc. i am going to email and ask for my medical records to be made inaccessible to her because she works there and I'd rather she didn't know me or my children a business.
OP posts:
SunshineCake1 · 03/03/2022 18:24

@Lizzy1980

This is something I’m concerned about. My very nosey sil has recently started working as a receptionist at our GP practice. I had some MH issues many years ago and It’s a time in my life that I would like to leave in the past. I was sexually assaulted when I was 18. My parents and Sister know about it but I kept it from my brother and the rest of the family. I ended up spending some time in a psychiatric hospital which everyone knows but they don’t know about the assault and I’d like to keep it that way. The thought of her finding out terrifies me. After years of counseling and medication I’d finally got my life back on track but this has brought it all back and those feelings of fear and anxiety are creeping back. I had an accident a couple of years ago and I’m still undergoing treatment so I have to contact my GP regularly. I’m scared that this will give her the perfect excuse to access my records without anything being flagged.
Do what many have suggested and ask for your records to be sealed
Melroses · 03/03/2022 18:25

I am not convinced she is looking at his notes.

My guess is because she knew about the first appointment, that she was stalking the system for signs of follow up, because as you say she likes to have some control over his medical affairs.

She has come across this appointment doing this. The only thing for your DH to say is that the doctor did not have time to discuss fully and made another appointment.

Then move somewhere else and ask them to make your notes secure from her. I am not sure that they can stop this, and it would be hard to prove.

Stop telling her anything about any appointments. You are being far too obliging. She does not need to know. Tell her what she needs to know when she needs to know something, like any other MIL.

Also, your DH needs to see the practice manager on his own behalf (although you can do it for yourself and DC)

MrsBerthaRochester · 03/03/2022 18:27

I had a close friend of the family do this when my grandmother was dying. My mun(no contact with) was going about telling everyone that my gran was riddled with cancer but the doctors werent telling her.
I was there with my gran when she died and was given the death certificate which stated cause of death was COPD.
To this day my mum insists that my gran had cancer because this family friend insisted had seen the medical notes. Twats.

godmum56 · 03/03/2022 18:28

@durdledoo
" I know I absolutely should have to hope. It was in response to someone saying I have no proof etc. i am going to email and ask for my medical records to be made inaccessible to her because she works there and I'd rather she didn't know me or my children a business."

you don't need proof, you need a legitimate concern. She has asked IN YOUR PRESENCE about appointments that you or your husband have not told her about. That's enough to raise this concern at the surgery.

godmum56 · 03/03/2022 18:30

@Melroses

I am not convinced she is looking at his notes.

My guess is because she knew about the first appointment, that she was stalking the system for signs of follow up, because as you say she likes to have some control over his medical affairs.

She has come across this appointment doing this. The only thing for your DH to say is that the doctor did not have time to discuss fully and made another appointment.

Then move somewhere else and ask them to make your notes secure from her. I am not sure that they can stop this, and it would be hard to prove.

Stop telling her anything about any appointments. You are being far too obliging. She does not need to know. Tell her what she needs to know when she needs to know something, like any other MIL.

Also, your DH needs to see the practice manager on his own behalf (although you can do it for yourself and DC)

not hard to prove, access to electronic notes is automatically logged....also as I have said, this is not a complaint (which yes can only be actioned by the person or the person's guardian if they are a minor) its a report of a breach and can be raised by amnybody who has information and a legitimate concern.
Whenigrowupiwanttobea · 03/03/2022 18:33

That is a major breach of confidentiality on her part and goes against Data Protection Laws and even the Nursing and Midwifery Council Code of Conduct. She could lose her job and her Registration. I know some software programs have inbuilt tracking to identify who has logged in and what they have gained access to. I would ask to speak to the Practice Manager to raise your concerns. They might be able to send out a memo saying they have been advised that a member of staff, mentioning no names, is breaching confidentiality by accessing patients notes that they have no legitimate cause to. That might be enough to stop her but if it doesn't she does need to be reported as her behaviour is inappropriate and unacceptable.

RonCarlos · 03/03/2022 18:41

Honestly OP, this is a sackable offence. Tell the practice manager about your confidential concerns and get them to look into it.

Whenigrowupiwanttobea · 03/03/2022 18:47

Hollowtalk no it is not allowed unless the patient has consented for the Consultant to speak to other family members about her case

Stravaig · 03/03/2022 18:47

OP, please tell the surgery you think she has already accessed your notes. Asking for extra security on your notes 'just in case' does nothing at all to protect anyone else if your MIL is breaching regulations more generally. How many people reading this thread now feel a wee bit less secure about the security of their own records? You're the one with information OP - please be a responsible member of society.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 03/03/2022 18:47

@Melroses

I am not convinced she is looking at his notes.

My guess is because she knew about the first appointment, that she was stalking the system for signs of follow up, because as you say she likes to have some control over his medical affairs.

She has come across this appointment doing this. The only thing for your DH to say is that the doctor did not have time to discuss fully and made another appointment.

Then move somewhere else and ask them to make your notes secure from her. I am not sure that they can stop this, and it would be hard to prove.

Stop telling her anything about any appointments. You are being far too obliging. She does not need to know. Tell her what she needs to know when she needs to know something, like any other MIL.

Also, your DH needs to see the practice manager on his own behalf (although you can do it for yourself and DC)

Why do you think this rather than thinking she has looked up his notes?
iloveredwine · 03/03/2022 18:47

I think I would just ask for a meeting with the practice manager and say as my mil is working there I really don't want her seeing mine and my families medical records and if there is a way they can limit her information it would give me peace of mind

Mickarooni · 03/03/2022 18:51

The accessing medical records is one - very bad and unethical - thing but she assaulted him (more than once?) as a young adult. I’d have nothing to do with her if I were you @durdledoo. I hope she has no access to your children.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/03/2022 18:51

I think she has asked if she can borrow stuff and bring it back. The Gp's allow it

Are you sure about this @durdledoo - or is it just one more thng she's taken it upon herself to do without authorisation?

And while you may "hope she doesn't fancy having a look at your notes" I wouldn't want to assume that; the entitled rarely stop with just one thing and it could easily be that she's not quite as confident letting you know as she is your DH