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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To fear a family member is accessing our medical records

395 replies

durdledoo · 03/03/2022 08:51

I'm not really sure what to do about this and would love some practical advice to stop this potentially happening.
My mil is a nurse, she works at the local surgeries that me, my husband and my children attend. She has previously gone through my husbands medical notes before and confronted him on health complications he's had in the past and not told her about (this was a long time ago, but he was in his early twenties at the time).
A few comments recently has be concerned she's done it again. My husband had 2 drs apts and we only told her about one. She / fil has asked me several times now if dh is okay and asked about his second drs apt (that we haven't even discussed with them)
They know about one health issue and he's openly discussed it with them but the other is very private.
The other day mil said "how is dh, is he okay" and I just replied "yes, he went down and has been referred" (discussing said health issues we've told them about) and she said "well, he went down again didn't he?" Basically prying into the outcome of this second apt she should know nothing about.

I can't prove anything, but considering previous and the fact she's digging (a lot) and acting very stand off-ish I am legitimately concerned she's been at our medical notes (or at least dh's) but i wouldn't put it past her to look through all of ours. We've had lots of ongoing problems in the past with boundaries and the relationship has never been simple.

Is there anything I can do. Would loving surgery completely help? She works all over locally so I fear not.

Can we ask the surgery to make out information inaccessible to her?

Looking for some practical steps I could take to protect our privacy. There's absolutely no point raising this with her, she will inevitably deny it and previously when she went through her adult sons records he was the one "in trouble" for not telling her about his health concerns...Confused

OP posts:
Aikatarina · 03/03/2022 16:13

You need to report her. If she’s looking at his notes, she could also be breaching anyone else’s privacy including friends or other family members. It’s so so wrong and she doesn’t deserve to be in a job where she’s able to access vulnerable information and use it to control people! She deserves to lose her job.

Staryflight445 · 03/03/2022 16:22

‘ I don't want to even have to think about it, don't want to ruin her career, don't want her fired or any of that but I desperately would like my notes to be kept private’

Then report her, you haven’t done anything wrong. She has and could be doing it with other patients. Absolutely disgraceful behaviour from her.

Feedingthebirds1 · 03/03/2022 16:24

I don't want to even have to think about it, don't want to ruin her career, don't want her fired or any of that but I desperately would like my notes to be kept private. My husband also has things he doesn't want his mum knowing and no doubt my daughter who will soon be hitting puberty would like privacy too. It's a shame we even need to think about it really.

Why don't you want her to be fired, if she's doing something so appalling? Are you trying to avoid a family fall out, 'keep the peace'?

The simplest explanation is usually the right one, and in this case it's that she's looked at your DH's records. You know for certain that she is capable of doing this, she's done it before. She can't admit that she knows what his second appointment was for because that would be proof beyond reasonable doubt that she'd looked. But PPs have suggested other ways she might have known about the appointment if not its subject, so she could easily fall back on one of those, but then just keep digging until DH cracks and tells her.

I'm sorry but I think you don't have many choices. Either you rock the boat, or say nothing to the practice and hope you're wrong, or find another surgery where she doesn't have access to the records. But it doesn't sound like you have much choice for the third option, and bear in mind that many surgeries will only accept you if they are your nearest.

starfishmummy · 03/03/2022 16:29

@durdledoo
Because he's grown up thinking this sort of behaviour is normal and he's scared of upsetting his mother and getting the wrath of his father

Nevertheless, the surgery can not deal with you if it is about your DHs records.

AutumnDragon · 03/03/2022 16:34

To those saying Op's DH should talk to MIL and tell her to stop:
Firstly she is going to deny doing it. If or when she finally admits it (I bet there will be tears) she will promise never to do it again whilst begging you not to report her.

How will you know she isn't still doing it, just being a damn sight smarter with the information?

The ONLY way to stop her accessing your medical records, and those of anyone else she is snooping on, is to approach your practice manager and explain your concerns.

If she hasn't snooped then no harm done, if she has, then she has broken the rules and will have to accept the consequences.

MinnieGirl · 03/03/2022 16:34

@HollowTalk

Are you saying that she would inject her son with a vaccine in her own home when he had just woken up and hadn't given consent?
That is seriously scary…. She took a drug from the surgery, plus needle syringe etc.. That is actually abuse and theft and totally unacceptable behaviour. She could gave lost her registration for that. Is she mentally unstable?
TheDaydreamBelievers · 03/03/2022 16:39

None of this is okay. The accessing files is a firing offence, as is using the clinic equipment in a personal capacity. Even if "the GP said it was okay" - it belongs to the practice not to them! And it goes against her professional registration rules. It's up to you what you do but she should be fired and potentially struck off for this

pinkyredrose · 03/03/2022 16:40

Unless you never want to speak to your MIL again I definitely wouldn’t complain to the practice manager. She will get sacked and more than likely have her nursing registration revoked. I’m assuming that’s not something either you or DH want?

I'd assume that you'd be happy for your confidential/sensitive medical info to be accessed for the sole purpose of satisfying a nosy fuckers curiosity? And for them to then talk about it?

If she hasn't done it she won't get sacked.

Playdoughcaterpillar · 03/03/2022 16:42

You can ask the surgery to put a block on your records that makes them more protected. Ideally I’d register somewhere she doesn’t work if it were me.

MurmuratingStarling · 03/03/2022 16:46

@youvegottenminuteslynn

I didn't say that!! @MyDcAreMarvel* wrote it to me, tagging my name because I said it was completely private information and told them that it's ridiculous to say anything other than that!

I am SOOOOO sorry Blush The way it was quoted looked like you had said it, not (mydcaremarvel!) Please forgive me Sad I need to pay more attention. slaps face! I do acknowledge you never said that a vasectomy is not personal information. Sorry X 1000!!! Flowers

user1471538283 · 03/03/2022 16:52

This is terrible. She is not a professional and she is abusing a position of trust. God knows what else she is snooping on.

I would report her.

godmum56 · 03/03/2022 16:52

@DameHelena

I don't want her to lose her job. Frankly, if she's abusing her position to access people's medical records she deserves to. I'd tell the practice manager immediately. I also don't want to have got it all wrong; drag her through is and cause huge issues with the family. If you're wrong then the practice manager will discover this. And TBH it sounds like there already are 'issues' with the family. Plus she's done it before, so it's not like your suspicions are unfounded. No sympathy for her from me.
I have been thinking about this. I know this will be hard to hear and it does sound like she has got her son properly pistol whipped BUT I think that you have a public responsibility to take your concerns to the practice. If you don't then you are condoning her actions and it could even be said that you are conspiring with her.
Nospringchix · 03/03/2022 17:01

@pinkyredrose

Remember that it’s also entirely possible one of her colleagues has said something about seeing her son

Then they shouldn't be doing that.

No, they shouldn't be doing that. I know of someone who was sacked as a receptionist for doing something similar.
stimpyyouidiot · 03/03/2022 17:01

I'd be asking the practice manager if it was possible to restrict access to your family's records. I might not say why, or just say you feel there may be a conflict of interest. If they can't, I would be reporting but ask for it to be confidential. You can't trust her not to look.

themonkeysnuts · 03/03/2022 17:10

your not wrecking her career she is!
its against GDPR to access records unnecessarily and then go talking about them

Finallydonewithhim · 03/03/2022 17:21

I’ve had to have an audit record done on my record due to someone within the practice having more info than they should on me.

There was no trace on the audit but I’m still not convinced.

AcrossthePond55 · 03/03/2022 17:28

I used to work with access to personal health and financial records (govt job). If we were caught knowingly accessing records of anyone with whom one had 'a connection' be it family, friend, or 'Bob down the shops' it was instant dismissal. As well it should be. If by some chance you were unknowingly assigned a case that fit the criteria it was required that, as soon as you realized it, you immediately walked that case to your supervisor for reassignment and were 'debriefed' about any information you had unknowingly seen. They were so strict about this that I was once called in about accessing a record of someone with my somewhat uncommon maiden name. They had to document that this person was not a relative and was unknown to me. Just my accessing that last name 'pinged' office management.

The thing is, if MiL is accessing OP's and her DH's records chances are she's also accessing the records of other people she knows. Snoopers very rarely confine their snooping to one or two 'victims'. And she does deserve to be dismissed if she's been doing this. And if there's a gossip in the office who is telling things they shouldn't to her and others, they need to be stopped, too.

Would I drop my MiL into it? Yes, I'd drop anybody in it if they were looking at things they shouldn't. They'll be able to trace her electronic PIN to see what records she's accessed and take appropriateriate action. If she could be so callous and dismissive of my privacy (and possibly other people's), I can be just as callous and dismissive of her career. And if there's an office gossip flapping her mouth, let MiL deal with whether or not to face disciplinary action or to name names. As far as family fallout, I for one wouldn't support anybody who did what MiL is (apparently) doing. I'd blame them, not the person who called them out on it.

People who are saying "Oh no! I could never do that!" need to think about their own medical history and those of the people they love. Chances are somewhere in there is a piece of information you or they would not want revealed, be it your weight, a termination, a MH concern, or a confidential conversation with your doctor. Now think of someone knowing that and possibly spreading it, or simply asking you about it. I think that might give you pause to think. Is someone else's job really worth more than your privacy, especially about such personal things?

DameHelena · 03/03/2022 17:33

know this will be hard to hear and it does sound like she has got her son properly pistol whipped BUT
I think that you have a public responsibility to take your concerns to the practice. If you don't then you are condoning her actions and it could even be said that you are conspiring with her.

That is a very good point; awkward questions could be asked about why you haven't let the practice know.
And yes, it absolutely is a public responsibility.

Kdubs1981 · 03/03/2022 17:41

I would report it. They will be able to tell you whether she has accessed his medical records illegally.

It will mean she may get fired though and be struck off.

OrlandointheWilderness · 03/03/2022 17:43

Horrific breach of confidentiality. I'm a student nurse and not only is this a sackable offence, she could well lose her pin for it. Rightly so imo!

Glowtastic · 03/03/2022 17:45

Usually electronic records only get released on a need to know basis. For instance if you work in the community you just have access to the records on your caseload. If you need someone else's (for instance to write up a duty call) you have to ask permission.
If you go snooping it's taken very seriously! When I worked clinically sometimes a name would come up where I new the person/family. I would leave the room and even in the days of paper files not dream of looking at their records. GDPR is rightfully very tight these days.

Finallydonewithhim · 03/03/2022 17:46

Also I was told that with systmonline they couldn’t restrict a specific person from accessing the record.

cansu · 03/03/2022 17:48

It is up to your husband. Not really down to you to complain at all. I would also think hard about what could be the unintended consequences. Let's say she saw his name on a list or a colleague mentioned that she had seen your dh in the surgery. Your husband complains that she knew about his appointment. She or her colleague is disciplined. You will have a family row.
Let's say she looked at something she shouldn't, she will be sacked. You will have a bigger family row.

If HE is concerned about what she is doing, he needs to tell her directly. You have no evidence whatsoever that she has been anywhere near your notes.

withiceplease · 03/03/2022 17:50

@Toddlerteaplease

A friend of mine was accused by her toxic family of accessing their medical records. The trust/ practice was able to check to see who had accessed them. And it was proved that she had not. You must report it to the practice manger.
Yes exactly It's beyond appalling
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 03/03/2022 17:54

@HollowTalk

You mean people would discuss it, or that it wasn't allowed?

This has happened in my family - it's amazing how many have said, "Well, Julie was just worried about Janet..." But the fact is that if there had been very bad news, Julie would have known first.

And it's completely up to the patient who and what information she tells