To fear a family member is accessing our medical records

[durdledoo]

I'm not really sure what to do about this and would love some practical advice to stop this potentially happening.
My mil is a nurse, she works at the local surgeries that me, my husband and my children attend. She has previously gone through my husbands medical notes before and confronted him on health complications he's had in the past and not told her about (this was a long time ago, but he was in his early twenties at the time).
A few comments recently has be concerned she's done it again. My husband had 2 drs apts and we only told her about one. She / fil has asked me several times now if dh is okay and asked about his second drs apt (that we haven't even discussed with them)
They know about one health issue and he's openly discussed it with them but the other is very private.
The other day mil said "how is dh, is he okay" and I just replied "yes, he went down and has been referred" (discussing said health issues we've told them about) and she said "well, he went down again didn't he?" Basically prying into the outcome of this second apt she should know nothing about.

I can't prove anything, but considering previous and the fact she's digging (a lot) and acting very stand off-ish I am legitimately concerned she's been at our medical notes (or at least dh's) but i wouldn't put it past her to look through all of ours. We've had lots of ongoing problems in the past with boundaries and the relationship has never been simple.

Is there anything I can do. Would loving surgery completely help? She works all over locally so I fear not.

Can we ask the surgery to make out information inaccessible to her?

Looking for some practical steps I could take to protect our privacy. There's absolutely no point raising this with her, she will inevitably deny it and previously when she went through her adult sons records he was the one "in trouble" for not telling her about his health concerns...

I'd suggest to your DH that he sits his mother down and explains you both know she's been accessing his records and if she does it again, you will phone the practice manager and she will be sacked.

The only problem then is that she probably will continue to look but just won't tell you she knows.

So perhaps the only other way is to set up a spoof email from the NHS and have it say something like this below.

"The NHS Commission have noted unusual activity on your account which may involve breeches of patient confidentiality. We will be following this account electronically over the next 12 months to ensure that all activity is noted and matched against records that are within in your remit.

We cannot be certain it is your account that has carried out the data breach but we ask all our staff members to remember to strictly adhere to the code of confidentialy that is condition of your employment. Breeches of this code will result in termination of your contract".

You'd need a techie person to get it to have .nhs at the end or something similar. It's amazing how well you can make them look so realistic, you could probably get someone on fiverr to do it for you and set up the logo and everything.

But that should put the wind up her. Anonymously!

@Ffsmakeitstop

Cannot believe the number of pps saying "but she might get sacked just tell her not to do it", I'm baffled by that thinking. If she hasn"t done it then she won"t get sacked will she? It's highly illegal and completely inappropriate.

Absolutely agree. Surprised and disappointed that some people are minimising how serious her behaviour is.

First - while a vasectomy is nothing to be embarrassed about, it is absolutely your DH’s decision who he wants to tell about it. If he wants to keep it between you, him and his doctor, that is his right.

More generally, his mother has no right to know about any health condition/treatment he may have. None whatsoever. Many people will routinely tell their family about health issues they are having, as part of their network of support. But that is their choice to do, or not.

If the relationship between him and his mother was better, he might have wanted to tell her, it would be no big deal. But it clearly is a big deal, because he wants to keep it private.

So I think he needs a frank conversation with her, in which he says, I’m an adult, I want to keep some things private, please stop digging. It will put her nose out of joint? Well, she’s an adult too, she will have to suck it up. If she continues probing, use the broken record technique. Whenever she asks/comments, say “We’re not discussing our health with you.” And change the subject. Every single time.

Separately is the issue of whether she has accessed his/your records. As pp have said, it is completely unacceptable and is a waking offence. Also possible that she has looked at other people’s records if she’s looked at yours. The only way to find out for sure is to report her.

@MyDcAreMarvel

In what works is a vasectomy “very private” I could make every one of my male/couple friends and tell you if they have had a vasectomy or not. Separate issue from the medical records of course but you need to calm down a bit op.

It's data concerning health which makes it special category data under the UK GDPR, that means it's private. There aren't grades of private, it either is or it isn't.

You could also potentially say its data concerning sexual orientation too, since a gay man is unlikely to need or want a vasectomy.

So, two different types of special category data.

Of course it's private, don't be ridiculous and stop trying to pretend it's not exactly what the law says it is.

@AndNowNo

I'd suggest to your DH that he sits his mother down and explains you both know she's been accessing his records and if she does it again, you will phone the practice manager and she will be sacked.

The only problem then is that she probably will continue to look but just won't tell you she knows.

So perhaps the only other way is to set up a spoof email from the NHS and have it say something like this below.

"The NHS Commission have noted unusual activity on your account which may involve breeches of patient confidentiality. We will be following this account electronically over the next 12 months to ensure that all activity is noted and matched against records that are within in your remit.

We cannot be certain it is your account that has carried out the data breach but we ask all our staff members to remember to strictly adhere to the code of confidentialy that is condition of your employment. Breeches of this code will result in termination of your contract".

You'd need a techie person to get it to have .nhs at the end or something similar. It's amazing how well you can make them look so realistic, you could probably get someone on fiverr to do it for you and set up the logo and everything.

But that should put the wind up her. Anonymously!

Personally I think that’s a terrible suggestion. But if you like it, OP, then at least make sure you spell breach correctly.

Looking at what your writing I think you need to speak to the practice manager. Sounds like MIL has a history over overstepping in regards to family health issues. You can get access blocked. I have a patient with the same name and 1.digit difference in hospital number to my husband. To avoid issues I contacted health records to make sure.my acess to dh notes was blocked. He had several serious health issues and I normally attend appts with him but his health records are none of my buisness . I also.didnt want to loose my job by accident ly typing in the wrong number for my patient and getting his notes.

My husband also has things he doesn't want his mum knowing and no doubt my daughter who will soon be hitting puberty would like privacy too. It's a shame we even need to think about it really.

You say you don't want to get her sacked. If she's done wrong its not you who has got her sacked. ITS ALL ON HER OWN HEAD NOT YOURS.

You have a right to privacy. You should not feel guilty for wanting it and being held by this emotional blackmail that you have some kind of family loyalty.

If, you really do feel like this, report her. Its actually abusive of her to act in this way as its a form of control over your family.

You also don't know if she is doing it with other people. I'll stress again, its an abuse of her position - she uses it to gain power and control over your family in order to interfere with private matters.

In this sense, if you can't do it for yourself do it for your daughter. She has the right to be protected from this abusive, illegal behaviour if it is happening.

Report.

@RedToothBrush

My husband also has things he doesn't want his mum knowing and no doubt my daughter who will soon be hitting puberty would like privacy too. It's a shame we even need to think about it really.

You say you don't want to get her sacked. If she's done wrong its not you who has got her sacked. ITS ALL ON HER OWN HEAD NOT YOURS.

You have a right to privacy. You should not feel guilty for wanting it and being held by this emotional blackmail that you have some kind of family loyalty.

If, you really do feel like this, report her. Its actually abusive of her to act in this way as its a form of control over your family.

You also don't know if she is doing it with other people. I'll stress again, its an abuse of her position - she uses it to gain power and control over your family in order to interfere with private matters.

In this sense, if you can't do it for yourself do it for your daughter. She has the right to be protected from this abusive, illegal behaviour if it is happening.

Report.

Absolutely this.

NHS manager here, I specialise in this area. She is not permitted to access her sons health records. If you suspect she or anyone else has you can report it to the Manager. They will review who has accessed the medical notes and see if she has obtained the information herself or via a third party. If she's a nurse she will be disciplined and referred to NMC. Just you know, if she is guilty of this, she will probably be sacked and the NMC/regulator will be likely to strike her off as its a breach of the fundamental principles of healthcare

Why don't you email her this if you cant face talking to her.

As an ex-nurse I’m horrified by this… what a horrible person, and she’s your MIL! Those records are confidential…

I would phone the surgery and ask for a confidential meeting with the practice manager as soon as possible. Take your DH with you.
You can tell a few porkies about a friend who found out someone was assessing their records etc… but you have realised that with MIL working here she may inadvertently see your families records, and you would like them protected as you are very private people.

That way you are not accusing MIL and if an audit trail is found it’s nothing to do with you. Also make sure she can’t access the records from another practice….

Personally, I wouldn’t care if she lost her job and it caused WW3. She needs to accept that her actions have consequences…but I suspect she won’t.

I would want to remove the possibility of her snooping at my records immediately…. Jeez that is just horrendous

@AndNowNo

I'd suggest to your DH that he sits his mother down and explains you both know she's been accessing his records and if she does it again, you will phone the practice manager and she will be sacked.

The only problem then is that she probably will continue to look but just won't tell you she knows.

So perhaps the only other way is to set up a spoof email from the NHS and have it say something like this below.

"The NHS Commission have noted unusual activity on your account which may involve breeches of patient confidentiality. We will be following this account electronically over the next 12 months to ensure that all activity is noted and matched against records that are within in your remit.

We cannot be certain it is your account that has carried out the data breach but we ask all our staff members to remember to strictly adhere to the code of confidentialy that is condition of your employment. Breeches of this code will result in termination of your contract".

You'd need a techie person to get it to have .nhs at the end or something similar. It's amazing how well you can make them look so realistic, you could probably get someone on fiverr to do it for you and set up the logo and everything.

But that should put the wind up her. Anonymously!

Good grief 🙄 Please don’t follow this suggestion. There is no such thing as “the NHS Commission” and faking an email from an .nhs domain is liable to land you in trouble too.

We had a similar situation with neighbour working as receptionist at our surgery and asking how DS was. She has clearly been reading his notes.
I contacted the practice manager and asked for our records to be locked from this person ( teenager working part time).
It was a bore when making appointments but I suggest you do the same on the grounds your MIL is family and your notes are private.

@Sweetpeasaremadeforbees

Cannot believe the number of pps saying "but she might get sacked just tell her not to do it", I'm baffled by that thinking. If she hasn"t done it then she won"t get sacked will she? It's highly illegal and completely inappropriate.

Neither can I. It's so weird. This woman could be a nurse at any one of our GP surgeries and people seem fine with having an HCP doing this.

Exactly. Totally unacceptable behaviour, and her family seem to support her..

@Alandinasane

If you report this to the practice manager she will be sacked. It's possible to track who has accessed which records on the database and this would be taken very seriously. So you could either tell her that the slightest hint of this again and you will make the formal complaint. Or you can just make the formal complaint and potentially she will lose the job. She's not fit to be in that post in my opinion, if she's done this then you can expect she's been looking up others as well.

I think you're right. This woman must know prying into a patient's records is a sackable offence. And I also am quite sure that she has accessed other people's files in spite of the penalty. She may like the feeling of knowing everyone else's business when no one else knows. I'm afraid she has to go.

I dont think there'd be any harm in you asking the manager to block her access from your and dd's records. leave dh's alone maybe? let him deal?

Not read the whole thread but @durdledoo know that's that's a massive breach of confidentiality and the data protection act if she is and it sounds like she is, otherwise how does she know so much?! .
They take this kind of thing very seriously - she shouldn't be looking at anything she has no reason to be looking up.

Too not flipping to

Correcting myself on the wrong thread

@11Ncwinc

f she knows about the appointment but not the medical reasons for the appointment she probably hasn’t looked at his file. All it would take is a receptionist saying, ‘I saw your Eric today’ in the break room
Also a massive breach if so.
Medical receptionists are bound by the same rules and cannot do that without getting into big trouble if found out.

Your husband will have to get some strength as you probably can't ask for his records to be kept private so he will have to. You sort out yours and your dc. If he can't then that is on him.

OP, please ignore people advising strategies for dealing with this via your MIL. When family boundaries are toxic, it becomes difficult to stay clear and focused on what is your responsibility and what is not.

Your job is to safeguard the medical confidentiality of your family, by contacting your practice manager and reporting your concerns.

It is the job of the practice manager to ensure your records are protected. They will also check for breaches and take appropriate action as needed - this is not your concern.

It is the job of all medical staff to adhere to strict confidentiality. If your MIL has acted appropriately, she will be fine. If she hasn't, she will be disciplined/sacked - this is her responsibility and hers alone.

I would say to the practice manager that you have concerns. Nothing specific has been said by your MIL, but there was a suggestion she knew more than you have told her and as you are patients of the surgery would it be possible to ensure that there is no snooping in your notes, particularly going forwards.

The manager should have it checked out. If nothing has happened, nothing will be done to your MIL.

I've worked in the NHS, and in a call centre where I could look up any colleagues files. You just don't, and if you do need to access it officially you'd say nothing.

She really should know better than this, surely she realises she's more likely to spotted reading her family members records? Because someone somewhere is far more likely to notice that. My friends husband in tax checked my friends record for one detail as he was frustrated she'd left a tax item to the last minute. Sacked faster than you can say 'HMRC'. Because family members do get checked by the more thorough audits.

A friend of mine was accused by her toxic family of accessing their medical records. The trust/ practice was able to check to see who had accessed them. And it was proved that she had not. You must report it to the practice manger.

@RedToothBrush

My husband also has things he doesn't want his mum knowing and no doubt my daughter who will soon be hitting puberty would like privacy too. It's a shame we even need to think about it really.

You say you don't want to get her sacked. If she's done wrong its not you who has got her sacked. ITS ALL ON HER OWN HEAD NOT YOURS.

You have a right to privacy. You should not feel guilty for wanting it and being held by this emotional blackmail that you have some kind of family loyalty.

If, you really do feel like this, report her. Its actually abusive of her to act in this way as its a form of control over your family.

You also don't know if she is doing it with other people. I'll stress again, its an abuse of her position - she uses it to gain power and control over your family in order to interfere with private matters.

In this sense, if you can't do it for yourself do it for your daughter. She has the right to be protected from this abusive, illegal behaviour if it is happening.

Report.

THIS!

The responsibility for this belongs to your MIL. Your responsibility is to protect the confidentiality of your family. You are not doing anything wrong in expecting the NHS to maintain confidentiality - it's the law.