To fear a family member is accessing our medical records

[durdledoo]

I'm not really sure what to do about this and would love some practical advice to stop this potentially happening.
My mil is a nurse, she works at the local surgeries that me, my husband and my children attend. She has previously gone through my husbands medical notes before and confronted him on health complications he's had in the past and not told her about (this was a long time ago, but he was in his early twenties at the time).
A few comments recently has be concerned she's done it again. My husband had 2 drs apts and we only told her about one. She / fil has asked me several times now if dh is okay and asked about his second drs apt (that we haven't even discussed with them)
They know about one health issue and he's openly discussed it with them but the other is very private.
The other day mil said "how is dh, is he okay" and I just replied "yes, he went down and has been referred" (discussing said health issues we've told them about) and she said "well, he went down again didn't he?" Basically prying into the outcome of this second apt she should know nothing about.

I can't prove anything, but considering previous and the fact she's digging (a lot) and acting very stand off-ish I am legitimately concerned she's been at our medical notes (or at least dh's) but i wouldn't put it past her to look through all of ours. We've had lots of ongoing problems in the past with boundaries and the relationship has never been simple.

Is there anything I can do. Would loving surgery completely help? She works all over locally so I fear not.

Can we ask the surgery to make out information inaccessible to her?

Looking for some practical steps I could take to protect our privacy. There's absolutely no point raising this with her, she will inevitably deny it and previously when she went through her adult sons records he was the one "in trouble" for not telling her about his health concerns...

@SpecialSexBlanket

Whatever you say to the practice manager, will have serious implications for your MIL.

What if you're wrong? How prepared are you, to blow a family apart, over something that might not be true?

The other consideration, is if you're right, this will have serious legal repercussions. It's all well and good posters on here being gleeful and saying she deserved it, but again, are you prepared to essentially ruin his parents lives family? I think you're in a bad spot, and it's not right, but the ramifications for whatever you decide to do, will be huge.

If she's wrong then there's absolutely no harm done. The mil would not find out anything due to confidentiality and GDPR.

@MyDcAreMarvel

In what works is a vasectomy “very private” I could make every one of my male/couple friends and tell you if they have had a vasectomy or not. Separate issue from the medical records of course but you need to calm down a bit op.

What a strange post. Can you not comprehend that someone might want to keep their medical problems private?

It doesnt matter what it is, that can't possibly be diffiucult to understand can it

Do you struggle with empathy? Have your oversharing friends made you not know that most people don't widely discuss their medical appointments?

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]@youvegottenminuteslynn of course it’s private medical information however describing it as “very private” is bizarre it’s not STD results.[/quote]
You think it's bizarre despite almost every single poster believing it's a huge invasion of privacy and that OP is not overreacting? How odd.

It certainly looks like she has OP. However, if you’re not prepared to contact the surgery (I can understand why you’re reluctant) then there’s not much you can do.
It looks like even if you pulled her up about this that she would take any notice.

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]@youvegottenminuteslynn of course it’s private medical information however describing it as “very private” is bizarre it’s not STD results.[/quote]
@MyDcAreMarvel any medical appointment is very private unless the patient willingly shares their information with people!

I don't want her to lose her job. I also don't want to have got it all wrong; drag her through is and cause huge issues with the family

Bluntly if someone is breaching sensitive data they are in the wrong job.
FWIW from looking at some of these problems from the data security side of the fence I've never heard a story of someone breaching data for solely one person. If she thinks it is ok to snoop records she is unlikely to restrict it to one person.

I want to raise it with the practice but I'm really not sure how

Possibly mail the practice manager to say that you need to raise a breach of data privacy as a matter of urgency and would appreciate an early opportunity to discuss.

Wow. I feel for you both, having a mil like that to deal with. Clearly has no boundaries when it comes to her DS. But as you say, it's personal information that she is not entitled to at all. If you tell the practice manager, she'll probably be fired. If you have a conversation with her either actually accusing her of looking up the information or trying to having a 'round-the-houses' conversation with her to establish if she has looked up info, is going to cause ructions by the sounds of it. So what do you want more? 100% privacy for all of your medical notes or a MIL that can see everything? It's the latter of course, so you have to face the fact that whatever you do, will cause a family issue.

DH needs to be having that conversation with her! I'm guessing he must be in his 30's? He really needs to be standing up to his DM by now and if she doesn't like it, he is probably better off without her anyway! She sounds very controlling and unpleasant.
Good luck.

what works is a vasectomy “very private” I could make every one of my male/couple friends and tell you if they have had a vasectomy or not. Separate issue from the medical records of course but you need to calm down a bit op

What a stupid post. People have the right to keep anything health care related private and confidential, no matter what the subject.

You can either leave it and have her potentially snooping forever or thinking she's snooping which won't help with your peace of mind. If you do give her an ultimatum to stop, can you be sure she does stop?

Or you can ring doctors to get access restricted. I'd take this option and see if she mentions it. If she is indeed accessing your notes then she will be ringing you up to try get you to confess to removing access when she tries again and finds she can't access.

I would go to the Practice Manager as I think it's a very serious breach and is far beyond being nosy.

However, if you don't want to I would have a very serious conversation (DH to phone her and say you all need to have a serious talk), and make it clear that if there is ever a wiff of that happening, or it happening again, you will go to the Practice Manager and expect the same next steps as if it was someone else, letting her know you know that could have serious implicaitons for her career.

@MyDcAreMarvel

In what world is a vasectomy “very private” I could make every one of my male/couple friends and tell you if they have had a vasectomy or not. Separate issue from the medical records of course but you need to calm down a bit op.

Are you actually kidding right now?

I agree with several others. What a ridiculous post.

Should the OP's MIL be allowed to discuss the abortions, and the STDs, that various people have had too?!

As several people have said, it's a bit different to VOLUNTEER private medical information - compared to a nosey snooping relative peering through your medical record and blabbing about it without your consent.

Also, what a strange social circle you live in, where everyone discusses their vasectomies!

@SpecialSexBlanket

Whatever you say to the practice manager, will have serious implications for your MIL.

What if you're wrong? How prepared are you, to blow a family apart, over something that might not be true?

The other consideration, is if you're right, this will have serious legal repercussions. It's all well and good posters on here being gleeful and saying she deserved it, but again, are you prepared to essentially ruin his parents lives family? I think you're in a bad spot, and it's not right, but the ramifications for whatever you decide to do, will be huge.

I'm just very worried. I've got things on my own medical records that are incredibly private / sensitive and the thought of someone reading through it all makes me want to sob.

I don't want to even have to think about it, don't want to ruin her career, don't want her fired or any of that but I desperately would like my notes to be kept private. My husband also has things he doesn't want his mum knowing and no doubt my daughter who will soon be hitting puberty would like privacy too. It's a shame we even need to think about it really.

@youvegottenminuteslynn

@youvegottenminuteslynn of course it’s private medical information however describing it as “very private” is bizarre it’s not STD results.*

Another bizarre post. Of COURSE a vasectomy is private and personal information. What the F am I reading here?

I sincerely hope and pray that you and MyDcAreMarvel do NOT work ANYWHERE where you have to access sensitive and private information, or anyone's medical records!

@UnconditionalSurrender

Are you prepared to get your MIL sacked and split the family instead of you or your DH having a full and frank grown up conversation with her? In that if she doesn't stop looking you will have to inform the surgery. She knows what that means. Don't let other people wind you up on here to do something that will cause such huge consequences. Nothing will be done quietly. Once you have told the practice manager she will have to take disciplinary action. Getting her sacked because your DH doesn't have the balls to stand up to his parents is mad. She's in the wrong but come on..

Wow. Way to minimise something serious, something that is very likely gross misconduct, and something that is against the law.

Some of these posts from the last couple of pages are batshit!

[quote MurmuratingStarling]**@youvegottenminuteslynn

@youvegottenminuteslynn* of course it’s private medical information however describing it as “very private” is bizarre it’s not STD results.

Another bizarre post. Of COURSE a vasectomy is private and personal information. What the F am I reading here?

I sincerely hope and pray that you and MyDcAreMarvel do NOT work ANYWHERE where you have to access sensitive and private information, or anyone's medical records! [/quote]
Woah! I've said repeatedly that @MyDcAreMarvel is being ridiculous in their posts - I disagree with their stance entirely and think it's a completely private thing and that OP is in no way overreacting.

Can you not just say to her MIL, have you been accessing your son’s records again.
Your husband should have the balls to confront her about this, especially as he is so aghast that she might know about the vasectomy.

@youvegottenminuteslynn I was very clearly responding to your bizarre comment that having a vasectomy is not 'very private and sensitive medical information.' Do you SERIOUSLY believe that?!

OP, your priority is to protect the confidential medical information of your family. I understand you'd prefer to minimise blowback, but in truth, if DH's family is so toxic it may take a crystal clear boundary to change things. Working around and trying to mollify only goes so far.

None of us should be making excuses for, or protecting the job of a public health professional who may be abusing her position in the most egregious way. Please report your concerns to the practice manager: they will ensure that your records are secure; and take appropriate action if there have been any breaches. Good luck!

[quote MurmuratingStarling]@youvegottenminuteslynn I was very clearly responding to your bizarre comment that having a vasectomy is not 'very private and sensitive medical information.' Do you SERIOUSLY believe that?! [/quote]
I didn't say that!! @MyDcAreMarvel wrote it to me, tagging my name because I said it was completely private information and told them that it's ridiculous to say anything other than that!

I’d speak to the Practice Manager. Your complaint will be confidential. You don’t know for sure it’s your MIL accessing your records. What if it’s someone else who’s then telling your MIL? Should this hypothetical someone else be allowed to carry on?

What if your MIL is accessing other people’s records too? You owe it to them to report your concerns to the Surgery. Let them check and see if there’s a trail on your DH’s records.

If your MIL loses her job due to her own wrongdoing that won’t be your fault.

@MurmuratingStarling

Cannot believe the number of pps saying "but she might get sacked just tell her not to do it", I'm baffled by that thinking. If she hasn"t done it then she won"t get sacked will she? It's highly illegal and completely inappropriate.

@SpecialSexBlanket

Whatever you say to the practice manager, will have serious implications for your MIL.

What if you're wrong? How prepared are you, to blow a family apart, over something that might not be true?

The other consideration, is if you're right, this will have serious legal repercussions. It's all well and good posters on here being gleeful and saying she deserved it, but again, are you prepared to essentially ruin his parents lives family? I think you're in a bad spot, and it's not right, but the ramifications for whatever you decide to do, will be huge.

Why would it be a problem if she's wrong, the practice manager will look at the audit log and if there's nothing she can tell the OP that and restrict from now on

In what way could that blow the family apart?

Cannot believe the number of pps saying "but she might get sacked just tell her not to do it", I'm baffled by that thinking. If she hasn"t done it then she won"t get sacked will she? It's highly illegal and completely inappropriate.

Neither can I. It's so weird. This woman could be a nurse at any one of our GP surgeries and people seem fine with having an HCP doing this.

You have to report this. I worked as a temp with the NHS for a short time in the first instance and it was part of our induction training that it was absolutely forbidden to access any information not directly applicable to your own work. Not even your own record. It was very clear it was a massive breach of confidentiality and a disciplinary offence.

I ended up being taken on permanently but was bullied horrendously years later. However, the accusation made against me that I had accessed records inappropriately (part of the bullying tactics) was proven beyond doubt that I had NOT done that was because of the ability to track access. So it was a protection too. If your MIL has not accessed records inappropriately she will be safe from accusations.